Angry People Reveal Why They Went To War With Their Neighbors
[rebelmouse-image 18345426 is_animated_gif=Neighbor wars are hilarious in comedy films. Nobody really gets hurt, everything is funny, shirtless Zac Effron shows up and that's always good times. Real life can sometimes be just as hilarious as movies, but does that apply to the neighbor war trops? One Reddit user asked: Redditors who have gone to "war" with a neighbor, what's your story?
Yup, this is every bit as petty as you would think it is. We've got passive-aggressive bird feeders, nun fights, and a mariachi band that just won't stop. It's more than just that, though. Things get dark, of course, cause this is Reddit. Lives are lost, children are neglected, people are awful. Real neighbor wars don't often involve Zac Effron - much less shirtless Zac Effron.
Dancing On The Ceiling
[rebelmouse-image 18345428 is_animated_gif=Had a neighbor that lived downstairs. Did all sorts of loud s*** late into the night. Usually music and friends. One day I had enough and after about 10 minutes of very loud music I just started stomping on the floor. He came bursting out of his apartment and pounding on my door. I answered, acting very confused. "You need to stop stomping around! I'm trying to work!"
"I wasn't stomping."
"Yes you were!"
"I was dancing to your s****y music. Turn it down and it'll never happen again."
It never happened again.
The Mariachi Neighbor
[rebelmouse-image 18345433 is_animated_gif=The house I grew up at had that issue, new neighbors moved in and they would absolutely blast obnoxious mariachi music with as much bass as they could get out of their speakers, for most of the day.
We would ask them to turn it down, to no effect. I think they used to tell us they would, but then wouldn't. Eventually they got so irritated with us asking that once when I went over there to ask (16 or 17 years old), the "man" of the house threatened me with physical violence for asking.
So we started calling the cops. Unfortunately, they knew we were the ones calling, so everytime the cops showed up at their house for a noise complaint our vehicles would be vandalized: tires slashed, hoods and doors kicked in, etc.
As far as I know, the police were never able to do anything like issue a fine or anything like that. So it had no effect on them whatsoever.
Fighting A Bunch Of Nuns
[rebelmouse-image 18345434 is_animated_gif=My parent's neighbor constantly blows his leaves onto my parent's property. My dad tried to confront him a few times and the guy literally ran away every time. Yes, a grown man dropped his leafblower and ran inside and locked the door and pretended not to be home when he saw my dad coming, on multiple occasions. My father is not a scary man.
My dad was finally able to confront him one day -- he was super polite and said the guy could blow the leaves into their woods, but just not onto their clean lawn. The guy responded, "your property doesn't start until 10 feet from the road, so you can't do anything about it. If you want me to stop, sue me." This is technically correct, as the property is off a private road owned by a convent, and per state law the owner of the road also owns the 10 feet of land on either side of the road.
So, my dad called up the Convent and asked if the neighbor is allowed to dump his leaves on their property. Turns out they don't like that, so now instead of being in a neighborly argument with my parents, he's trying to fight a bunch of nuns in court. Not a good look.
Dorm Life
[rebelmouse-image 18345435 is_animated_gif=Live in a dorm with shared kitchen and toilet. One neighbor refused to buy toilet paper and always stole food. During a summer break only him and me were living at the dorm and he continued the practice so I made some stew and put a lot of laxatives in it. I also left only one roll of toilet paper in the bathroom that was covered in itching power.
He was PISSED, but I laugh whenever he tries to scold me for it
Four Months And Dozens Of Phone Calls
[rebelmouse-image 18345436 is_animated_gif=Years ago my upstairs neighbors were wanted felons living in an apartment leased by the ladies brother, they sold drugs out of there, loud music 8am-12am, locked their daughter outside for hours at a time so we would do things with her and give her snacks. You could tell her social and educational development was way behind. After finding their pictures online on the MN 50 most wanted I called the police - they didn't believe me. They called me a child (I was 22) all while the neighbors behavior got worse as more people reported them.
It took them 4 months and dozens of phone calls to finally get the police to arrest fugitives they were supposedly looking for...
Cold War Lawncare
[rebelmouse-image 18345438 is_animated_gif=It's more of a Cold War situation. When my boyfriend cuts the grass, even if our neighbor just cut his grass a few days prior, he (our neighbor) will cut his again the next day. He's an old man who can't stand to have his lawn just a smidge taller than ours.
Cruise Neighbors
[rebelmouse-image 18345439 is_animated_gif=On a week long cruise. First two mornings our neighbors on both sides were ridiculously loud basicaly screaming in Spanish and constantly waking us up. We didn't go to bed until 3-4am so they cut into your sleep. On 3rd night at around 10-11pm we go to our room, blasted the TV (side note-TV's on cruises should be programmed to not go as loud as we made it) and left it like that until 3-4am. You could hear it outside our door, it was very loud like they were. Next morning what do you know the neighbors realized other people can hear them and were quiet the rest of the cruise.
He Got A Fence
[rebelmouse-image 18345440 is_animated_gif=When I was in elementary school, our neighbor's four dogs would always poop in our backyard. My mom asked the neighbor many times to pick it up, but he never did.
So every morning before school, my mom would send me and my brother on 'poop patrol'. At first we just put the poop in the neighbor's yard, but our neighbor never got the hint. My mom then had us put the poop on his porch and then he got a fence.
Food War
[rebelmouse-image 18345441 is_animated_gif=Well it all started one day when they were having their fence put in and one of the workers accidentally snapped one of our tomato plants at the base. So she decided to take it inside and cook all of the green tomatoes into this unbelievably yummy Indian food I can't even begin to pronounce or spell and brought it over as an apology. Then we made fresh cut pasta and gave them some to give the container back because we of course didn't want to keep it. Then they had the audacity to make us some Indian desert thing that tasted like heaven by then our garden had started to produce so we gave them two bags of produce that would have gone to waste and they gave use some eggplant dish. So we brought over a tray of cookies and now it's three years later and we are in a heated war over who can out food the other.
We're fighting a losing battle though because they are vegetarian and we are not so we have to modify most of what we make for them but we have a huge vegetable garden so we have the leg up on that.
Water Bottle Mountain
[rebelmouse-image 18345442 is_animated_gif=My neighbor leaves trash in their yard. We have a HOA that is basically as feckless as possible. And this isn't some s*** neighborhood, we're talking 300k in Columbus, Ohio, which is about as upper middle class as you can get in the midwest.
They don't tie up their garbage bags, so some random falls out, and blows into my yard. I took the 6 pieces I could find and duct taped them to their garage, because I wanted them to be aware of the issue.
For all of winter, they threw their plastic water bottles into a pile next to their garage, and it kept getting bigger and bigger until the snow melted and it was way too obvious, so they finally trashed it.
And if all this is too specific, and my neighbor happens to read this, then clean up your trash you Vernon Dursley looking f***.
Cocaine Club
[rebelmouse-image 18345443 is_animated_gif=I lived next door to a coke club for years. They'd start up around 11PM or midnight, and go till dawn.
The cops (Brooklyn) were clearly on the take, as they'd repeatedly tell me during the day that the place had been closed down, and yet they were showing up three or four times a week there to deal with fights. I asked one of them about why they couldn't close the place at 4AM one day after a particularly noisy fight, and they wouldn't even look me in the eye.
We had a huge number of beer bottles because I also used the place as a performance/rehearsal space, so at a certain point I'd start throwing bottles out my window to smash at their back door when they were noisy.
They really hated that, but as I pointed out, what were they going to do, call the cops? So they eventually managed to keep the noise down. It kinda worked out!
Eventually they were gentrified out of existence...
Babies To The Rescue
[rebelmouse-image 18345444 is_animated_gif=Back in like 2009-2010 I was at war with my downstairs neighbor. She would hit her ceiling with a broom stick, and I would point my bass speaker down toward the floor. I got pregnant with twins that were high risk, and got a temporary handicapped placard for parking closer. She borrowed one and took my spot.. few months go by of straight war...then I had my twins.
My washing machine had flooded her kitchen, and she came up to scream at me for ruining her dinner. I yelled back something sarcastic like: **"I totally did it on purpose, I mean come on lady!" **
She laughed, I laughed..and she asked to see the babies (they were in their swings in her line of sight) and just like that, it was over. I'll be damned if we didn't stop messing with each other, and that woman was the ONLY person to help me. We became best friends, and still are to this day. We still laugh at our silly war. Thank you Heather!
Bicycle Mediation
[rebelmouse-image 18345446 is_animated_gif=I ride my bike to the train station in the mornings. I have to ride past a few houses on the sidewalk before I can move onto the street. One day, a neighbor comes at me and accuses me of 'almost' hitting him with my bicycle. Now, I have no idea what he talked about since I've never been anywhere close to him but he insists on it. Fast forward a few weeks he complaints again that everybody keeps riding their bicycle on the sidewalk and he's scared for his life. He says he's terrified that people will hit him because he's deaf in one ear and won't hear them coming.
He doesn't look where he's goes and instead relies on what he can hear from his other ear, but that's outside the story!
I reassured him, saying I would go very slowly and watch out for him.
I almost never see him after that. Fast forward 2 months and suddenly a mediator shows at my door telling me that my neighbor wants to talk, but doesn't want to do it alone. I'm confused. The questions keep adding up. I told the mediator that if he wants to talk he can just knock on the door and we will talk, never had a problem with him before so no idea why he would now. Nothing came from that.
Another 2 months pass without incident. Then one day police officers show up at the door. Neighbor has filed a complaint about not only me, but also my other neighbor, claiming that we are threatening with the way we ride. That neighbor doesn't even know how to ride a bicycle. I explained the story to the police. They advised to be careful around his house, which I already was.
Another month later another mediator shows up and wants to talk with us together. At this point I refuse it. He's had plenty of opportunities and this is literally about things that aren't happening. This was 2 months ago, I wonder when his next complaint will be.
Deadly Dirt
[rebelmouse-image 18345447 is_animated_gif=A guy down the street from where I used to live would complain to me about how his neighbours wouldn't move their tractor and dirt load, they'd complain to me about his dogs being loose etc. One day a few years ago the guy complaining about the dirt strolled into their house and shot the elderly couple and their middle aged son dead.
Get Some Anger Management
[rebelmouse-image 18345448 is_animated_gif=Currently at war with two young women who live across the street. I'm a pretty live-and-let-live guy, so this took a lot.
I ignored the overgrown lawn and piles of leaves they raked up and left there to moulder. I didn't like the assorted s*** that collected on their front lawn, but that wasn't enough to prod me into action.
I didn't like the front-step parties they'd have every weekend that kept me awake or forced me to close my windows and turn on the AC. But I didn't call the city. Not even then they'd wake me, yelling in the middle of the street at 4 AM.
What finally put me over the edge is one has two kids. The oldest is about three years old. She shouts obscenities at him. Daily. The first time it happened I thought "You shouldn't do that, but kids can drive even the most reasonable person around the bend." Then I realized it was every day.
The poor little guy never says a word. It's like learned helplessness. The I started to listen for it, and realized she was constantly scream at them and berating them inside the house too, though I couldn't hear particulars. Just constant screaming.
You better believe I called Child and Family Services. I don't give a s*** if those horrible people key my car at 4 AM. If you treat a child like that, you don't deserve to have that child.
I am currently raining regulatory hell down on their heads through all the channels I can find... I will not stop until either those kids are taken from her or she gets some goddamned anger management.
Dogs And Fences
[rebelmouse-image 18345449 is_animated_gif=Dog kept chewing through old fence, kept coming up with excuses why he wouldn't pay his half to replace the fence. We shouldn't have had to pay any of it since it would have been structurally fine if his dog didn't keep chewing holes in it and escaping into our back yard. We decided to start leaving our side gate open, the dog would chew threw and then go wandering through the neighbourhood. After the third pick up from the pound he decided to buy scrap wood and patch up the holes.
Soccer Players
[rebelmouse-image 18345451 is_animated_gif=Lived in a dorm with 5 other guys in college and had to move out to the dorm across the quad building. (it was a total of like 40 ft move.) below us were the soccer players. They were a rowdy bunch and often partied until 3-4 am with loud music and drinking, often times we could feel the floor vibrate and we called safety services on them to get them to quiet down. Well when we were moving the decided to egg our door. we called safety services who claimed they "didn't have cameras" up on that particular set of dorms.
So, since they "didn't have cameras", we egged them back. Safety service was called on us. They said they knew we did it because they saw the footage. We reminded them they "didn't have cameras" on that area. If they punished us, they would also have to punish the soccer players.
We then found out how to stop their music by trying to connect to their bluetooth speaker. Victory.
Taking It Out On Us
[rebelmouse-image 18345452 is_animated_gif=We had some problems with our former neighbor. He would come over and yell at us over the most random things that were A. never actually wrong, and/or B. not actually our fault. Once he came over on a Sunday morning ringing our doorbell & throwing a tantrum about some vines growing on the back fence. My husband went back there with him to check things out, and sure enough, they were growing up from the neighbor's side. Another time my husband was out in our driveway washing out a couple of flower pots and the dude came out of his house & started screaming at us about spraying dirty water into his yard (we weren't). He also called the fire department on us for smoking a brisket. Just lots of small weird incidents like that.
This was a relatively normal guy in his 40s with a job, wife & 2 kids, and we live in a pretty nice suburban neighborhood. LOL. It wasn't like it was some crazy old crackpot. They sold the house & moved last year (thank goodness), and we found out later they'd divorced & apparently had some pretty big financial issues. I guess maybe it was the stress of what was going on in his life, just taking it out on us.
Birds Don't Pay Taxes
[rebelmouse-image 18345453 is_animated_gif=This is so dumb. My neighbor got pissed that I hung up a bird feeder on my property, stating it attracted birds. I said "well that's the point", to which he goes on a tirade about how he pays taxes and the birds don't, and that they were destroying his house blah blah blah. This is all well and good until I just stopped responding to him and he brings up my ex girlfriend by saying "No wonder that lady moved out". It was an amicable breakup so this was not an ok thing to say on many levels.
I resisted the urge to punch him right then and there and calmly got into my car. Drove to the nearest Lowes, and bought a few more bird feeders to hang all around my property. I glared at him the whole time I was installing them. It's been two years, and he hasn't spoken to me since.
I had never had a problem with him before that, and I rarely even converse with my neighbors because I normally keep to myself.
H/T: Reddit
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!