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Amused People Share The Best Comebacks They've Ever Heard

Whether you call it a comeback, a clapback, a sassback, shade or just being Chrissy Teigen - the ability to respond to things with a witty insult is a skill some people just have in droves. Others don't think of the perfect come back until hours or days later. Some of us never do, no matter how many episodes of Golden Girls we watch. Yeah, Golden Girls. It's a master class, honestly. Those shady ladies were brilliant.

One Reddit user asked:

What is the best comeback you've ever heard?

Being a clapback master doesn't take years of training. Some of the responses here came from kids. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, young or old. When the sass moves through you, it's a moment of pure brilliant beauty. Shine bright like a diamond!

Joke's On You

In tenth grade my friend called a classmate illiterate. He replied, "Joke's on you, I don't know what that means."

I think about that a lot.

Glad You Remember

Comedian: "First time I ever had sex...."

A girl in the crowd: You mean yesterday?

Crowd goes wild with laughter. Comedian waits for everyone to quiet down, then with perfect timing, goes: "Glad you remember"

Crowd goes insane

Grandma Shade

My grandma was playing bridge with her friends and the subject of age came up. My grandma said she was 63, then the next woman said "A lady doesn't discuss such things", so my grandma said "don't worry dear, I'm sure when I'm your age I won't want to discuss it either..."

Everyone Got In Trouble

Had a friend who was adopted, she was actually a huge bully and made fun of me because my mom worked three jobs and so she was never home. One day she's in bully mode and says:

**"At least my mom loves me enough to stay home and be with me" **

and I clapped back with

**"At least my real mom loved me enough to keep me!" **

She then smacked me. She got in trouble and so did I, but she never made fun of my mom not being home again.

Smaller

There was this guy at a frat party was dared to whip out his pecker in front of this girl and asked her what it looked like. Without missing a beat she replied:

"A penis, only smaller."

Miniature Golf

My mother- in- law is 4'11". She once asked a 6'5" co-worker of mine if he played basketball. To which he replied:

"No. Do you play miniature golf?"

Fart

When I was 7, I was at a crowded McDonalds near Disneyland. I tried to squeeze through the really long line waiting to order food and accidentally bumped into this woman with her two kids.

She turned to me and said in her most sarcastic and accusing voice:

**"Well excuuuuse me." **

to which my 7 year old self instantly responded:

**"Why, did you fart?" **

A few people in line laughed and I continued on my way. She did not look pleased to be told out-sassed by a 7 year old. To this day, I have no idea why I said it, but I'm really glad I did.

In An Effort To Seem Cool...

Years ago I was out drinking with friends and some people we'd just met, including a guy I was interested in. There was lots of banter flying back and forth. In an effort to seem cool to our new acquaintances I threw a lame, slightly personal insult to my friend across the table, I don't even remember what it was as it was so long ago but probably along the lines of a "your mum" joke.

Despite obviously hearing what I'd said, he looked directly at me and said (in a non-aggressive way)"sorry I couldn't hear you, what was that you said?" Feeling little stupid at this point I repeated it. Once again, louder (and our company was paying attention now) he said "I didn't get it that time either, what did you say?" At that point, the table had fallen silent and with all eyes on me. I felt so small and embarrassed that I just mumbled "never mind" into my drink.

Looking back he clearly knew exactly what he was doing and I've used this tactic since- it's so simple yet effective and guaranteed to make you opponent want the earth to swallow them whole.

The Duck Tattoo

Sophomore year of high school, 1995ish. A close friend of mine had just gotten her first of what would eventually be many tattoos: a rubber ducky on her belly, just beside her navel. We had a church camp thing that weekend, and she tried to keep it covered as much as she could, but she had to keep applying neosporin and such, so we kept ducking out to hallways and spare conference rooms at this massive church so she could take care of business and I would look out for any adults who might yell at her about the tattoo.

So, maybe the fifth time we go out to get her tattoo some air, these girls from another church sneak out and follow us. Picture the cast of "mean girls" - wealthy, snotty, preppy, pretty, and totally up their own butts. They're all blonde, thin as rails, and dressed like a Land's End advertisement. (My friend and I were also skinny blondes, but she dressed grunge and I was into the skater/raver look at the time - a total poser, as I didn't do drugs, but I had a pixie haircut with a green streak in it and wore little boys' polo shirts and enormous pants - not the type these girls thought of as cool).

Anyway, the lead blonde clone walks up to us and asks in her flat valley girl voice, "Oh, my God. Is that a TATTOO?" And my friend goes "yeah," as she's dabbing little spots of blood away and applying ointment. And the girl goes "IS IT REAL?" And my friend goes, "No, it's fake and so is the blood." Blondie catches her sarcasm, amazingly enough, stares hard at my friend's belly for a moment, and asks "What's going to happen when you get fat?"

And without missing a beat or even looking up from what she was doing, my friend said, "I don't know, what happened when YOU got fat?"

The girl was just openmouthed for a second, and then went, "B****," and stalked off with her entourage. But I could tell my friend got to her. She was the comeback goddess. She always knew exactly what to say to level a person who crossed her.

H/T: Reddit

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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