Amused People Share The Best Comebacks They've Ever Heard[rebelmouse-image 18345381 is_animated_gif=
Whether you call it a comeback, a clapback, a sassback, shade or just being Chrissy Teigen - the ability to respond to things with a witty insult is a skill some people just have in droves. Others don't think of the perfect come back until hours or days later. Some of us never do, no matter how many episodes of Golden Girls we watch. Yeah, Golden Girls. It's a master class, honestly. Those shady ladies were brilliant.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the best comeback you've ever heard?
Being a clapback master doesn't take years of training. Some of the responses here came from kids. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, young or old. When the sass moves through you, it's a moment of pure brilliant beauty. Shine bright like a diamond!
Joke's On You[rebelmouse-image 18345382 is_animated_gif=
In tenth grade my friend called a classmate illiterate. He replied, "Joke's on you, I don't know what that means."
I think about that a lot.
Glad You Remember[rebelmouse-image 18345383 is_animated_gif=
Comedian: "First time I ever had sex...."
A girl in the crowd: You mean yesterday?
Crowd goes wild with laughter. Comedian waits for everyone to quiet down, then with perfect timing, goes: "Glad you remember"
Crowd goes insane
Grandma Shade[rebelmouse-image 18345384 is_animated_gif=
My grandma was playing bridge with her friends and the subject of age came up. My grandma said she was 63, then the next woman said "A lady doesn't discuss such things", so my grandma said "don't worry dear, I'm sure when I'm your age I won't want to discuss it either..."
Everyone Got In Trouble[rebelmouse-image 18345385 is_animated_gif=
Had a friend who was adopted, she was actually a huge bully and made fun of me because my mom worked three jobs and so she was never home. One day she's in bully mode and says:
**"At least my mom loves me enough to stay home and be with me" **
and I clapped back with
**"At least my real mom loved me enough to keep me!" **
She then smacked me. She got in trouble and so did I, but she never made fun of my mom not being home again.
Smaller[rebelmouse-image 18345386 is_animated_gif=
There was this guy at a frat party was dared to whip out his pecker in front of this girl and asked her what it looked like. Without missing a beat she replied:
"A penis, only smaller."
Miniature Golf[rebelmouse-image 18345387 is_animated_gif=
My mother- in- law is 4'11". She once asked a 6'5" co-worker of mine if he played basketball. To which he replied:
"No. Do you play miniature golf?"
Fart[rebelmouse-image 18345388 is_animated_gif=
When I was 7, I was at a crowded McDonalds near Disneyland. I tried to squeeze through the really long line waiting to order food and accidentally bumped into this woman with her two kids.
She turned to me and said in her most sarcastic and accusing voice:
**"Well excuuuuse me." **
to which my 7 year old self instantly responded:
**"Why, did you fart?" **
A few people in line laughed and I continued on my way. She did not look pleased to be told out-sassed by a 7 year old. To this day, I have no idea why I said it, but I'm really glad I did.
In An Effort To Seem Cool...[rebelmouse-image 18345389 is_animated_gif=
Years ago I was out drinking with friends and some people we'd just met, including a guy I was interested in. There was lots of banter flying back and forth. In an effort to seem cool to our new acquaintances I threw a lame, slightly personal insult to my friend across the table, I don't even remember what it was as it was so long ago but probably along the lines of a "your mum" joke.
Despite obviously hearing what I'd said, he looked directly at me and said (in a non-aggressive way)"sorry I couldn't hear you, what was that you said?" Feeling little stupid at this point I repeated it. Once again, louder (and our company was paying attention now) he said "I didn't get it that time either, what did you say?" At that point, the table had fallen silent and with all eyes on me. I felt so small and embarrassed that I just mumbled "never mind" into my drink.
Looking back he clearly knew exactly what he was doing and I've used this tactic since- it's so simple yet effective and guaranteed to make you opponent want the earth to swallow them whole.
The Duck Tattoo[rebelmouse-image 18345390 is_animated_gif=
Sophomore year of high school, 1995ish. A close friend of mine had just gotten her first of what would eventually be many tattoos: a rubber ducky on her belly, just beside her navel. We had a church camp thing that weekend, and she tried to keep it covered as much as she could, but she had to keep applying neosporin and such, so we kept ducking out to hallways and spare conference rooms at this massive church so she could take care of business and I would look out for any adults who might yell at her about the tattoo.
So, maybe the fifth time we go out to get her tattoo some air, these girls from another church sneak out and follow us. Picture the cast of "mean girls" - wealthy, snotty, preppy, pretty, and totally up their own butts. They're all blonde, thin as rails, and dressed like a Land's End advertisement. (My friend and I were also skinny blondes, but she dressed grunge and I was into the skater/raver look at the time - a total poser, as I didn't do drugs, but I had a pixie haircut with a green streak in it and wore little boys' polo shirts and enormous pants - not the type these girls thought of as cool).
Anyway, the lead blonde clone walks up to us and asks in her flat valley girl voice, "Oh, my God. Is that a TATTOO?" And my friend goes "yeah," as she's dabbing little spots of blood away and applying ointment. And the girl goes "IS IT REAL?" And my friend goes, "No, it's fake and so is the blood." Blondie catches her sarcasm, amazingly enough, stares hard at my friend's belly for a moment, and asks "What's going to happen when you get fat?"
And without missing a beat or even looking up from what she was doing, my friend said, "I don't know, what happened when YOU got fat?"
The girl was just openmouthed for a second, and then went, "B****," and stalked off with her entourage. But I could tell my friend got to her. She was the comeback goddess. She always knew exactly what to say to level a person who crossed her.
Be it for reasons out of our control, or simply because we didn't allow enough time, all of us have shown up to something late at least once in our lives.
And the only thing that could make us feel worse than we already do about our tardiness, is being told "you're late."
Naturally, the obvious response to the obvious reminder would be a simple, "I'm sorry."
Though it's fair to say that when someone so blatantly states the obvious, maybe they deserve a somewhat more original response?
Redditor ReddBolt511 was curious to hear the best retorts people have given, or recieved, to being told they were late, leading them to ask:
"What's the best response to 'You're late'?
I learned my lesson.
"The first time I was late in over two years, HR wrote me up."
"In the evening I went home on time and HR asked me why I was already heading out."
"I told them I have learned my lesson and won't be late for the second time."- atot806
Tell me something I don't know.
"I know, thank you for your patience."- dayglo98
"Sorry I didn’t want to come."- HonestSapphireLion24
"Sorry, I meant to be absent."
"Let me fix that."- stupid_trollzArgue Peace Out GIFGiphy
Gonna have to do better than that!
"A bloke in my high school had a cracker that I’ll never forget."
"Teacher: 'you’re 10 minutes late'."
"Student: 'yeah sorry I was walking slowly'."
"It did not go down well."- Rosemount3051S
Catch me up, why don't you!
'What did I miss?"- rwubmc
Be one step ahead.
"Don't give them a chance to say anything."
"Walk in and say: 'I see you have started without me'."- JustBeingDylanHere I Am Oscars GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy
Be like the superhero they are...
"Walk past them and say:"
'"Well, now we’re waiting for you'.”
"RDJ as Iron Man".- miguelmoen
Maybe just be honest?
"I remember a guy was late for grade 12 chemistry class and our chemistry teacher was really strict and when the teacher asked him why are you late he quickly spat out"
"'Because I didn't make it here on time'."
"It's a great line but he didn't do it on purpose."- nardpuncher
You knew it was coming...
"How do you know my menstrual cycles?"- ThisAnswerIsLitBlack Girl Period GIFGiphy
Next time you find yourself running late, rather than worrying about it the whole time, maybe spend it thinking of a clever response?
You'd be surprised how much is forgiven by a good laugh.
Everyone has their own areas of expertise.
Not necessarily something related to their professional field, but more one of their great interests or passions, which they almost unknowingly learned about over time.
And as a result, should said topic arise during a group gathering or dinner party, they'll be able to talk about it for hours.
Much to the delight, or dismay, of their friends and family.
Redditor NikonDexter was curious to learn people's hidden knowledge on which they could provide an impromptu lecture, leading them to ask:
"What topic could you talk about for 30 minutes with no preparation?"
People believe anything I say.
"Anything, as long as nobody’s fact-checking me."- Left_Complaint1604
You think the werewolves in Twilight are scary?...
"Why most modern interpretations of classic folklore creatures, werewolves, faeries, vampires, etc., are less scary than the original stories."- Applesintheorchard
Don't even get me started...
"Why people who don't use turn signals are f*ck heads."- scotsworthRed Car Headlights GIF by 7-LightsGiphy
Whenever I need to vent...
"All the stupid sh*t my coworkers do."- DerpWilson
Tell me it's just a game...
"Video games most likely."
"I could easily talk about one of the Ace Attorney cases for 30 minutes."- zettasyntax
"It won't be a quick 30 minutes."- Son_of_steven19Video Games Game GIF by For Better or for WorseGiphy
The force is strong...
"How f*cking incompetent the Jedi order are."- species-baby
They're more like us than you think.
"Animal facts."- Moctor_DrignallHappy Jump GIFGiphy
"Both the fabrication material and the music."- Faythlessly
Everyone has a passion that they will never tire of learning.
But, don't be surprised or offended if your friends and family don't seem as interested.
That just means you don't have to pretend to be interested in what they start talking about...
Who hasn't taken part in a fad that became passé before the year was out.
Children of the 90s probably wish they spent much less time and effort obtaining Pogs and Magic Cards than they did.
But while some frivolous fads are an almost instant flash in the pan, sometimes they are only the beginning of a pop culture phenomenon which continues to this day, with no end in sight.
Much to the dismay of many.
Redditor FalloutFan4207 was curious to hear the things people can't believe are as popular as they are, leading them to ask:
"What should never have gotten popular?"
Did anyone find this funny?
"The stupid public pranks on strangers where it's more or less just harassment."- Laptraffik
"Doing stupid sh*t for clout."- Unknown_Captain
More like "Toddler and Exploitation"...
"Toddlers and Tiaras. Child beauty pageants."- spaceassorceryScared Toddlers And Tiaras GIFGiphy
Just a cruel tease...
"Micro transactions."- Jerrybeshara
Why pay for something you can get for free from a tap?
"Bottled water for like $3 as an alternative to soft drinks."- Tuesday2017
Not everyone deserves to be famous
"Giving obnoxious people a platform."
"See Dr. Phil and his gaggle of guests who are famous for being stupid."- glitchystitchy
"Making stupid people famous."- whitecity011
"The Paul brothers."- dollaravocadotoastJake Paul Fighting GIF by UninterruptedGiphy
Just how "real" are these shows?
"Reality TV/celebrity obsession/Kardashian style shows."- dogsquad81
Is there really anything wrong with monogomy?
"Being a side chick/dude."
"Essentially glorifying cheating."- OhJeezItsCorrine
One can only hope that these will all be things of the past before too long.
And will make way for another trend which people will spend years wondering why it became as popular as it did.
When we move into our first apartment, get our first job, and begin living independently for the first time, it's equal parts intimidating and exciting.
There's always the realization that you are now an adult.
But there are very few early to mid-twenty-somethings who don't stop and have a moment where they question if they are, in fact, an adult.
Many responsibilities that come with being an adult will take us by surprise, as there was no college course to teach us how to deal with them or prepare ourselves for them.
Redditor Palarity was curious to hear some of the rude awakenings people had as they entered adulthood, leading them to ask:
"What were you grossly unprepared for as an adult?"
Who's the boss here? Wait, me?!
"The slow realization that I am the adult in the room who's supposed to help out everyone else."- lapsangsouchogn
Not relying on your parents anymore
"Trivial in comparison to many things, but keeping up familial social obligations."
"Like, it's now on me to check in with aunt M and how she's recovering after her recent surgery, send a gift to cousin K's new baby, congratulate 2nd cousin T on his graduation, etc."
"Gone are the days when my mom did all of that and I just had to sign my name on the card or whatever."- InannasPocket
"Realizing there is no safety net."- brutustyberiusRole Playing Reaction GIF by Hyper RPGGiphy
No more chilling on the quad...
"Going from having tons of friends to really having no one."- ZachariahCasey
Wondering if you have, in fact, "grown up".
"How much I still feel like a kid on the inside."- RosesSpins
Life is precious and unpredictable.
"As time passes and you become an adult, there are two guarantees:"
"1: the adults that shaped you, whom you love and adore, also get older."
"Older and sicker and will die, hopefully later but sometimes so much sooner than you would ever imagine."
"And 2: Peers and folks younger than you will die too, often with little to no rhyme or reason."
"My parents would say growing up that 'death is a part of life'.”
"But I’m not sure there is any way to prepare for really UNDERSTANDING that fact until you experience it yourself as you grow up."- Mbathrowaway202two
Taking care of yourself
"Dealing with a chronic health issue."- Square_Tangelo_7542
It's not all fun and games
"How little time in a week there is to enjoy 'life' after working full time."- Ser0t0n1nToo Much Deadline GIF by Jeremy Speed SchwartzGiphy
That some people don't grow up.
'How insecure and incompetent other adults are."- ducvette
Bullies aren't only found in high schools.
"Bullying at the workplace by other 'adults'."- MathematicianOld1117
The truth is, nothing can prepare anyone for adulthood.
Primarily owing to the fact that no one follows the same path, so there is just no telling what life has in store for you.
But maybe the best part of being an adult, is that you are always learning, only now you don't have to show up to class or hand in homework to prove the lesson has sunk in.