Amused Parents Share The Funniest Things Their Toddlers Believe

Savor these moments, parents. Your kids will never be able to make you laugh quite so easily!

[Source listed at the end of the article.]

"My two-year-old believes she has an imaginary friend named Trump.

As it turns out, hes a pretty mischevious fellow.

He talked her into drawing all over her arms and legs with purple marker.

Apparently, the other day Trump also tried to snatch her baby brother, so she had to chase him around the house with her sword.

Its funny. We laugh it off.

But then, we went to a dinner party with my husbands co-workers. My daughter, being the ham that she is, was thrilled to be the center of attention of all of the adults. Seriously, they had formed a little circle around her as she danced around and entertained them with her stories.

Then suddenly she shouts, 'Everybody hide! TRUMP is coming!'

I held my breath.

The entire room burst into laughter.


Sheree McDonald

"I am responsible for putting dreams in my daughter's brain before she falls asleep.

Its a part of our nighttime routine. I read a book, tuck in the kids, give them hugs and kisses. Then I put my hand on the top of my youngest ones head, murmur some nonsensical chant, ask her what she wants to dream about that night, chant a little more, and then tell her I put the dreams in there.

Sometimes, I tell her that I put in dreams about 'Ice cream, puppies, and spiders.' Then shell say, 'No! Not spiders! Take that one out!' So I put my hand back on her head and tell her I took it out.

Sometimes, if shes having trouble sleeping, shell come into my room and request better dreams, because the ones I gave her arent working. Its cute when she does it before 10 pm. Its annoying when she does it after that.

Sometimes, I tell her its a 'surprise dream.' In the morning, she tells me what she dreamed about, and I say, 'Yep, thats the one I put in there.'"

Matthew Bates

"My first son, by the time he was 2 years old, he had experienced several electronic toys that had stopped working, resulting in him asking for my help. Each time, I would explain that they needed batteries. It seemed he understood what that meant, because he would hand me the toy, and wait for me to install fresh batteries. Or, if I did not have batteries, he would accept that, and play with something else.

One morning he was using crayons to draw. We had one of those Crayola boxes with 96 crayons in it. That means a wide variety of colors. When my son took out the very, very light blue crayon, and tried to draw with it, the color barely registered on the paper.

He looked at me, and indicated his frustration with the lack of color on the paper. Then he held the 'defective' crayon up towards my face, and said:

'Needs batteries.'"

Shulamit Widawsky

"When my kids were 5 or 6, I took the family out for Mothers Day dinner and the restaurant had a really nice outdoor deck. The kids were a little weirded out by the whole lobster my wife ordered. Meanwhile, they were also bothered by seeing the occasional bee buzz by. 

So I told them that the lobster was the mortal enemy of the bee, and that the lobster on the plate would keep them away. 

Peace for the rest of the evening. 

Apparently they believed that for a few more years."

Eric Ruck

"Band-Aids can apparently cure ANYTHING. Im going to throw my wife solidly under the bus for this. It started probably about two years ago. If my two-year-old had the tiniest booboo, she would come crying. My wife would offer her a Band-Aid. 

Within a few months, Band-Aids were cures for just about anything. You were running around the house, slipped, and somehow hit the top of your head? The scream, 'BAND-AID!' will issue forth from my little one like she was an extra in a war movie screaming, 'MEDIC!'

And you know what? If it calms her down enough to let me look at whatever the damage is, its worth it. I just bought a giant pack of Band-Aids at Costco. As far as my family believes, Band-Aids can cure fever, a cold, and any headache I may have."

Daniel Kaplan

"When my son was a toddler, he seemed to have confused my identity with his stuffed lion.

It was really sweet. He loved his lion, and called him 'My Lion.' But he also called me that. And if he encountered me in the house, he would come chasing for me, saying 'My Lion' over and over again. Hed then line the lion up with me, look at us both, and repeat, 'My Lion.' He ended up called me that instead of Mom for months.

I loved every bit of it. That is probably the sweetest nickname I have ever gotten."

Mel Kartmazov

"My little one Nate has been counting a lot. Hes even starting to learn the way numbers wrap around—after nine its ten, after nineteen its twenty, and so on.

Today, after his bath, I had some fun counting with him. When hes excited he repeats words, so I said, 'Eight eight eight!' And he called back: 'Nine nine nine!'

I said, 'Nine nine nine!' And he called back: 'Ten ten ten!'

Then he paused. Softly, he corrected himself: 'Nine nine ten.'

And thats how my boy counted to a thousand when he was only sixteen months old. As a mathematical physicist Im tickled silly."

Shern Ren Tee

"My youngest son lost his first tooth by biting into a piece of chicken at dinner and accidentally swallowing it. When he realized what he had done, he was very upset. He said he really just wanted to hold his first lost tooth for a little while. He then realized the Tooth Fairy would have no way of getting his first lost tooth and she probably wouldnt leave him any money because he could not produce the prized tooth for her.

The next morning he found all sorts of glitter on his pillow, along with a lasso made of floss and a note from the Tooth Fairy herself. The note explained that she had to lasso that first tooth right out of his belly, because everyone knows the first lost tooth is the most magical type of tooth and thats where all her fairy dust comes from. 

She left him $5 and told him not to worry, because if he ever swallowed another lost tooth, she would always know and he would always get a little gift for his efforts. It was a very exciting morning!"

Stephanie Riffee Black

"My two-year-old son believes that if I didn't see him do something, then it didn't happen.

For example:

Since I didn't see him eat this doughnut, it never happened.

He assumes I have no idea what's on his face, no idea why one is missing from the box.

Basically, he's convinced he's smarter than I am."

Amity Woodford

"A few days ago, my four-year-old daughter went up to her mother. I was sitting nearby reading the newspaper.

My daughter: 'Mom, Yusra (her first cousin) told me that you will die when I grow up? Is that true?'

My wife (surprised and angry at Yusra): 'Baby, everyone has to die someday.'

My daughter: 'No. You are not going to die. You and I both will live together. Only dad has to die.'

I almost collapsed on the floor. My wife was shocked too and laughed for ages."

Shehryar X. Bhatti

"My toddler believes that even if we make eye contact while playing hide-and-seek, I can't see him as long as he stays quiet. I don't mean a quick glance in his direction. I mean maintaining solid eye contact for 5 seconds or more.

It's really funny when I make believe that I can't see him, even though I'm hunting around right next to him."

Ashwin Ranganathan

"My two-year-old is convinced there are monsters in our house. She will come out in the middle of the night to tell me this, as they make it hard for her to sleep. Ive tried to tell her that I took all the monsters to her cousins house, but then she gets upset. Why? Because she worries about whether the monsters are okay.

The monsters in the bathroom are her biggest concern. Ill take the blame for this. When you get tired enough of diapers, youll tell your kid anything to get them to want to use the toilet. So I told her there were monsters in the walls of the bathroom, which were hungry and thirsty, and thats why we use the toilet, to feed them. The sound of the toilet was them… consuming our waste. No, it didnt appear to get her to toilet train any faster, but it was worth a try."

Daniel Kaplan

"Once, my three-year-old daughter asked me, if we didn't vacuum the carpet in her room, would it grow really tall like grass? And could we grow it up to her knees?

Her face was so genuine. I didn't want to let her down, so I told her it would indeed keep growing, which was why we had to vacuum the carpet to keep it trim and healthy."

Jennifer Haskell

"My daughter is 2.

She either believes or used to believe the following:

That elderly people need dirt to grow, like plants. This is because of a certain Magic School Bus episode.

That if she is sitting under, or behind something even a little bit, she is hiding.

That apples and milk are all the sustenance needed for her tiny body.

That when daddy goes to work, he just goes downstairs in the apartment building and hides all day.

And last but not least, that sleep is optional. 'I don't feel like sleeping tonight,' she once informed me."

Brianna Beard

"When my kids were small, in order to get them to eat their vegetables, I used to tell them if they ate enough carrots they would be able to see through walls.

I found out recently that my son believed that until he was 8 years old, at which point his little sister pointed out the logical failure of that notion. They are plenty of carrots before they figured it out though!"

Jennifer Haskell

"This may be not the funniest story, but I find it absolutely logical from the toddlers perspective.

My daughter is a bubbly two and a half year old and has just attained mastery over the word 'STOP.'

Any time her mother or I want to feed her something healthy, or make her wear weather-appropriate clothes, she responds with a clear, 'Mommy… STOP' or 'Papa… STOP,' and we basically figure out other ways to make her do our bidding.

In her little head, she believes this one word is the solution to all things.

Recently, there was a heavy downpour and I saw her standing in front of the balcony door, sad with sunken little eyes. I asked her what had happened. She said,

'I said rain STOP…….. but STOP no Working!'"

Vishal Arora

"For my daughter, any time before today counts as 'yesterday.' That works out for her pretty well, since no matter what day it is, she tells everyone her birthday was yesterday… unless it is today. Either way, she gets plenty of attention for being the birthday girl.

Most of the things Ive tried to get her to believe wont stick. When Id take her to the zoo, Id try telling her that she was a monkey and that we were trying to find her family. Shed get really serious, lower her brow and her voice, and say, 'Im a little girl, not a monkey.'"

Daniel Kaplan 

"My daughter has always held a fascination for sky and the heavenly bodies, especially the sun.

She's in kindergarten, and loves to draw the solar system during free play. She knows the names of planets and the basic characteristics of the solar system off by heart.

She observes and asks numerous questions regarding the sky, clouds, earth and other planets.

Now, one day I overheard her telling this to her little two-year-old sister:

'If we want to fly up in the sky we just have to get a big syringe. Then we suck up the light from the sun and insert it into ourselves, and we will fly.'"

Muhammad Ishaque Abbas

"This is a story about yours truly as a three or four-year old. I used to think that in order for your mail to get delivered, you had to tell the mailbox where it was going.

When I was a kid, Id be with my dad while he was dropping off mail. He would look at me, then speak the location into the mailbox. Im not quite sure how or why he started doing it but it became a bit of a tradition.

If he ever forgot, Id remind him that he didnt let the mailbox know and wed head back to the mailbox.

He recently reminded me of this. We were running errands when I told him I needed to send out a birthday card to a friend. As I open the mailbox to drop the card in, he reminded me to say the location or else it wouldnt get there. I totally cracked up!"

Chiara Duff

"My former toddler believed that instead of getting bigger herself, I was getting smaller. She told me that when I got little, I could have her favorite shirt. She told her dad/my husband that when I got little, she would marry him and be his wife instead.

'You can't,' my husband replied.

'Why not?'

'Because I'll be little, too.' She nodded thoughtfully. She hadn't thought of that complication.

I bought a new car and told her we were going to take the old car to the dealership, leave it there and drive the new car home. But what if you don't already have a car? she asked, thinking of her own situation. How do you get to the dealership to get your new car? Then she decided that Grandpa could take her when it was time for her to get one.

Another thing that worried her, which most people have never even considered is this: When you buy a house, how do you move it to where you want to live? I believe she was going to have Grandpa help her with this, too.

She's 37 now and figured these things out a long time ago."

Monica Anderson Haluska

"A couple of days ago I was alone at home with my five-year old. At some point I hear him say downstairs: 'I love you.'

I asked: 'Hey, who are you talking to?'

He responded: 'Siri. She just updated my iPad and everything looks so new and beautiful.'"

Elena Ledoux

"When my daughter was 3, for some reason she thought all bras were filled with air and every woman decided how much air she wanted in her bra.

Therefore, the made-up name by her for all bras was… 'Airbra.'

'Mom, here's your Airbra to put on.'

'Is it time for you to put on your Airbra, mommy?'

'I can't wait until I get to have an Airbra!'

I had no idea why she was stuck in that thought because she sure knew what was in my bras, until one day we were getting ready to go out to a restaurant. I looked at her and she had one of my bras on the OUTSIDE of her clothes and expected us to all go out to eat that way!

The only thing missing was some air for her Airbra, so she'd look like her mom. It all made sense when she yelled, MOM I NEED SOME AIR FOR MY AIRBRA BEFORE WE GO!

A year later, we were clothes shopping and I asked her if she needed any Airbras, of course smiling as I said it.

She looked at me like I was nuts."

Rebecca Baldwin

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