Kids don't just say the darndest things....
[rebelmouse-image 18345354 is_animated_gif=They also DO the darndest things. Chances are you've had to correct a child under your care even though you found what they were doing hilarious. Want to share your funny kid stories? Well, you're in luck, because u/Telefunkin asked Reddit:
Parents, what's the funniest "bad" thing your child did that you had to punish them for while holding back laughter?
Here were some of the answers.
My Little Parakeet
[rebelmouse-image 18345355 is_animated_gif=I was driving with my kids in the car and was almost hit by a driver making a very stupid maneuver. I responded by angrily saying "Oh, now look at this f-ing guy." My 3 year old son then continued to repeat that phrase for about a month, any time we were in traffic (Thankfully only in the presence of me). It was hard to correct with a straight face.
The Ants Are Alright
[rebelmouse-image 18345356 is_animated_gif=I once caught my youngest son (about 3 at the time) peeing in the corner of his room...right next to the wastebasket and sort of behind a bookshelf. When I asked him why he was doing that when there was a bathroom 10 feet away, he said he was "watering the ants."
Confused about what ants and why, I went over and peeked behind the bookshelf. And I found the ants. And the half donut he'd swiped and shoved back there. Along with various bits of candy, a slice of bread, and most of a chicken nugget. Apparently, he had seen an ant and decided to cultivate his own little ant farm in his room.
It was so absurd that I had a hard time holding it together while explaining to him that the ants would do just fine without feeding them and peeing on them.
I Never Checked There No
[rebelmouse-image 18345357 is_animated_gif=Walking through the capital building with my then four year old son when a man on crutches with one amputated leg got into the same elevator as us. My son said, in stage whisper, "Mom, what happened to his leg?"
The man heard him and kindly said that he lost his leg a year ago. My son didn't miss a beat and said "Did you check between the couch cushions? My mom says she always loses sh-t in there."
I was appalled. The man, on the other hand was laughing so hard he was crying.
F U Fenway
[rebelmouse-image 18344988 is_animated_gif=My boss has Red Sox season tickets. She gave me a pair so I could bring my then 10 year old son. We ended up on the "dance cam" on the big screen and my sweet baby boy decided to flip Fenway Park the bird.
Children Will Listen
[rebelmouse-image 18345358 is_animated_gif=This just happenned a day ago. For reference, ive been recently calling people "turkeys" in the car when my son is there and i need to vent (son is three).
So im picking wife and son up from the beach since parking is expensive. As im trying to turn around on this public street, these two young hellions are on bikes riding too close to my car as im in reverse. I say, "these kids should be more careful or theyre gonna get hit one day."
My son says without a beat, "yeah, they're turkeys."
We were dying for a bit and told him not to say that word. Secretly i was proud he put that one together. It was exactly what i was thinking. Hes a chip off the old block.
Ain't It Good
[rebelmouse-image 18345360 is_animated_gif=One morning we awoke to find our 2 year old boy covered head to toe in urine because he had removed his diaper. So while bathing him, our 5 year old girl asked if she could take a bath too. It was a weekday and we were all running very late getting ready for work and trying to get the kids to school on time. We explained to her that there was no time and the only reason he was getting a bath was because he peed his bed. She then went to her room, laid down, peed herself and re-emerged in the bathroom to say "Can I have my bath now?".
I absolutely lost It, laughing uncontrollably. Mom was not so amused. I made pancakes and we all played hooky. We're separated now, and this is still my favorite memory of when things were good. Thanks for this post.
Rockin Errywhere
[rebelmouse-image 18345363 is_animated_gif=My 4 year old had been raised with the fact that "booty" and "shut up" are bad words. One day he was mad at me, and called me a "booty shut up".
The Sass And The Soap
[rebelmouse-image 18345365 is_animated_gif=Not a parent but when I was a kid I cursed and my mom washed my mouth out with soap, my response "mmhm its f-cking delicious"
When Four Year Olds Swear
[rebelmouse-image 18345366 is_animated_gif=While watching TV, my 4 year old told us she was "super sorry for being a crazy b****". We explained the bad word, and told her she didn't do anything wrong. Then we laughed about it.
We watch our language at home now.
Poor Snoopy
[rebelmouse-image 18345367 is_animated_gif=When my 22yo son was a little dude, the Uncanny X-men was our favorite cartoon. Burger King was putting X-men toys in their kids meals. We went through a drive-thru to get some, but he was too young and they gave him a Snoopy doll. His sister got Wolverine but he got Snoopy and he was piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed. He hucked it out the window and yelled THROW SNOOPY IN THE FIRE. We all still say that sometimes when we're mad. Flight delayed? Throw Snoopy in the fire. Drop the maple syrup? Throw Snoopy in the fire. Find a scratch on the car? Throw Snoopy in the fire. Great mood leveler.
Make Sure They Know What It's Like
[rebelmouse-image 18345368 is_animated_gif=When I was little I threw a coin in a wishing well and screamed "I WISH ALL MEN COULD HAVE BOOBIES!" Dad died with laughter.
Putting The Dog In Its Place
[rebelmouse-image 18345369 is_animated_gif=My very well fed dog decided on this particular day that all the food in the auto feeder was his. He would eat when he pleased and when he wasn't hungry he would lay down next to it and protect it from being eaten by his sister.
My 3 year old goes up to him and says "get away from your food, you fats!" I was dying. That is what I was thinking but not something I was going to say to him
Life In The South
[rebelmouse-image 18345370 is_animated_gif=For parent-teacher conferences one year, we had to make a four-square about our parents and share it with them. One of the instructions was that we had to describe three things that they do. I wrote about my father:
"Dad. Drives a Jeep. Drinks beer. Yells a lot."
Kid's Got Skills
[rebelmouse-image 18345371 is_animated_gif=I was a single father who was raising a child while going to college. When my daughter was in kindergarten I picked her up after school and we went to the park. While playing on the jungle gym she farted. I teased her a little chanting "Jordan farted, Jordan farted." She asked me to stop and I did.
Later that evening we were having dinner and I farted. So, of course, she started in right away "daddy farted, daddy farted." But, just at that second, the cat walked into the room and I said "It wasn't me, it was the cat."
So I turned to the cat and asked "Cat, did you fart?" And out of the corner of my mouth I went "meow" and said "See, the cat said it farted."
My daughter looked at me, looked at the cat, looked at me again and said "That's not what the cat said. The cat said 'dad, you're an -sshole.'"
My eyes went WIDE, and before I burst out in laughter I clapped my hands over my mouth and managed to mutter "you know what you need to do" and right away she lowered her head and nodded and went to her bedroom.
I Got This Ma
[rebelmouse-image 18345373 is_animated_gif=My son was about 4 when he decided he was going to buckle himself into his carseat with NO HELP. At all.
So I decided to let him give it a go. I sat in the front seat and waited to hear the clicks from the buckles.
I heard "G-ddammit." from the back seat instead.
I turned around. "Excuse me?"
"NUFFIN!" click click
Thankfully You Don't Know What That Is
[rebelmouse-image 18345374 is_animated_gif=The other day while I was getting dressed my three-year-old told me I had a cute penis.
I'm a woman.
Routinely Sworn
[rebelmouse-image 18345375 is_animated_gif=Not a parent, hopefully soon, but was a preschool teacher for 5 years. Up in the two year old room saying hi and this toddler brushes his teeth and drops his tooth brush. With the response "oh sh-t". The teacher corrected his behavior with "you can't say that!" He then replied "oh f-- I forgot". I walked out dying of laughter.
Kids Love To Swear
[rebelmouse-image 18345376 is_animated_gif=Not my kid, but my niece. She just turned three. I was babysitting her recently, and we were playing around in the hallway. She dropped something, and the following conversation took place.
Niece: "What da heck!" waits a second, then "we don't say bad words"
Me: "Yeah, we don't say bad words."
Niece: "Yeah, we don't say 'what the f-ck'!"
I had to remove myself from the room to avoid her seeing me lose my sh-t.
Some Restraint Please
[rebelmouse-image 18345377 is_animated_gif=While playing in her pretend kitchen, my 4 year old was rummaging through the cabinets and says "Where the f-ck is my colander?!" Before I can say anything she finds it, sniffs it, looks at her teddy bear and asks "Did you piss in this?" After gathering my composure I discussed the use of "daddy words".
Dating and the search for love and companionship... What a nightmare.
This journey plays out nothing like in the movies.
Every Prince or Princess (or everything in BTW) seems to have a touch of the psycho.
The things people say during what should be simple dinner conversation can leave a dining partner aghast.
Like... do you hear you?
Redditor detroit_michigldan wanted to discuss all the best ways to crash and burn when trying to make a romantic connection. They asked:
"You're on a date and it's going really great. What can another person say to ruin it completely?"
I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Despite the advancement of technology rendering people left to their own devices–literally–to entertain them, there are some leisurely activities that will never go out of style.
Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"

Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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When we first meet someone–whether through mutual friends, at school, or in a new work setting–we generally feel people out to determine if they're worth getting to know.
While the process could take time, some people make our jobs much easier after spotting instant red flags.
Curious to hear about our general radar of people, Redditor xxFluffie asked:
"What is something that makes you immediately dislike someone?"

Some people just think they are absolutely hilarious and never realize they're the only ones laughing.
Next In Line
"They laugh about having screwed someone else over. If you think you're not next, well, you'll learn."
– whiznat
Unfunny
"when you mention you don't like a thing and they immediately do that thing 'as a joke.'"
– wayfinder
Playing Devil's Advocate
"Kneejerk contrarians. People who, no matter what you say you like or believe, just have to dismiss it and say they like or think the opposite."
– BubbhaJebus
People who put others down get slammed here.
Bad Parents
"When they treat their kids sh**ty in public. I don't mean handling tantrums, setting a rule, having to hurry to the train etc. I mean perfectly normal-behaved kids getting in trouble for trailing along peacefully, looking at things, asking questions etc."
"If you don't like tiny humans who learn the world, why have them??"
– raxeira-etterath
Public Humiliation
"Treating people sh**ty in public for laughs. Like being rude to service workers because they think it’s funny. Big red flag."
– Ok_Personality_1080
Simply Uncalled For
"Someone who is a d*ck to other people or animals for no reason."
– xebt1000
Those with ulterior motives rubs people the wrong way.
The Scheme
"If they try to get me to join their MLM scheme."
– spazmcgee1
Hard Sell
"A guy I used to be friends with in high school reached out a couple of years after graduating about a business opportunity he wanted my opinion on because 'you've always been smart', then he set up a Skype call and brought some other dude into the call and they started trying to sell me on what was clearly an MLM scheme. The guy went from friend to 'I'm never talking to you again' in a matter of 10 minutes."
– Mental-Afternoon-164
A Timeline
"Good gawd, this! I've had more than one exposure to this abject bullsh**tery..."
- Back in the late 80's/early 90's I was invited to a meeting of literally the OG "Pyramid" where you're recruited to pay in, and then you go out and recruit others to pay in, and the last in line got f'kall.
- In 1995 I had a coworker try to reel me into Amway, which was a hard no.
- In 2000 it was Pampered Chef, though to be fair they did have useful products.
- In 2009 a coworker tried to get me into some stupid video calling service that was obviously stupid from the description. He even got offended when I called bullsh*t.
– Mystical_Cat
Too much ego is a no-go.
I Can Do Better
"Being a b*tch just to stroke their own ego."
"We get it, you can lift 5lbs more than the 12 year old, you don't have to rub it in their face just because you're slightly better"
– Livia_Pivia
Can't Top This
"Oh, you did <story that's been told>? That's nothing! I did <implausible story>.
"I get the whole empathy through relating common experience, and I'm someone who does that (which drives some people crazy on its own), but there's a big different by empathising through common experience, and one-upmanship."
– Tisarwat
Lacking Conversational Etiquette
"Starting to talk over me when I was already talking."
"Stop it you rude, arrogant jerk."
– R33Gtst
If one or more of these traits sound familiar to you, you're not alone.
We don't have time for braggadocios, pyramid-schemers, and conversation interrupters.
And that's just for starters.
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Children tend to believe just about anything they hear.
That there are monsters under your bed, watching too much TV will make your head explode, and silly faces will be permanent if you make them too often.
The sky is truly the limit when it comes to silly things that children will believe.
Some call it naivitée, other's youthful innocence.
But it's hard not to look back with embarrassment on certain things we believed as a child, that today might simply seem dumb.
Redditor Disastrous_Toe_6548 was curious to learn the multitude of silly things people believed when they were children, leading them to ask:
"What's the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?"
Pleading to deaf ears...
"My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high."
"Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice."
"Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining."- Tyrion_Stark.
Get it while you can.
"That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed."- fgyfddg.
Silly superstitions.
"My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed."
"I believed him for a while, until I got older."
"I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire."- teddypa1981.
"Rain, rain go away..."
"That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world."- morningshartz.
Age is just a number.
"My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not."- Laleena_.
So that's how they're made!
"That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds."- Scaniarix.
An instant cure.
"The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them."- velocipeter.
Better safe than sorry.
"Don't drink and drive meant all drinks."
"My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home."- hulagirlslovetoparty.
Don't believe everything you see on TV.
"There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it."
"As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it."- That-Dutch-Person.
The miracle of childbirth.
"That babies are pooped out."
"When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, 'yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out' and she went 'um, WHAT?' and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had f*cked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol."- thesoundingfurrows.
Oh to be a child again.
And to believe literally everything you're told.
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