Amused Parents And Teachers Share Their Most Hysterical Encounter With 'Kid Logic'.

Ahhhh, kids. Sometimes the way they see the world can be so refreshing. Here, amused adults share the funniest encounter they've ever had with kid logic.


1. Preschool age, my daughter says, "I pooped my pants today."

Me: What?! Where?

Daughter: In the middle.


2. One of my favorite silly incidents was when a kid tried to get a pen from his pocket and then said, "Whoops, it's in my other pants!" and then suddenly stuck his hand inside his pants and pulled out the pen.

Dude was just wearing two pairs of pants for no good reason.


3. A three-year-old, upon rising from the floor, noticed her foot had fallen asleep.

She rubbed it, looked at me and said, "Midzo, I have owie sprinkles."

Best ever description of the sensation.


4. My cousin's 2-year-old came twirling in a dress and declared, "I'm a princess!"

My cousin went, "You know honey, princesses are supposed to be nice and sweet. You can't be rude anymore and you have to stop shouting at people!"

The kid immediately screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A PRINCESS!!!"

So my cousin asked her what she wanted to be, and she immediately replied with, "The boss."


5. Was a preschool teacher and had this awesomely creative kid who would make up these elaborate story lines when he was playing. One time I overheard him playing and he had set up his "guys" (the sort of toy people we had) in a battle and had Martians fighting Jews.

Yeah.... Martians vs. Jews.

And the Jews were the bad guys in this scenario... which, well... yeah, that's bad.

And I was shocked cause I knew his parents pretty well and they were super-mega liberal -- like, his mom was a teacher and his dad was a stay-at-home dad who sometimes wore skirts just cause he found them comfortable. So this shocked me. So I sort of sidled up to him and this conversation happened.

Me: So, buddy, what's going on with your guys here?

Kid: The Martians are fighting the Jews. The Jews invaded the Martians territory so the Martians have to fight them and win.

Me: Uh... wow, so... where is the Martians territory?

Kid: (looks at me like I'm stupid). Mars. They are Martians. Martians are from Mars.

Me: Ah... and the Jews? Where are they from?

Kid: Jupiter. Martians are from Mars, and so I think if there are aliens on Jupiter, their name would be "Jews"

Me: OOOOOOHHHH! "Juuus", not "Jews...."


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6. Worked as a camp counselor for kids with special needs. This boy got in trouble for back talking, so he and I went to the big boss to talk things through.

Nobody spoke, until the boy blurted, "If a**holes could fly, this place would be an airport!"

I had to leave the room because I was trying not to laugh.


7. I was babysitting my friend's kids and we were playing make believe in the park. One kid wanted to be a superhero, one kid wanted to be a pirate, and one kid told me he wanted to be a "sexy llama."

Now I'm not one to harsh a kid's imagination, but there were a bunch of moms and kids in the park that I didn't know, and I didn't want a kid to be yelling out how sexy he was to me, so I asked him to maybe call himself a "beautiful llama" and he could be a sexy llama in secret. He agreed, but then proceeded to yell out "HEY! LOOK AT ME!! I'M A SEXY, I MEAN A BEEEYOOTIFUL LLAMA, JUST LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO BE!! JUST LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT!! I CAN KEEP OUR SECRET!!"


8. I once asked my potty training son to hold it for a second. He peed in his hand.


9. Boyfriend's daughter:

"Dad, the dinosaurs are 'stinct, right?"

"Yes, they're all gone. They all died a very long time ago."

"Well, Jesus came back from the dead..."

"No honey, they're not coming back."


10. I tutored a kid with Asperger's who had wonderful ways of phrasing things.

Me: So how did you approach this math problem?

Him: Well, first I tried x = 4, and that... did not bring about good fortune.


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11. When my daughter was 7, she asked me what year I was born. I told her 1978. She replied gasp of horror, "You were born in the nineteen's!"


12. Not me, but my boss (principal). He likes to play jokes a lot, so the other day he strolls into the grade 4 room, and convinces the kids that Christmas is cancelled.

"Yup. There is no Christmas this year. They've moved it to January and might get rid of it all together."

All the kids start whining and complaining, getting worried. Before he can explain it's all a joke, a little boy from the back shouts out, "F***, I hate that Trump!"


13. My nephews and I have been watching Beat Bugs on Netflix. The theme song is All You Need Is Love. The five year old said, "Why is love all you need? What about Nerf guns?"


14. I was watching the Spongebob movie with my four year old the other day and I was singing along to the "I'm ready promotion" part.

She turns straight around looks me dead in the eyes and said "mum you don't even have a job!"

Well thanks, kid...looking after you is enough for me.


15. The funniest thing I heard while working at a daycare was a conversation that went like this.

5yo: "You're old!"

Me: "I'm not that old (with a slight tone of indignation). How old do you think I am?"

5yo: "The last number."


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16. As my son was learning to talk, he had a problem pronouncing Tr sounds and we didn't discover it until we were driving down a busy highway and he was identifying the vehicles that we would pass: Car!... Car!... F***!... Car!... Big F***!... Car!

Later, he told my wife about my Truck: Daddy f*** mama! and told our friend about its lack of cleanliness: Dirty f***!


17. Last year around the holidays, I was driving past a nativity scene with my 5-year-old nephew and my SIL. My nephew yells, "Mama, why are they roasting that baby?"

We are not a religious family.


18. I teach 7th grade English. Was attempting to explain to my class that many authors were not famous during their lives, and only became well-known after they died.

One of my slower students looks at me, and I can see the wave of realization hit her as she throws up her hand and shouts "JUST LIKE HARAMBE!" with the biggest smile on her face. Yes, kid, just like Harambe.


19. My son is five, and has started cottoning on about the differences between boys and girls. Myself and the wife are answering his questions biologically accurately, as we feel it's best he understands the proper words instead of the "kiddy" ones.

The scene: Family dinner around the dining table. Everyone is eating quietly. I notice my son is deep in thought. From his expression I can tell question time is incoming.

Son: Mummy?

Mum: Yes dear?

Son: Can I see your vagina?

Mum: No, we are eating dinner and it is not appropriate.

Son: But it's on the inside? Not like with boys?

Mum: Yes that's right.

Son: So it's right up your bum!

Dad: [chokes on spaghetti]

Bless him for that little gem this week.


20. My younger brother didn't understand the concept of identity or something. I don't really know, he was like 3 years old and barely coherent. He'd always ask about things that he saw people doing like why the man came to our house every day to deliver mail, or why girls played with dolls.

He was also quite the talker and whenever we would sit around and tell stories about our day, as people do, he would try and chime in with an anecdote of his own. Now of course, he also didn't understand the concept that these stories actually happened so his would go like this...

"When I was a girl, I would play with dolls all the time and make barbie go up the stairs and cook dinner."

"When I was a mailman, I drove the truck around all the city and gave people letters."

"When I was older, I had a job and lots of money."


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21. My mom was a camp counselor back in the day in southern Ohio and tells this story all the time. She helped inner city kids experience the outdoors for the first time.

One kid was scared of a pig and proclaimed, "Get that wolf away from me!"


22. I'm a part-time nanny. The girl I care for was about two-and-a-half when she potty trained. She trained really quickly and had only had one other accident at this point. She got really engrossed in play, stood up, and froze as the pee ran down her leg.

I was doing dishes and only saw her top half from the other side of the counter, but I'm also a preschool teacher and I know the look well.

"Did you have an accident?" I asked.

With a very serious look on her face, she said, "Go get the Clorox..."


23. I used to be a camp counselor. One time a five-year-old boy told me I was his "least favorite Kardashian."


24. I work at a community center that hosts a preschool and an after-school program, wide age range.

One little smart-aleck comes up to me and we have this delightful dialogue.

Child: Your hair looks like a bird's nest. (I have long curly hair that afro's a bit)

Me: That's because birds live in my hair.

Child: Really?

Me: Yeah, they're the kind of birds that eat little kids with blonde hair and green eyes and are named Tristan.

Child: (looks at my hair uncertainly then stares into my eyes with cold focus) Show me.


25. One day my daughter leaned in and said to me, Dont worry mommy, I love you and would never kill you.


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26. I'm an ESL teacher. I decided to teach the first graders the classic song "Head, shoulders, knees and toes." It seemed to go well and we moved on to something else.

While absorbed in the new activity the little boy at the front was quietly singing the new song he had just learned, "Head, shoulders, cheese and toast, cheese and toast."

Close enough I guess.


27. My youngest kid recently told me he thought the lyrics for the Rolling Stones song were, "You can't always get what you want, but if you cry sometimes, you get what you need"

Which actually kind of explains a lot.


28. My nephew, who is 7, loves sports. Any time he gets to go to a Dick's Sporting Goods he is in heaven because of all the sports gear. Lately, every time he walks into the store he inhales deeply and says, "I love the smell of Dicks!"


29. For context: My little cousin (6 at the time) called me over hangouts for a video call. I was sick at the time. Here's the conversation.

Me: "Do you want to see auntie? I'll take the phone to her."

Her:" NO! You can't go see her!"

Me: "Why don't you want to see auntie?"

Her: "I want to see auntie, but you're sick, YTB. You'll get auntie sick!"

Me: "Aww, that's so sweet! Wait... Don't you care if I'm sick?"

Her: "Auntie has a car and can buy me candy! You don't, so I don't care."

And that was the day I was put in my place by a first grader.


30. I asked an 11 year-old student, "How are you?" and his response was that he was happy because his side burns finally grew in.



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