Sometimes people confuse niceness for weakness, but we all know that treating people well is real strength. Not needing to step over people to get ahead.
Here are women with good heads on their shoulders sharing times where things didn't work out for them.
Many thanks to all the Redditors who responded. Check out more answers from the source at the end of this article!
1. Not your best friend anymore, I hope.
I had been telling my best friend for months about the huge crush I had on a guy in one of my classes. One day I asked if she would be there when we first hung out so I would be a little more comfortable (she had a class with him too, but neither of us talked to him much).
She brought up the topic of sex and was telling him how she'd slept with "5 1/2" guys and was asking him about his experience. I admitted I'd never kissed anyone. After, he asked if she wanted to go to the soccer game with him while I had to go home. Within the week they were having sex and she paraded him around me.
2. Oh man, so people actually do this?
I have watched the majority of my friends 'trap' their partners. Flushing the pill down the toilet, not even bother to take it, stabbing condoms, and I always thought it was a truly deceitful way to bring a child into the world.
Fast forward ten years and I'm almost 30, not married and no children because my boyfriend is a commitment-phobe. Meanwhile all the trapper slappers as I like to call them are married with big houses and families.
They have everything I want, but not the way I want it.
3. You'll find someone so much better.
Had a close male friend who had a rough breakup with his girlfriend who cheated on him multiple times. We had always been attracted to each other but timing had never been right. After awhile he asked me out, and I told him it might not be a good idea, as he seemed to still be effected by his ex. He waited a few more months and asked again, claiming he was over her.
It was one of the best relationships I've ever had. We truly loved and cared for each other and had so much fun together for over a year. We discussed moving in together and our respective families were quite happy for us.
Then his ex moved back to town. Even though she was living with her new SO, she decided she wanted her ex, my partner, back. And apparently he wanted her back, too.
I discovered him cheating, which broke my heart. He claimed he didn't know what to do because he loved us both, but ultimately chose to be with her.
Now they're married but unhappy, as she got pregnant by another guy just months after their wedding.
The whole situation makes me sad still. I can't even feel the slightest bit of Schadenfreude.
4. Prom is overrated. There, I said it.
I had a crush on a guy (who was also a very close friend) whom I would eventually end up dating. I wanted to ask him to prom, but I had heard through the grapevine that a mutual friend wanted to ask him to prom as well.
So I called her and asked her if she was intending to ask this guy to prom. She said no, and I said "cool, because I'm going to ask him to prom."
I asked him to prom that week. He told me he had already been asked. By the girl I had spoken to.
It turned into a whole thing. It was dumb and looking back I can laugh now but at the time it was ridiculous.
5. That's one way to dry your tears.
I have to prove I'm a boss with my work. My personality is so nice-mom that every new MBA frat boy manager who swings through my shop assumes I'm a token and talks down to me like I'm an idiot.
I watch them wash in and wash out. I make more than them anyway. Tried to help you, dude.
I used to feel like I was finishing last since I don't get immediate respect like my more imposing coworkers, but after 10 years....I dry my tears with large pay checks.
6. Nice motorcycle.
When on a date with a guy I met through my friends (they're married). It went great, texting every day, etc. A couple of weeks later, our friends invited us to hang out. After a few drinks, we started playing 'never have I ever'. It ended up coming out during the game that I've never had sex (long story...).
He stopped talking/texting me after that.
I found out a few weeks later that he started sleeping with one of our friends that was over that night. They started dating soon after that, and coming over to hang out...
Then my friends mentioned all of us going bar hopping. It sounded fun, and I was game. Then they said "Actually, would you mind babysitting the kids? You're responsible and we trust you. Besides, it's gonna be couples going anyways.".
I learned that day that responsible fun.
At least I have a great job and a motorcycle. :/
I went out to a club with the guy I was dating and my friends (who he didn't really know).
When it was time to leave we all walked home together, I was staying over at the guys house that night, I was pretty drunk and not feeling great so I decided to go rehydrate and go to bed.
I was worried about leaving my friend so I asked the guy I was seeing if he could make sure she got home ok as it was late. She only lived 5 minutes up the road...I waited in his bed for over an hour for him to come back, when he eventually did, he went straight to sleep. I found out a week later that he slept with her whilst I was waiting.
8. That just sucks.
I don't play into office popularity contests, or take part in the catty rumor mill. I also own up to my mistakes, or let someone know I've made one before it becomes an issue. I say hello and good morning to everyone with a smile.
I'm always passed over for special projects or promotions.
9. "Ha ha, no, silly rabbit."
I dated someone through the end of high school and most of college. We started out completely in love and constantly together, and then drifted into... well, let's just say I thought we were always in love, but looking back, it's clear we weren't exactly on the same page.
This guy graduated from college a year before me, and invited me to his graduation. I travelled for nearly 2 hours on the subway to the other end of New York City. Didn't know where his family was sitting and all his friends were in the ceremony, so I sat alone for the whole, boring thing.
Afterwards we met up and said hi to his parents, who then went home. I was in college in another city, so I was looking forward to spending some one-on-one time with my boyfriend who I didn't get to see that often.
We went over to his dorm, where he informed me that he still had to move all his stuff out. Where were all his friends? Nowhere to be seen. Strong guy neighbors? Nada. Family? Gone, obviously. So who was going to help him schlep all those heavy boxes down to his car? Why, his sweet, loving girlfriend, of course.
I don't remember how long it took, but I was glad when we were finally done. Because it meant I was finally going to enjoy some romantic time with my guy, right? Ha ha, no, silly rabbit.
No sooner did we finish shoving the last box of crap into his car than he said, "Well, thanks for your help. I'm going to go hang out with my friends now."
"Um, I thought we would be spending some time together, just the two of us?" I spent most of the year 200 miles away.
"Uh, yeah, no, I want to go see my friends." The ones he has been hanging out with like every single day. "But you can come too, I guess? If you want to."
I declined, and went home. The penny finally dropped, as they say. I finally understood what he felt for me, which was nothing. Then I spent the next several months solidly kicking myself for being that dumb.
I can't say my love life has been perfect since then, but at least I know I will never allow someone to take me for granted that way ever again.
If you ghost on someone you're a monster.
If you don't ghost and politely message your date that it's not working out, you get a never-ending spew of insults, threats, "ur 2 ugly for me anyway" messages, completed with bad spelling.
11. "It was crushing and really put bigger politics into prospective for me."
I was voted into president of student council in my college, I worked with younger girls who just wanted the title on their resumes and perks. I kept strict with them that the students money should be for prizes and awesome parties for the students, not expensive trips and rewards for council members. Tuition is expensive enough we should give back as much of that as possible to the students experience.
Well after almost an entire year of fighting with these selfish people, they thought I was being unfair to them voted me off with a week of my term left, so they could go on one last student paid trip while charging the students for the last activities they put on. It was crushing and really put bigger politics into prospective for me.
12. That's A LOT more oral...
I was a really supportive girlfriend for 3 years who was happy to hang out just once a week, around his busy schedule of hanging out with his friends and playing xbox. I drove everywhere because he couldn't be bothered to learn to drive even though his parents bought him a car. I was enthusiastic and gave about 400% more oral than he ever reciprocated and that was the limit of it, because of some dead bedroom issue he was struggling with. In return, he never hung out with my friends or did any normal couple stuff like road trips or weekend trips away.
I was in a car crash and he didn't bother to come over and see if I was ok, because he was busy hanging out with his best friend he hadn't seen since the day before. I was devastated when we called it quits because I genuinely loved him with my everything and put all of myself into the relationship and he wasn't a bit bothered.
I'm so glad I got out though because I have an amazing boyfriend now who loves me and spending time with me. I can't believe I put up with that for so long. My ex actually is a nice person and we're on friendly terms, I just hope he grows up and becomes less selfish.
13. Build them up and they knock you down.
I had spent a year building up the confidence of my ex boyfriend who was extremely insecure. Consistently reinforcing him that he is attractive, smart, worthy of any women's time, you know, stuff a girlfriend should do for their partners.
He left me for the girl he thought he never had a chance with because in his words, " You made me feel like I could do anything I want." I did not realize that involved doing other girls too.
14. Wouldn't "cut" in line, eh?
I got a B in my freshman year wood shop because I wouldn't cut in line to use the machines. I also wouldn't protest when anyone else cut in front of me. As a result several of my projects were literally the last ones turned in.
'Nice' means 'spineless', right?
15. "I didn't want to disappoint them."
I got diagnosed with juvenile arthritis senior year of high school. I decided to go off 180 miles away from home for college instead of going to the school I hated that was 30 minutes away.
My first semester went great. I had fun, made friends, and got all A's. My second semester started, and the first day of classes I came down with strep throat. It triggered a huge flair of my arthritis. I could barely move. I asked my parents to let me drop my classes and come home, but they said no. They told me to stick it out and finish my classes and then recover over the summer.
I stopped going to class because walking hurt too bad. I stopped eating because the cafeteria was too far away. Failed all my classes, lost thirty pounds. But I stayed at school because that was what my parents wanted, and I didn't want to disappoint them. I ended up in the hospital. I dropped out of school completely and I'm still trying to get back, now to the school near home. I have several destroyed joints from the flair, some that need replacement. I'm 19.
16. Maybe get a new gig.
I used to, and still occasionally do, bartend at a dive bar of ill repute. The other bartenders treat the bar like their own personal cooler, take advantage of the drugs being tossed their way by customers, frequently get too wasted to effectively work, disappear into the stock room to have sex with customers while the bar is still open and of course overcharge customers to pocket the extra cash.
I don't do any of these things. Don't do any of the drugs offered to me (for the most part), stay sober so as to be able to count money and always let drunk customers know when they've accidentally given me a $10 bill as a tip when I'm sure they meant to hand me a $1. I have a boyfriend and let the more amorous customers know that I'm faithful and there's no chance. I try to be a good employee.
I still get regularly blamed for stealing or drinking the liquor I guess because everyone else always does and the owners are paranoid.
17. This would be embarrassing.
I was infatuated with this guy in my first year of college. We hung out, he lived on my floor, and I really wanted to go out with him, but I was too nervous. So one day, I bake a tray of brownies. I make them from scratch, spending hours to impress him with my Man-Catching Baking Skills.
I bring the brownies to his room, wearing what amounted to a homemaker dress, and knock on the door. "Just a minute," he shouts. There's some clambering and rustling, but I make nothing of it, thinking he must be playing video games in his underwear or something.
Turns out, he was rushing to put clothes on because he had a sex worker in his room, and he thought I was an RA coming to investigate the 30-something year old woman he had brought into our dorm.
Long story short, I ate the brownies by myself that night and he never spoke to me again, perhaps out of embarrassment at being caught paying for sex.
18. Good advice.
When I was in my teens, I liked riding my bike around the river belt in my hometown (small city, <50,000 people). I did this most weekends, weather permitting, and I usually did it pleasantly alone. One day, I was doing my thing and this middle aged guy bikes up next to me and invites me to race him. I didn't want to -I was having some quality alone-time, after all. But I agreed. Because it was the nice thing to do and, like so many others, I was raised to believe that I should make people feel comfortable and happy.
So I raced him and he started taking the race beyond where I usually go, to a secluded area. I started feeling worse about this, but was young and didn't understand yet that I can say no whenever I want. We're in the secluded area and the "race" ends. He starts asking me a lot of questions. I don't think I can use my age as an excuse - I was straight-up dumb by telling him where I actually worked. I worked at the library close by. I don't remember any other details about what he asked or said because I was so freaked out that I had actually told a strange, middle-aged man who convinced me to follow him to a secluded area where I work. At this point, I thought of some reason I needed to get out of there and biked away.
A lot of those details are hazy to me, but I distinctly remember the next few weeks of work at library, filled with fear that he was going to find me.
Important lesson: Never forget that your safety is ALWAYS more important than someone else's temporarily hurt feelings. Sometimes you HAVE to say no for your personal safety and GTFO.