Amateur Inventors Share Products We'd Buy If They Were Real
The technological revolution has given humanity some amazing innovations. And since technology exists to make like easier, it's fun to dream about inventions that could take the mundane out of life.
RocketRaccoon96 asked, What would you definitely buy if it existed?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Pretty sure these exist, but yeah, definitely worth the money.
A comfy always-cold pillow.
Honestly, 100% this. Also bagels that only have seeds on one side, sup with that?
Double-sided Frosted Mini-Wheats! Why has this never been a thing?!
For those times your Chipotle burrito needs two tortillas...
Edible sticky tape - great for keeping tortillas and other wraps together.
This is the future of computer-brain interfaces.
I'd buy instant knowledge. Something that took someone years to study would take me a matter of seconds to learn.
How much would that cost though?
Here's some Millennial realness.
I probably wouldn't be able to afford whatever it is.
Considering being teleported would actually kill you...
A wormhole device. I don't trust teleporters.
This would be enormously helpful.
Sleep ray. That insomnia has got me again.
I think we call these "interns."
A robot that did my job for me but I still got my paycheck.???????
Ain't this the dream.
A washing machine that you put all the laundry in and press go then go back and it's dry and folded.
Everyone needs a Grandpa Rick.
Portal gun.
Total future tech: the starship Enterprise is self-cleaning.
A house that cleans itself. Press a button and voila it's clean.
Chances are if you need to the shell, you're not the one in first place.
A blue shell. I want to find out who's in first place in this world.
3-D printers are the precursors to food replicators... can't wait.
A real-life copy and paste machine so I can have unlimited food.
Why not a pill that contains essential nutrients, and just skip the food altogether?
A pill that you take after you eat that would convert your food to the right nutritional balance in your stomach.
There's so much to know, and not enough brain in which to store it all.
More ram for my brain.
I'd settle for a printer that's easy to figure out how to use.
A printer that f_cking works.
So, a magic wand.
Matter manipulator. I'm talking those things that can take goop and turn it into food, or turn a human into a dinosaur or something. Could you imagine?
To get to the future, you just have to travel really fast. Backward time travel is (probably) impossible. Science!
Time machine.
Here's a scary thought: Times Square filled with people on hoverboards.
Definitely the hoverboard from "Back to the Future."
Believe it or not, research indicates that this may indeed be possible.
Dream recording machine, so I could watch them back like a movie. I have really awesome dreams sometimes and I would love to experience them again.
There's something seeing a person litter that drives me up the wall. I remember being a kid and being explicitly told to hold on to my trash and not just throw it in the street. As a kid, I distinctly remember being made fun of for not just throwing the bag of chips I'd just eaten or an empty soda bottle into the gutter.
I can't imagine doing that. Why?! We truly treat this planet as if we have somewhere else to go.
After Redditor pnrddt asked the online community, "What small action immediately makes you dislike a stranger?" people shared their observations.
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"Playing music..."
<p>Playing music or having a 'private' conversation via speaker phone in a public place.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginci58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LLCoolBrap</a></p><!-- Insticator API Fire Widget -->
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"When they exhibit..."
<p><strong></strong>When they exhibit a personality trait that I also have, and don't like about myself. Every time I find myself being dismissive or judgemental of somebody, it's just my own insecurity.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginn0g5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginn0g5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">iotangle42</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"When I'm talking..."
<p>When I'm talking and they are not listening. Like they are not even trying to pretend that they are listening.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gincjto?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">eat-the-rich-07</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"Because one of these days..."
<p>A person can treat me like a princess but as soon as I see them mistreating either animals or people, I am out of there. Because one of these days, you'll be on that receiving end.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginpr97?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">starlightradio</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"It just screams..."
<p>Telling people to smile. It just screams condescending and a lack of emotional intelligence.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginovsj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginovsj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">3FoolsinaTrenchcoat</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"When I hear that..."
<p>Grown ups using "baby talk" to try to get what they want. I'm not talking about when people goo-goo at babies, but when they use a silly whiney voice to try to persuade people or make people do them a favour.</p><p>"Aww, pwease hewp me wiv dis wittle pwoject."</p><p>When I hear that I instantly lose respect for that person, be it a stranger or someone I know.</p><p>Pet peeve.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginbwb4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">handsahwill</a></p>"Okay, we get it..."
<p>One-upping people. "Yeah, that's pretty good, but one time I..." Okay, we get it, your life is more amazing than everyone else's.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginhrkd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">well-uh-yeah</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"When out driving..."
<p><strong></strong><strong></strong>When out driving, someone who pulls out in front of you, then proceeds to go 5-10+ mph under the speed limit.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gingjuj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gingjuj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FuzzMcBeefy84</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"If you don't..."
<p>Talking negatively about anyone who's just trying to have a good time in a fun setting. If you don't have nice to say shut the hell up.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gio4vf5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">intergLACTIC</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
"When people..."
<p>When people put other people down to try and make themselves look better. "Oh I'm just playing around with them we're friends." I don't care quit being an @ss you know what you're doing and you should be able to tell you're making them feel bad.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gio9p3c?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">inf303</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"If it's into a drain..."
<p>Spitting on the pavement.</p><p>If it's into a drain, that's fair enough, sometimes you get phlegm and you need to get rid of it. Going for a drain shows you're at least considerate of other, imo. But on the floor where anyone can step in it (or if you're in a wheelchair, get it all over your hands from pushing the wheels) is just gross.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginojq3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ghostmadlittlemiss</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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When you're in the market for a slew of very specific facts that all fall under the same general theme, the internet really delivers.
Forget streamlined public health capabilities and revolutionized human communication, the true beauty of the internet is all the random, barely useful information you can find when a bunch odd people decide to assemble and swap info.
<p>A recent Reddit thread centered around one theme in particular: the weirdest things about the human body. </p><p>Doctors were asked to weigh in, but unsurprisingly most of the contributors were non-doctors who read something weird one time. </p><p>But that was probably a blessing for the thread. After all, some of these bizarre facts are real doozies. </p><p>bitictac asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"Doctors of reddit, what’s the weirdest/grossest fact about the human body that no one seems to know?"</a></p>
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Homemade TarantulaÂ
<p>"Dental student here. Black hairy tongue is a common condition and it's exactly what it sounds like." </p><p>"It's just caused by buildup of dead skin that becomes hair like because of tobacco use or antibiotic use. Usually combined with lack of frictional forces from brushing"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu9tdq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Alarm-Potential</a></p><!-- Insticator API Fire Widget -->
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Load Em UpÂ
<p>"When a patient gets a kidney transplant, they usually leave the old 2 behind unless there's a significant problem with them."</p><p>"The extra kidney is just tucked in the peritoneum leaving the patient with 3 kidneys."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu6qjd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">MedicalJargon-itis</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Come On Mutations!
<p>"Every single melanocyte on your skin (you know, the ones that give your hairs color, and your skin its skin color) is connected to your sympathetic nervous system via modified synapses."</p><p>"No-one knows why they're connected that way - but we do know that under stress, those nerves nuke the pool of stem cells that create hair pigment, which is why it makes you go grey."</p><p>"A few mutations and you could theoretically be able to control them and change color like a chameleon."</p><p>"So in many ways, we're basically walking cuttlefish."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giuyo29?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PavlovaPalava</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Play the Long Game, PeopleÂ
<p>"Humans can outpace any animal on the planet."</p><p>"No, we're not the fastest, but if we were chasing the fastest animal (cheetah) we would catch it and be able to keep going."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gisujdr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Bout3Fidy</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Little Helpful CrittersÂ
<p>"There are little microscopic organisms living in your eyebrows, eating away at the dead skin."</p><p>"Don't freak out, they are very helpful and completely harmless, just a little gross"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giud33u?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Vid-Me-BossCheesburg</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Thankfully That Filter is a Pretty Good OneÂ
<p>"Saliva is filtered blood. Your tears are too. And if you're too stressed out you can cry blood."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gitshe5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mylifeisathrowaway10</a></p>Imagine It All in a BottleÂ
<p>"I know that the average human churns out between 1 and 2 liters of saliva every day.... oh and we have parasites who are embedded in our hair follicles, and they eat away at our skin, thus causing Dandruff :,)"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gisrxcc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Throwawayyy123451</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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So HotÂ
<p>"Humans give off so much body heat that in 30 min we can boil a gallon of water" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu1ngt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Financial-Ad-6050</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu1ngt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Rookie numbers" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giuvqqt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">nopenothappening</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Pshh I can get a gallon of water boiling in like 10 minutes tops" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giuhji3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ridiculouslygay</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Oh DearÂ
<p>"Old ladies often have prolapse of their pelvic organs. This means their vaginal walls got so weak that it can no longer support their bladder or uterus."</p><p> -Nurse practitioner"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gitopxb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">vespertinas</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
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Image by Alterio Felines from Pixabay
Working in a doctor's office means helping people when they're at their lowest. Sometimes, that leads to wonderful moments when the patient is thankful for all the advice and care you provided. Other times, it means taking something out of someone's bum.
Turns out, that second one happens a lot more than you might think.
<p>Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/XxFireflyxxX/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">u/XxFireflyxxX</a>, wanted to hear about:</p><p><em><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/" target="_blank">ER doctors and nurses of reddit, what is the dumbest cause of injury you've ever seen?</a></em></p>
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For Fashion And Protection
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDMwOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MjkwNTU2OX0.6D-LIQ26JXH0-7OtPpG93HOtt41wAv62bGHMVvuAYpk/img.gif?width=980" id="7ff06" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6109fb5baf04f17deade8b58695881d1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />wound up season 3 GIFGiphy<p>I had a patient come in with lacerations to her fingers. Her blender got clogged and she stuck her hand inside to clear it. She cleared it and the blender resumed....um blending. Luckily, she had long acrylic nails. This helped lessen the impact.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitz5l4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Bornagainchola</a></p><!-- Insticator API Fire Widget -->
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I'd Rather Go To Sleep
<p>Guy came in after being concerned the bed sheet had stuck to his lower leg. Turns out hed been using a petrol mower the evening before and it had exploded. Full thickness burn to his calf. No pain. He wanted to go home to feed his cows instead of being transferred to burns and plastics. Man it looked like white leather.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitkqf9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">DamaskRoses</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Why Play Typical Catch?
<p>Guy was camping with his frat buddies and they were firing air rifles at each other with a baseball glove on.</p><p>The pellet was lodged well into his hand. Like, how did you think this was going to end?</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitq7lt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Milesofstyle</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Close Eyes Off From The World
<p>I was in the ER as a patient next to a guy who was brought in via ambulance because he super glued his eye lids shut.</p><p>He was high as a kite, but so was I from the pain meds I'd been given for my own injury. Whatever meds I was given made me think everything was hilarious. I got yelled at by the nurses for laughing hysterically in the next room. He was being a pain in the a--, ER was on diversion already, and they were not amused.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/githxnc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">brubarbal</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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That's Why It's Called A "Dog" Toy
<p>A few stand out. Person somehow swallowed a spiked dog toy.</p><p>Someone tried to reverse his circumcision by cutting more of his d-ck off with a pair of scissors.</p><p>About every object known to man up the bum. 🎵 if you like it then you shoulda put a string on it." 🎵</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitnt24?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">bsn2fnp1</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Yeah, But, How?
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDMxMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjAyNTM0OX0.Esaobyl7Yq7QltSxli0ZwjggE7j8A4gu0uNRnn1ZwUc/img.gif?width=980" id="95a28" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f4eb7f0131c0d79db2de93fd2bbdc0af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />homer simpson GIFGiphy<p>I've seen an internal vaginal laceration from someone climbing a fence while trying to see something happening down the street.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/giss2id?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">midturbinate</a></p>Again With The Butt...
<p>ER Nurse here</p><p>-We had a girl come in and who knows what she was doing but she had one of the thin glow sticks in her bladder, maybe some fun finger/glow play during a concert? I don't know but pretty wild.</p><ul><li>Also I had a Spanish speaking only gentleman explain why a shoe polish bottle was in his bum, we had to use a video interpreter due to the language barrier but it's was pretty wild to hear the interpreter say "I have a bottle of polish in my anus" after expecting him to just explain why he had belly pain. We also proceeded to print out multiple pictures of common types of shoe polish he used to ask him if it was "this one or that one". It was hilarious when he identified what one it was based on the picture, he had to go to the OR</li></ul><div><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitqmlm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">AirFryersRule</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitqmlm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a></div><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sounds Like A College Guy Thing To Do
<p>Had a university student who ignited a firework in his anus while drunk for the amusement of his buddies. It exploded, causing full thickness burns of his rectum, resulting in him needing a colostomy</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/giss6l1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">ArcofRiolan</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Wow...
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDI4OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMDMyMzMyMn0.b42VhIpJrAsaFR19Cf55ZVkWnby5yTIrMhI73HVAImk/img.gif?width=980" id="3ccdf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="50847094a4e17c16febbb35d2146f14f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />scared homer simpson GIFGiphy<p>Operating theatre - this woman came in with a frozen chicken stuck inside her lady parts. Apparently she had a habit of buying them, inserting them and then pulling them out, as she really had a thing for going through childbirth, but on this occasion, she hadn't allowed time for it to defrost properly /adequately.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Mike_OxonFaier/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mike_OxonFaier</a></p><p><em>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">here</a>. </em></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
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Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay
I love movies. The cinema has long been a savior of mine and has given me some of my greatest inspirations. But being an avid film watcher has also made me quite the critic. I can always tell when a movie is worth the money to see in theaters or wait until it's on basic cable with commercials. The signs of mediocrity abound, and sometimes they aren't that difficult to spot.
Redditor u/fjv08kl wanted to know what is obvious about mediocre cinema by asking.... What are some subtle 'red flags' that tell you a movie is not worth watching?<div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_1"></div>
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5 Star Crap
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDI3NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMTQyODI1N30.qKLu7rVINVJrjgXw_RvmeZ07WB--ybYKVcE1oz5YBSs/img.gif?width=980" id="4563c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="016837a2b79d26d09f8d6f0b69e9feb5" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Sick Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy<p>"Critics are calling it 'laugh-out-loud funny!'"</p><p>It's almost always garbage. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giuiscq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">an_ineffable_plan</a><span></span></p><!-- Insticator API Fire Widget -->
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Good Phrases
<p>If the trailer has blurbs from reviews, check to see who wrote each review. On bad movies, they will often put multiple blurbs from the same review. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giufjra?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Tricky4279</a><span></span></p><p>And quote phrases that can easily be taken out of context. That "...laugh out loud" in the trailer was actually taken from the quote "This movie was so painfully unfunny that I didn't laugh out loud even once." </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giwozee?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bearlybreeding</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Merits...
<p>Them desperately pointing out the director/producers/writers/studios better movies and productions that barely relate to the movie's themes in an attempt to lure in fans. To me it always meant the movie doesn't stand out enough to stand on its own. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giukhjg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Illier1</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Illier1/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sing Out
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDI4Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2ODc3Mjg3NX0.PqLcrCbJQWjnOq2qjDYgljgKTS1tNiemieiJknAY5BA/img.gif?width=980" id="e7fa0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b001b797c886eca75f7c3fe4df87f809" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />pitch perfect singing GIFGiphy<p>A movie has a popular song with different lyrics. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giu7bw0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Da_Budster</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Bad Blitz....
<p>They push the ads way too hard on TV and reddit. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giu5eto?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LasVegasLoner147</a></p><p>If a studio knows a movie is bad they will use an ad blitz to get as many people to go opening weekend as possible before the word of mouth has a chance to sink them. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giw5ee3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">jwc905</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giw5ee3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>Can't prove this empirically, but to me the logic has always been:</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<ol><li>Larger the advertisement budget, the larger the revenue it needs to pull in to justify the cost</li><li>The larger the "revenue requirement" the more the movie will cater to wider ranges of audiences (more people = more tickets = more revenue)</li><li>The more people that a movie must appeal to, means it must dumb things down or take less risks because you will be catering to a lower denominator overall</li></ol><p>So yeah, that's kind of my thinking on it. If you don't have a target demographic or a specific genre you're really tying to nail, you instead just water the whole product down and get a typical "blockbuster" formula movie instead. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/gix3jy2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Willster328</a></p>
Too Much too Soon
<p>When you feel the preview showed basically the whole movie. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giu58fh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">dklein15</a></p><p>This. And also when it's obvious that the dialogue in the preview was put into the movie for the sole purpose of making the preview interesting. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giunkmd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">pokey1984</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Raves...
<p>If in the commercial the people who are "raving" about it aren't anyone reputable. Susan on Twitter said it was the best movie she saw in 2020. Susan didn't have many options in 2020, her standards were lower. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giuaovx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sea_Somewhere2297</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giuaovx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a><span></span>This applies to games way too often too.</p><p>"Game of the year award!" <em>randomasswebsite.com.... </em></p><p><em><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giunv4b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">_Bob_A_Feet_</a></em></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Star
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDI4MS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1Mzc1NzkzMX0.hAc2HW8-qxafmLGA5cUJQggDwYGmcyWVilQYmJnZxlE/img.gif?width=980" id="05328" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="bb3c4cbbb57d47f9695aa0b3f4041242" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />mariah carey hello GIFGiphy<p>It's clearly just a "star vehicle." Like, all the hype is about the star's riveting new performance... but no corresponding critical praise for the story, directing, special effects, nothing. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giu7pe0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">UtopiaForest</a><span></span></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
'Tis the Season....
<p>Release date. The only movies that go into wide release in January or February are:</p><ul><li>Oscar bait that got limited releases in December in NY/LA to qualify for the Oscars</li><li>A romance or two the Friday before Valentine's Day</li><li>Crap that the distributors are assuming will bomb that they dump onto the screens in midwinter.</li></ul><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Hollywood insiders even refer to the first two months of the year as "Dumpuary." Every so often a Dumpuary release will succeed (Get Out and Deadpool are recent examples), but by and large it's garbage they're hoping to squeeze something/anything out of.</p>
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<p>Late March/early April and August/September also tend to be weaker fare. If it was really good, the studios would save them for summer blockbuster season (May-July) or award-giving season (October to mid-December). There are exceptions, but again, they're exceptions. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giusvr2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">RayAnselmo</a></p>
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"O"
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDI5Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MTA0NjY4Nn0.XJbs6K8qkvlKfoRmLY0ndY3WDWLo-jO0QOiDW9H8DE4/img.gif?width=980" id="5e2b0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="65cab9febdbbba1a639bd339f08ab95d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Will Smith What GIF by DraftKingsGiphy<p>If any of the actors have an overly expressive "O" face on the films poster. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/giuicac?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">kandren</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p class=""><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/" target="_blank">REDDIT</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuud2s/what_are_some_subtle_red_flags_that_tell_you_a/" target="_blank"></a>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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