One thing is for sure: Good reactions to a break-up are few and far between. It’s hard to keep your dignity when you’ve been dumped. We’ve all had moments where we maaaybe acted desperate or angry, but some unhinged exes take it to the next level. These Redditors came together to share their stories of brutal reactions to a break-up—and they’re so disturbing, they’re unforgettable.
1. Clear-Cut Revenge
man in orange and black helmet riding on brown tree branch under blue sky during daytimePhoto by benjamin lehman on UnsplashThis happened to my neighbors. They were a couple who went through a divorce and she got the house in the settlement. However, it was only the house and the immediate house lot. Not the surrounding land, as that went to the husband. That’s how he got his revenge on her. The first thing he did was sell all the lumber off the rest of the land.
She went from living in a nice forest to living on clearcut land. But he wasn't done yet! Once the trees were gone he sold off the topsoil, then the gravel under that. By the time he was done her house was on a hill overlooking a barren landscape reminiscent of the lunar surface. This was years ago, and the place is still hideous.
2. She Made Her Bed, Now She Has To Lie In It
white bathtub with shower curtainPhoto by Alexander Fife on UnsplashShe took all my shower stuff while I was at work. Curtain, rod, all that stuff...and the toilet bowl scrubber. She took it all, so when I came home and I said, “Okay, not letting her take more of my stuff that's actually important”! So, I changed the locks. While at work that night, she calls and says she needs in the apartment to get her things.
I tell her nah, not without me there, I don't want you taking my stuff. She says she'll call the authorities, and I tell her to go ahead. A couple of officers show up at my work and ask what's going on. I show them my lease with her name not on it, and they say okay, we'll have her when she comes back tomorrow, call us when she shows up.
She comes the next day, and tells me she's taking my bed, worth $700. I tell her no, she didn't pay for it, and I have my credit statement printed ready to show the officers. She tries to argue that she's taking the bed. The officer says “Look, you're not taking it, if you think you deserve it, take him to court”. She then tries arguing with the guy.
The officer says “Did you not hear me right? Take him to court”! Well, I didn't hear back from her about it.
3. Interior Decoration As Revenge
a room that has some tools in itPhoto by Stefan Lehner on UnsplashThere was a couple who lived across the street from my family when I was younger. She was friends with my mom, and he helped my dad install our pool. Turns out they were having some issues, and while she was out of town for work, he gutted their entire kitchen. I mean, walls, appliances, ceiling...everything. So she comes back, finds it, they argue and she moves out and moves in with her mom.
Through court dealings, she ends up back in the house, but he's going to get the house eventually. I was only 13 or so, so I don't remember specifics. Just days before he's supposed to move back in, my parents help her move all of the furniture that she bought before they got married, which was literally everything besides the mattress and one recliner.
That's all he was left with when he moved back in. But it didn’t end there. After he moved back in and the divorce was final, he went through a phase where he had another woman living with him, but also had a boyfriend who would frequently visit. One of the last times we saw any of them was around midnight one night. The neighbor, the boyfriend, and an apparent third party had some sort of loud, drunken lovers' quarrel.
I don't know what happened inside the house after we called 9-1-1, but all three left in a police car after being tased.
4. Party For One
person in blue NBA Dallas Mavericks crew neck shirt sitting while holding bowl with potato chipsPhoto by Phillip Goldsberry on UnsplashYears ago, in the late 90s, I discovered my girlfriend's awful secret. I'd already been living with her for a year when I found out she'd been sleeping with her boss. The timing could not have been worse. It was the week of our Super Bowl party. We both had plenty of guests coming. We’d been planning it for over a month. I spent all my money buying every type of drink that we thought anyone would want.
We were young upcoming professionals. She was just under 21. Not able to buy the hard stuff. She pulled me aside and broke up with me on the Friday before that weekend. I saw it coming. She left to go to the beach with her boss and told me to move on Super Bowl weekend. So…I came up with a plan. I called my people and moved the party.
I took all of my furniture—everything but one TV, bed, one glass, and one chair. That was it! No dishes. Nothing. The place was bare! It took me many hockey bags to move the drinks, but we drank for weeks with it! I heard she had her own party—with everyone showing up to one bottle, one glass, one chair, and nothing else.
5. She Was Cooking With Gas
black and white chess pieces on black and silver gas stovePhoto by Callum Hill on UnsplashWe agreed that she'd collect her stuff from "our" place when we broke, without me being there. I arrived later that evening to make a seriously disturbing discovery. She’d left two gas valves opened—so I guess I'm lucky I didn't light a cigarette. I considered it, but I didn’t call the authorities. How would I prove it anyway?
At that point, I was just glad she was out of there and out of my life. And still am. So I decided to ignore it and not sound like a lunatic wailing at an officer about a murderous girlfriend. Believe me, at this point we'd been through enough.
6. The Houseguest
woman sitting on brown chair beside glass windowPhoto by Anthony Tran on UnsplashShe "broke" into my house every day for about a month while I was at work. Showered, cooked food, watched TV, and then left before I got home. I came home early one day and she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She very matter-of-factly said, "Oh I didn't think you'd be home at this time". I asked how she got in. When we were dating I had lent her my keys once.
She got one cut for herself without me knowing. Of course, after arguing we…made up. Being with a crazy person can be fun. But that was the second last time ever.
7. T Minus U
brown short coated dog on brown wooden parquet floorPhoto by Kari Shea on UnsplashIt’s kind of messed up, but more hilarious. My ex-wife was still staying in the guest room—we just split and hadn't completed the divorce yet—on a temp basis while she found a new place. I grew tired of her attitude and told her I wanted her and all of her stuff out ASAP. I got home from an 18-hour shift, and when I got home at 6:30 am, I was greeted by a chilling sight.
It was empty. There was a full-on echo in that house. She got it all out of there, I'll tell you that. I had nothing but a stripped mattress on the bedroom floor. She hated the mattress, but bought all of the furniture in there, so she took all that. The funniest part? We had our initials in wood lettering on the wall, and the only thing that was left on any wall in the house was my remaining initials.
She plucked her "T" off the wall. I took a laughing selfie next to it and sent it to her.
8. Losing Two People With One Breakup
man kissing woman foreheadPhoto by Allef Vinicius on UnsplashMe and my ex were high school sweethearts, she was my first and I was hers. We had been together for five years and been living together for three years when she broke it off. She waited about four weeks before she started dating my best friend, whom I had known since kindergarten.
Me and my "friend" had always been very close, he talked with me when she broke it up, consoled me, played the good guy while he and she were dating behind my back the whole time. This was a friend I was hanging out with almost daily for my whole life, skyping, playing all the new games together—we even went to the same schools just to be able to study the same things.
I didn’t see it coming and was heartbroken when it ended. She took all of “our” stuff and moved out on the same day. I was left in complete awe and didn’t even manage to put up a fight before she had 90% of everything we owned together. She even took my best friend. He just stopped talking to me after a few weeks and I haven’t heard from any of them for four years now.
I didn’t know that they had been dating so long until a mutual friend told me one year later when they announced their relationship. I guess it isn’t as messed up as many of these posts here, but it left me messed up. I have trust issues and have never been as lonely in my life as I am now. What really sickens me is that she took my best friend.
She could have had everything else, but why my best friend...
9. Champagne For My Ex, Real Pain For Me
grayscale photo of person holding bottlePhoto by Nathan Walker on UnsplashOn my first night in a new city, I call my mother to tell her I arrived safely. She tells me that the girl I dated when I was 16-17—I was 23 and hadn't heard a peep in five years—called out of the blue looking for me and left her number. Lonely and bored, I rang her up and had a strange catch-up session. She told me she was engaged to a woman and that her life after we broke up was a series of unfortunate events.
We hung up on pleasant terms with no plans to keep in touch. Three days later, I am exiting my building and who is standing there in the rain waiting…yep...her. She had flown 2,500 miles in the middle of the night because she thought we were destined to be together. She told me how she was so torn up about us not being together that she had pulled out all of her hair...down there.
She also brought her fiancé who was as crazy as she was, and was urging my ex to have a baby with me. I calmly tried to tell her that this was insane and that I had no interest in any of this when, out of nowhere, everything goes black. I wake up to chaos as my doorman is holding the fiancé down, waiting for paramedics and law enforcement to arrive.
It turns out she had hit me on the back of the head with a full bottle of champagne they had brought to celebrate with. Restraining orders followed.
10. The Gift That Keeps On Giving
white and blue magnetic cardPhoto by Avery Evans on UnsplashMy ex reopened several credit cards that we had jointly but had paid off and closed before the divorce. What she did was nothing short of evil.Somehow she opened them back up in my name and charged them to the max, then moved out of state and stopped paying her car payments. All of these things ended up getting reported to my credit years later, and pretty much ruined any chance I have at decent credit for the next 7-10 years in the US.
I've been divorced and lived outside the US for eight years now. I recently got a strange letter in the mail—and that's when I finally realized what she'd done. I know all this can be corrected eventually but the hassle of explaining things to several credit companies and collection agencies is a major pain.
11. A Moving Obstacle
woman standing near treePhoto by Mahbod Akhzami on UnsplashI had an ex show up at my parents’ house—I was 19 and living with them—and demand we work things out. I asked her to leave and she refused. I grabbed my then 11-year-old brother, put him in my car, and tried to leave. Her reaction was seriously deranged. She blocked the driveway with her body, so I had to drive in the yard.
She then got mad that I left and drove to my mother’s place of employment to talk to her about it! After my mum told her to leave her work, she shows back up at my house and refuses to leave again. I locked up the house and she sat on the porch swing for three hours before my stepdad arrived home from work, tossed gas money at her, and told her to get the heck off his property.
She was crazy.
12. The Neverending Story
man holding smartphone leaning on bicycle during daytimePhoto by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on UnsplashFirst, he checked himself into the hospital because he was threatening to hurt himself. Then he had his mother call me and leave me voicemails trying to get me to take him back. He went on all my social media accounts and liked all my pictures and posts from the past year, so I blocked him on everything. I ended up having to change my phone number because he constantly calls and texts me, begging me to take him back.
Then, when I don't reply he insults me and threatens me. He sent me a box with $400 worth of gifts for my birthday. Yesterday, he created a fake account on Pinterest and messaged me 25 times. He's insane.
13. Now That’s A Power Move
white usb cable plugged in white electric socketPhoto by Kelly Sikkema on UnsplashMy ex called one day and told me that the power company wouldn't give her an account until she paid the remainder of the bill from when we lived together, so she decided that was my responsibility. She called—I could tell her new boyfriend was sitting with her—and told me that I needed to pay the bill for her new place. This was my moment.
I told her, "Okay, hold on a sec...looking at the bills from when we lived together...let's start with April, I paid this much and you didn't pay, so take half of that, May, I paid this much and you didn't pay, so take half of that, June, I paid this much and you didn't pay, so take half of that..”. I kept going, she said nothing. When I finished, I said, "So, looks like you owe me about a thousand dollars”.
I continued: “So, you can either send me that money or deal with your own bill on your own". She said okay and hung up—I never heard one word about it after that.
14. Lie Like A Rug
woman in black and white dress sitting on concrete stairsPhoto by Zhivko Minkov on UnsplashI dated this girl right before high school who was having a rough time for about a year or so. She hurt herself, drank hydrogen peroxide in an attempt to take her own life, and nearly jumped off her roof at one point. Her parents were horrible to her, and she said they "dragged her by her hair" and "locked her in a closet for half a day”. I was so worried, I called child services.
They went to her—and they uncovered the disturbing truth. She confessed that she was lying. It took me a while to realize that she actually was lying. About a week after I stopped talking to her. All I felt toward her was pure hatred and disgust. Then she messaged me on Facebook, saying: "If you can't put this behind you, it's all your fault”.
She lied about her entire life to me, and then said it was my fault.
15. Tick Tock
alarm clock at 10:10Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on UnsplashA buddy of mine was living in America at the time while his fiancé of a few years was back in England. When he went back to visit, he found out that she was sleeping with his best friend and basically kicked him out of their house. To get revenge, he bought 100 alarm clocks that he could set the day as well as hour and minutes.
When he went to collect his things one afternoon, while the ex-fiancé was away, he hid them all over the house. And by all over the house I mean in the vents, in the insulation of the attic right above her bedroom—everywhere! The kicker is: He set most of them for big days in their lives like their anniversary, birthdays, etc.
16. She Really Doesn’t Believe In Long-Distance
person walking in the middle on vehiclesPhoto by Ruffa Jane Reyes on UnsplashWe were living together at the time. I received a great job offer on the West Coast—we were on the East Coast at the time—so I called her to talk about it. Her reaction made my blood run cold. She changed the locks, sold my stuff, wrote a nasty letter to my mother, and contacted the company to tell them why they shouldn't hire me.
I took the job and moved anyway. She kept contacting the HR department. She moved to the same area about three months later. Every once in a while I would see her car in the office parking lot. It finally stopped when I sued her. Well, technically, it didn't stop until she dragged it all the way out to depositions and her lawyer finally had an opportunity to see the other half of the story.
The whole process took about two years before receiving a check from her.
17. Man’s Best Friend
white and brown long coat large dogPhoto by Pauline Loroy on UnsplashUgh. Mine tried and tried to get my dog. She actually had him for months while I was living in a place where I couldn't keep him. She did NOTHING for him the entire time. Her parents fed him, and he just ran around in the backyard with their dogs. I even gave her money to get him to the vet to get neutered and shots. She decided to spend that money on partying instead.
I never did get the money back, but as soon as I got my place, I went and got my dog back while she was out of the house. Her dad told me when she wouldn't be there. He said, "You don't take a man's dog from him". Dude always had my back when her and I were together, too. Solid guy.
18. A Stab In The Dark
a hockey stick and a hockey puck in the snowPhoto by Alina Belogolova on UnsplashI met this girl over the internet on one of those stupid social sites. She lived in the same country as me and has roughly the same musical taste as me, so I thought: "Why the heck not" and met her. She was nice and we fell in love as much as pre-teens can love and had a relationship for about 11 months. She went through lots of depression and accused me of a lot of things.
Eventually, she broke up with me because she was "not sure I wasn't going to cheat on her". I was honestly kinda glad to be rid of her, but that wasn't the end of it. She called me a few days later because she wanted me back, but I was sick of her nonsense and told her so. Well, rule one of crazy people: do not call anything they do nonsense.
I had a few days of relative calm with just a bunch of angry texts, guilt trips, etc. Four days after calling her behavior nonsense was my half day at school, so I got home early and had the house to myself. There was a knocking at the door and since I was waiting for a parcel I didn't think much of it. I opened the door. That’s when I got a chilling surprise.
The next thing I know I am standing with my back pressed against the door I’d just hastily closed again, my shirt red with blood. My ex had brought a sharpened hockey stick—hockey chicks are crazy. I luckily only opened the door a bit and have relatively fast reflexes so what otherwise would've been a deep cut through my throat was merely a flesh wound.
The end of that story was a call to law enforcement, psychiatric help for her, and a deep mistrust to people for me for the longest time.
19. Someone Watches The Bachelorette Too Much
silver-colored ring on top of red rosesPhoto by Esther Tuttle on UnsplashHe showed up at my place in a suit. Asked me to marry him. Had a ring and everything. I was already dating someone else (still am), which he knew. We were already broken up for a while, my guess is that the "dating another guy" thing was what set him off. That was probably the weirdest day of my life, seeing as the new boyfriend had just left 15 min before.
20. A Rumor Campaign
white and black printed paperPhoto by Ranurte on UnsplashHe made about a hundred or so little fliers and put them around town saying something to the extent of "You're a piece of trash. Got a problem with that? Call [my home phone number] or go to this address”. My family had to put up with angry idiots calling and showing up to our house for weeks. He also would phony call 9-1-1 with false reports, noise complaints, tales of underage drinking, etc., and give them my address.
The most twisted part of all? This was in eighth grade! We "dated" for like two months when I was in an "angsty" phase. We, thank god, never even got past second base. Guy was, and probably still is, nuts.
21. Grand Theft Auto: Florida
a truck is driving down a dirt roadPhoto by Brian Beckwith on UnsplashMy ex tried to steal my truck. I always kept the keys on a clip, attached to a belt loop, as I'm notorious for losing them myself. I had watched her go outside and put her purse and other stuff in the truck, like somehow I couldn't see out the window. Then she started searching the house. She said she couldn't find "her" keys. Her car wasn't even there, she got dropped off.
I locked the truck with the remote and when she went out, I locked her out too and called her ride. She went from vengeful to tears in seconds when she realized she was stuck out in the Florida heat.
22. The Breakup Protection Program
womenPhoto by Samson Ejim on UnsplashI went on three dates with this guy. After the third date, I left to go back to London as an au-pair. The guy had his sister send me a traditional African wedding dress to my host family, and a letter stating that she was so happy for us and hoped I would visit her in Mali. I said absolutely NOT. He then had his friends and brother call me and berate me for breaking up with him.
But he didn’t stop there. He had them say I could not possibly break up with him, because his parents had already bought the plane tickets to come to see me before the wedding, and then tried to stick me with the costs for said tickets. I changed my cell phone number and had the host family say that I had gone back home and they had no forwarding address.
23. What Could’ve Been
man in black jacket sitting on doorwayPhoto by Elyas Pasban on UnsplashWe were together for five years, engaged for three. Nothing like sitting at work on your second day when you get a phone call from the state hospital saying they have your "fiancée". We had been split up for two months because he was terrible to me, and also just plain crazy. I asked to be excused from work, which they were surprisingly okay with, hopped across town to find him in the locked ward.
I walked in and asked what he did, seeing as he seemed to be physically unharmed. It turns out he was caught by security trying to jump off a building. He said that if I didn't get back with him that there was no point in living, I told him that there was no chance I was marrying him. But I'd always be there as a support. I called his mother who lived interstate and demanded she come and collect him.
As crazy as he was, he didn't belong in a place like that, with people who were so far gone they were more disorder than person. They would only release him into the care of someone else and I told him it wasn't going to be me and that was the end of it. The last time I saw him was just a few hours before his flight. He asked for just a few hours of "normal".
So we cooked dinner, talked about mundane stuff, went to volleyball together with our friends, and then at the end of our game, his mom stood at the doorway to collect him. And he left. I guess you could say the worst thing he did wasn't trying to emotionally manipulate me. It was giving me a taste of what could have been, allowing me to feel something right before he left my life.
Make no mistake, I am far better off out of the relationship, I'm borderline unrecognizable as being the same person. But that departure ruined me for a long time. Never have one last fling, it's better to end with bitterness on your tongue than deal with months of "what ifs" and "buts".
24. Wednesday’s Child Is Full Of Woe
selective focus photography of girl cryingPhoto by Arwan Sutanto on UnsplashMy friend's ex-husband was a powerful attorney, so he won custody of their three-year-old daughter. He’d then use the kid to toy with her in the most disturbing way. He would tell the daughter on a Wednesday that Mommy was coming to pick her up that night, when she was only supposed to get her on Thursday night and every other weekend.
The three-year-old would call her crying, asking why Mommy wasn't there to pick her up. He was a psychotic jerk.
25. Barking At The Moon
man in brown hoodie standing on brown field during daytimePhoto by Sebastian Pociecha on UnsplashMy ex was a lunatic. Probably still is. The very definition of a lunatic. He was a classic jerk and I fell for it for a while—shame—but I wised up and dumped him. Then he started coming over, knocking on the door. I was on the ground floor so right at the sitting-room window. He kept trying to get me to let him in and talk to him. I got paranoid and had my blinds closed a lot.
It seems like a common-or-garden type of “Please take me back please” thing, right? But after a couple of instances, I realized that all his visits had one thing in common. It was a full moon. He'd come over every few weeks, during the full moon. It got so I could predict him turning up. He also jumped me on my way home so I got the authorities involved.
I never told them about the moon thing because I was embarrassed for some reason, but I didn't know where he lived so they couldn't even find him. Eventually, I moved across the city to get away. The move date was during the no-moon bit so I could relax and pack and just go without worrying about him turning up. I kind of wish I could have seen his face when he inevitably turned up a week or so after I'd gone and seen the flat empty.
Funnily enough, I recently talked about this to an acquaintance who I knew had been to court over her being stalked by her ex. I tentatively brought up the moon thing and she said, "Oh yeah, mine would do that too". It's a thing!
26. Flapping Her Gums
woman placing sticky notes on wallPhoto by Jason Goodman on UnsplashShe worked at the same place I did and after I broke up with her she told everyone I cheated on her—I didn't—with an intern we called “Gums,” because when she laughed all you could see was her gums. For a few months, everyone believed her and I was “the jerk”. A few months later, I almost got fired when my new boss went crazy in a meeting.
I didn't know why—but then I learned the bizarre truth. It turns out she was dating my boss. She told him all sorts of lies and he decided to get back at me in this meeting. I left the company shortly after. I later heard they spawned a demon-child.
27. Timing Is Everything
woman wearing black sweater holding hand with man wearing gray suit jacketPhoto by René Ranisch on UnsplashWe were a couple for seven years, and talked about marriage after her kids graduated from college. One night, she dumped me out of the blue. Three years later, she's engaged to the guy she dumped me for, and posted online about how wonderful her anniversary dinner was one night. The date of her anniversary dinner was over two weeks before she dumped me.
28. Making A Scene
a person standing next to a car with smoke coming out of itPhoto by Johannes Blenke on UnsplashFive years ago, I broke it off with a "fine" young lady after just a six-month relationship. However, a week later, I discovered that it wasn't exactly over for her and she had been keeping an eye on me, to make sure I was okay, I guess. Keep in mind she lived on the complete opposite side of a major city too, so some dedication was needed here.
I was forced to confront her after she calls me freaking out about who I was hanging out with because I wasn't home at night. This was more than unsettling—so I took a look out the window and made a chilling discovery. I see she's in front of my house at about two in the morning. After a very heated argument, I demand that she leave me alone and never come back.
So she gets in her car and peels out and off into the distance. That relief was very short-lived. As soon as I thought she was gone, she turns around and floors it going 60ish in a quiet neighborhood. Somehow, it gets even crazier. She swerves to run me over, and I have to dive out of the way to avoid the car. She slammed into my neighbor's car so hard that it spins out into the middle of the street.
All I can hear is her crazy screaming. Her middle console catches on fire and I have to pull her out of the car. Shortly after, all the neighbors are awake and the place is swarming with sirens and emergency vehicles. This is burned into my memory.
29. He Went Down The Rabbit Hole
white and black rabbit on green grassPhoto by Gavin Allanwood on UnsplashA guy that I broke up with two months earlier showed up at my house at 2 am and banged on the door until I opened it. He pushed his way past me into the house, and put a skinned rabbit in my freezer. It was almost completely skinned, but the head was intact, ears and all. I have no idea where he got it, but it was just in a plastic grocery bag.
I actually couldn't tell what it was until after he left, because it was all wrapped up. I was trying to stay calm, but he's 6'3” tall and I'm only 5'5”. It was scary. He was completely sober too. Did I mention that he lived 90 minutes away, had no friends in my town, and I had asked him numerous times to stay away from my house?
My male roommate woke up and the ex took off after grabbing one of my roommate's books off of the living room shelf. When I texted him about the rabbit, he said I was overreacting and that he just brought it as a present because people like rabbit, and said he was just there to get "his book". I was a vegetarian at the time. I still won't eat rabbit.
30. Unpleasant Surprise
high-angle photography of two red and white vehicles on concrete road between trees and buildings at daytimePhoto by Lance Asper on UnsplashMy exchange student ex was my first sweetheart and love during my senior year in high school. She agreed to study in Florida with me for college. I went to Saint Leo university, she went to the Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale. I would try to visit her every weekend. I would drive for five hours straight to just spend one night or two with her.
One day, I decided to visit her in the middle of the week. Long story short, her roommate told me she'd been hanging out with another guy and that she asked the room to herself a few times apparently with the guy. Her roommate told me she was at the library that night, so I went to go talk to her. I couldn't believe my eyes. I found her there with the other guy holding hands.
She saw me and got up, but I made a 180 and left. I didn't even have enough money to get back until Thursday, because I spent all my money going from my school to hers. I had to sleep in my car, which is a tight fit, and had to suffer through 25 missed calls and numerous text messages, which I deleted on the spot and didn't read.
The most embarrassing part? When I was driving back, I cried to the song “You Make Me Feel Like,” by Cobra Starship.
31. Tag Teamed
woman's face photographPhoto by Noah Buscher on UnsplashWe had broken up a week before Christmas. New Years comes around and I'm at a party. She's blowing up my phone. I have no idea at the time. A friend approaches me, tells me she's calling him too. I step outside, see I have about 30 missed calls and 7 voicemails. Two from her, five from her mother. I hear all of them to get the details.
Apparently, a "close friend" of hers had passed. A friend I had never heard her mention. Her mother’s voicemails were telling me that if I really cared about her I'd be there for her, I'm a jerk, all that jazz. So I think, I'll bite, I'm not a jerk. I have a friend take me over there, call a friend’s mom on the way, and let her know that I'll be going to my ex’s house.
We get there. She and her mother are outside. I'm there with three friends. She's sobbing. I ask if she'd like to walk around and talk about it. She talks about the deceased for a whole two minutes and then changes the subject to us. 30 minutes of talking about us. We get back to her house. With everyone around. I tell her that I came to support her, but I don't want to get back with her.
Her reaction was terrifying. She goes off on a tantrum. She’s screaming at the top of her lungs, a neighbor even came out to make sure no one was getting hurt. She keeps screaming at me, asking how I can do this to her. She then lies about being pregnant, even though I always use protection. No chance. I call her out on that.
She throws her phone across the road, a throw of a lifetime. Unfortunately, there were no scouts for the NFL. She's on the floor hitting herself. Her mother is screaming...at me. I decide I should leave before it gets worse. I'm honestly scared. I go home, talk to my parents, and we change the codes to the house. My car gets egged every day for a whole month.
A whole month, save maybe three days. Oh, but that wasn't the end of it. Five years later, I see a familiar car pull in front of me as I'm driving. It brake-checks me to the point that I have to veer off the road. The car speeds up to a red light. I'm angry so I pull up to the car once I get off the grass. Lo and behold, her mother.
32. Catphished
blue and white logo guessing gamePhoto by Brett Jordan on UnsplashAn ex of mine a number of years ago, after she ended things, subsequently sent me a dodgy e-mail that I thought nothing of. A couple of days later, I was locked out of all e-mail, Facebook, and any other accounts I had tied to that e-mail address. I also had my online bank details configured through it. She then emptied my bank accounts and posted lots and lots of horrific hate all over my social media profiles.
She even aimed some rants at my nephews who were only 14-15 at the time. Then she also contacted my university and unenrolled me from my degree. Basically, she set about trying to completely ruin my life.
33. If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again
a woman with long hair and piercings on her headPhoto by Kateryna Hliznitsova on UnsplashWhen I was about 15, I went out with a girl from a different school. The relationship was messed up the whole time, as she was a very terrible person. Anyway, I tried breaking it off multiple times, and I was always faced with the old "Well, I'll just hurt myself then”. She used to be a cutter before we got together, so part of me thought she probably would try to take her own life.
Not wanting to have that on my conscience, I stayed with her for a while. After getting really fed up with the relationship I broke it off for real, and she did not take it well. She told pretty much her whole school that I got her pregnant. That rumor made its way to my school, which made its way to my family. This was crazy, we hadn't got physical at all, yet everyone believed her over me!
She even tried playing this out for as long as possible, even going as far as giving herself a “baby bump”. She was absolutely insane. I confronted her at her school when she had a bump, I don't know how the heck she'd done it, but her little group of friends carried that lie so hard. In the end, my parents obviously took my side, but them confronting me about teenage pregnancy at the age of 15 was frightening.
They thought I was just trying to cover it up as I didn't go to them with the problem first. I ended up calling the girl's mom and sat down and had a conversation with her, I'm not sure what she said to her crazy daughter but it seemed to work, she and her mum must have tried a little damage control as suddenly everyone stopped believing the lie.
Other than the meeting with her mom, I had nothing to do with her as soon as the pregnancy rumor was spread, so I don't know really what happened, I just tried to forget the whole thing and it eventually went away. My closest ally in this whole thing was actually my school homeroom teacher. He was very empathetic and helped me deal with the issue of her threatening self-harm as well as the whole pregnancy.
34. Make Up Your Mind
black Jeep Wrangler SUV on green under treesPhoto by Thomas Tucker on UnsplashHe continued to come over "unwelcomed" to stay the night. By coming over to stay the night, I mean peaking in my ground-level windows and eventually breaking in, then falling asleep on my bedroom floor. I was woken by the sound of snoring that wasn’t from my cat. Did I mention he was engaged at this point? The next day he denied doing it.
Then there is the day he was waiting for me after I finished work. A confrontation happened and I slammed his thumb in the door of his Jeep. That bruised finger looked good in his engagement photos. The night before his wedding, he begged me to sleep with him so he could call off the wedding to "the loser”. That didn’t happen.
Uh, then there is the stalking, breaking into my internet accounts, anything to get his fix.
35. Broken Home
File:Toys R Us Hialeah Florida Closing Sale (26581532387).jpg ...commons.wikimedia.org
I was two hours away from buying my son Christmas presents at Toys R Us. It was the closest toy store. This was a big deal to me because I was finally on a (somewhat) upward trajectory in life after being a completely useless young adult for the last couple of years. My son was three, and this was the first year I was able to actually go and shop for presents for him, instead of relying on family to provide gifts as I made ends meet.
Well, I am blissfully shopping away when she had her dad come to the apartment we shared. They proceeded to load the trailer he brought with almost all of the content of my apartment. Keep in mind, I was a poor 20-year-old. I have no clue this is happening until a neighbor calls and fills me in. But it gets even more devastating.
It just so happened that a blizzard starts in at this time, delaying me from getting home before they have high-tailed it out of there. I arrive home to find they went so far as to take the toilet paper off the holders in both bathrooms, along with finding the couple hundred dollars I had set aside in case of emergency. It turns out, that weekend, she used that money to buy a plane ticket to fly her and my son 1,100 miles away to her mom's house.
It also turns out, she was pregnant with my second son. I have never met the second one, and have not seen the other one in seven years now.
36. Talk About Losing Track Of Time
red Honda Civic sedanPhoto by Dieny Portinanni on UnsplashWe were living together and we decided to buy another much-needed car together. The car dealer gave me the car and asked me to get her signature to finalize the deal, he trusted us completely and stipulated just bring the paperwork back to him the next morning. Great! I bought a bottle of champagne that day and decided to get her signature ASAP.
I couldn't find her till the next morning at her mother’s house. Her mother was so happy to meet me at the door and tell me her daughter has been seeing somebody else for weeks at this house. I was floored! I had no idea, didn't even suspect anything like that could occur. I confronted her and she was like so cold and unresponsive to my questions about this new endeavor with another man.
Actually, I was getting visibly upset and was irate because of her lack of caring and answering me that I was told to leave. I left the car papers and champagne at her mother’s house. I turned the new car back to the dealer and told him I had inadvertently left the paperwork at her mother’s house. He said don't worry about it because if the deal is off the papers weren't needed.
Well, I kept tabs on her and found out who she was with, a school "friend". In time, my relationship and my love for her faded away. TWO years later, she comes back to me one night with the same car papers and the same bottle of champagne. She opened the champagne and started drinking it by herself. She was wanting to get back together! I was like what?!?
She had that same look on her face, cold and unresponsive, and she had this notion that it was just a few days ago, not two years ago, that we had a misunderstanding or a small fight??!! To her, time didn't move! And it was a only couple’s fight to her. She was actually telling me she was moving back in with me starting tomorrow without asking my permission! The girl was a loon!
When I told her this wasn't a few days ago, this was two years ago, she stared into space. That cuckoo look. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't take her back. This is what we wanted isn't it? To be together? I told her that was my sentiment two years ago and I don't have those feelings for her anymore. She looked at me like I WAS CRAZY and told me it was only days ago she was with this other guy.
She wouldn't leave so I called her mother up to come pick up her insane daughter and that was that. She was a lunatic!
37. Playing The Long Game
person holding black samsung android smartphonePhoto by Mika Baumeister on UnsplashShe made a dating profile with all of my pictures in my hometown. She talked to a ton of hideous women, apparently very sweetly, and promised to take them everywhere. She set up dates that I obviously didn't show up to with countless women. Now when I visit home there are all of these hideous women that are mad at me for standing them up.
Honestly, it's so epic that I kind of respect it for its sinister planning.
38. A Blessing And A Curse
close-up of lighted candlePhoto by David Tomaseti on UnsplashI had a bad break up with a girl who was trying on different religious affiliations like a shopper tries on pants. Throughout most of the lengthy break up process, she would show up at my door demanding to talk—with her beefy new boyfriend behind her looking like he was Ready For Action—or calling me to tell me how her new very religious boyfriend was giving her a proper rodding.
I found out she'd been doing the house visits even when I wasn't home, quietly taking things each trip, which got me even more wary. So I hatched a plan. Early in our relationship, we had done some quasi-religious ceremony she said would celebrate our union (not marriage, just union, she said) involving a big pillar candle we bought from a thrift store.
I found the candle and carved all sorts of “mysterious symbols” into it, and burned it for a couple of hours. I left it on the back porch on a plate next to a small fake brass dagger that was much more a decorative item than a weapon. It would've done a terrible job cutting butter or poking holes in paper. She called me the next day, growing more and more frantic as I openly pretended to play dumb.
She uttered dire warnings about dealing with powers I don't understand, what did you do, you don't know what you're doing, spells are beyond you, you'll get us both hurt or worse, etc., etc. I revealed nothing and everything, telling her I didn't know what she was talking about in a tone of voice that clearly said that I did. After she hung up, things were quiet for about a month.
She then showed up one night, alone, apologized, and politely asked that we talk about things, which we did, and there were revelations for her in the understanding department which eventually led to her finally leaving me alone and going her own way.
39. Ex And Ex Vs. Ex And Ex
red roses in white ceramic vasePhoto by Christine Sandu on UnsplashOh god, where to start. I have been with my current significant other for a year. My ex and I still had to see each other because same friends and all that jazz, so we remained friendly. Or so I thought. At the beginning of this year, it seemed to click with him that I wasn't just with my significant other to make him jealous, and that I had zero intention of leaving my significant other for him.
He went nuts. He continuously made very negative FB posts about how horrible I am—never by name, but heavily implied and everyone knew who he meant. I was not friends with him on FB so didn't see any of them but mutuals told me. He showed up to a party my significant other and I were at absolutely obliterated and cornered me in the hall.
He was yelling at me when my significant other and my friend came in to try to help me shut it down. My ex snapped and physically came after me. I got away only to find out he had gotten his hands around my friend's neck. After that, I told him that because of his actions, I would have to cut him out of my life completely and that any friendliness that we had left was gone.
A week or so later, I got an email asking me if I had received the "gift" he sent me. It went to my parents’ house which was weird because I do not live with them. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I called them. Apparently, they had kept it from me because it had arrived right before a holiday that he usually ruined for me, so they didn't want to ruin the holiday.
It was a big bouquet of flowers, a heart necklace, and jewelry box, candy, and a few other knick-knacks. My parents didn't want me anywhere near him so after talking to me they made a plan to leave it on his porch. Of course, he posted about it on FB. I emailed him back regarding the package and that it had been received and that he would shortly be receiving it back.
He then started talking about how my significant other is still in contact with HIS ex and that he texts her all the time and went over to her house, etc. I knew this was absolutely untrue but asked him where he had heard that and after some hemming and hawing sent me some screen shots of a FB conversation. My significant other’s crazy ex had contacted him and they had messaged back and forth a few times.
She claimed that my significant other still loved her and was always calling and texting and emailing her. Again, I knew this girl was unhinged and that this was not true because, if it was, she would have sent evidence straight to me to break us up. I can see through that garbage. I thanked him for the screenshots and stopped responding.
I showed them to my significant other and he was furious, called his ex and told her she was out of line for contacting MY ex and that she needed to leave both of us alone and that he was blocking her on all social media and his phone, and to not contact him again. About a week later, he received a package at work. After the phone conversation, she had brought up their FB conversation (his ex and my ex), took screenshots of EVERY WORD and printed them out on photopaper. The craziest part? She then MAILED them to his office.
Their conversation was horrible. My ex claimed that I bled him dry and dumped him when he lost his job (we split before the loss of his job and he lost his job because of his own actions, not some inevitable layoffs or anything like that). They went back and forth. She claimed that I was manipulating my significant other, a pathological liar, and going to get pregnant to keep him around.
Mind you, she tried this. This person does not know me at all, she was just spouting random garbage. She said I was "ridden hard and put up wet". But that wasn’t the worst lie. She said I threatened to take her life. Again, no, I do not know this person. We were in the same room for a charity event and that's when she made that horrid accusation. At a charity event in front of a large group. Yeah.
My ex said horrible and very untrue things and they just bashed me over and over. It was a really rough time. It felt like the ultimate betrayal, my ex was still claiming to love me more than anything and would never do anything to hurt me, and then went behind my back to a person actively trying to ruin my life and threw out vitriol and lies.
Thankfully my significant other and I made it through that. It was a very hard time. It almost broke us but we are doing fine now and their trash seems to have FINALLY stopped and we can live in peace. Hopefully, it stays that way. You never know with crazy people.
40. A Breakup With Fallout
a video game controller laying on top of a lush green fieldPhoto by Rohan on UnsplashMy overly dramatic ex tried keeping my Xbox 360 Elite. When I asked for it back, she said that she'd only give it back in the presence of law enforcement officers...for whatever made-up reason she came up with. It was bad enough that I had to see this psycho chick one more time, but now she's dragging me out to the PD?! To give me my Xbox 360? Are these guys babysitters now?
I really didn't want to go anywhere near the psycho when I picked it up, so I brought my brother-in-law along. He went in there, picked it up, and on his way out I saw him laughing. He said that when he went into the station, there was an officer there with a crate of my Xbox stuff, laughing at the situation. The thing about it was that I didn't even really want the Xbox, I just couldn't stand the idea of her getting MY stuff.
What a crazy person though. Who makes someone pick their Xbox up at the PD? A crazy person, that's who.
41. Fishing For Alimony
person holding DSLR cameraPhoto by Jannis Edelmann on UnsplashI was in the process of a divorce but it was not yet finalized. We were getting divorced because of my ex's cheating. Apparently, there was this somewhat vague, unclear rule that if I were to do the deed with her during this time it could constitute as a reconciliation. In any case, my ex was still living in the apartment with me. I got home from work and she started to seduce me.
To me, this seems pretty weird as she hasn't wanted to do anything physical with me for months. I knew I shouldn't do it but she stripped down to nothing and got really physical. Basically, she strips down and starts trying to push me into the bedroom and pull my clothes off. I think for a minute, contemplating what I should do.
Fortunately, I decide to walk out of the apartment. When I open the door, I’m greeted by a sight that still makes me furious. One of her friends was standing right there with a camera. The plan was to get me in the bedroom and then have this friend film us without my knowledge so that she could say we reconciled, using the video evidence.
She potentially would’ve then been entitled to alimony.
42. What’s Worse Than Hate? Indifference
woman lying on bedPhoto by Yuris Alhumaydy on UnsplashThe worst reaction to a breakup I’ve experienced? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that was the most messed up thing. We had nine years together, two married. One day she tells me she doesn't love me anymore. A week later I find out she's seeing another guy. A couple of weeks later it had all fallen apart and she moved out.
To go from a position when a part of everything you do is for them, for the both of you to have the best life together you can. Sharing everything with each other, to absolute silence. She didn't want to talk to me, see me, or have me contact any of her family. It was like she disappeared right then and there. I later found out she got pregnant with someone else less than a year after walking out.
It's not a very exciting story, but to me, it was more messed up to do that to someone than any revenge story.
43. Thou Shalt Not Seek Vengeance
a sign on the side of a building that says no junk mailPhoto by Erik Mclean on UnsplashShe put me on the mailing and call list for every church group she could find. For two months my phone was blowing up with calls from churches and evangelicals, they wanted money, they wanted to send me bibles and pamphlets. The ones that had my address did send me bibles and pamphlets. It took a lot of patient explaining, and occasionally some frustrated yelling to get myself removed from everything.
At least, that’s how I thought it happened for a long time. A few years later, I was telling this story to my friend when he burst out laughing. I was confused—and then he explained. He was the one who'd done this to me, and he's just been letting me think it was my ex for the last eight years.
44. Switching Teams
man in red suit jacket beside woman in white and purple floral dressPhoto by Max Harlynking on UnsplashFirst off, this guy broke up with me because he wanted to be straight. Two days later, I had to drive him to a con in Oklahoma from Nebraska. It was a prior arrangement. I guess I thought we were friends still. The first day we are there, he says he's dating a girl. He just met this girl too. Three days later, he asked her to marry him.
Can you guess what she said? Yes, the girl said yes. They were only engaged for a month or so before he broke up with her to go on to another girl shortly after. The father of the girl even bought them a house because of the engagement.
45. If I Can’t Have You…
I spent four years spoiling this girl, and almost never getting emotional or physical love back from her, only to have her break up with me over something very trivial. I spent a year begging and pleading and bending over backwards to have her take me back, but her response was essentially, "I don't think you're good enough". I, finally, with the help of some great friends and family, moved on and found a great girl to start dating. That’s when my ex snapped.
She went nuts, and started showing up at 3 AM at my apartment, calling hundreds of times, the whole nine yards. She got physical and verbal with me, but I finally got her to understand I was done being manipulated. But the surprises weren’t done yet. Then, a week after she tearfully told me, "I'll never love anyone again," she and my (former) best friend post on Facebook that they're together.
46. The Other Man
couple holding handsPhoto by Alekon pictures on UnsplashI developed a relationship with a woman over many months, things were blissful, I fell in love. I got to know her son, and loved him too. I was seriously thinking of marrying this woman. She broke it off suddenly with no explanation. I was a wreck, totally in love and confused. The relationship went from 100 to 0 with no warning. No contact, nothing.
Then she called me and scheduled a date so we could talk. She wanted to go to a place where we'd had a lot of good times. I was kind of psyched. She told me to pick her up on a certain day at a certain time. I showed up and the house was empty. She'd moved. I had just stopped feeling so destroyed, and she did that. That’s when I learned her dark secret.
Turns out, she was married the whole time. She moved with her husband across the country. She's just a piece of trash who'd fooled me.
47. The Virgin Birth
woman in black off-shoulder shirt sitting on brown wooden stairsPhoto by Jon Ly on UnsplashShe was a smoke show, but absolutely crazy. She would lie about the dumbest things; what she had for breakfast, family members, the car she was "working on". Okay, lady. Anyway, enough was enough, so I decided to call it quits. A few weeks passed, and my youth pastor from my church came to my school—a private Christian college prep school—and pulled me out of class.
He sits me down to have a serious conversation, and I'm so confused. He asks me what I'm going to do about this girl and the baby and I start laughing my head off. He's a cool dude, but he got furious! He knows I'm not a virgin at this point and I've talked to this dude about everything under the sun. The priceless moment was when his face went from pure rage directed at me to pure rage directed at her when I told him we never even did the deed.
Apparently, she had started going to my church in the middle of the week to "seek god" and told him she was pregnant, blah blah blah. So my youth pastor did the only logical thing he could—he caught her red-handed in her lie and told her mommy.
48. Fools Rush In
gray scale photo of manPhoto by christian buehner on UnsplashWhen I was 18, I met a Lebanese man; he was handsome, a doctor, and 13 years my senior. I met him on my college campus one morning at a coffee shop and ended up having a long conversation with him about the Middle East and his experience working in the US. Eventually, I had to leave and he invited me to have breakfast again with him the next morning so we could continue our conversation.
Me, thinking he was just being friendly, and wanting to seem friendly too, accepted. The next morning, I meet up with him for breakfast. The mood has totally changed. He pulls out the chair for me, kisses my hand, and starts talking about going to Lebanon to meet his grandparents. He asks if he can pay my bills. He tries to give me a diamond necklace.
I noped the heck out of there the second breakfast was over. For weeks after that he wouldn't stop calling me, leaving messages when I wouldn't pick up. At first, they were all giddy and excited talking about plans for "us." I still never called him back. Then he started leaving messages about how I had sucked the light out of his life. But that’s not the creepiest part.
His friends would start calling, too, talking about how awesome his libido was, how I was breaking his heart, as though one "date" was enough for anyone to feel that way. It made my head spin, but at that point I was too afraid to try and respond even to ask them to stop. Eventually, the calls petered out but, man, it was weird...
49. The Flat Food Diet
black umbrella on window during daytimePhoto by Nathalie Hurova on UnsplashI had a buddy whose ex, upon breaking up, raced him back to his house, got there first, and then proceeded to lock herself in his room for several days. I don't even think she talked much while there. She would just sneak out at nighttime to use the bathroom. Buddy's kind-hearted, Christian parents fed her by sliding flat foods like bologna and pancakes under the door.
50. Locked Out
turned on silver iPhone XPhoto by Koby Kelsey on UnsplashSo when my ex started to get considerably more clingy and obsessive she would lose her mind at me when I would hang out with my best friend—who happened to be a chick. That definitely had something to do with it. Long story short, I told her that that was ridiculous and then it escalated into a fight, with the end result of me telling her I wanted some space to myself for the next few days so I can think straight.
In retaliation, she went and asked my brother for his phone, as he went to the same school. She then put a passcode lock on it and told him that she'll give him the passcode when he can get me to talk to her. Obviously, I thought this was extremely immature and unnecessary. She should've never gotten my family involved. Just way over the line.
I ended up just asking her to give me the passcode because the entire situation was outlandish. She seemed pretty sheepish when she gave me the passcode, so I assumed that she knew what she did was uncalled for.
"What screams 'I make terrible financial decisions' ?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"Burning friends by asking for 'emergency' money, (based on some fake story), that you will never repay."
"Yes, oddly specific."
"Yes, all too common."- urkldajrkl
Children Are Meant To Have Hand-Me-Downs, Right?
"My neighbor can’t buy her kids school shoes."
"But has custom rims and wheels."- Comfortable-Rate497
The Military Is not Known For Being Lucrative
"A Private in any branch of the military buying a Dodge Charger."- Lukanian7·
dodge GIF by Off The JacksGiphyRe-sale 101?
"My ex SIL went to Walmart and bought a sh*t load of nail clippers, files, polish, and anything to do fingernails with."
"I asked her what the hell she planned on doing with all that."
"She told me she was going to start a flea market."- Buddyslime
If You Have To Ask, I Can't Afford It
"When you ask them how much they paid for something and they only know the monthly payment amount."- jiggeroni
Payday!!!
"Making impulsive decisions right after getting paid."- daisiesandpoetry
Pay Day Money GIFGiphyCoffee Is Where Some People Just Won't Compromise
"I know someone who is always struggling with money."
"Then I found out he has individual cups of Dunkin Donuts coffee delivered to him (via third party apps of course) while he's working at home."
"You know, instead of making a pot of coffee for yourself."- MrFishpaw
Warped Priorities
"Can't pay rent on time, but never misses a night out."- jessie_monster·
Makes Perfect Sense...
"A family member of mine has been begging money from everyone."
"He says they don't have enough money for food / rent / fuel for his wife to get to work or for tires."
"We own a tire shop, and offered him a set of used tires for $40 if he will help mount them (it's a job he's familiar with)."
"He said he didn't have $40."
"He goes to my sister in law and says he needs to make money for tires."
"She starts paying him daily for doing some remodeling work for her."
"He informs her on day 3 that he won't be available for the next two weeks because he is going on vacation to new Orleans."- Desperate_Camel_4159
car help GIF by Bubble PunkGiphyOnly The Best...
"Having the top of the line everything with a minimum wage job."
"Unless you are an unlicensed pharmacist on the side."- Ellieoconnor
Savings Accounts Exist For A Reason
"Every time you get a chunk of cash, you think you have to find a way to spend it."- Sponess
And They Don't Worry About It Getting Scratched Or Stolen...
"Expensive flashy car in the low-rent apartment complex parking lot."- Kedosto
car gold GIFGiphyJust One Click...
"Getting into debt to buy luxury products online."
"The vast majority of luxury customers aren't millionaires, they're regular people who earn below 6 figures."- lehmx
Moochers Gonna Mooch...
"When you have a 150k 'allowance', a free house and vehicle and you're still dead broke for 4 -5 months of the year."
"Sound specific? It's my entitled piece of sh*t uncle."- bhenghisfudge
They Notice...
"Fancy pickup truck with bald tires."- grondfoehammer
Chevy Truck Ipofshow GIF by Off The JacksGiphyWhen presented with a large sum of money, it is hard not to immediately think of how you plan to spend it.
Often forgetting how nice it would be to have it sitting in a savings account, should you find yourself coming up short on rent or bills.
After all, who can truly enjoy fancy things if you know you can't afford them?
Redditor aloe_veracity wanted to discuss simple turn-ons and turn-offs, so they asked:
"What common 'sexy' thing is a turn-off for you personally?"
I do not get and will never understand skinny jeans.
Whoever thinks they are sexy is blind.
Use your words...
baby talking GIFGiphy"Baby talk, is that supposed to be sexy? Because it kinda makes me wanna take them to daycare."
kaeyasimp420
"I baby talk with my partner, but it’s less of a sexy thing and more of a cute n’ cuddly thing when we’re embracing each other."
H2OhYeahh
Off Color
"In Ireland, fake tan is very popular among women of all ages. But any guy I have talked to about this topic hates it, it's okay when done right but 99.9 percent of the time it is orange and patchy and looks like baby diarrhea smeared all over your body."
"Any woman I have discussed this with insists it looks amazing and that the boys love it, but I and any guy I have talked to about it are turned off majorly by the sight and even smell of it."
john_lemon7812
"My sister just shamed me for going somewhere without a fake tan. Don’t mind being pale in Ireland anymore though. Just too much effort to smell like fake tan, and have fake tan on my bed, and clothes. All just to look orange ha."
Kaza-beo
Just Howl
"Ripping off clothes during sex. Just take them off, no need to be a werewolf."
SuvenPan
"Did this twice. The first time I knew ahead of time that it was on the table, so I wore an old shirt that probably should have been thrown out by that point anyway. The second time, though, was totally on impulse and popped the buttons off of a really nice button-down blouse I’d worn for a job interview that day. At the time, it was hot af but once the hormones wore off and I couldn’t find all the buttons to sew them back on, I was miffed about it."
mokutou
Be Normal
"Aside from all the physical turn-offs, I am turned off by someone who's acting sexy, it's too ridiculous to me. Just act normal."
_Norman_Bates
"Ugh my husband used to do this, admittedly he can be incredibly socially awkward sometimes which cracks me up and is a reason why I love him, but man do I hate it when he tries to be sexy, squinting his eyes and slightly while raising his eyebrows, biting his lips and all. Gives me the ick so bad."
urscndmom
Unsexy
Not Listening Season 5 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Dated a girl who was really into anime once, she did the hentai cries to be sexy and it was just the most unsexy thing I've ever experienced."
GemoDorgon
This anime craziness is taking over.
To each their own.
Clothes On
dance party GIFGiphy"Male strippers. Just not for me and if I ever got a lap dance, I would probably just end up laughing lol."
semisweetdreams87
So Arrogant
"When confidence turns into arrogance."
DeerZealousideal7423
"Agreed. There's a difference between giving off the impression you know how to handle anything thrown your way and thinking that any communication with you is me thinking I'm hot crap and you think I'm unworthy of your attention."
patrickwithtraffic
"I struggle with this, but not because I am arrogant lol. I looked down on my abilities so much that I faked arrogance to be funny. My friends get the joke and we laugh, but I forget the joke doesn't land when the person has just met me."
jedadkins
I Still Cringe
"Oh, God. I KNOW this isn’t common outside of like, the 11th grade, which makes it worse. I have a 6’7 ex who would wiggle his eyebrows and do that tongue flicker thing. Something about something that off-putting being done by a towering beast of a man just made it 1000x worse. I still cringe."
No-Photo8763
"My ex used to do this lick/slurp noise and kinda hang his tongue tip out when he talked about hot people. It legit made me gag more than once. That particular gesture has stuck with me more viscerally than anything else he did."
LeSilverKitsune
Flavored
Tv Show Hulu GIF by The BearGiphy"Girls calling me 'Daddy,' it's gross and incestuous. I prefer to be called Chef, it's professional and implies we going to flavor town."
BicycleMinimum4629
Grow Long
"These stupid short beards which are way too symmetric and that everyone gets from the barber. Like someone drew it with a marker."
Kampfzwerg0
Again, sexiness is all subjective.
Our tastes are clearly all over the map.
Enjoy.