
See, no one told you life was gonna be this way.
But what if this was all a dream and you could change it?
Reddit user OptimalProblemSolver asked:
If you woke up to find you were still 14 years old, and you had just been dreaming of what adult life might be like, how would you react?
The variety of answers is amusing.
Choices
Hard question. On one hand, if by some miracle I retained my current social intelligence and knowledge of how things work in the real world, I would work my ass off and not waste time in places where I know were not as good as I wanted them to.
On the other hand, making those same choices might not lead me to the people that I currently know and that have made an impact in my life. I find it hard to digest a life where I didn't meet these people. SirLeos
Timeless Wealth
If I woke up to be 14 in 1987 I'd probably convince my parents to invest $10,000 in Microsoft stock. It would become $1M by beginning of 1999. Then invest that $1M in Apple stock which would become $100M by 2015. And then invest those $100M in bitcoin and have 3 BILLION dollars by now...
And now I'm imaging how I would try to convince my parents that I'm from the future... Vahanik
Subfriends
Confusion, relief and then regret because if it was all a dream then the people that meant a lot to me over the years weren't real. Im_not_that_angry
Could You Do It?
I'm 42 now. I don't think I could fake the stuff that I pulled to get through my high school and college years.
I'd probably walk a lot more. My hometown doesn't seem as big as when I was 14. I'd go bother girls at other schools. Actually, I'd probably bother whatever we used to call cougars.
I'd use the free gym at school to get in shape instead of doing it because my dad wanted me to do it. I'd meditate. I'd be stuck without a car but all that free time. I'd definitely get more into playing guitar and earning money for a used car, so I could leave my hometown faster.
But yeah, good kid and all that? Can't fake it again. I'd do the few things I really cannot do now:
-Hang out with my mother's father and help him get over my being a half-breed by working on soldering with him. He died when I was 16 and I feel like I knew him better long after he was gone.
-Hang out with my father's mother and practice her meatball recipe with her. I can make her red sauce, I love making pasta in sardine sauce, and I make a decent lasagna. However I never got that chance with the bugnarole and I miss those meatballs every day.
-Hang out with my uncle Paul. I miss him so much. He would love my wife and son, but that wouldn't be germane. He lived to be 68 with six grandkids. -However his last three years were a nightmare. I miss that micromanaging beast every day.
-Avoid one of my aunts. I couldn't bear to look at her, knowing what she would eventually do to my grandma and what that did to Paul. pseydtonne
Loved Ones
I would run downstairs and hug the living hell out of my parents, who've both since died. fweng
Take Your Brain
That depends on if I get to retain the "knowledge" from the dream. If yes, I'm somewhat bilingual, much more confident, likable, funny, considerate and caring, so I'll get my life together at a young age. If not, I'll probably f*** up everything the same way all over again, but ill still be glad I woke up from this nightmare. TheZiegensauger
Not The Homework!!!
I would scream because now i got to do that soul grinding homework again. Anansi3003
Forlorn Advice
Don't smoke cigarettes, don't drink and drive, sex without birth control is for stupid people who eventually become serious teenage parents (condoms are cheap and pulling out doesn't count as birth control), it's ok to say no to things that make you uncomfortable or upset, if you're on the fence about something then try it because you'll regret the "what if" more than the failure in most cases, don't mistake abuse for love (sounds dumb but easy to do as a teenager), appreciate your family (assuming they're not abusive or anything like that), have fun, you are a worthwhile person who deserves to be loved. funkyb
Bleak Future
You were dreaming of what life might be like as an adult, not the future. So you buy stock in Apple, but Apple fails as a company to the giant tech giant Microsoft. Then you decide to invest in Netflix but it barely gets off the ground and Blockbuster merges with Hollywood video and becomes a media conglomerate.
But you're not worried because you still have your ace in the hole. You invest your life savings at 18 into bitcoin.....but it crashes to be completely worthless to the point where nobody will buy it off you for pennies. egnards
Not Fade Away
I'd be destroyed. My wife, my home, the family we've built together, just a dream....
How would I ever grow to love anything, terrified I'd just wake up again? The_Foe_Hammer
No Regrets
I have few regrets. I have had rough times, poor choices, falling outs, and falling all ins. I have sunk fortunes into stupidity, and squandered talent to spare. I've also laughed and cried and shared and received. I have loved.
If it was indeed not a forecast and a guiding path with warnings, but instead a dream of a life balanced on a razors thin line of choices, I might just snap right there. I would make the mistakes all over again if it lead me to here, but it would be hard not to change things for fear it would break it all. What if not having that one fight that ledt you both raw and hurting some 18 years ago is actually the moment that forged the steel of your marriage's blade and you never realized it?
Oh, god, it's terrifying to think about. TheSpanxxx
Give Me A Chance
F*** yes, a DO OVER? I'd learn to respect and love myself more - emotionally and physically. I wouldn't let the words of the bullies weigh me down. I wouldn't eat my emotions. I'd join track and field because fitness keeps me sane these days. I'd put down the fucking ADD pills my parents put me on when I was 10 and learn to adapt early on (got off them last year at the age of 25 and it has been one of my biggest struggles/accomplishments). I'd embrace the f*** out of life, especially knowing how much easier it was it back then. ShineInThePines
I Wish...
Part horrified - 14 years old me was awkward, it was the worst of my bullying, and well even without that teens years are bad.
Part relieved because the number of times I wished I could go back as a teen, with less responsibilities, less dire consequences for my mistakes, and mostly I can correct some of my biggest mistakes like starting to smoke, not learning to drive young, and choosing the wrong career (and thus elective in HS, and majors in college). shrekine
A Clear Solution
So, so much relief.
First thing Id do is Id dump my (then) boyfriend SO fast. Life would be pretty good if I could do that before age 17 or so. cmerksmirk
A Happy Solution (tw: suicide)
i would probably cry of happiness, and then defeatist 14 year old me would deny [my current living situation] was even a possibility for my future and cry of sadness again. at 14 i was attempting to end my life every so often and had a bad self harm problem. i certainly did not think life would get better after adulthood.
now as an adult i work in the mental health field and have had to talk to suicidal 14 year olds on a fairly consistent basis over the course of my career. 14 year old me never would've thought i would grow up to help people who hurt as much as I did. I was actually convinced I would die by my own hands before the age of 30.
Nope, still here! F*** you, suicide! RatherBeRaving
Important Advice
Id tell myself that finding a boyfriend isnt the most important thing in the world! You be you. DaniWatson91
Worst Fears Confirmed
This would be a very mixed bag for me. On one hand, I'd be relieved knowing that my future bf/best friend was still alive and would be able to maybe do something more, could make better decisions and not end up with the abusers or with a crazy history of spending 10+ years with people I never saw the faces of, could turn out a lot different and avoid the pain.
But then I'd be back in hell where my depression was taking over, trying to deal with a drugged up mom and handling my siblings on my own, going through the losses I remember all over again and possibly never meeting the people I have now and love dearly.
And if I couldn't save myself from the future, if my decisions were the same? I'd probably either kill myself or find a way to block out everything until I reached my mid 20's. I never want to go through that again.
Bonus: As a note, as someone who suffers from disassociative issues from PTSD and a history of abuse, this is a real fear for me and my partners can attest that I have to ask them from time to time if the time and place we are in is real, that I'm not just dreaming and going to wake up in the trash covered hell of abuse I spent years in, or other dark places. I genuinely struggle some days distinguishing reality from my own memories and rationalizing what is real. nyvz
Unfulfilled
Total devestation. I love my life. I have an amazing wife and a truly wonderful toddler. If I woke up and they were gone, I'd want to be gone, too. Haquistadore
New Chance
Personally I'd relish the chance to not have to go through what I have. Maybe things would be different, y'know? I don't know your story but in some cases you don't necessarily have to live through it again. Before killing myself I'd definitely go live with my Grandma and attempt to live a much nicer life away from my parents. KangarooBeStoned
To The Point
I'd come out of the closet sooner. Meskaline
Final Thought
For everyone else whose reaction was "relief," maybe consider how you would react if you continued living the way you are now for another 5, 10, 20 years- however you imagine that happening.
Then suddenly on a Thanksgiving night, without warning, you wake up. It's you, as you are now. You're [current age]. The last years didn't happen at all. What do you do? How do you change? Instead of waking up as a 14-year old, as an experiment, try waking up as your current age. This is your second chance, happening right now.
I think sometimes we know a lot about ourselves that we don't confront directly, because it's uncomfortable and scary. This post is making me think about how I'm living, in new ways. Gonna do a lot of journaling before bed.
To answer the question: I would be so happy- would hug my dog, my grandma, would sit on my back porch before we moved. Would have dinner with my parents. Would think long and hard about God. I would be scared, but exhilarated, and weights would be lifted and added on my shoulders in about equal proportion. I would write everything down. fresh_owls
Sometimes you only need to experience something once, to know it's a never again situation.
I always say, try everything once.
Well, now that I'm older, a caveat to that is... try it all within reason.
How many things have we all walked away from saying the one time experience will suffice?
In fact, knowing when to say no is one of life's wisest choices.
Redditor Croakied wanted to discuss the times we've all said... "once was enough!" They asked:
"What is one thing that you will NEVER do again?"
Love. Did it. A few times. Moving on.
Stay Still
"Jump off a moving train."
DenseDriver6477
"My dad used to jump on a train when he was little to go to school. He broke his nose like twice doing it. He also would not recommend."
Darphon
“vaportini”
"Smoke alcohol. Me and my friends bought something called a 'vaportini' in college where you could pour alcohol into a bulb and after low heat separated the alcohol from the liquid, you could inhale it thru the glass straw you inserted into the bulb. Basically you got drunk directly into your bloodstream/brain and it never hit your stomach."
"If you did too much, your body wouldn’t make you vomit or something, there wouldn’t be a simple self regulation/safety measure. You’d just get alcohol poisoning. Felt very dangerous, the drunk wasn’t a regular drunk feeling. We used it once and were like okay, never again. I’d be surprised if you could still buy it, although it would be incredibly easy to replicate at home."
michelangelho
It’s heartbreaking...
"Fall in love with a drug addict."
Rains_Lee
"Good call, don’t do it. The drugs will always come first. Can’t go out unless their 'ok' with how much drugs they have and money left over if any, cant make love unless they have their fix for the night and even still it never feels normal, can’t trust them after the lies to get drugs and the manipulation they put you through, and you can’t change them no matter how much you try and wish they would. It’s heartbreaking."
Cvilla411
More me time...
"Give up my life for work. F**k going the extra mile for a place that doesn't value you and pays you crap even though you go the extra mile for them. You have 1 life with only so much precious time to enjoy it and slaving away at some job is not worth it. Do what you can to reduce your workload and find better employment, or hell try to change the working conditions at your current job to improve things for everyone if you can."
Mrhappytrigers
Well Obvi...
"Donate a kidney."
ToffieMonster
"Well, you could donate the remaining one. You just won’t be around to say anything about it."
shavemejesus
This is definitely list I can relate to. No thank you on a lot of this!
I Quit
"Smoke cigarettes, it's been two years since I quit."
SuvenPan
Forget It
"Climb mount Kilimanjaro. Toughest thing I've done and it's not worth it. I'm all about tough treks and camping but to put yourself under tough conditions and suspectable to altitude sickness only to get to the top for 10 minutes for a picture. No thank you."
Monks_
"I agree, it was memorable. Once was enough for my husband and I. Thankfully we stayed at American style hotel run by the US Navy with a hot tub and bar. Alcohol was definitely needed after all that."
Whatsherface112
I'm living alone!
"Sign a lease with a stranger without hanging out with them a few times beforehand. My past roommate experiences in college were terrible. Roommates either ignored me, hosted parties til 3 AM on weeknights, made the house the hangout and drug-den for them and their buddies. Meet up once and they'll put on an act for you. If you can, try to see how they act drunk or frustrated."
"Try to hang out with their buddies too so you can see the type of people who could be coming into your future place of residence. As soon as I can afford it, I'm living alone! Now, I investigate a potential roommate's social media and hang out at least twice before signing a lease with them."
fleursdefer
Stay Away
"Take back a cheater. Know your worth my brothers and sisters."
santichrist
"Ughhhhh going back and forth on this one. My boyfriend of 5 years has cheated on me. Several times, actually but says he’s really changed and is ready to settle down and wants me to move in with him. I’m on the fence. So they never change???"
madlecroy
Sleeptime
"Take a laxative and sleeping pill at the same time."
karmaredemption
Once, twice, three times... I'm out. Bye.
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People Imagine How They'd React If Their Significant Other Wanted To Sleep With Other People
There is an age old question that has been getting more traction surrounding sex for partners the last decade or so.
And that is... "is just one enough?"
Were we really meant to only be with one person forever?
There are so many flavors to taste.
What if your partner wants more cookie dough with your strawberry?
Redditor Pineapple-Status wanted to hear everyone's thoughts on opening the bedroom to others. They asked:
"What would you do if your long term SO suddenly wants to have sex with other people?"
I say I'd be ok with it, but I'm remembering my last relationship and I feel like I'm not a "put my $ where my mouth is type" on this issue.
Bye
"Wish her well and spend the next 2 years getting myself back to a place where I am ready to get hurt again."
wickedblight
It's Time to Roll On...
"Personally I would leave them."
"I think they're the ones leaving you. I don't think the relationship changes at that point; I think it ends. If you have a monogamous relationship, they are telling you they want to end that. They might be suggesting starting a new, non-monogamous relationship, but that is a separate thing. The original relationship is over."
octopoddle
ethical non-monogamy...
"OP, it's no different than anything else they want: you either agree and stay together, disagree but stay together, disagree and break up, or even agree and break up. What you're talking about is called 'ethical non-monogamy.'" The seminal book to read is called The Ethical Sl*t."
"It basically boils down to be whatever you want, just don't lie about it. The tricky thing is that this is something that was not present before, but is present now. So it's a potential fork in your road. If you're against it, it's up to your SO to decide if sex with other people is more important to them than a life with you."
Tokugawa
a different story...
"I think it depends too how intently they're interested. If it's a thing they bring up because they're curious but it's not a dealbreaker for them, I'm fine with that even if I don't want to proceed. A solid relationship involves open communication, and it'd make me happy if my partner trusted us and our bond enough to voice that curiosity with me."
"If it's something their heart's absolutely set on, then it's a different story. Either way, it's kind of strange to me how these posts always assume simply asking your partner how they feel about opening the relationship means they're now wholey invested in the poly lifestyle and they'll resent you or cheat if you say no."
donkeynique
Others
"Happy that we have common interest, sad that it's different 'other people."
i_lick_icicles
Sex is always an issue. Remember when it was just fun?
Mine
"Leave her. I’m far too possessive and jealous to be able to mentally accept polyamory. If she has a desire to be with other people I’m not going to stand in her way but I’m not going to be there when she gets home either."
Thiek
Not Me...
"Break up. My parents were poly and it's just not for me. I've been honest with every relationship I've been in that I'm not interested in any type of open relationship. If they want to be with someone else that's fine but we'll be over. My husband is aware of this and on board (and has been for over twenty years!). So if he came to me with this yes I would be heartbroken but I'm not willing to budge on this and it would be the end of our relationship."
GoldDustWitchQueen
Let's Talk
"Counseling time! We're married. I'm chronically ill (stage 4 breast cancer) and have no libido. We try to make intimacy work, and obviously in that case it wouldn't be working. So. Time for a pro to sort out the marriage, and possibly a sex therapist for me."
insertcaffeine
Awkward Positions
"I’ll put myself hypothetically in this position. My partner and I only want each other. We’ve made this abundantly clear to each other. However, if she came to me with desire to open our bedroom and she wanted to sleep with people outside our marriage."
"I would simply express how I vehemently do not an open bedroom and that it would kill any desire I have to want her, be with her, love her, etc. Our couple dynamic has been working well through our ups and downs. Involving some stranger in the ONE thing I find most sacred with my partner is the best way for me to lose any interest or passion for the relationship."
RedFlaim
Farewell
"Break it off, because they definitely already have someone in mind and you telling them no won't change the fact that they were only one step away from following through with it."
Caressticles
Well it feels like a lot of people still believe in one partner, happily ever after. Good for y'all. But big props to these couples who have open and honest conversations about their wants and needs.
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Many of us sometimes fantasize about what we would do to our worst enemies, especially in the moments when they're actively making our lives worse.
While most of us would never actually do any of the things that we contemplate instead of screaming at that super annoying person at the office, we do get pretty creative with the ideas.
Redditor take_me_there_ asked:
"What WOULD you wish on your worst enemy?"
This One Would Hurt
"A conscience. Let her realize the horrific things she’s done."
- Jenny010137
"Seriously. Introspection, self awareness, and empathy are traits that would improve a lot of sh*tty people."
- el_muerte17
"Oh I wish I had thought of this one. If my enemy had a conscience, wow life would be much different."
- Shelbysouth43
No Pearly Whites For You
"I’d like all their teeth to turn really yellow and stay yellow no matter what they do."
- toothfixingfiend
"What did I ever do to you?"
- Spideredd
"I don't even know you! Give me back my enamel!"
- AngryMustache9
Everything You Own Is Orange Now
"Permanent Cheeto fingers. Just orange cheese dust getting on everything."
- cocoapuff1721
"This has to be one of the most evil things I ever heard, yet absolutely hilarious."
-Merk0411
"The Midas Touch: Snack Edition"
- MaryVenetia
Ouch, But Forever
"Stubbing and breaking their toe and right as it’s about to be done healing it happens again over and over for the rest of their pitiful time on this hell we call earth."
- No-Bee-2971
"Sisyphoot"
- Alpha_6
"More of a Toemetheus imo"
- PykeTheDrowned
Self Reflection
"For them to realize how big of an a-hole they are."
- mayhemanaged
"Same for me. The trouble is mine probably knows what a tremendous a-hole he is, and just doesn't care (it's what defines him, is his outlook more than likely), so, give mine a conscience as well, he undeniably lacks one."
- RhoadsOfRock
"a crushing moment of self realization is something that can destroy you mentally. I wish that on them."
- chancetodream
Bury Them Under A Mountain Of Minor Inconveniences
"Always being hungry two hours after eating no matter how large the meal. Slow internet. Traffic jams no matter the location. Self doubt. Allergies. Favorite shows spoiled."
"Nothing major enough to be life altering but constant, low grade inconveniences that wear on your soul every day."
- I_Love_Small_Br**sts
"Every bite of food they eat/drink they drink being slightly the wrong temperature."
"Coffee? Warm but not hot. Cola? Cool, but not cold. Muffin? Ever so slightly frozen."
"Not enough to ruin their life, but just enough to not quite have full enjoyment of anything.."
- HappiHappiHappi
They'll Never Be Able To Use Their Computer Again
"Quick scan with McAfee on their computer."
- halflife_3
"You f**king monster."
- Orion_2kTC
"The constant pop-ups from McAfee is too far."
- _Land_Rover_Series_3
That's A New Level Of Evil
"Bed bugs."
- thrawn1825
"Currently dealing with bed bugs, and I can absolutely confirm this is the kind of thing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It is miserable and painful, and I've tried everything to get rid of them at this point."
"I would easily wish this upon my worst enemy, x10."
- ArbitrarilyStagnant
"Oh hell no, you went there... Hopefully they aren't living in an apartment complex or you've cursed everyone in the building."
- expect_less
Well of course I know him. He’s me.
"$100,000. I sure could use it."
- Sparklesperson
"'It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy'"
- FishyVonFishenHymer
"Lol I thought this was that deep sh*t like 'pray for those you resent to have all the things you want in life….' Then I realized."
- No-Chipmunk9527
Forever Constipated
"That they can never have a satisfying poop. They always feel like they have to go to the bathroom and when they do nothing comes."
- [User Deleted]
"Wow. That's evil. Always feeling the need to pee would be good (as in horrific) too."
- ipakookapi
We definitely don't recommend implementing any of these plans (not that most would actually be possible), but here's some new ideas for the next time you're stuck in a meeting with your most annoying coworker and need a little fantastical escape.
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I grew up poor, and I remember the little things that made me smile when we just happened to have enough that week.
The little things that a truly rich person would not think twice about.
Ah, the luxury of it.
What spells luxury for you?
Redditor ConAir161057 wanted to compare notes about the things in life that feel like items only money can buy. They asked:
"For people who grew up with little money, what always felt like a luxury?"
New clothes. I had so many hand me downs and thrift store clothes... new seemed like a dream.
Anxiety
"After growing up in a home where every unexpected problem was a financial emergency, my idea of wealthy became 'I just want enough money that if something breaks I don't get anxiety about how to deal with it.'"
Obiwan_ca_bl**me
Literature
"Getting to buy something from the scholastic book fair."
Rich*itch3232
"My school, at the end of it a bunch of books were 'donated' and then spread out on a table in the library. We all got to go pick one book. So even if kids didn’t get to purchase a book, in the end they had a chance to still get a book. It’s actually how I got my first Harry Potter book. Was a cool idea for any school staff or parents active in their kids’ schools."
glass_pillow
Christmas
"Getting new clothes at Christmas from relatives. I don't know if that is exactly a luxury or the kind of answer you are looking for, but we never had a lot of money when I was in middle school. I went an entire year wearing the same pants everyday. The funny thing was my parents didn't even buy them for me."
"I got them for Christmas from my Grandparents. All the kids use to give me so much sh*t for wearing the same pants everyday. I always told them that I had 5 of the same pair which made me feel good inside and kind of made them ease off even though I know they didn't believe me."
"I remember I fell on the school bus one day and the jagged floor cut a hole right in the knee cap and the panic that went over me was just insane. It was one of the worst feelings of my whole life because I knew that I didn't have any other pants to wear and that now all of the kids in my school were going to know that I only had 1 pair. Needless to say I could not wait for the last month of school to end."
themagicman_1231
I'm Away
"Summer camp, or basically any school trips that had to be paid for. At my school the kids who couldn't afford to go on trips that happened during school hours still had to come to the school, we just sat in a room and did extra work like it was detention."
Helpful_Yams
"I was lucky. If you taught at the day camp your kid could go for free. That was just day camp though not sleepaway camp. My mom found a camp teacher who had no kids of his own and he signed me up as his kid so I could get free day camp. Did that all through elementary school."
randtcouple
Big Deals
"Going out for pizza was a big deal. Those free mini pizzas for reading books were huge."
Shroom4Yoshi
Food is always an issue when you're broke.
Damage
"Being able to turn on the heat in the cold and pay a professional to fix damaged appliances, plumbing, and other issues."
Liggettef
Spoiled
"When my grandma would come pick me up and spoil me. My parents didn't have much money and were addicts so when my grandma would come get me I would come back with new clothes, video games, toys, etc. I used to think my grandma was rich but she actually just had a stable income."
nawlepen
"I was in this position when I was younger. I always thought my grandma had SO much money… but all she did was go to work everyday. Always made sure I had clothes and all my school supplies. I miss her pretty bad."
Keywork29
Water
"I am from a small island in the Pacific. While I mostly still take cold showers, I have always felt that a hot shower is the finest luxury one can experience. I had my first hot shower when I was 22 years old and I can never forget it."
FSMPIO
"This is the kind of luxury I think people take for granted, I always avoided showers in the winter as a kid since most of the time they where cold showers and the temperature here was around 12c° during those times."
PowerfullDio
Showerware
"Towels. Honestly, I was almost 10 When I realized people didn’t just put back on their dirty clothes after a shower because my family was so large (12 kids total including myself) and extremely poor. I thought towels were just for hotels or were maybe a prop on television. I went to a friends house and she asked for my help folding her towels. I remember laughing and thinking she must be rich."
"Long story short, I wasn’t sure which way to fold the towels, and begged my mom to buy them after I revealed that my friend, Simone, had them. She bought a box of used ones from a local auction and I walked around with them on my head feeling like a frigging empress after that, even though—-let’s be clear… these were second hand towels!"
shakezula1025
Or BK...
"Grew up poor and when I was a kid I used to think you were rich if you had a dishwasher and a millionaire if you had one of those refrigerators that have a button for ice. McDonalds was also a luxury, a couple times a year on our birthdays."
chinderellab*tch
Everyone should have access to all of these things. Why is life unfair?
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