Adult Children Of Helicopter Parents Explain How They Cope With All The Excess Attention
Just back up pease!!
Parenting is a difficult job and there is NO perfect way. You learn very early on that there is absolute rulebook to avoid the fact that your kids will need a therapist eventually. It's easy to be overly too much. You can't protect them every second. So you have to learn to let go and that is a lesson many parents are unable to acquire. The helicopter parent is an issue. You don't want to suffocate them... or yourself.
Redditor u/Nicho-chan wanted all the grown kids out there to speak up about their parent's way of being "protective" by asking.... Adult children of helicopter parents, how do you deal with them now?
Down my Neck....
The way that I got my mom to chill out on me was to tell her that I wanted to go to a college out of state. That was the moment she realized she wasn't going to be protective of me forever and it took her a long time to accept it.
As of now, she's been a little easier on me, though she still sometimes treats me like a child. If I'm out of state, then I just limit contact with her and don't call home often. I think a lack of contact is the best everyone with helicopter parents can do initially because it's just so refreshing to be by yourself with nobody breathing on your neck after so long. Antique-Dancing
"the bad ones"
GiphyMy brother and I had no free time allowed growing up, just music and homework allowed. Age 30+, my dad has passed away now (he was never the problem) but my mom still does her best to control our lives, inserting herself into situations she doesn't belong, and passive aggressively putting us in situations that she wants to happen. But cutting her off or telling her she's overstepping makes us "the bad ones" in her mind [edited for clarity], so minimal contact and details are all that's on the menu for her from me now. 🤷♂️ My brother doesn't get it though, giving her minute details and then getting annoyed when she thinks she can have a say in how he lives his life. FlyingBike
It grosses me out.
My husband deals with this with his mother. We make decisions as a married couple then later every thing changes after they talk to each other. Even situations dealing with our daughter, like I have no say even when he and I were on the same page before decisions were put into action. He is so desperate to please his mom he turns his back on me. When I confront him he blames me for causing drama or being petty. IDK his mom acts like she is his wife and he lets it happen. It grosses me out. O0oBubblesBubblesO0o
Trackers.
My parents track my location at all times now. (I'm 27) . That way they don't call the cops if I don't pick up within 30 min....which has happened multiple times. frvrlvd
Stop Walking on Eggshells
Unfortunately, the helicopter behavior continued after I got married and had children. Eventually, the only way to gain control was to go no contact.
Edit: Fundamentally it boiled down to a complete lack of respect for boundaries. My happiness, marriage, and ability to be a good parent were all suffering because my mother was still trying to control my life. We tried setting up boundaries, but that only escalated things. I would have gladly gone to family counseling if she agreed, but it was far easier for her to complain to her friends that her children don't speak to her. (Yes, my brother cut her off too.)
I strongly recommend the following books: Stop Walking on Eggshells (by Paul Mason) and Boundaries (by Henry Cloud). I also very strongly recommend counseling. LilacSniffer
Lockdown....
GiphyIt was a nice sense of relief to get out of the house
To put it into perspective here's some of the stuff that was common in my house:
8:30 bedtime
No shooting games allowed, I could only ever play Minecraft with my friends
Could not close doors other than bathroom
Could not LOCK bathroom doors
Could not spend your own money without parents approval first.
Could not play on computer unless they were home (obviously this rule got broken a lot)
No social media at all
The one that got me the most though was until high school we could only have sleepovers at our house and could not go to most birthday parties
Getting out of the house to stay with someone else for a little was an absolute godsend. I love being independent and stupid with my money and being able to play whatever games I want when I want.
So yeah that's kinda what it's like. TomIsInPain
The Reality of It.
- I moved to a different country.
- I do not go back to visit.
- When they come visit they stay in a hotel.
- My husband, who was not raised in an overbearing environment, is always present when they visit. He serves as a reality check and is effective in shutting down misbehavior.
- Im going to have to explain one day that they wont be allowed unsupervised visits with any children I have. Eldrun
Still pretty bad.
Still pretty bad.
I'm 26, married and a mom of 4.
She treats me like a toddler when she visits. Thinks I'm incapable of basic things... like making breakfast or taking care of my kids.
She'll hover over me while I'm changing my kids. Criticizing how well I'm doing.
She tries to go through my clothes and pick out outfits for me to wear. Will literally buy me clothes that look like baby clothes. It's weird.
Have to set some hard boundaries with her. Boobyjuicy
Shut Up!
GiphyMy mother made my bank accounts, insurances, even my mobile phone contract when I was underage and just kept them. (I also think she stole money from me but that's another story). She said I wasn't able to manage this kind of stuff by myself. With the help of my SO I took everything back from her when I was 26. When I visited her she tried to pressure me into stuff again, so I threatened her that I would pack my stuff and leave immediately and that she would never see me or talk to me ever again in her life. These two things were kind of wake-up calls for her. Now she is so afraid that I could really go No Contact that she keeps her stupid mouth shut. Joernoddebossamienau
"Get out"
They tried to ground me after I came back from serving in the Marine Corps. Tried to take the keys to the car I own and prevent me from getting an education.
Told my Mom she can pound dirt and my Dad that if he didn't fix himself and nut up to my overbearing Mom. I'd never talk to the two of them again. Got in my car and drove off was homeless for a minute until I got enough for an apartment.
You'd think that me moving out and being homeless instead of living with them would be the thing that made things click.
No. About a year after my move out. I'd reconnected with my family and agreed to take my mom to her aerobics class one day since her car was in the shop.
Well I drive about ten minutes before she lays into me about my life choices etc. I pulled the car over looked at her and said. "Get out" she looked stunned. I just repeated myself and added "Now."
She got out. I drove off to my apartment played some CSGO and she got her much needed exercise. ill_effexor
Be Verbal!
GiphyThey say things, and I just kind go "mhmmm" like I'm agreeing that I will do those things. BUT never verbally say I will do those things. Ranger_Caitlin
Forget you Dad!
My dad was never a helicopter parent, he was actually the complete opposite. My mom was a super helicopter parent. When I was a sophomore in high school I got grounded from "everything". I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I had to go to school and come home. I couldn't watch tv unless it was about God. I didn't have a phone, or computer, and couldn't listen to music. For months. It got worse and worse as time went on.
She would give me a curfew randomly one day and it would be different the next day. I would get in trouble for not following a curfew I had no idea existed. She gaslighted me so much that I often felt like I deserved what was happening to me. After going to therapy I am better able to identify her abusive & bipolar tendencies. I'm working on minimizing contact with her. So, whenever she's being a pain in my butt I just tell her to screw off. daykota1234
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NO!!!
I just say ''no'' when i'm told to do something or follow a rule.
I don't give a reason, even when I'm asked why. Its satisfying. SpaceWhale89
Lost Control.
I don't.
I'm not NC with them but I'm absolutely firm on my boundaries and standing up for myself, and I don't let their tantrums sway me.
On the other hand, the pressure does eat at me, but I'll never let them know that. themarajade1
Married In....
GiphyMy parents weren't. But a friend moved to a different state and got engaged and my friend's mom still managed to be a helicopter parent. Visiting at least 3 times a month and contacting either her or her SO constantly. It ruined the engagement because the SO finally had enough because even though my friend was annoyed with her mom as well, she couldn't cut her mom off completely... Idk all the details but it must have been superrr annoying if someone was like "I love you, but forget having in-laws like this." She is now single and has moved back home. It's unfortunate... jxwtf585
Build the Walls.....
Honestly me and my husband are trying to figure this out. My MIL is a total helicopter parent; if one of us (me, my husband, or his brother) doesn't respond to her messages within an hour or two, she'll bombard the other two about where we are/if something happened to us. She freaked out on me when I didn't respond to her after three hours (we were doing a cross-country drive) and accused me of trying to shut her out and said we're never going to be a real family because of the "walls" I've built up around myself. I don't know what to do. My husband won't stand up to her as much as I want him to, but I can't do this for the rest of my life. We have to establish some boundaries, but it's not my mom, so I can't be the one to initiate. Krutoon
"I don't give a crap mom. Go work it out."
I had to be extremely mean and blunt with my mom. I'm a mid-thirties married man, and had to straight up tell her that I have a family and my own life and she needs to go get a hobby or take classes or anything whatsoever that will give her a sense of value because I do not need a goddamn interfering invasive mother any longer.
When she started giving me either the "thats so horrible you'd talk to your mother that way" or the "ohhh no my kids don't need me anymore" I literally flat out had to just say "I don't give a crap mom. Go work it out." I had to be super super mean to her about it. Sometimes parents have to cut their children off, and sometimes children have to cut their parents off. Doesn't make me feel good but I sleep fine. shiddydogs
No Need 4 U!
I ignore them. To be honest it's also because I'm in a different city and have a hectic job. But there was also a period of slowly getting them used to the fact that they would not know and control every detail of my adult life. SocraticAlva
After I turned 21.....
My parents weren't that bad, but they were quite over-protective. After I turned 21, I still wasn't allowed out after dark and all that jazz. Had to let them know where I was going and who I was seeing in case I was murdered. What I did was move to another continent. I talk to them every couple of weeks over Whatsapp voice chat. They try and tell me what to do sometimes and I'm just like "ok" and don't do it. Blinker_Fluid_
Still Going....
GiphyThey still helicopter me, actually now more than ever that I'm 24 and I'm not sure what suddenly turned the dial up. However I'm finally planning on moving out for good this year with my boyfriend. Everytime I bring it up, they don't believe me or they think I'm kidding and say it isn't happening.
Oh well, I did tell them. I guess they'll get a reality check when the time comes and it won't be on me. vivalalina
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Our ancient ancestors had their own habits; some were strange and bewildering, others were nearly identical to those we practice today. Looking back through history, one might be surprised to find the daily lives of the ancients weren't so unrecognizable. But then again, there are still plenty of ancient habits that leave us scratching our heads.
1. Ground-Breaking Discovery
Recently, archaeologists working in Italy’s Caverna delle Arene Candide found a heap of rocks. Not exactly headline news, but these rocks had been carried up from a nearby beach and broken in a consistent, uniform fashion, and similar-sized pieces had been taken from each one. It appears that Neolithic Italians broke the rocks as a funerary rite—the rocks themselves may have represented lost loved ones, and breaking them symbolized the person dying.
2. Shake On It
person holding hands of another personPhoto by Sincerely Media on UnsplashThe tradition of greeting another person by shaking hands dates at least as far back as the Ancient Greeks. One column at the Acropolis even shows the Greek goddess of marriage, Hera, shaking hands with the Greek goddess of wisdom, Athena.
3. A Little Pick-Me-Up
Nowadays we have Viagra and Cialis, but Pliny the Elder suggested a bevy of ancient Roman aphrodisiacs that reads more like a witch’s shopping list than a doctor’s prescription. To put the pep back in your step, Pliny suggested the yolks of pigeon eggs, in honey, mixed with hog’s lard, or sparrows eggs, or a lizard drowned in one’s own urine. If that didn't work, you could always wear “the right testicle of a cock.” I’ll pause long enough for you to stop giggling.
4. For The Ladies
brown falcon on treePhoto by Photos By Beks on UnsplashGot it out of your system? Ok, moving on: For ladies with low libido, Pliny advised ingesting a vulture’s tongue, or wearing a patch of wool soaked in bat’s blood on top of the head. It seems so obvious, doesn't it?
5. Just ’Browsing
Nothing made a Greek woman feel more attractive than having a thick, swarthy unibrow. To the Greeks, the unibrow signaled a combination of beauty and brains. Greek women would go to great lengths to get that perfect forehead mustache, lining their brows with kohl or soot, or even using tree resin to affix fake eyebrows made of goats’ hair to their foreheads.
6. Of Corset Was!
white and brown striped textilePhoto by Jamie Coupaud on UnsplashYou probably associate the fitted corset with those breathless Victorian women who, though they maintained their figure, looked constantly on the verge of fainting, but they weren't the first to wear them. The corset goes all the way back to the Ancient Minoan women of Crete, who wore similar restrictive bodices. The Minoan corsets were likely the first fitted garments ever worn.
7. To Be Taken With A Grain Of Salt
Popular superstition states that, if one should spill some salt, one can counteract the bad luck by throwing a pinch of salt over the shoulder. That practice actually goes all the way back to the ancient Assyrians. The superstition was passed on from them to the Egyptians, and then the Greeks, and the Romans, all the way to today.
8. Stairway To Heaven
an egyptian scene with a man offering a bowl to a womanPhoto by British Library on UnsplashThe same is true of walking under ladders—the Egyptians came up with that one. Because a ladder leaning against a wall formed a triangle, representative of the holy trinity of Egyptian gods, to walk through was considered sacrilegious. Naturally, that superstation lent itself perfectly to the early Christians. I always just thought it was because you're likely to get something dropped on you if you walk under a ladder.
9. As It Nappens
Just like the Spaniards with their customary siesta, the Ancient Greeks would insist on taking a quick mid-day nap throughout the summer. One 5th-century medical text advised that a brief nap around noon kept the body from “drying out.”
10. That Sucks!
In ancient Ireland, one showed submission to tribal kings by sucking their nipples. Bog-bodies (ancient remain found well-preserved by the chemicals in a bogs) have been found with slashed nipples, indicating that they had been driven from the throne.
11. Pour One Out
Even if you're completely out of touch, you’ve probably seen a rapper “pouring one out” in a music video. Feel free to pour one out in memory of Pac or Biggie, but you should know the practice actually began with the Ancient Egyptians, who first spilled their drinks as a tribute to their god of death, Osiris.
12. The Good Book
person's hand holding book pagePhoto by Rod Long on UnsplashThe practice of libations was continued by the Greeks. There is even mention of “pouring one out” in the Old Testament: Genesis 35:14 states “Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he had spoken with him [God], even a pillar of stone. He poured out a drink offering on it and poured oil on it.”
13. Beer For Breakfast
While the pharaohs had no shortage of delicacies to choose from—fruit and honey and wine and cured fish and all manner of roasted beasts—the Egyptian working class had a significantly shorter menu. The typical Egyptian breakfast consisted of bread, beer, and onions.
14. Sand Gets Everywhere
a group of people riding horses in a desertPhoto by Veronika Biró on UnsplashAnd sand. Lots of sand. Keeping sand out of their food was a huge problem for Egyptians, and coupled with their rough, fibrous diet and the fact that they had no real culture of dental hygiene, it meant that Egyptians of modest means usually suffered severe dental issues.
15. Chickening Out
Roman navies always kept chickens on board their ships, but they never intended to eat the birds. Rather, the chickens were offered cake. If the chickens pecked the cake, the Romans were sure to have luck in their upcoming battle. One Roman admiral, furious that his chicken wouldn’t peck, shunned superstition by throwing his chicken overboard and declared, “If it won’t eat, it can drink instead!”
27. The Stash
green palm tree during sunsetPhoto by Kym MacKinnon on UnsplashAccording to Herodotus, certain tribes to the east liked to throw bushels of marijuana on bonfires and enjoy a nice stone. As with a lot of stuff that Herodotus said, historians took this with a grain of salt, but in 2008 archaeologists discovered the tomb of a 2,700-year-old mummy in the Western Chinese province of Xinjiang.
In addition to the mummy—presumably, a shaman of the Yuehzi people—was nearly 800 grams of marijuana, worth about $8,000 to modern consumers. Also found in the tomb, a stack of Bob Marley records and a poster bearing the phrase “Legalize It.”
17. A Different Period
To cope with severe menstrual symptoms, Roman women used tampons soaked in opium, while Egyptian men were allowed—and even encouraged—to take time off work to care for their menstruating wives or daughters.
18. Don’t Sweat It
gray concrete building during daytimePhoto by Federico Di Dio photography on UnsplashAfter a big day at the Colosseum, Roman fight-goers liked to celebrate the trip by buying souvenirs. Gladiator sweat was a favorite, as was lard from the animals who had been killed during the show. The sweat was mixed with olive oil and sold as a perfume. It was also considered a powerful aphrodisiac. I'll pass, thanks.
19. Decisions, Decisions
According to Herodotus, the rule of thumb among the Ancient Persians was if something was decided upon while drunk, all people involved must wait until they’ve sobered up, and decide again. Later writers added that, if something were decided while sober, the Persians would again put the decision under scrutiny by getting drunk and seeing if the idea held up. At least they covered all their bases!
20. Puking Party
girl in grey tank top holding purple flowerPhoto by Дмитрий Хрусталев-Григорьев on UnsplashAs everyone knows, the Romans loved to party, but of course one can only party so much. The idea of any Roman feast was to eat and drink as much as physically possible. When a Roman began to feel too full, or too drunk, it was socially acceptable, and even encouraged, to induce vomiting, thereby making room for more.
It should be said, however, that it's a misconception that they had special rooms called "vomitoria" for this purpose. Vomitoria did exist, but they were special passages in theaters or auditoria designed to efficiently allow many people to exit at once. The name comes from the Latin word vomo, which means "to spew forth."
21. No Pants Allowed
The Greeks and Romans had pants, they just didn’t wear them. The Greeks thought they looked silly, and the Romans considered them “for the barbarians,” since they were customarily worn by Germanic peoples to the north.
22. Spitting Image
man spitting waterPhoto by Asael Peña on UnsplashIt wouldn’t be unusual to see a Roman spit on himself; it was something they did any time they encountered a mentally ill person or someone with epilepsy. Not only were these traits undesirable, they were considered contagious as well. By spitting on himself, a Roman was protecting himself from the spread of a disease—an action that had no basis, even in Roman medicine, but remained a widely held superstition.
23. The Cure-All
For everything that spitting couldn’t cure, the Romans swore by "theriac." The compound, invented by Nero’s personal physician, was made of 64 different ingredients, including opium and viper flesh, and was said to cure everything from poisoning to plague. Theriac remained a common item in apothecaries and pharmaceutical shops well into the 19th century, because if nothing works anyway, you might as well eat some snake parts.
24. Ancient Times
grayscale photo of round analog clockPhoto by Timo C. Dinger on UnsplashPunctual Romans carried around portable sundials, not unlike our more modern pocket watches. Each sundial came with specific instructions on how to use it based on one’s geographical coordinates and the season. But the Romans didn’t rely on a regular 60 minute hour like we do: rather, they followed the Egyptian example of keeping a 45 minute hour through the summer and a 75 minute hour in the winter. How could that not have confused people?
25. Fast Food
The Romans were a busy, on-the-go people, so it’s not surprising that, just like us moderns, they loved fast food. There were restaurants all over the Rome, many of them with windows that opened onto the street so customers could just order their food and go. I wonder if they had drive-thru windows for chariots?
17. Pompeiians Can’t Cook
brown and white concrete buildingPhoto by Yaopey Yong on UnsplashThere were more than 200 take-out restaurants in Pompeii alone. Taking dinner out was so common that many Pompeiian homes didn’t even have kitchens.
16. Vend Diagram
The Romans even had vending machines. Or at least they had the technology—the only known example, built by Roman-Egyptian inventor Hero of Alexander, was coin-operated and dispensed holy water.
28. Cone Heads
brown concrete statue of manPhoto by Tom Podmore on UnsplashLong before the spray bottle was invented, the Egyptians developed a unique way to apply perfume. They wore tall cones of resin or ox fat on the top of their heads. The cones would be infused with aromatic oils and myrrh. As the balmy night wore on, the cones melted, leaving the Egyptians coated in fragrant oil. It was considered good hospitality to offer these cones to guests at a party.
29. The Best Part Of Waking Up…
Coffee came from Africa, tea from the far east. Neither seemed to have caught on among the Romans. Given the dearth of caffeinated beverages, the Romans began their mornings with a beverage made of goat feces and vinegar. I'll stick to my bean juice, thanks.
30. Just Do It
File:15-07-05-Schloß-Caputh-RalfR-N3S 1528.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgAccording to Pliny the Elder (this guy again...), the goat dung and vinegar beverage was especially popular among chariot racers; it was kind of like an ancient version of Gatorade. The emperor Nero personally endorsed the drink, saying that it gave him extra strength.
31. Urine Luck
The Romans used human urine in industries like leather tanning, and some of these companies even paid a “urine tax” for the privilege. But that’s not all: Urine was used by the Romans as a laundry detergent, a fertilizer, and even as a mouthwash. Because, you know, nothing makes your mouth cleaner than...
32. A Brush With The Egyptians
blue and white plastic bottlePhoto by 莎莉 彭 on UnsplashIn this instance, at least, the Egyptians were centuries ahead of the Romans, and even ahead of pre-20th century Westerners. The Egyptians invented the toothbrush, and used it in conjunction with a toothpaste made of gum arabica, soot, and water that actually would have done an OK job.
33. Mint Condition
In fact, one 4th century Egyptian text offers a complete—though different—recipe for toothpaste: one drachma of rock salt, one drachma of iris flowers, 20 grains of pepper, and, of course, two drachmas of mint for kissably fresh breath. Hey, if it's not human urine, I'll take it!
34. Getting Around To It
man and woman statue under blue sky during daytimePhoto by Sergio García on UnsplashLet’s talk about bad habits for a minute. Here in the modern world, many of us have trouble getting motivated—we tend to put off starting things, even if they’re important or good for us. But don't feel so bad, even our ancient ancestors struggled with procrastination.
Putting off crucial business was so common in Ancient Greece that the Greeks had a word for it: akrasia, “the state of acting against one’s own interest.”
35. So Stupid, It’s Smart
One Greek statesman discovered a trick to help him defeat akrasia: Demosthenes shaved one side of his head (seriously). Funny, but how does it help? Demosthenes reasoned—rightly, perhaps—that he would be less tempted to go outside if he knew people would make fun of his stupid haircut. Rather than risk the mockery and taunts of his fellow Athenians, he stayed home and studied. Something to remember next time you’ve got a big exam coming up.
36. Moldy Medicine
sliced bread on tablePhoto by Helena Yankovska on UnsplashThe Ancient Egyptians applied moldy bread crusts to burns. This practice has also been found in ancient Greek, Chinese, and Serbian cultures. While none of these ancient cultures had any way to know specifically, they did seem to intuit that the microbes and antibodies active in the mold were good for fighting off infections.
37. An Eyebrow Raising Habit
Eyebrows were important to the Ancient Egyptians, as well. The death of a household cat was a serious tragedy—the Egyptians literally worshipped the furry felines—and families would often demonstrate their grief by shaving their eyebrows off.
38. The Cat’s Pyjamas
Free Images : animal, monument, statue, cat, egypt, sculpture ...pxhere.comCats were idolized by the Egyptians because of their skill at killing vermin like rats and snakes, and because they also represented fertility. When a cat died, even the cat of a laborer, it was given a noble burial, mummified, and laid to rest surrounded by pots of milk and mummified mice. We should all be so lucky.
39. Pretty Disrespectful
The practice of mummifying cats was so common that, over the course of the 19th century, British industrialists were able to import nineteen tons of mummified kitties for use as fertilizer.
40. Not Monkeying Around
black monkey sitting on rock during daytimePhoto by Benjamin Ong on UnsplashCats weren’t the only pets loved by the Egyptians; they were also known to keep monkeys. Big monkeys. Really big monkeys, like baboons, in fact. Baboons don’t live in Egypt—they had to be imported to Egypt specifically—but their popularity led them to develop a wealth of cultural and religious significance to the Egyptian people, and one was considered lucky indeed to have one of the simians in their home.
41. The Hogs Of War
The Greeks and Romans employed an unlikely ally when they went to war: Because their rivals in the east typically employed elephants, the Greeks and Romans enlisted the help of war pigs, whose squeals terrified the giant beasts.
42. The Romans Treated Their Kids Like Garbage
a statue of a person holding a staffPhoto by Clemens van Lay on UnsplashRoman families did have adoption practices—even Julius Caesar adopted his great-nephew Octavian, later known as Augustus—but it was mostly a way for the wealthy Roman elite to ensure they had an heir. For poorer families, unwanted children were often just left at the dump.
If those unwanted babies didn’t die, they were usually taken to be raised as slaves.
Where do babies come from?
One of life's greatest mysteries.
Or one of life's most solid truths.
But when we're young, we don't know all of the details.
But that doesn't mean there aren't questions.
Oh, the number of questions and curiosities.
Redditor DramaticChoice4 wanted to discuss the stork's journey, so they asked:
"How did you use to think babies were made?"
So Random
Im Pregnant Mama Said GIF by OriginalsGiphy"I thought it was like an illness, you just randomly come down with pregnancy once you're married."
cb1216
The Egg
"My friends and I had a pretty solid worldview on this A man down the street from us was rumored to have 1 testicle. This man also had 1 kid So, we deduced that when you want to have kids, the man fires a testicle into the woman, and that testicle acted as 'the egg.'"
"We realized that this would be painful for the man, but that it would also make it 'fair' since we figured that giving birth must be painful as well We couldn't figure out why some families had more than 2 kids, but that was a problem for another day."
sneekeemonkee
Home Invasion
"I thought they would just appear. Like they spawned somewhere in the house."
"No, they had to love each other very much and concentrate on that for it to happen. At least that’s the explanation I had given myself as a small child."
"Then I learned that women get pregnant, but in the dialect of the region around Venezia (Italy) where I grew up, it is common to say 'I’m buying a baby' when you’re pregnant. So I thought there was an actual place you went to purchase pregnancy... lol."
millennium-popsicle
Hold Me
"Through cuddling. My parents had me watch a movie about the facts of life. It showed a man and a woman cuddling on the couch in one scene, and then in the next, the narrator was talking about how an egg is fertilized. So, the implication was that this happened via cuddling."
Old_Army90
Born That Way
Music Video Mv GIF by Lady GagaGiphy"I don't know. I used to think that my parents were born as parents and I was born as a child, so for 2-3 years I thought that I wasn’t going to age and so my parents."
ChemicalAd1157
Kids. We were so innocent at one time.
Born that way. Cute thought.
Delivery
"Babies are made at a baby factory."
Kotopause
"And delivered by a giant bird. Dumbo (1941) messed me up in so many ways."
MadOrange64
Saliva
"I knew that kissing was involved. I also knew that sperm was involved after watching 'Look Who’s Talking' with my parents (I think there’s a scene showing the sperm traveling to the egg while talking to each other). So my 7-year-old brain assumed that somehow sperm was transferred through the saliva while kissing."
Djent_Reznor1
The Seed
"My mom explained to me that she and my dad helped God make me. So I imagined them traveling to heaven and picking out parts like it was a build-a-bear or something. So then I was very confused when I asked my mom what heaven was like and she said she had never been. I was like, I knew it... I'm adopted."
"I explained to my children (7, 6 & 4) when I was having our 4th last year that mommies have eggs in their bellies, and daddies have a seed. And then the daddy puts the seed in the belly, it goes into the egg and the baby starts growing. They asked how the seed gets in the belly and I told them I would tell them when they are older. I'm pretty sure they think it goes in through the belly button."
spidermom4
Good Faith
Pop Tv Please GIF by One Day At A TimeGiphy"My parents told me that you just had to pray for one and you can be pregnant the next day."
asn-grl
"My mom's friend thought the opposite, she would pray every night not to get pregnant because she thought that she could just get preggers randomly."
HumanHuman_2003
Prayer can only do so much.
But I'm not going to get into that aspect if it all.
Weddings are supposed to be overwhelmingly happy and fun occasions, but sometimes people get too honest at weddings.
There are certain comments that absolutely shouldn't be made to the happy couple, no matter someone's opinion of the wedding, but when those comments are made, the day can quickly go from a happy time to an awkward one.
Redditor XqueezeMePlease asked:
"What is the worst thing to say to a bride or groom on their wedding day?"
Never the Right Time
"'I thought I would announce, my husband I are engaged or pregnant!'"
- Ms__Keisha
An Unhappy Bride
"At the end of my best man speech two weeks ago, I said, 'I hope I did a good enough job to be able to do this at your next wedding.'"
"The bride wasn’t too happy apparently…"
- Impossible_Doge_90
Think Long and Hard
"I had a good friend (at the time) come up to me, pleading to make sure I am making the right choice and to make sure to think long and hard about it before getting married."
"Two years later, he apologized and blamed it on being wasted. I haven't seen or heard from him since."
- Additional-Bag-1961
These Are Happy Tears
"My dad told his niece on a recording, 'Thinking about your future brings a tear to my eye.'"
- Saiphos
"Oooh, this one is so dependent on tone and inflection, it could be wildly harsh or endearingly sweet!"
"I said, 'No, I'm not much of a happy crier,' when offered tissues at a wedding where everyone knew it was a mistake. Was it a misspeak or a jab, no one could quite tell."
- abqkat
Way to Arrive Prepared
"'Wait, our wedding day is today?'"
- Automatic_Sign3189
Open Bar Troubles
"I've been to one wedding with an open bar."
"I was the plus one and my significant other did a lot of talking with people so I sat and drank... probably more than I should have."
"At one point, the bride sat next to me, we chat, and she (in her drunken state) while crying told me (in my getting drunk state) about how her parents were mad at her for getting drunk at the open bar reception they paid for."
"Cool."
"About a half hour later, my significant other and I were leaving and the mother-of-the-bride said TO THE BRIDE, 'Your father is so sad you're like this.'"
"I shouted in response, 'Yeah, well, you made your daughter CRY on her wedding day so MAYBE CHILL.'"
"The deputy told me to leave and my significant other doesn't ask me to go to weddings anymore."
- Caellum2
Predicting the Future
"See you in 10 years for the divorce."
- Real_Beary
"I give you five years, tops."
- Loa_Sandal
Awkward Comments
"This is so sweet, everyone needs a first marriage. you guys look like ya'll could still be friends after the divorce."
- TrailerParkPrepper
Backhanded Compliments
"I don’t care what people say, I think you two are great together."
- GregSays
Classic Projections
"My MIL (Mother-in-Law) didn't attend our wedding, but she told my husband, 'These things don't always last.'"
"We've been together for 25 years."
- aj0457
Poor Marriage Record
"A guy at work, on my last day before my vacation started for my wedding and honeymoon said, 'Good luck with that. I say that as a two-time loser.'"
- kjm16216
Serial Killer Vibes
"At my friend's uncle’s wedding, he told me someone said, 'I want you to look at each other in the eyes, look at the love, the compassion, the joy radiating off your partner and realize... You are now looking at the person who is most likely to kill you.'"
- spooderman2228
The Perfect Pair
"You deserve each other."
- Highway_Man_87
"Oh my god, that’s so backhanded. I love it."
- mishyfishy135
Slip of the Tongue
"I was at a wedding, and during the post-event photos, the groom knocked the flowers out of the bride's hand, and without thinking, I said, 'Gee, you just deflowered her,' and found out is was recorded on the videos they sent out to all their families."
- harperrrc
What a Nightmare
"Hi, I'm your videographer, and during the ceremony... I forgot to press 'record.'"
- Tiberius_Jim
"This happened to me, except it was our photographer. She just… didn’t take any pictures of the ceremony."
"The only reason I didn’t kick her out was she was my husband’s aunt. The pictures she did take of the day were really bad. I have many regrets. Apparently, she used to be a professional photographer, but I now doubt that."
- mishyfishy135
Though a wedding is a big, happy event, there are still ways to mess it up, including comments made by the attendees.
We could all be a little more mindful of what we say to the happy couple on their special day, and how our comments could impact their memory of it.
One thing is for sure: Good reactions to a break-up are few and far between. It’s hard to keep your dignity when you’ve been dumped. We’ve all had moments where we maaaybe acted desperate or angry, but some unhinged exes take it to the next level. These Redditors came together to share their stories of brutal reactions to a break-up—and they’re so disturbing, they’re unforgettable.
1. Clear-Cut Revenge
man in orange and black helmet riding on brown tree branch under blue sky during daytimePhoto by benjamin lehman on UnsplashThis happened to my neighbors. They were a couple who went through a divorce and she got the house in the settlement. However, it was only the house and the immediate house lot. Not the surrounding land, as that went to the husband. That’s how he got his revenge on her. The first thing he did was sell all the lumber off the rest of the land.
She went from living in a nice forest to living on clearcut land. But he wasn't done yet! Once the trees were gone he sold off the topsoil, then the gravel under that. By the time he was done her house was on a hill overlooking a barren landscape reminiscent of the lunar surface. This was years ago, and the place is still hideous.
2. She Made Her Bed, Now She Has To Lie In It
white bathtub with shower curtainPhoto by Alexander Fife on UnsplashShe took all my shower stuff while I was at work. Curtain, rod, all that stuff...and the toilet bowl scrubber. She took it all, so when I came home and I said, “Okay, not letting her take more of my stuff that's actually important”! So, I changed the locks. While at work that night, she calls and says she needs in the apartment to get her things.
I tell her nah, not without me there, I don't want you taking my stuff. She says she'll call the authorities, and I tell her to go ahead. A couple of officers show up at my work and ask what's going on. I show them my lease with her name not on it, and they say okay, we'll have her when she comes back tomorrow, call us when she shows up.
She comes the next day, and tells me she's taking my bed, worth $700. I tell her no, she didn't pay for it, and I have my credit statement printed ready to show the officers. She tries to argue that she's taking the bed. The officer says “Look, you're not taking it, if you think you deserve it, take him to court”. She then tries arguing with the guy.
The officer says “Did you not hear me right? Take him to court”! Well, I didn't hear back from her about it.
3. Interior Decoration As Revenge
a room that has some tools in itPhoto by Stefan Lehner on UnsplashThere was a couple who lived across the street from my family when I was younger. She was friends with my mom, and he helped my dad install our pool. Turns out they were having some issues, and while she was out of town for work, he gutted their entire kitchen. I mean, walls, appliances, ceiling...everything. So she comes back, finds it, they argue and she moves out and moves in with her mom.
Through court dealings, she ends up back in the house, but he's going to get the house eventually. I was only 13 or so, so I don't remember specifics. Just days before he's supposed to move back in, my parents help her move all of the furniture that she bought before they got married, which was literally everything besides the mattress and one recliner.
That's all he was left with when he moved back in. But it didn’t end there. After he moved back in and the divorce was final, he went through a phase where he had another woman living with him, but also had a boyfriend who would frequently visit. One of the last times we saw any of them was around midnight one night. The neighbor, the boyfriend, and an apparent third party had some sort of loud, drunken lovers' quarrel.
I don't know what happened inside the house after we called 9-1-1, but all three left in a police car after being tased.
4. Party For One
person in blue NBA Dallas Mavericks crew neck shirt sitting while holding bowl with potato chipsPhoto by Phillip Goldsberry on UnsplashYears ago, in the late 90s, I discovered my girlfriend's awful secret. I'd already been living with her for a year when I found out she'd been sleeping with her boss. The timing could not have been worse. It was the week of our Super Bowl party. We both had plenty of guests coming. We’d been planning it for over a month. I spent all my money buying every type of drink that we thought anyone would want.
We were young upcoming professionals. She was just under 21. Not able to buy the hard stuff. She pulled me aside and broke up with me on the Friday before that weekend. I saw it coming. She left to go to the beach with her boss and told me to move on Super Bowl weekend. So…I came up with a plan. I called my people and moved the party.
I took all of my furniture—everything but one TV, bed, one glass, and one chair. That was it! No dishes. Nothing. The place was bare! It took me many hockey bags to move the drinks, but we drank for weeks with it! I heard she had her own party—with everyone showing up to one bottle, one glass, one chair, and nothing else.
5. She Was Cooking With Gas
black and white chess pieces on black and silver gas stovePhoto by Callum Hill on UnsplashWe agreed that she'd collect her stuff from "our" place when we broke, without me being there. I arrived later that evening to make a seriously disturbing discovery. She’d left two gas valves opened—so I guess I'm lucky I didn't light a cigarette. I considered it, but I didn’t call the authorities. How would I prove it anyway?
At that point, I was just glad she was out of there and out of my life. And still am. So I decided to ignore it and not sound like a lunatic wailing at an officer about a murderous girlfriend. Believe me, at this point we'd been through enough.
6. The Houseguest
woman sitting on brown chair beside glass windowPhoto by Anthony Tran on UnsplashShe "broke" into my house every day for about a month while I was at work. Showered, cooked food, watched TV, and then left before I got home. I came home early one day and she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She very matter-of-factly said, "Oh I didn't think you'd be home at this time". I asked how she got in. When we were dating I had lent her my keys once.
She got one cut for herself without me knowing. Of course, after arguing we…made up. Being with a crazy person can be fun. But that was the second last time ever.
7. T Minus U
brown short coated dog on brown wooden parquet floorPhoto by Kari Shea on UnsplashIt’s kind of messed up, but more hilarious. My ex-wife was still staying in the guest room—we just split and hadn't completed the divorce yet—on a temp basis while she found a new place. I grew tired of her attitude and told her I wanted her and all of her stuff out ASAP. I got home from an 18-hour shift, and when I got home at 6:30 am, I was greeted by a chilling sight.
It was empty. There was a full-on echo in that house. She got it all out of there, I'll tell you that. I had nothing but a stripped mattress on the bedroom floor. She hated the mattress, but bought all of the furniture in there, so she took all that. The funniest part? We had our initials in wood lettering on the wall, and the only thing that was left on any wall in the house was my remaining initials.
She plucked her "T" off the wall. I took a laughing selfie next to it and sent it to her.
8. Losing Two People With One Breakup
man kissing woman foreheadPhoto by Allef Vinicius on UnsplashMe and my ex were high school sweethearts, she was my first and I was hers. We had been together for five years and been living together for three years when she broke it off. She waited about four weeks before she started dating my best friend, whom I had known since kindergarten.
Me and my "friend" had always been very close, he talked with me when she broke it up, consoled me, played the good guy while he and she were dating behind my back the whole time. This was a friend I was hanging out with almost daily for my whole life, skyping, playing all the new games together—we even went to the same schools just to be able to study the same things.
I didn’t see it coming and was heartbroken when it ended. She took all of “our” stuff and moved out on the same day. I was left in complete awe and didn’t even manage to put up a fight before she had 90% of everything we owned together. She even took my best friend. He just stopped talking to me after a few weeks and I haven’t heard from any of them for four years now.
I didn’t know that they had been dating so long until a mutual friend told me one year later when they announced their relationship. I guess it isn’t as messed up as many of these posts here, but it left me messed up. I have trust issues and have never been as lonely in my life as I am now. What really sickens me is that she took my best friend.
She could have had everything else, but why my best friend...
9. Champagne For My Ex, Real Pain For Me
grayscale photo of person holding bottlePhoto by Nathan Walker on UnsplashOn my first night in a new city, I call my mother to tell her I arrived safely. She tells me that the girl I dated when I was 16-17—I was 23 and hadn't heard a peep in five years—called out of the blue looking for me and left her number. Lonely and bored, I rang her up and had a strange catch-up session. She told me she was engaged to a woman and that her life after we broke up was a series of unfortunate events.
We hung up on pleasant terms with no plans to keep in touch. Three days later, I am exiting my building and who is standing there in the rain waiting…yep...her. She had flown 2,500 miles in the middle of the night because she thought we were destined to be together. She told me how she was so torn up about us not being together that she had pulled out all of her hair...down there.
She also brought her fiancé who was as crazy as she was, and was urging my ex to have a baby with me. I calmly tried to tell her that this was insane and that I had no interest in any of this when, out of nowhere, everything goes black. I wake up to chaos as my doorman is holding the fiancé down, waiting for paramedics and law enforcement to arrive.
It turns out she had hit me on the back of the head with a full bottle of champagne they had brought to celebrate with. Restraining orders followed.
10. The Gift That Keeps On Giving
white and blue magnetic cardPhoto by Avery Evans on UnsplashMy ex reopened several credit cards that we had jointly but had paid off and closed before the divorce. What she did was nothing short of evil.Somehow she opened them back up in my name and charged them to the max, then moved out of state and stopped paying her car payments. All of these things ended up getting reported to my credit years later, and pretty much ruined any chance I have at decent credit for the next 7-10 years in the US.
I've been divorced and lived outside the US for eight years now. I recently got a strange letter in the mail—and that's when I finally realized what she'd done. I know all this can be corrected eventually but the hassle of explaining things to several credit companies and collection agencies is a major pain.
11. A Moving Obstacle
woman standing near treePhoto by Mahbod Akhzami on UnsplashI had an ex show up at my parents’ house—I was 19 and living with them—and demand we work things out. I asked her to leave and she refused. I grabbed my then 11-year-old brother, put him in my car, and tried to leave. Her reaction was seriously deranged. She blocked the driveway with her body, so I had to drive in the yard.
She then got mad that I left and drove to my mother’s place of employment to talk to her about it! After my mum told her to leave her work, she shows back up at my house and refuses to leave again. I locked up the house and she sat on the porch swing for three hours before my stepdad arrived home from work, tossed gas money at her, and told her to get the heck off his property.
She was crazy.
12. The Neverending Story
man holding smartphone leaning on bicycle during daytimePhoto by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on UnsplashFirst, he checked himself into the hospital because he was threatening to hurt himself. Then he had his mother call me and leave me voicemails trying to get me to take him back. He went on all my social media accounts and liked all my pictures and posts from the past year, so I blocked him on everything. I ended up having to change my phone number because he constantly calls and texts me, begging me to take him back.
Then, when I don't reply he insults me and threatens me. He sent me a box with $400 worth of gifts for my birthday. Yesterday, he created a fake account on Pinterest and messaged me 25 times. He's insane.
13. Now That’s A Power Move
white usb cable plugged in white electric socketPhoto by Kelly Sikkema on UnsplashMy ex called one day and told me that the power company wouldn't give her an account until she paid the remainder of the bill from when we lived together, so she decided that was my responsibility. She called—I could tell her new boyfriend was sitting with her—and told me that I needed to pay the bill for her new place. This was my moment.
I told her, "Okay, hold on a sec...looking at the bills from when we lived together...let's start with April, I paid this much and you didn't pay, so take half of that, May, I paid this much and you didn't pay, so take half of that, June, I paid this much and you didn't pay, so take half of that..”. I kept going, she said nothing. When I finished, I said, "So, looks like you owe me about a thousand dollars”.
I continued: “So, you can either send me that money or deal with your own bill on your own". She said okay and hung up—I never heard one word about it after that.
14. Lie Like A Rug
woman in black and white dress sitting on concrete stairsPhoto by Zhivko Minkov on UnsplashI dated this girl right before high school who was having a rough time for about a year or so. She hurt herself, drank hydrogen peroxide in an attempt to take her own life, and nearly jumped off her roof at one point. Her parents were horrible to her, and she said they "dragged her by her hair" and "locked her in a closet for half a day”. I was so worried, I called child services.
They went to her—and they uncovered the disturbing truth. She confessed that she was lying. It took me a while to realize that she actually was lying. About a week after I stopped talking to her. All I felt toward her was pure hatred and disgust. Then she messaged me on Facebook, saying: "If you can't put this behind you, it's all your fault”.
She lied about her entire life to me, and then said it was my fault.
15. Tick Tock
alarm clock at 10:10Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on UnsplashA buddy of mine was living in America at the time while his fiancé of a few years was back in England. When he went back to visit, he found out that she was sleeping with his best friend and basically kicked him out of their house. To get revenge, he bought 100 alarm clocks that he could set the day as well as hour and minutes.
When he went to collect his things one afternoon, while the ex-fiancé was away, he hid them all over the house. And by all over the house I mean in the vents, in the insulation of the attic right above her bedroom—everywhere! The kicker is: He set most of them for big days in their lives like their anniversary, birthdays, etc.
16. She Really Doesn’t Believe In Long-Distance
person walking in the middle on vehiclesPhoto by Ruffa Jane Reyes on UnsplashWe were living together at the time. I received a great job offer on the West Coast—we were on the East Coast at the time—so I called her to talk about it. Her reaction made my blood run cold. She changed the locks, sold my stuff, wrote a nasty letter to my mother, and contacted the company to tell them why they shouldn't hire me.
I took the job and moved anyway. She kept contacting the HR department. She moved to the same area about three months later. Every once in a while I would see her car in the office parking lot. It finally stopped when I sued her. Well, technically, it didn't stop until she dragged it all the way out to depositions and her lawyer finally had an opportunity to see the other half of the story.
The whole process took about two years before receiving a check from her.
17. Man’s Best Friend
white and brown long coat large dogPhoto by Pauline Loroy on UnsplashUgh. Mine tried and tried to get my dog. She actually had him for months while I was living in a place where I couldn't keep him. She did NOTHING for him the entire time. Her parents fed him, and he just ran around in the backyard with their dogs. I even gave her money to get him to the vet to get neutered and shots. She decided to spend that money on partying instead.
I never did get the money back, but as soon as I got my place, I went and got my dog back while she was out of the house. Her dad told me when she wouldn't be there. He said, "You don't take a man's dog from him". Dude always had my back when her and I were together, too. Solid guy.
18. A Stab In The Dark
a hockey stick and a hockey puck in the snowPhoto by Alina Belogolova on UnsplashI met this girl over the internet on one of those stupid social sites. She lived in the same country as me and has roughly the same musical taste as me, so I thought: "Why the heck not" and met her. She was nice and we fell in love as much as pre-teens can love and had a relationship for about 11 months. She went through lots of depression and accused me of a lot of things.
Eventually, she broke up with me because she was "not sure I wasn't going to cheat on her". I was honestly kinda glad to be rid of her, but that wasn't the end of it. She called me a few days later because she wanted me back, but I was sick of her nonsense and told her so. Well, rule one of crazy people: do not call anything they do nonsense.
I had a few days of relative calm with just a bunch of angry texts, guilt trips, etc. Four days after calling her behavior nonsense was my half day at school, so I got home early and had the house to myself. There was a knocking at the door and since I was waiting for a parcel I didn't think much of it. I opened the door. That’s when I got a chilling surprise.
The next thing I know I am standing with my back pressed against the door I’d just hastily closed again, my shirt red with blood. My ex had brought a sharpened hockey stick—hockey chicks are crazy. I luckily only opened the door a bit and have relatively fast reflexes so what otherwise would've been a deep cut through my throat was merely a flesh wound.
The end of that story was a call to law enforcement, psychiatric help for her, and a deep mistrust to people for me for the longest time.
19. Someone Watches The Bachelorette Too Much
silver-colored ring on top of red rosesPhoto by Esther Tuttle on UnsplashHe showed up at my place in a suit. Asked me to marry him. Had a ring and everything. I was already dating someone else (still am), which he knew. We were already broken up for a while, my guess is that the "dating another guy" thing was what set him off. That was probably the weirdest day of my life, seeing as the new boyfriend had just left 15 min before.
20. A Rumor Campaign
white and black printed paperPhoto by Ranurte on UnsplashHe made about a hundred or so little fliers and put them around town saying something to the extent of "You're a piece of trash. Got a problem with that? Call [my home phone number] or go to this address”. My family had to put up with angry idiots calling and showing up to our house for weeks. He also would phony call 9-1-1 with false reports, noise complaints, tales of underage drinking, etc., and give them my address.
The most twisted part of all? This was in eighth grade! We "dated" for like two months when I was in an "angsty" phase. We, thank god, never even got past second base. Guy was, and probably still is, nuts.
21. Grand Theft Auto: Florida
a truck is driving down a dirt roadPhoto by Brian Beckwith on UnsplashMy ex tried to steal my truck. I always kept the keys on a clip, attached to a belt loop, as I'm notorious for losing them myself. I had watched her go outside and put her purse and other stuff in the truck, like somehow I couldn't see out the window. Then she started searching the house. She said she couldn't find "her" keys. Her car wasn't even there, she got dropped off.
I locked the truck with the remote and when she went out, I locked her out too and called her ride. She went from vengeful to tears in seconds when she realized she was stuck out in the Florida heat.
22. The Breakup Protection Program
womenPhoto by Samson Ejim on UnsplashI went on three dates with this guy. After the third date, I left to go back to London as an au-pair. The guy had his sister send me a traditional African wedding dress to my host family, and a letter stating that she was so happy for us and hoped I would visit her in Mali. I said absolutely NOT. He then had his friends and brother call me and berate me for breaking up with him.
But he didn’t stop there. He had them say I could not possibly break up with him, because his parents had already bought the plane tickets to come to see me before the wedding, and then tried to stick me with the costs for said tickets. I changed my cell phone number and had the host family say that I had gone back home and they had no forwarding address.
23. What Could’ve Been
man in black jacket sitting on doorwayPhoto by Elyas Pasban on UnsplashWe were together for five years, engaged for three. Nothing like sitting at work on your second day when you get a phone call from the state hospital saying they have your "fiancée". We had been split up for two months because he was terrible to me, and also just plain crazy. I asked to be excused from work, which they were surprisingly okay with, hopped across town to find him in the locked ward.
I walked in and asked what he did, seeing as he seemed to be physically unharmed. It turns out he was caught by security trying to jump off a building. He said that if I didn't get back with him that there was no point in living, I told him that there was no chance I was marrying him. But I'd always be there as a support. I called his mother who lived interstate and demanded she come and collect him.
As crazy as he was, he didn't belong in a place like that, with people who were so far gone they were more disorder than person. They would only release him into the care of someone else and I told him it wasn't going to be me and that was the end of it. The last time I saw him was just a few hours before his flight. He asked for just a few hours of "normal".
So we cooked dinner, talked about mundane stuff, went to volleyball together with our friends, and then at the end of our game, his mom stood at the doorway to collect him. And he left. I guess you could say the worst thing he did wasn't trying to emotionally manipulate me. It was giving me a taste of what could have been, allowing me to feel something right before he left my life.
Make no mistake, I am far better off out of the relationship, I'm borderline unrecognizable as being the same person. But that departure ruined me for a long time. Never have one last fling, it's better to end with bitterness on your tongue than deal with months of "what ifs" and "buts".
24. Wednesday’s Child Is Full Of Woe
selective focus photography of girl cryingPhoto by Arwan Sutanto on UnsplashMy friend's ex-husband was a powerful attorney, so he won custody of their three-year-old daughter. He’d then use the kid to toy with her in the most disturbing way. He would tell the daughter on a Wednesday that Mommy was coming to pick her up that night, when she was only supposed to get her on Thursday night and every other weekend.
The three-year-old would call her crying, asking why Mommy wasn't there to pick her up. He was a psychotic jerk.
25. Barking At The Moon
man in brown hoodie standing on brown field during daytimePhoto by Sebastian Pociecha on UnsplashMy ex was a lunatic. Probably still is. The very definition of a lunatic. He was a classic jerk and I fell for it for a while—shame—but I wised up and dumped him. Then he started coming over, knocking on the door. I was on the ground floor so right at the sitting-room window. He kept trying to get me to let him in and talk to him. I got paranoid and had my blinds closed a lot.
It seems like a common-or-garden type of “Please take me back please” thing, right? But after a couple of instances, I realized that all his visits had one thing in common. It was a full moon. He'd come over every few weeks, during the full moon. It got so I could predict him turning up. He also jumped me on my way home so I got the authorities involved.
I never told them about the moon thing because I was embarrassed for some reason, but I didn't know where he lived so they couldn't even find him. Eventually, I moved across the city to get away. The move date was during the no-moon bit so I could relax and pack and just go without worrying about him turning up. I kind of wish I could have seen his face when he inevitably turned up a week or so after I'd gone and seen the flat empty.
Funnily enough, I recently talked about this to an acquaintance who I knew had been to court over her being stalked by her ex. I tentatively brought up the moon thing and she said, "Oh yeah, mine would do that too". It's a thing!
26. Flapping Her Gums
woman placing sticky notes on wallPhoto by Jason Goodman on UnsplashShe worked at the same place I did and after I broke up with her she told everyone I cheated on her—I didn't—with an intern we called “Gums,” because when she laughed all you could see was her gums. For a few months, everyone believed her and I was “the jerk”. A few months later, I almost got fired when my new boss went crazy in a meeting.
I didn't know why—but then I learned the bizarre truth. It turns out she was dating my boss. She told him all sorts of lies and he decided to get back at me in this meeting. I left the company shortly after. I later heard they spawned a demon-child.
27. Timing Is Everything
woman wearing black sweater holding hand with man wearing gray suit jacketPhoto by René Ranisch on UnsplashWe were a couple for seven years, and talked about marriage after her kids graduated from college. One night, she dumped me out of the blue. Three years later, she's engaged to the guy she dumped me for, and posted online about how wonderful her anniversary dinner was one night. The date of her anniversary dinner was over two weeks before she dumped me.
28. Making A Scene
a person standing next to a car with smoke coming out of itPhoto by Johannes Blenke on UnsplashFive years ago, I broke it off with a "fine" young lady after just a six-month relationship. However, a week later, I discovered that it wasn't exactly over for her and she had been keeping an eye on me, to make sure I was okay, I guess. Keep in mind she lived on the complete opposite side of a major city too, so some dedication was needed here.
I was forced to confront her after she calls me freaking out about who I was hanging out with because I wasn't home at night. This was more than unsettling—so I took a look out the window and made a chilling discovery. I see she's in front of my house at about two in the morning. After a very heated argument, I demand that she leave me alone and never come back.
So she gets in her car and peels out and off into the distance. That relief was very short-lived. As soon as I thought she was gone, she turns around and floors it going 60ish in a quiet neighborhood. Somehow, it gets even crazier. She swerves to run me over, and I have to dive out of the way to avoid the car. She slammed into my neighbor's car so hard that it spins out into the middle of the street.
All I can hear is her crazy screaming. Her middle console catches on fire and I have to pull her out of the car. Shortly after, all the neighbors are awake and the place is swarming with sirens and emergency vehicles. This is burned into my memory.
29. He Went Down The Rabbit Hole
white and black rabbit on green grassPhoto by Gavin Allanwood on UnsplashA guy that I broke up with two months earlier showed up at my house at 2 am and banged on the door until I opened it. He pushed his way past me into the house, and put a skinned rabbit in my freezer. It was almost completely skinned, but the head was intact, ears and all. I have no idea where he got it, but it was just in a plastic grocery bag.
I actually couldn't tell what it was until after he left, because it was all wrapped up. I was trying to stay calm, but he's 6'3” tall and I'm only 5'5”. It was scary. He was completely sober too. Did I mention that he lived 90 minutes away, had no friends in my town, and I had asked him numerous times to stay away from my house?
My male roommate woke up and the ex took off after grabbing one of my roommate's books off of the living room shelf. When I texted him about the rabbit, he said I was overreacting and that he just brought it as a present because people like rabbit, and said he was just there to get "his book". I was a vegetarian at the time. I still won't eat rabbit.
30. Unpleasant Surprise
high-angle photography of two red and white vehicles on concrete road between trees and buildings at daytimePhoto by Lance Asper on UnsplashMy exchange student ex was my first sweetheart and love during my senior year in high school. She agreed to study in Florida with me for college. I went to Saint Leo university, she went to the Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale. I would try to visit her every weekend. I would drive for five hours straight to just spend one night or two with her.
One day, I decided to visit her in the middle of the week. Long story short, her roommate told me she'd been hanging out with another guy and that she asked the room to herself a few times apparently with the guy. Her roommate told me she was at the library that night, so I went to go talk to her. I couldn't believe my eyes. I found her there with the other guy holding hands.
She saw me and got up, but I made a 180 and left. I didn't even have enough money to get back until Thursday, because I spent all my money going from my school to hers. I had to sleep in my car, which is a tight fit, and had to suffer through 25 missed calls and numerous text messages, which I deleted on the spot and didn't read.
The most embarrassing part? When I was driving back, I cried to the song “You Make Me Feel Like,” by Cobra Starship.
31. Tag Teamed
woman's face photographPhoto by Noah Buscher on UnsplashWe had broken up a week before Christmas. New Years comes around and I'm at a party. She's blowing up my phone. I have no idea at the time. A friend approaches me, tells me she's calling him too. I step outside, see I have about 30 missed calls and 7 voicemails. Two from her, five from her mother. I hear all of them to get the details.
Apparently, a "close friend" of hers had passed. A friend I had never heard her mention. Her mother’s voicemails were telling me that if I really cared about her I'd be there for her, I'm a jerk, all that jazz. So I think, I'll bite, I'm not a jerk. I have a friend take me over there, call a friend’s mom on the way, and let her know that I'll be going to my ex’s house.
We get there. She and her mother are outside. I'm there with three friends. She's sobbing. I ask if she'd like to walk around and talk about it. She talks about the deceased for a whole two minutes and then changes the subject to us. 30 minutes of talking about us. We get back to her house. With everyone around. I tell her that I came to support her, but I don't want to get back with her.
Her reaction was terrifying. She goes off on a tantrum. She’s screaming at the top of her lungs, a neighbor even came out to make sure no one was getting hurt. She keeps screaming at me, asking how I can do this to her. She then lies about being pregnant, even though I always use protection. No chance. I call her out on that.
She throws her phone across the road, a throw of a lifetime. Unfortunately, there were no scouts for the NFL. She's on the floor hitting herself. Her mother is screaming...at me. I decide I should leave before it gets worse. I'm honestly scared. I go home, talk to my parents, and we change the codes to the house. My car gets egged every day for a whole month.
A whole month, save maybe three days. Oh, but that wasn't the end of it. Five years later, I see a familiar car pull in front of me as I'm driving. It brake-checks me to the point that I have to veer off the road. The car speeds up to a red light. I'm angry so I pull up to the car once I get off the grass. Lo and behold, her mother.
32. Catphished
blue and white logo guessing gamePhoto by Brett Jordan on UnsplashAn ex of mine a number of years ago, after she ended things, subsequently sent me a dodgy e-mail that I thought nothing of. A couple of days later, I was locked out of all e-mail, Facebook, and any other accounts I had tied to that e-mail address. I also had my online bank details configured through it. She then emptied my bank accounts and posted lots and lots of horrific hate all over my social media profiles.
She even aimed some rants at my nephews who were only 14-15 at the time. Then she also contacted my university and unenrolled me from my degree. Basically, she set about trying to completely ruin my life.
33. If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again
a woman with long hair and piercings on her headPhoto by Kateryna Hliznitsova on UnsplashWhen I was about 15, I went out with a girl from a different school. The relationship was messed up the whole time, as she was a very terrible person. Anyway, I tried breaking it off multiple times, and I was always faced with the old "Well, I'll just hurt myself then”. She used to be a cutter before we got together, so part of me thought she probably would try to take her own life.
Not wanting to have that on my conscience, I stayed with her for a while. After getting really fed up with the relationship I broke it off for real, and she did not take it well. She told pretty much her whole school that I got her pregnant. That rumor made its way to my school, which made its way to my family. This was crazy, we hadn't got physical at all, yet everyone believed her over me!
She even tried playing this out for as long as possible, even going as far as giving herself a “baby bump”. She was absolutely insane. I confronted her at her school when she had a bump, I don't know how the heck she'd done it, but her little group of friends carried that lie so hard. In the end, my parents obviously took my side, but them confronting me about teenage pregnancy at the age of 15 was frightening.
They thought I was just trying to cover it up as I didn't go to them with the problem first. I ended up calling the girl's mom and sat down and had a conversation with her, I'm not sure what she said to her crazy daughter but it seemed to work, she and her mum must have tried a little damage control as suddenly everyone stopped believing the lie.
Other than the meeting with her mom, I had nothing to do with her as soon as the pregnancy rumor was spread, so I don't know really what happened, I just tried to forget the whole thing and it eventually went away. My closest ally in this whole thing was actually my school homeroom teacher. He was very empathetic and helped me deal with the issue of her threatening self-harm as well as the whole pregnancy.
34. Make Up Your Mind
black Jeep Wrangler SUV on green under treesPhoto by Thomas Tucker on UnsplashHe continued to come over "unwelcomed" to stay the night. By coming over to stay the night, I mean peaking in my ground-level windows and eventually breaking in, then falling asleep on my bedroom floor. I was woken by the sound of snoring that wasn’t from my cat. Did I mention he was engaged at this point? The next day he denied doing it.
Then there is the day he was waiting for me after I finished work. A confrontation happened and I slammed his thumb in the door of his Jeep. That bruised finger looked good in his engagement photos. The night before his wedding, he begged me to sleep with him so he could call off the wedding to "the loser”. That didn’t happen.
Uh, then there is the stalking, breaking into my internet accounts, anything to get his fix.
35. Broken Home
File:Toys R Us Hialeah Florida Closing Sale (26581532387).jpg ...commons.wikimedia.orgI was two hours away from buying my son Christmas presents at Toys R Us. It was the closest toy store. This was a big deal to me because I was finally on a (somewhat) upward trajectory in life after being a completely useless young adult for the last couple of years. My son was three, and this was the first year I was able to actually go and shop for presents for him, instead of relying on family to provide gifts as I made ends meet.
Well, I am blissfully shopping away when she had her dad come to the apartment we shared. They proceeded to load the trailer he brought with almost all of the content of my apartment. Keep in mind, I was a poor 20-year-old. I have no clue this is happening until a neighbor calls and fills me in. But it gets even more devastating.
It just so happened that a blizzard starts in at this time, delaying me from getting home before they have high-tailed it out of there. I arrive home to find they went so far as to take the toilet paper off the holders in both bathrooms, along with finding the couple hundred dollars I had set aside in case of emergency. It turns out, that weekend, she used that money to buy a plane ticket to fly her and my son 1,100 miles away to her mom's house.
It also turns out, she was pregnant with my second son. I have never met the second one, and have not seen the other one in seven years now.
36. Talk About Losing Track Of Time
red Honda Civic sedanPhoto by Dieny Portinanni on UnsplashWe were living together and we decided to buy another much-needed car together. The car dealer gave me the car and asked me to get her signature to finalize the deal, he trusted us completely and stipulated just bring the paperwork back to him the next morning. Great! I bought a bottle of champagne that day and decided to get her signature ASAP.
I couldn't find her till the next morning at her mother’s house. Her mother was so happy to meet me at the door and tell me her daughter has been seeing somebody else for weeks at this house. I was floored! I had no idea, didn't even suspect anything like that could occur. I confronted her and she was like so cold and unresponsive to my questions about this new endeavor with another man.
Actually, I was getting visibly upset and was irate because of her lack of caring and answering me that I was told to leave. I left the car papers and champagne at her mother’s house. I turned the new car back to the dealer and told him I had inadvertently left the paperwork at her mother’s house. He said don't worry about it because if the deal is off the papers weren't needed.
Well, I kept tabs on her and found out who she was with, a school "friend". In time, my relationship and my love for her faded away. TWO years later, she comes back to me one night with the same car papers and the same bottle of champagne. She opened the champagne and started drinking it by herself. She was wanting to get back together! I was like what?!?
She had that same look on her face, cold and unresponsive, and she had this notion that it was just a few days ago, not two years ago, that we had a misunderstanding or a small fight??!! To her, time didn't move! And it was a only couple’s fight to her. She was actually telling me she was moving back in with me starting tomorrow without asking my permission! The girl was a loon!
When I told her this wasn't a few days ago, this was two years ago, she stared into space. That cuckoo look. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't take her back. This is what we wanted isn't it? To be together? I told her that was my sentiment two years ago and I don't have those feelings for her anymore. She looked at me like I WAS CRAZY and told me it was only days ago she was with this other guy.
She wouldn't leave so I called her mother up to come pick up her insane daughter and that was that. She was a lunatic!
37. Playing The Long Game
person holding black samsung android smartphonePhoto by Mika Baumeister on UnsplashShe made a dating profile with all of my pictures in my hometown. She talked to a ton of hideous women, apparently very sweetly, and promised to take them everywhere. She set up dates that I obviously didn't show up to with countless women. Now when I visit home there are all of these hideous women that are mad at me for standing them up.
Honestly, it's so epic that I kind of respect it for its sinister planning.
38. A Blessing And A Curse
close-up of lighted candlePhoto by David Tomaseti on UnsplashI had a bad break up with a girl who was trying on different religious affiliations like a shopper tries on pants. Throughout most of the lengthy break up process, she would show up at my door demanding to talk—with her beefy new boyfriend behind her looking like he was Ready For Action—or calling me to tell me how her new very religious boyfriend was giving her a proper rodding.
I found out she'd been doing the house visits even when I wasn't home, quietly taking things each trip, which got me even more wary. So I hatched a plan. Early in our relationship, we had done some quasi-religious ceremony she said would celebrate our union (not marriage, just union, she said) involving a big pillar candle we bought from a thrift store.
I found the candle and carved all sorts of “mysterious symbols” into it, and burned it for a couple of hours. I left it on the back porch on a plate next to a small fake brass dagger that was much more a decorative item than a weapon. It would've done a terrible job cutting butter or poking holes in paper. She called me the next day, growing more and more frantic as I openly pretended to play dumb.
She uttered dire warnings about dealing with powers I don't understand, what did you do, you don't know what you're doing, spells are beyond you, you'll get us both hurt or worse, etc., etc. I revealed nothing and everything, telling her I didn't know what she was talking about in a tone of voice that clearly said that I did. After she hung up, things were quiet for about a month.
She then showed up one night, alone, apologized, and politely asked that we talk about things, which we did, and there were revelations for her in the understanding department which eventually led to her finally leaving me alone and going her own way.
39. Ex And Ex Vs. Ex And Ex
red roses in white ceramic vasePhoto by Christine Sandu on UnsplashOh god, where to start. I have been with my current significant other for a year. My ex and I still had to see each other because same friends and all that jazz, so we remained friendly. Or so I thought. At the beginning of this year, it seemed to click with him that I wasn't just with my significant other to make him jealous, and that I had zero intention of leaving my significant other for him.
He went nuts. He continuously made very negative FB posts about how horrible I am—never by name, but heavily implied and everyone knew who he meant. I was not friends with him on FB so didn't see any of them but mutuals told me. He showed up to a party my significant other and I were at absolutely obliterated and cornered me in the hall.
He was yelling at me when my significant other and my friend came in to try to help me shut it down. My ex snapped and physically came after me. I got away only to find out he had gotten his hands around my friend's neck. After that, I told him that because of his actions, I would have to cut him out of my life completely and that any friendliness that we had left was gone.
A week or so later, I got an email asking me if I had received the "gift" he sent me. It went to my parents’ house which was weird because I do not live with them. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I called them. Apparently, they had kept it from me because it had arrived right before a holiday that he usually ruined for me, so they didn't want to ruin the holiday.
It was a big bouquet of flowers, a heart necklace, and jewelry box, candy, and a few other knick-knacks. My parents didn't want me anywhere near him so after talking to me they made a plan to leave it on his porch. Of course, he posted about it on FB. I emailed him back regarding the package and that it had been received and that he would shortly be receiving it back.
He then started talking about how my significant other is still in contact with HIS ex and that he texts her all the time and went over to her house, etc. I knew this was absolutely untrue but asked him where he had heard that and after some hemming and hawing sent me some screen shots of a FB conversation. My significant other’s crazy ex had contacted him and they had messaged back and forth a few times.
She claimed that my significant other still loved her and was always calling and texting and emailing her. Again, I knew this girl was unhinged and that this was not true because, if it was, she would have sent evidence straight to me to break us up. I can see through that garbage. I thanked him for the screenshots and stopped responding.
I showed them to my significant other and he was furious, called his ex and told her she was out of line for contacting MY ex and that she needed to leave both of us alone and that he was blocking her on all social media and his phone, and to not contact him again. About a week later, he received a package at work. After the phone conversation, she had brought up their FB conversation (his ex and my ex), took screenshots of EVERY WORD and printed them out on photopaper. The craziest part? She then MAILED them to his office.
Their conversation was horrible. My ex claimed that I bled him dry and dumped him when he lost his job (we split before the loss of his job and he lost his job because of his own actions, not some inevitable layoffs or anything like that). They went back and forth. She claimed that I was manipulating my significant other, a pathological liar, and going to get pregnant to keep him around.
Mind you, she tried this. This person does not know me at all, she was just spouting random garbage. She said I was "ridden hard and put up wet". But that wasn’t the worst lie. She said I threatened to take her life. Again, no, I do not know this person. We were in the same room for a charity event and that's when she made that horrid accusation. At a charity event in front of a large group. Yeah.
My ex said horrible and very untrue things and they just bashed me over and over. It was a really rough time. It felt like the ultimate betrayal, my ex was still claiming to love me more than anything and would never do anything to hurt me, and then went behind my back to a person actively trying to ruin my life and threw out vitriol and lies.
Thankfully my significant other and I made it through that. It was a very hard time. It almost broke us but we are doing fine now and their trash seems to have FINALLY stopped and we can live in peace. Hopefully, it stays that way. You never know with crazy people.
40. A Breakup With Fallout
a video game controller laying on top of a lush green fieldPhoto by Rohan on UnsplashMy overly dramatic ex tried keeping my Xbox 360 Elite. When I asked for it back, she said that she'd only give it back in the presence of law enforcement officers...for whatever made-up reason she came up with. It was bad enough that I had to see this psycho chick one more time, but now she's dragging me out to the PD?! To give me my Xbox 360? Are these guys babysitters now?
I really didn't want to go anywhere near the psycho when I picked it up, so I brought my brother-in-law along. He went in there, picked it up, and on his way out I saw him laughing. He said that when he went into the station, there was an officer there with a crate of my Xbox stuff, laughing at the situation. The thing about it was that I didn't even really want the Xbox, I just couldn't stand the idea of her getting MY stuff.
What a crazy person though. Who makes someone pick their Xbox up at the PD? A crazy person, that's who.
41. Fishing For Alimony
person holding DSLR cameraPhoto by Jannis Edelmann on UnsplashI was in the process of a divorce but it was not yet finalized. We were getting divorced because of my ex's cheating. Apparently, there was this somewhat vague, unclear rule that if I were to do the deed with her during this time it could constitute as a reconciliation. In any case, my ex was still living in the apartment with me. I got home from work and she started to seduce me.
To me, this seems pretty weird as she hasn't wanted to do anything physical with me for months. I knew I shouldn't do it but she stripped down to nothing and got really physical. Basically, she strips down and starts trying to push me into the bedroom and pull my clothes off. I think for a minute, contemplating what I should do.
Fortunately, I decide to walk out of the apartment. When I open the door, I’m greeted by a sight that still makes me furious. One of her friends was standing right there with a camera. The plan was to get me in the bedroom and then have this friend film us without my knowledge so that she could say we reconciled, using the video evidence.
She potentially would’ve then been entitled to alimony.
42. What’s Worse Than Hate? Indifference
woman lying on bedPhoto by Yuris Alhumaydy on UnsplashThe worst reaction to a breakup I’ve experienced? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that was the most messed up thing. We had nine years together, two married. One day she tells me she doesn't love me anymore. A week later I find out she's seeing another guy. A couple of weeks later it had all fallen apart and she moved out.
To go from a position when a part of everything you do is for them, for the both of you to have the best life together you can. Sharing everything with each other, to absolute silence. She didn't want to talk to me, see me, or have me contact any of her family. It was like she disappeared right then and there. I later found out she got pregnant with someone else less than a year after walking out.
It's not a very exciting story, but to me, it was more messed up to do that to someone than any revenge story.
43. Thou Shalt Not Seek Vengeance
a sign on the side of a building that says no junk mailPhoto by Erik Mclean on UnsplashShe put me on the mailing and call list for every church group she could find. For two months my phone was blowing up with calls from churches and evangelicals, they wanted money, they wanted to send me bibles and pamphlets. The ones that had my address did send me bibles and pamphlets. It took a lot of patient explaining, and occasionally some frustrated yelling to get myself removed from everything.
At least, that’s how I thought it happened for a long time. A few years later, I was telling this story to my friend when he burst out laughing. I was confused—and then he explained. He was the one who'd done this to me, and he's just been letting me think it was my ex for the last eight years.
44. Switching Teams
man in red suit jacket beside woman in white and purple floral dressPhoto by Max Harlynking on UnsplashFirst off, this guy broke up with me because he wanted to be straight. Two days later, I had to drive him to a con in Oklahoma from Nebraska. It was a prior arrangement. I guess I thought we were friends still. The first day we are there, he says he's dating a girl. He just met this girl too. Three days later, he asked her to marry him.
Can you guess what she said? Yes, the girl said yes. They were only engaged for a month or so before he broke up with her to go on to another girl shortly after. The father of the girl even bought them a house because of the engagement.
45. If I Can’t Have You…
I spent four years spoiling this girl, and almost never getting emotional or physical love back from her, only to have her break up with me over something very trivial. I spent a year begging and pleading and bending over backwards to have her take me back, but her response was essentially, "I don't think you're good enough". I, finally, with the help of some great friends and family, moved on and found a great girl to start dating. That’s when my ex snapped.
She went nuts, and started showing up at 3 AM at my apartment, calling hundreds of times, the whole nine yards. She got physical and verbal with me, but I finally got her to understand I was done being manipulated. But the surprises weren’t done yet. Then, a week after she tearfully told me, "I'll never love anyone again," she and my (former) best friend post on Facebook that they're together.
46. The Other Man
couple holding handsPhoto by Alekon pictures on UnsplashI developed a relationship with a woman over many months, things were blissful, I fell in love. I got to know her son, and loved him too. I was seriously thinking of marrying this woman. She broke it off suddenly with no explanation. I was a wreck, totally in love and confused. The relationship went from 100 to 0 with no warning. No contact, nothing.
Then she called me and scheduled a date so we could talk. She wanted to go to a place where we'd had a lot of good times. I was kind of psyched. She told me to pick her up on a certain day at a certain time. I showed up and the house was empty. She'd moved. I had just stopped feeling so destroyed, and she did that. That’s when I learned her dark secret.
Turns out, she was married the whole time. She moved with her husband across the country. She's just a piece of trash who'd fooled me.
47. The Virgin Birth
woman in black off-shoulder shirt sitting on brown wooden stairsPhoto by Jon Ly on UnsplashShe was a smoke show, but absolutely crazy. She would lie about the dumbest things; what she had for breakfast, family members, the car she was "working on". Okay, lady. Anyway, enough was enough, so I decided to call it quits. A few weeks passed, and my youth pastor from my church came to my school—a private Christian college prep school—and pulled me out of class.
He sits me down to have a serious conversation, and I'm so confused. He asks me what I'm going to do about this girl and the baby and I start laughing my head off. He's a cool dude, but he got furious! He knows I'm not a virgin at this point and I've talked to this dude about everything under the sun. The priceless moment was when his face went from pure rage directed at me to pure rage directed at her when I told him we never even did the deed.
Apparently, she had started going to my church in the middle of the week to "seek god" and told him she was pregnant, blah blah blah. So my youth pastor did the only logical thing he could—he caught her red-handed in her lie and told her mommy.
48. Fools Rush In
gray scale photo of manPhoto by christian buehner on UnsplashWhen I was 18, I met a Lebanese man; he was handsome, a doctor, and 13 years my senior. I met him on my college campus one morning at a coffee shop and ended up having a long conversation with him about the Middle East and his experience working in the US. Eventually, I had to leave and he invited me to have breakfast again with him the next morning so we could continue our conversation.
Me, thinking he was just being friendly, and wanting to seem friendly too, accepted. The next morning, I meet up with him for breakfast. The mood has totally changed. He pulls out the chair for me, kisses my hand, and starts talking about going to Lebanon to meet his grandparents. He asks if he can pay my bills. He tries to give me a diamond necklace.
I noped the heck out of there the second breakfast was over. For weeks after that he wouldn't stop calling me, leaving messages when I wouldn't pick up. At first, they were all giddy and excited talking about plans for "us." I still never called him back. Then he started leaving messages about how I had sucked the light out of his life. But that’s not the creepiest part.
His friends would start calling, too, talking about how awesome his libido was, how I was breaking his heart, as though one "date" was enough for anyone to feel that way. It made my head spin, but at that point I was too afraid to try and respond even to ask them to stop. Eventually, the calls petered out but, man, it was weird...
49. The Flat Food Diet
black umbrella on window during daytimePhoto by Nathalie Hurova on UnsplashI had a buddy whose ex, upon breaking up, raced him back to his house, got there first, and then proceeded to lock herself in his room for several days. I don't even think she talked much while there. She would just sneak out at nighttime to use the bathroom. Buddy's kind-hearted, Christian parents fed her by sliding flat foods like bologna and pancakes under the door.
50. Locked Out
turned on silver iPhone XPhoto by Koby Kelsey on UnsplashSo when my ex started to get considerably more clingy and obsessive she would lose her mind at me when I would hang out with my best friend—who happened to be a chick. That definitely had something to do with it. Long story short, I told her that that was ridiculous and then it escalated into a fight, with the end result of me telling her I wanted some space to myself for the next few days so I can think straight.
In retaliation, she went and asked my brother for his phone, as he went to the same school. She then put a passcode lock on it and told him that she'll give him the passcode when he can get me to talk to her. Obviously, I thought this was extremely immature and unnecessary. She should've never gotten my family involved. Just way over the line.
I ended up just asking her to give me the passcode because the entire situation was outlandish. She seemed pretty sheepish when she gave me the passcode, so I assumed that she knew what she did was uncalled for.