Parenting is a difficult job and there is NO perfect way. You learn very early on that there is absolute rulebook to avoid the fact that your kids will need a therapist eventually. It's easy to be overly too much. You can't protect them every second. So you have to learn to let go and that is a lesson many parents are unable to acquire. The helicopter parent is an issue. You don't want to suffocate them... or yourself.
Redditor u/Nicho-chan wanted all the grown kids out there to speak up about their parent's way of being "protective" by asking.... Adult children of helicopter parents, how do you deal with them now?
Down my Neck....
The way that I got my mom to chill out on me was to tell her that I wanted to go to a college out of state. That was the moment she realized she wasn't going to be protective of me forever and it took her a long time to accept it.
As of now, she's been a little easier on me, though she still sometimes treats me like a child. If I'm out of state, then I just limit contact with her and don't call home often. I think a lack of contact is the best everyone with helicopter parents can do initially because it's just so refreshing to be by yourself with nobody breathing on your neck after so long. Antique-Dancing
"the bad ones"Giphy
My brother and I had no free time allowed growing up, just music and homework allowed. Age 30+, my dad has passed away now (he was never the problem) but my mom still does her best to control our lives, inserting herself into situations she doesn't belong, and passive aggressively putting us in situations that she wants to happen. But cutting her off or telling her she's overstepping makes us "the bad ones" in her mind [edited for clarity], so minimal contact and details are all that's on the menu for her from me now. 🤷♂️ My brother doesn't get it though, giving her minute details and then getting annoyed when she thinks she can have a say in how he lives his life. FlyingBike
It grosses me out.
My husband deals with this with his mother. We make decisions as a married couple then later every thing changes after they talk to each other. Even situations dealing with our daughter, like I have no say even when he and I were on the same page before decisions were put into action. He is so desperate to please his mom he turns his back on me. When I confront him he blames me for causing drama or being petty. IDK his mom acts like she is his wife and he lets it happen. It grosses me out. O0oBubblesBubblesO0o
My parents track my location at all times now. (I'm 27) . That way they don't call the cops if I don't pick up within 30 min....which has happened multiple times. frvrlvd
Stop Walking on Eggshells
Unfortunately, the helicopter behavior continued after I got married and had children. Eventually, the only way to gain control was to go no contact.
Edit: Fundamentally it boiled down to a complete lack of respect for boundaries. My happiness, marriage, and ability to be a good parent were all suffering because my mother was still trying to control my life. We tried setting up boundaries, but that only escalated things. I would have gladly gone to family counseling if she agreed, but it was far easier for her to complain to her friends that her children don't speak to her. (Yes, my brother cut her off too.)
I strongly recommend the following books: Stop Walking on Eggshells (by Paul Mason) and Boundaries (by Henry Cloud). I also very strongly recommend counseling. LilacSniffer
It was a nice sense of relief to get out of the house
To put it into perspective here's some of the stuff that was common in my house:
No shooting games allowed, I could only ever play Minecraft with my friends
Could not close doors other than bathroom
Could not LOCK bathroom doors
Could not spend your own money without parents approval first.
Could not play on computer unless they were home (obviously this rule got broken a lot)
No social media at all
The one that got me the most though was until high school we could only have sleepovers at our house and could not go to most birthday parties
Getting out of the house to stay with someone else for a little was an absolute godsend. I love being independent and stupid with my money and being able to play whatever games I want when I want.
So yeah that's kinda what it's like. TomIsInPain
The Reality of It.
- I moved to a different country.
- I do not go back to visit.
- When they come visit they stay in a hotel.
- My husband, who was not raised in an overbearing environment, is always present when they visit. He serves as a reality check and is effective in shutting down misbehavior.
- Im going to have to explain one day that they wont be allowed unsupervised visits with any children I have. Eldrun
Still pretty bad.
Still pretty bad.
I'm 26, married and a mom of 4.
She treats me like a toddler when she visits. Thinks I'm incapable of basic things... like making breakfast or taking care of my kids.
She'll hover over me while I'm changing my kids. Criticizing how well I'm doing.
She tries to go through my clothes and pick out outfits for me to wear. Will literally buy me clothes that look like baby clothes. It's weird.
Have to set some hard boundaries with her. Boobyjuicy
My mother made my bank accounts, insurances, even my mobile phone contract when I was underage and just kept them. (I also think she stole money from me but that's another story). She said I wasn't able to manage this kind of stuff by myself. With the help of my SO I took everything back from her when I was 26. When I visited her she tried to pressure me into stuff again, so I threatened her that I would pack my stuff and leave immediately and that she would never see me or talk to me ever again in her life. These two things were kind of wake-up calls for her. Now she is so afraid that I could really go No Contact that she keeps her stupid mouth shut. Joernoddebossamienau
They tried to ground me after I came back from serving in the Marine Corps. Tried to take the keys to the car I own and prevent me from getting an education.
Told my Mom she can pound dirt and my Dad that if he didn't fix himself and nut up to my overbearing Mom. I'd never talk to the two of them again. Got in my car and drove off was homeless for a minute until I got enough for an apartment.
You'd think that me moving out and being homeless instead of living with them would be the thing that made things click.
No. About a year after my move out. I'd reconnected with my family and agreed to take my mom to her aerobics class one day since her car was in the shop.
Well I drive about ten minutes before she lays into me about my life choices etc. I pulled the car over looked at her and said. "Get out" she looked stunned. I just repeated myself and added "Now."
She got out. I drove off to my apartment played some CSGO and she got her much needed exercise. ill_effexor
They say things, and I just kind go "mhmmm" like I'm agreeing that I will do those things. BUT never verbally say I will do those things. Ranger_Caitlin
Forget you Dad!
My dad was never a helicopter parent, he was actually the complete opposite. My mom was a super helicopter parent. When I was a sophomore in high school I got grounded from "everything". I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I had to go to school and come home. I couldn't watch tv unless it was about God. I didn't have a phone, or computer, and couldn't listen to music. For months. It got worse and worse as time went on.
She would give me a curfew randomly one day and it would be different the next day. I would get in trouble for not following a curfew I had no idea existed. She gaslighted me so much that I often felt like I deserved what was happening to me. After going to therapy I am better able to identify her abusive & bipolar tendencies. I'm working on minimizing contact with her. So, whenever she's being a pain in my butt I just tell her to screw off. daykota1234
People Explain Which Conspiracy Theories They Believe Are 100% True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
I just say ''no'' when i'm told to do something or follow a rule.
I don't give a reason, even when I'm asked why. Its satisfying. SpaceWhale89
I'm not NC with them but I'm absolutely firm on my boundaries and standing up for myself, and I don't let their tantrums sway me.
On the other hand, the pressure does eat at me, but I'll never let them know that. themarajade1
My parents weren't. But a friend moved to a different state and got engaged and my friend's mom still managed to be a helicopter parent. Visiting at least 3 times a month and contacting either her or her SO constantly. It ruined the engagement because the SO finally had enough because even though my friend was annoyed with her mom as well, she couldn't cut her mom off completely... Idk all the details but it must have been superrr annoying if someone was like "I love you, but forget having in-laws like this." She is now single and has moved back home. It's unfortunate... jxwtf585
Build the Walls.....
Honestly me and my husband are trying to figure this out. My MIL is a total helicopter parent; if one of us (me, my husband, or his brother) doesn't respond to her messages within an hour or two, she'll bombard the other two about where we are/if something happened to us. She freaked out on me when I didn't respond to her after three hours (we were doing a cross-country drive) and accused me of trying to shut her out and said we're never going to be a real family because of the "walls" I've built up around myself. I don't know what to do. My husband won't stand up to her as much as I want him to, but I can't do this for the rest of my life. We have to establish some boundaries, but it's not my mom, so I can't be the one to initiate. Krutoon
"I don't give a crap mom. Go work it out."
I had to be extremely mean and blunt with my mom. I'm a mid-thirties married man, and had to straight up tell her that I have a family and my own life and she needs to go get a hobby or take classes or anything whatsoever that will give her a sense of value because I do not need a goddamn interfering invasive mother any longer.
When she started giving me either the "thats so horrible you'd talk to your mother that way" or the "ohhh no my kids don't need me anymore" I literally flat out had to just say "I don't give a crap mom. Go work it out." I had to be super super mean to her about it. Sometimes parents have to cut their children off, and sometimes children have to cut their parents off. Doesn't make me feel good but I sleep fine. shiddydogs
No Need 4 U!
I ignore them. To be honest it's also because I'm in a different city and have a hectic job. But there was also a period of slowly getting them used to the fact that they would not know and control every detail of my adult life. SocraticAlva
After I turned 21.....
My parents weren't that bad, but they were quite over-protective. After I turned 21, I still wasn't allowed out after dark and all that jazz. Had to let them know where I was going and who I was seeing in case I was murdered. What I did was move to another continent. I talk to them every couple of weeks over Whatsapp voice chat. They try and tell me what to do sometimes and I'm just like "ok" and don't do it. Blinker_Fluid_
They still helicopter me, actually now more than ever that I'm 24 and I'm not sure what suddenly turned the dial up. However I'm finally planning on moving out for good this year with my boyfriend. Everytime I bring it up, they don't believe me or they think I'm kidding and say it isn't happening.
Oh well, I did tell them. I guess they'll get a reality check when the time comes and it won't be on me. vivalalina
- People Break Down What Becomes More Annoying With Age - George Takei ›
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Not all television and movies are loved by all.
A story and its characters have to appeal to you in order for you to be engaged.
It can take next to nothing for us to lose interest and let the screen go black.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop JumpingFight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy
"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
Talk to MeIn Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut UpScared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
Dramawill devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy
"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
I fear death.
I wake up in cold sweats dreaming about it.
I think about it in my waking hours.
It's an obsession and clearly, I'm not alone.
But there are more preferred ways to exit.
All we can do is hope to be lucky enough to skip the mercilessly awful.
Please just let me go quick and in my sleep.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trappedseason 6 friends GIFGiphy
"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
GooNot Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Most Americans think nothing of their humdrum daily activities or amenities available to them.
However, others with a different perspective might romanticize the things that are otherwise commonplace ideas and concepts for US citizens, like going to a diner or riding the school bus.
One Redditor looked to foreigners to hear of their American desires to respond to the following:
"Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?"
The things depicted in film really captivated foreign audiences.
"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox."
Iconic Student Transport
"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV."
Just Like The Ones We Used To Know
"A white Christmas."
"Living in an Australian state where I've never even seen snow in our winter, let alone experiencing that classic Hallmark movie moment of waking up to a street full of it and sitting around a fireplace while opening gifts/preparing a feast."
"Guess it's not strictly American, but the imagery and trope is something I've only really seen from American Films."
They may be ubiquitous for us, but they sure seem to be novel ideas to foreigners.
Let's Be Frank
"One of the hotdogs from those little street cart things."
"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.'"
"Apple Pie made by white-haired grandma, placed near window, who says 'oh dear...' as I levitate towards it."
"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff."
"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better."
There are places to see!
Places To See
"America’s greatest invention!"
Backpacking In Nature
"I always wanted to hike The Appalachian Trail if that counts. Or see Yellowstone."
"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process."
My cousin told me she looks forward to visiting a Trader Joe's someday when she visits America for the first time.
Her bucket list option was hardly surprising. My parents used to bring treats from TJs as a novelty souvenir gift item, and my relatives ate it up. Literally.
Let's face it. The snacks at TJs rocks.
Even store locations in New York City would have ridiculously long lines during busy hours because the West-coast-based grocer was a novelty on the East Coast.
Many people work hard from the moment they are on the clock until their respective shifts are over at the end of a long day.
For many of those in the workforce, the wages barely sustain a comfortable living, especially for those who are raising a family.
Yet, there are jobs that are known to pay a higher salary without requiring extreme physical labor, or the requirement of higher education.
Curious to hear what those jobs might be, Redditor ImAMasterBayter asked:
"People Break Down Which Professions Are Completely Overpaid"
Extensive training requirements are not a thing, apparently, with these professions.
Daily Dairy Duty
"I watch milk powder go into a bag and out on a conveyor and get paid $37 an hour."
Eyeing Dirt In Motion
"Mine? I get paid $20.50 a hr to watch dirt go by on a belt all day."
The Handy Man Is Happy To Help
"I am a handy man that charges $50/hr with a 3hr minimum, a couple months ago I got a call for service that consisted of changing 9 smoke detector batteries, 2 light bulbs, and rehanging a picture. I felt bad taking the money but the guy couldn’t have been happier to have that stuff finally done. He asked for my card and is now a very good client."
Words From An Appraiser
"I make about 40 an hour after tax in the US as a real estate appraiser. You just need a college degree and a year of training and there is a huge shortage of appraisers right now."
"Edit because this post blew up: I only perceive this job as being overpaid because I used spent most of my 20's making pizza for minimum wage and imposter syndrome is a thing. Also, OP said he was looking for a possible career, and I felt like my job post was better than a troll post."
"Appraisers are not real estate agents or brokers. I do not buy or sell property."
"I do not, 'look at zillow and copy the number' and I don't just, 'make the number' in valuation. While I agree there are some appraisers who may lie or exaggerate, the same could be said of nearly any job. However, if I were to intentionally try hit some goal and got caught fudging the numbers, I'm looking at permanently losing my license and possible jail time depending on the severity. It's actually pretty common for me to, 'tank a deal' if someone is paying too much. This isn't the wild west of valuation anymore; FIRREA is a thing now. Appraisal reports aren't just 3 pages of photos with a cover page anymore; my typical appraisal is 30-50 pages with long boring typed pages of market data that I type and research myself."
"Let's talk about the appraisal gap. In most of the US, we are experiencing a, 'sellers market' meaning houses are selling for higher than what they normally sell for. A lot of people at this thread are blaming appraisers for driving housing prices up. Let me be perfectly clear about this: appraiser's valuations are based off of past data. That is it; we look at closed sales from the past. Realtors and brokers speculate on future markets, because they are motivated by profit. If anyone is driving this current market trend, it is the people buying properties over listing price, local government/laws willingness to allow foreign investors, the people who are raising rents, and the people who are making big risky developments. The appraisers have little to nothing to do with market perception of value; in my area at least many market participants are paying over 30% of listing price. Trust me when I say these people are not satisfied when my appraised value comes in less than that."
"The hardest part of the job is definitely the occasional angry phone call. Let's look at an example. Say someone lists their house at 100k, and they accept an offer for 150k, or 50% over listing. Well the appraisal is based off of past closed sales. The bank will only finance up to the appraised value. So if the appraisal comes in at 110k, meaning the subject in relation to comparable sales from the past year in the subject neighborhood equate to roughly 110k, they will either need to renegotiate the price, or be willing to put up 40k of their own money."
"In a sellers market, it's often better to accept a deal with better financing than a higher price. Let's say in this situation instead of taking the 150k offer with a mortgage, you take a smaller offer for 140k that is all cash, no financing. Well if there is no financing involved, meaning no bank, than no appraisal is needed."
Landing work in software seems to be like hitting the jackpot of success.
"I’m in software sales, software sales. Coworker got 100k commission on a deal."
"There are an incredible amount of 'analysts' who just 'own' automated excel sheets they received from developer teams."
"Low to mid six figures is common in HCOL areas."
The Successful Client
"I do the tax returns for a guy who paid 20k for demographic research software and made something like 40M over the last 3 years. His costs are almost nothing and admitted he does like 5 hours of work a week on it."
"I got more likes and comments than I thought I would, and wanted to add some more detail. The guy himself is super nice and easy to work with. It's hard not to feel jealous even though I make good money myself. His business and personal returns are super simple so we don't even charge him that much for them."
"The software is something proprietary he paid a third party for, and I don't know the name of that developer. The data output is sold to political campaigns and he's compensated more if the campaign wins. He did have some clients on both sides but now exclusively works on one side of the aisle."
Salaries in the world of academics got a closer inspection.
"University administrators and board members."
A Stark Contrast
"I'm a professor. I love it. But the 'president's office' contains a staff of 5 people with a total payroll of just under $500k/year. Meanwhile, all the PhDs, MFAs, and DMAs who teach all the classes, advise all the students, and serve on all the committees bring home a whopping $50k-$65k/year, dependent on rank, tenure, etc. It's real fun...
"The president of my institution makes a approximately $500k/year and is provided a house on campus alongside reserved parking if he so chooses to use it. He also gets a country club membership. Meanwhile I have to pay $200 to park at the school where I TA and do research, and I get paid maybe 1/20th of what he does. I genuinely do not understand why the f'k the dude who makes six figures doesn't pay for parking, but I do."
"Edit: that should be half a million."
Some of the cushiest jobs that require less time actively toiling away seem to be paying significantly more than the average livable wage offered in the US.
Perhaps the biggest indicator of what that might be was summed up best by Redditor iadasr, who said:
"Whatever you guys are all doing that lets you browse Reddit all day..."