Adoption has been talked about a lot in the media lately, but it typically focuses on young children.
Have you ever wondered what adoption is like for older children?
Adoption is bound to be a different experience for someone who is old enough to remember and participate in the process in their own way.
A person who already has an established personality, fears, quirks, anxieties, etc... is surely going to experience the adoption process differently than an infant or very young child would.
But what does that look like?
"People who were adopted when they were old enough to remember it, how long did it take for your adopted family to feel like your family?"
Read on for the details Reddit users were willing to share about their adoptions.
About 2 months, that's when I asked if I could call her mum, she cried and I felt bad because I didn't know happy tears were a thing when I was 5.
I'd been meeting them for about 6 months before that and the odd weekend sleepover to get to know them before I moved in, so by the time I actually lived there I was quite comfortable with them and looking forward to staying for good.
I'd lived with a foster family for a year but always knew it was temporary so never got too attached.
Permission For Food
About a week in when they told me I didn't have to ask permission every time I wanted food. I was like "Well, this is family."
My bio mom rarely had food in the house and when we did have food we had to ask for it before we were allowed to eat. Most of the time she said no. My next two foster homes were the same exact way so I thought that's just how they were. Wicked people.Giphy
The last and final home (mentioned above) was my maternal uncle and his wife. I didn't really know them up until I moved in. They were so confused as to why I asked for food first and barely ate when I did get it. I remember watching food network with them and saying something looked good. The next day all the ingredients were there and my uncle taught me to cook. After that I was the family chef and would whip up anything I could. They did a lot of good for me. And I'm still the best cook in the family.
I was about 9 years old when I was adopted. My sisters and my brother came with. At the time, I didn't realize just how crazy my new parents were for deciding to adopt all four of us at once. (Now that I'm older, I can safely say that we've given both of them absolute HELL all throughout our teenage years.) Honestly, not being separated from my siblings made the transition kind of seamless. We'd been in the foster care system for only about 8 months and were more or less oblivious to what was going on.
Then we were introduced to some people who wanted to be our new parents.
One week we were visiting these two nice people, the next we were living with them and visiting all our new relatives. I know that it might sound kind of bland, but there was maybe only a period of a couple weeks where I had to get comfortable with thinking of these strangers as family. Maybe it helped that I was a relatively dumb kid, or maybe my new family being so closely knit with each other helped. Hell, my new grandparents lived next door to us until we moved to a bigger house!
I was adopted at 11 and technically this happened just before. It's important to note I have trouble showing affection.
The day I realized I was really wanted was when my adoptive Dad got on a plane with me and flew over 2 states so I could confront my bio Dad. I wanted answers. In the end I asked him to give up parental rights as I could clearly see I had found a better family.
When you have one Dad standing back (but still close enough to protect you showing love) and another slumped, half drunk on a picnic table it's clear what the best option is.
After that I felt more relaxed as I knew I couldn't be sent back to my bio Dad (he was holding out his rights to stop the adoption) I didn't become affectionate per se, but I did start being more comfortable and sharing my dreams in life which often resulted in my Dad in the back yard doing dumb stuff with me like learning hoola hoop tricks because I wanted to join the circus.
So I guess the answer is from the start once I was adopted.
I was adopted by my foster family when I was five years old. I had been with them since I was a baby but I fully understood there was a difference between being a foster kid who called them mom and dad and being "their" kid. A lot of kids came in and out of the doors that called them mom and dad but I knew that if I was adopted it meant I got to stay.
This may sound harsh, but I sincerely appreciated it. When my parents were waiting to hear about the adoption my mom sat me down and we had a very tough conversation. I obviously don't remember the details but I do remember one thing. A yes to the adoption meant I could stay with them forever. A no meant that I would likely be moved to a new foster home. I remember hiding in my room when any new cars pulled up out front of our house because I so badly wanted to stay. My mom said she told me because she wanted me to have no doubt in my mind that, no matter if the court decided yes or no, they wanted and loved me.
Luckily for me (and I have to say this because I can feel the stares of my whole family if I don't: luckily for them too) the answer was yes.
I think when it clicked for me, really fully clicked, was when I was about 10-13 and I found an old VHS tape with my name on it. I put it in and it was my family. My mom, dad, brother and sister. They were all standing in front of the camera and they were talking about me. My older brother said something I'll never forget. "I have a little sister, her name is Ellyendra. I guess she isn't ours yet but we want to keep her. I really hope we get to cause I love her a lot."
That. Did. It. Knowing that this awkward 14 year old kid loved me so much he was willing to say that into a camera for a tape my parents planned to send with me if I couldn't be theirs. I was a mess. I still can barely watch it now without bursting into tears. My brother and I are about 12 years apart and we are the best of friends.
It definitely helped that all of my extended family felt the same too. Anytime anyone would say something or make a comment or even mention adoption -- my aunts were like vultures. It's the most amazing feeling ever. "Well that doesn't matter she is ours! Always has been!" Followed by crushing hugs from at least five people.
4th Time Is A Charm
I was 6, my sister 11. She took to them right away but it took me about 6 months, this is abnormally long but because they were the 4th family to try and adopt us I thought I was going back into foster care, so I had an irrational hatred of them for several months.
1st family was deemd "too religious" after the adoption agency found out they locked our toys in the garage because they were 'possessed by satan'. We were only allowed to listen to instrumental Christian music in the house and when the 'dad' found out my sister was interested in Egypt he made her sit at the dinner table and forced her to write 10 reasons why "Her Egyptian gods were better than his".
She was 10.
The system was going to let them adopt us til our foster mom locked the agents in a room and told them they weren't allowed to leave until they wrote 10 reasons why we should be adopted by them... got the point across real well! I remember the house smelling like that incense they use to 'ward off demons' too.
2nd family They ended up not liking us because I had too many trauma triggers and they couldn't figure out how to deal with our PTSD and gave us back.
3rd try, The family got caught with several types of drugs. (This was a biological family member who offered to take us in.)
Then, of course, the people who actually adopted us. I did attempt to sabotage that adoption during my 1st week there by telling my foster mom they hit me and I hated them. My sister told her I was lying - which I am now grateful for.14 years later I am very glad they adopted my sister and I.
It took about a year for me. I didn't really feel like they were my family until I was 13 (I had met them at 12), and I asked my step sister for advice on how to ask a girl out. I know it sounds stupid but that was when it really clicked that they were family and I could trust them.
It never did, sadly. It was just incompatibility even though I was very very young (a toddler less than two) and honestly we just never fit.
I don't love them and I never did. I wanted to so badly. They felt the same way, I am sure. I always wondered if I was broken until I had my own family and found my bio siblings. I felt it then. I didn't actually know I was adopted until 18.
We just had really different personalities. My adoptive family were loud sports people. Mother wanted a girly girl pageant queen like the rest of the women in her family line. I am a quiet reader who is super interested in frogs.
I left home at 17 and we haven't spoken to each other in years since I was 30-ish.
I wish them well.
I feel a very strong connection to my bio family that I found when I was 18. Not my bio parents (they're useless) but I found siblings with my same sense of humour and my niece is so much like me it is scary. I had adopted siblings, but they were always like strangers even though we grew up together.
A Horrific Attempt
I was adopted at 6. My adopted family took me to Walmart and a guy tried grabbing/kidnapping me. My older brothers beat the crap out of him; one grabbed a skateboard and hit the guy over the head then they kicked him and stomped on him while he was on the ground. That's when I knew my family cared about me.
I was adopted from foster care at 14. I definitely didn't feel like a real member of the family until I had my own child. I guess that seems odd. Getting gifts and things really made me feel awkward when I was younger but having them drop everything when I had a baby and step in as fantastic grandparents sealed the deal.
My adoptive mother always thought of me as her own. She says the stork left me on the wrong doorstep and it took her a while to find me. Although she raised my with her husband, they got divorced when I was in my early 20's. He was a wonderful grandpa to my firstborn but he met someone else and dropped out of our lives because it made his new wife uncomfortable.
That was hard to lose a family again, but my mom remarried a wonderful man and he is awesome to my kids. At this point after 32 years, we just don't think about it. Occasionally something funny will happen, we will talk about something she has and we might talk about it being hereditary before we remember and laugh. No one would ever guess, people always see similarities. My kids don't know. I am not hiding it but it just doesn't come up.Giphy
The next question is usually about my bio parents. I talk to my father a few times a year. He had the option to keep me out of foster care but it just didn't work for him. My mom is a life long drug addict with a lengthy prison record for assault, terrorism, stalking, soliciting etc.
The first 12 years of my.life was horrific. I had no childhood. I visited her when I was 18, I thought maybe not having her child for the last 6 years would trigger something. She at first didn't remember having a child and then blamed me for her addictions. I walked away and have never looked back except to check in with her local pd every few years. She has a shopping cart that she parks near the station and they are all familiar with her.
I got very lucky to be adopted but I was a jerk at first. I had a lot of issues and truly belonging was hard.
Out Of State College
My aunt and uncle adopted me when I was 3 years old. What followed was years of emotional breakdowns, therapy, and social anxiety. For the longest time it never felt like I ever had or deserved a family, I eventually came to terms with me just in another living space. I did learn to love the family I was adopted into though. Around the time I was transferring colleges out of the state, my family was genuinely sad to see me leave and it kinda just hit me that these people actually loved me.
My late adoption caused long term self esteem issues, and this was the first time in my life I knew people could love and care about me. Everything my family did to accommodate me into our new home; therapy, letting me visit my birth parents, putting MY last name on the mailbox, and more was done out of complete love.
I'm 22 now and I'm going to be moving out in two months. I am very bad at expressing gratitude and I don't like hugging or talking to people but I'm doing literally all I can to try to convey that I love them. I've been looking bad at these last 19 years now and I feel horrible that I didn't believe they cared about me. I don't think they believe me when I tell them I love them. This is emotionally tolling on me but I'm gonna keep trying until I know they know.
The stories aren't all heartwarming and happy, but they are all admirably vulnerable, honest, and eye opening.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
- People Who Grew Up In Foster Care Reveal The Things Everyone ... ›
- People Confess What It's Really Like To Raise Children They Don't ... ›
- Parents Who Adopted A Child And Regretted It Explain What ... ›
- Woman Wonders If It's Out Of Line To Offer To Adopt Her Sisters ... ›
- Parents Who've Adopted A Child Older Than Five Share Whether ... ›
- People Who Were Adopted And Finally Met Their Biological Parents ... ›
- People Share The Moment They Realized Their Family Wasn't Like Other Families - George Takei ›
Remember the Dreamcast? If you don't, then you've been missing out. Sit down, sweet summer child, and listen up.
The Dreamcast was a console so ahead of its time that console has been a Dreamcast since there was a Dreamcast. Too advanced to match its competitors, not appealing enough to be considered part of the next generation. I have fond memories of that console. Crazy Taxi was a gem.
Not everything comes out at the right time. We heard about a few other examples after Redditor rentinghappiness asked the online community,
"In your opinion, what’s something that flopped because it was way ahead of its time?"
"It was vastly overhyped..."
"The original Segway. It was vastly overhyped, but now, we're seeing rental scooters and e-bikes change the way people get around urban areas. If the company had offered a Lime-style rental system from the beginning, the product might've become ubiquitous."
The problem with Segway seemed to be that they could not make them cheaply enough to fit into a reasonable personal transportation niche. They were the price of a small, used car. Not great.
"This was before major smartphones..."
"In 2005, two guys tried to create a service called “MyMobileMenu.” The idea was you could order food using a cell phone, similar to DoorDash."
"This was before major smartphones, so When that flopped, they later tried a new adventure and created a company you might’ve heard of: Reddit."
They actually started Reddit from the same code base and haven't updated the video player since.
"Brilliant show that perfectly toed the line between history and fiction. Extremely compelling characters and kick@ss cast. Wasn't very accurate but always authentic."
"Got way too expensive and was canceled after two seasons. If it had been released after GOT or any other epic show in this day and age and it would have been a smash hit."
James Purefoy as Mark Antony is one of my favourite performances from any media ever. What a show. We were robbed of so much further glory!
"An airline called Muse Air failed in 1985 largely in part because it was the first all non-smoking airline. Now everything is nonsmoking. It was purchased by Southwest and dismantled two years later in 1987."
And look at airlines now! Poor Muse Air.
"Those poor bastards waited..."
"Apparently Skype. Those poor bastards waited for the TV Guide channel to slowly scroll for years and just when what they were looking for showed up, they got distracted by the infomercial in the top right corner."
Somehow Microsoft bought it and despite consistently overwhelmingly negative feedback from users, its new director went forward with his own personal vision, and not only put in changes that no one wanted or asked for, but started stripping legitimate preexisting functionality out of the program.
"Sega Channel was such wizardry for the mid-1990s. It was like Christmas every month when they cycled in new games."
I remember this! It was so ahead of its time. It felt like being in the presence of actual magic!
"The movie tanked..."
"Videodrome '83. The movie tanked, but it was so spot on about people being addicted to media, ultraviolence becoming the norm, people adopting online personas, etc."
Truly... David Cronenberg is a twisted genius.
"It was the first commercial film to be shown in stereo and it used an early precursor to surround sound. WWII, high production costs, and the burden of building the sound equipment for showings prevented it from making any money at the time."
This is true! It's a spectacle that was definitely not appreciated at the time of its release.
"Smirnoff has been the laughing stock of alcohol for years. Now all of sudden everyone and their mother wants to drink fermented sugar drinks."
Funny how people came around – seemingly overnight.
"I distinctly remember..."
"The TV show Arrested Development. I distinctly remember the commercials for it and thought, Jesus that looks moronic. Fox chose the more obvious jokes to highlight and tried to make it seem like a zany hijinks type of comedy. They practically added slide whistles and “boing” sound effects to the commercials for it."
"Once I finally watched it I realized it’s brilliant. It was the first American show to do that style of comedy. Hand-held camera work, flashbacks, cutaways, etc. Which is ironic because later everyone would do it."
They made a huge mistake.
Arrested Development is a cult classic, a show made for streaming years before streaming was a thing.
You don't always realize you have a great thing going – and so much of success comes down to timing.
Have some examples of your own to share? Tell us more in the comments below!
Consumers who have money to burn often buy things they don't really need, like travel accessories, specialized sports equipment for an activity they've only done once, or even cookbooks, when plenty of recipes can be found online.
They might be missing out on buying things that could actually make life so much easier because it never occurs to them.
Curious to hear recommendations of items that can improve your life, Redditor icandoitw asked:
"What are some life-changing purchases that are 100% worth it?"
People thought it was worth spending a little extra for a better quality of life.
"Sounds simple but honestly, something as basic as a good pair of shoes that fit you well."
"A good mattress and pillow. We spend a third of our lives lying on it, why not invest in it? Anything that you use a lot, you should seriously invest in, like I have a $400 custom mechanical keyboard. People say I am crazy, but I use it every day, for hours on end, it’s my job."
"If you have trouble sleeping, a weighted blanket. I’ve gone from about 5.5 hrs average sleep per night to 7 hours average which is incredible for me, and I wake up feeling so well rested"
Better In The Dark
"Blackout curtains. Especially in the summertime, they help you sleep so much better."
"Good quality re-useable ear plugs. Soooo much better than the cheap foamy ones."
"They will definitely improve your life if you go to loud concerts. Filter our overtones so you can hear the music better at a loud punk show. Also hearing loss is irreversible and there's no cure for tinnitus."
Clear The Air
"For blind/visually impaired people: A smartphone. They literally are life changing, and can function as numerous separate and extremely pricy accessible devices and can do things like color and money recognition, text recognition, the uses are amazing."
"In general though, if you have allergies, especially seasonal or pet, AIR PURIFIER. When we bought our hous a few years ago, my allergies got so bad, we were almost considering moving, but then i bought an air purifier and it was so life changing, i got one for each floor of our house. One of the best purchases ever."
Life can be made easier with the help of these items.
"A second monitor."
"Suprised i didnt see this yet, but it improves productivity so much as you can have tabs open and type whatever you want on the other or even watch youtube etc."
Taking Stock In This
"3+ gallon stock pot. Boil pasta, potatoes, or whatever without a boil over. No more starch water burning all over the burner."
"a fully functioning computer."
"many people don't have one, they exist in phones or tablets, and holy sh*t they are missing out."
"Washer and dryer. No planning days and accumulating quarters for laundry. Just dump a load in a go about my business."
Save your back and your money by hiring people to do hard labor.
Refrain From Heavy Lifting
"paying for movers to do everything from pack to move all of it."
"never doing that sh*t again."
You Deserve It
"People really underestimate the power of this."
"At least in my social circle, for a long time it was just understood that if someone was moving everyone was showing up that day to lift and lug from house A to house B with the rich reward of beer and burgers after, as if it had all been some fun party everyone loved. This persisted even after people could conceivably afford movers."
"I personally think it is A LOT to expect of friends do that for you. Yeah, when you're young and you have three bags of clothes, two boxes of books, and a futon (and no disposable income at all), it's understandable. But paying for movers and then packers is something I did as soon as I had any money to pay for it. That is what money is for, it's not necessarily what friends are for."
The best pandemic purchase I made that was worth every penny was for several sets of free weights.
Once I canceled my gym membership, I invested in some dumbbells so I could follow YouTube workout videos in the comfort of my home.
They are not cheap; however, I'm saving more money in the long run without having to pay a monthly gym membership fee.
I've seen more gains from using the free weights and following an instructor on a monitor, and my motivation to work out is higher than ever.
If you find yourself plateauing at the gym, you may want to invest in making some changes to your exercise regimen that works for you.
You know, try as I might, I just can't bring myself to bother with The Walking Dead. I quit the show some years ago, probably around the time of that weird fakeout with Glen in the dumpster (and then his actual death right after that), but the truth is that the show was getting on my nerves for some time before that.
Did anyone actually care about all the nonsense going on with Deanna and the citizens of Alexandria? And can we go back a bit further and talk about how ludicrous Beth's death at the hands of some power-tripping officer in a hospital ward was? There was such a noticeable drop in quality after the third season that I questioned why I kept tuning in.
But this show is far from the only one to make people want to throw their remotes at their television screens. People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor regian24 asked the online community,
"What TV show was amazing at first but became unwatchable for you later on?"
The Walking Dead
"The Walking Dead."
"First few seasons were great with pretty good pacing. Later seasons devolve into telling one story at a time. They’d have a cliffhanger of a character maybe dying and do 3 weeks of other stories. By the time it gets back to the cliffhanger you have no idea what’s happening. That and it got repetitive."
See?! What did I tell you? After a splendid first season – one that could have been a standalone miniseries at that – the rest of the series just failed to live up to its initial promise.
"I watched every new episode of Glee when it came out and was slightly obsessed with the show. But as soon as it finished it all crumbled. The show makes no sense, is not good, and I could never rewatch it."
I just couldn't get into it. I found it grating. And the fact that the quality noticeably slipped afterward did not make my friends happy.
"Heroes: biggest drop in quality after season 1."
To be fair, the writer's strike really hurt that show's future. It never stood a chance after that – and my God, did I hear that that second season was horrible.
"Happy Days! Once Fonzie jumped the shark, while waterskiing and wearing his jacket, the show just got progressively worse."
This is the classic answer to this question. Gen Xers like me even use the term "jumping the shark" to refer to things that were once great but now suck.
"The Blacklist. So many loopholes and a never ending plot. I mean, the female hero (forgot her name) was wanted and had her pictures broadcast nationwide live, but a couple of weeks after she can do undercover work."
I couldn't even stand the first episode. I quit right after that. I could tell the quality was questionable.
"Arrow. It's what happens when you try to make so many seasons for a show meant for only a few."
This is true about lots of shows. The writers and executives just don't know when to quit.
Once Upon a Time
"Once Upon a Time. The first 3 seasons were good! And then after that they just kept getting worse."
People actually liked that show? I know, I know... I'm the worst. I just didn't see the appeal and it heard it got so ridiculous.
"A hilarious and intriguing show that slowly grew to be about a bunch of unlikable a-holes making bad, selfish decisions. When there's no one with any redeeming characteristics, there's no one for the audience to get behind."
It started out great but really started to go off the rails with characters making increasingly nonsensical choices. Nancy marrying the Mexican drug lord was the beginning of the end.
That '70s Show
"Not the worst offender, but That '70s Show tanked pretty hard once Eric left. He was sorely needed to make the chemistry of the group work."
Yeah, the way these characters continued to stick together even after that was just embarrassing.
House of Cards
"The first two seasons were amazing. After that it started to get progressively worse."
I would argue that even the second season began to stretch the limits of credulity. I lost interest after the fourth season (and both the third and the fourth seasons were a slog for me to get through).
There is some amazing television out there – I am currently making my way through Six Feet Under again – but there is even more disappointing television that should never make its way into your eyeballs.
Sorry if you've suffered.
Have some suggestions of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
More often than not, what gets us to keep tuning in to our favorite TV shows, or drawn to certain movies, is to get a glimpse into various professions which fascinate us, but which we wouldn't ever want to work ourselves.
Needless to say, there aren't many people who find the Indiana Jones films to be a remotely accurate depiction of archaeology, or that the Jurassic Park films show what paleontology is really like.
But many people tend to watch iconic procedurals like Grey's Anatomy and Law & Order under the notion that they both give an accurate depiction of the medical field and the legal world.
Only, how accurate are they?
Redditor Just_Surround_2108 was curious to learn which professions have been documented on screen without as much research as one might expect, leading them to ask:
"What profession does Hollywood get completely wrong in films and TV?"
In case you had any doubts about hacking...
"Don't nobody code that fast lol."- lmoore0621
The better question is, what does Hollywood get right?
"Just about anything medical, including deaths."
"Just about anything dealing with space."
"Just about anything dealing with natural disasters."
"Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think Hollywood really gets anything right about anything."- Xyrus2000
"Especially in big firms, it’s a lot of just endless hours in front of a desk doing doc review."
"Sincerely, someone studying to do endless hours in front of a desk doing doc review."- geeeeeetarSeason 2 Nbc GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
For better or worse...
Don't let them in the operating room...
"Nursing."- buhzkillWake Up Coffee GIF by FOX TVGiphy
Drop that baton!
"Oh my god just take a lesson or two and learn how to hold the instrument right."- soysaucemmm
Crunching those numbers... incorrectly...
Accountants. I'm sorry, but the action Thriller "The Accountant" starring Ben Aff-lack, was in no way a true representation of my job. - User Deleted
Defying all laws of motion...
"It's hilarious how they act!."- Prestigious-Order-62back to the future 121 gigawatts GIFGiphy
At least depending on where you went to school...
If we're being honest, most people tune in to watch films or television shows to escape from reality, and aren't usually looking for a documentary on these professions.
Though, for anyone thinking they want to be a scientist after watching Back To The Future... you might want to really think that one over...