Adoption has been talked about a lot in the media lately, but it typically focuses on young children.
Have you ever wondered what adoption is like for older children?
Adoption is bound to be a different experience for someone who is old enough to remember and participate in the process in their own way.
A person who already has an established personality, fears, quirks, anxieties, etc... is surely going to experience the adoption process differently than an infant or very young child would.
But what does that look like?
Reddit asked:
"People who were adopted when they were old enough to remember it, how long did it take for your adopted family to feel like your family?"
Read on for the details Reddit users were willing to share about their adoptions.
Happy Tears
About 2 months, that's when I asked if I could call her mum, she cried and I felt bad because I didn't know happy tears were a thing when I was 5.
I'd been meeting them for about 6 months before that and the odd weekend sleepover to get to know them before I moved in, so by the time I actually lived there I was quite comfortable with them and looking forward to staying for good.
I'd lived with a foster family for a year but always knew it was temporary so never got too attached.
Permission For Food
About a week in when they told me I didn't have to ask permission every time I wanted food. I was like "Well, this is family."
My bio mom rarely had food in the house and when we did have food we had to ask for it before we were allowed to eat. Most of the time she said no. My next two foster homes were the same exact way so I thought that's just how they were. Wicked people.
GiphyThe last and final home (mentioned above) was my maternal uncle and his wife. I didn't really know them up until I moved in. They were so confused as to why I asked for food first and barely ate when I did get it. I remember watching food network with them and saying something looked good. The next day all the ingredients were there and my uncle taught me to cook. After that I was the family chef and would whip up anything I could. They did a lot of good for me. And I'm still the best cook in the family.
All Together
I was about 9 years old when I was adopted. My sisters and my brother came with. At the time, I didn't realize just how crazy my new parents were for deciding to adopt all four of us at once. (Now that I'm older, I can safely say that we've given both of them absolute HELL all throughout our teenage years.) Honestly, not being separated from my siblings made the transition kind of seamless. We'd been in the foster care system for only about 8 months and were more or less oblivious to what was going on.
Then we were introduced to some people who wanted to be our new parents.
One week we were visiting these two nice people, the next we were living with them and visiting all our new relatives. I know that it might sound kind of bland, but there was maybe only a period of a couple weeks where I had to get comfortable with thinking of these strangers as family. Maybe it helped that I was a relatively dumb kid, or maybe my new family being so closely knit with each other helped. Hell, my new grandparents lived next door to us until we moved to a bigger house!
Confronting Dad
I was adopted at 11 and technically this happened just before. It's important to note I have trouble showing affection.
The day I realized I was really wanted was when my adoptive Dad got on a plane with me and flew over 2 states so I could confront my bio Dad. I wanted answers. In the end I asked him to give up parental rights as I could clearly see I had found a better family.
When you have one Dad standing back (but still close enough to protect you showing love) and another slumped, half drunk on a picnic table it's clear what the best option is.
After that I felt more relaxed as I knew I couldn't be sent back to my bio Dad (he was holding out his rights to stop the adoption) I didn't become affectionate per se, but I did start being more comfortable and sharing my dreams in life which often resulted in my Dad in the back yard doing dumb stuff with me like learning hoola hoop tricks because I wanted to join the circus.
So I guess the answer is from the start once I was adopted.
The Video
I was adopted by my foster family when I was five years old. I had been with them since I was a baby but I fully understood there was a difference between being a foster kid who called them mom and dad and being "their" kid. A lot of kids came in and out of the doors that called them mom and dad but I knew that if I was adopted it meant I got to stay.
This may sound harsh, but I sincerely appreciated it. When my parents were waiting to hear about the adoption my mom sat me down and we had a very tough conversation. I obviously don't remember the details but I do remember one thing. A yes to the adoption meant I could stay with them forever. A no meant that I would likely be moved to a new foster home. I remember hiding in my room when any new cars pulled up out front of our house because I so badly wanted to stay. My mom said she told me because she wanted me to have no doubt in my mind that, no matter if the court decided yes or no, they wanted and loved me.
Luckily for me (and I have to say this because I can feel the stares of my whole family if I don't: luckily for them too) the answer was yes.
I think when it clicked for me, really fully clicked, was when I was about 10-13 and I found an old VHS tape with my name on it. I put it in and it was my family. My mom, dad, brother and sister. They were all standing in front of the camera and they were talking about me. My older brother said something I'll never forget. "I have a little sister, her name is Ellyendra. I guess she isn't ours yet but we want to keep her. I really hope we get to cause I love her a lot."
That. Did. It. Knowing that this awkward 14 year old kid loved me so much he was willing to say that into a camera for a tape my parents planned to send with me if I couldn't be theirs. I was a mess. I still can barely watch it now without bursting into tears. My brother and I are about 12 years apart and we are the best of friends.
It definitely helped that all of my extended family felt the same too. Anytime anyone would say something or make a comment or even mention adoption -- my aunts were like vultures. It's the most amazing feeling ever. "Well that doesn't matter she is ours! Always has been!" Followed by crushing hugs from at least five people.
4th Time Is A Charm
I was 6, my sister 11. She took to them right away but it took me about 6 months, this is abnormally long but because they were the 4th family to try and adopt us I thought I was going back into foster care, so I had an irrational hatred of them for several months.
1st family was deemd "too religious" after the adoption agency found out they locked our toys in the garage because they were 'possessed by satan'. We were only allowed to listen to instrumental Christian music in the house and when the 'dad' found out my sister was interested in Egypt he made her sit at the dinner table and forced her to write 10 reasons why "Her Egyptian gods were better than his".
She was 10.
The system was going to let them adopt us til our foster mom locked the agents in a room and told them they weren't allowed to leave until they wrote 10 reasons why we should be adopted by them... got the point across real well! I remember the house smelling like that incense they use to 'ward off demons' too.
2nd family They ended up not liking us because I had too many trauma triggers and they couldn't figure out how to deal with our PTSD and gave us back.
3rd try, The family got caught with several types of drugs. (This was a biological family member who offered to take us in.)
Then, of course, the people who actually adopted us. I did attempt to sabotage that adoption during my 1st week there by telling my foster mom they hit me and I hated them. My sister told her I was lying - which I am now grateful for.14 years later I am very glad they adopted my sister and I.
- amarettu
Dating Advice
It took about a year for me. I didn't really feel like they were my family until I was 13 (I had met them at 12), and I asked my step sister for advice on how to ask a girl out. I know it sounds stupid but that was when it really clicked that they were family and I could trust them.
Never
It never did, sadly. It was just incompatibility even though I was very very young (a toddler less than two) and honestly we just never fit.
I don't love them and I never did. I wanted to so badly. They felt the same way, I am sure. I always wondered if I was broken until I had my own family and found my bio siblings. I felt it then. I didn't actually know I was adopted until 18.
We just had really different personalities. My adoptive family were loud sports people. Mother wanted a girly girl pageant queen like the rest of the women in her family line. I am a quiet reader who is super interested in frogs.
I left home at 17 and we haven't spoken to each other in years since I was 30-ish.
I wish them well.
I feel a very strong connection to my bio family that I found when I was 18. Not my bio parents (they're useless) but I found siblings with my same sense of humour and my niece is so much like me it is scary. I had adopted siblings, but they were always like strangers even though we grew up together.
A Horrific Attempt
I was adopted at 6. My adopted family took me to Walmart and a guy tried grabbing/kidnapping me. My older brothers beat the crap out of him; one grabbed a skateboard and hit the guy over the head then they kicked him and stomped on him while he was on the ground. That's when I knew my family cared about me.
Fantastic Grandparents
I was adopted from foster care at 14. I definitely didn't feel like a real member of the family until I had my own child. I guess that seems odd. Getting gifts and things really made me feel awkward when I was younger but having them drop everything when I had a baby and step in as fantastic grandparents sealed the deal.
My adoptive mother always thought of me as her own. She says the stork left me on the wrong doorstep and it took her a while to find me. Although she raised my with her husband, they got divorced when I was in my early 20's. He was a wonderful grandpa to my firstborn but he met someone else and dropped out of our lives because it made his new wife uncomfortable.
That was hard to lose a family again, but my mom remarried a wonderful man and he is awesome to my kids. At this point after 32 years, we just don't think about it. Occasionally something funny will happen, we will talk about something she has and we might talk about it being hereditary before we remember and laugh. No one would ever guess, people always see similarities. My kids don't know. I am not hiding it but it just doesn't come up.
GiphyThe next question is usually about my bio parents. I talk to my father a few times a year. He had the option to keep me out of foster care but it just didn't work for him. My mom is a life long drug addict with a lengthy prison record for assault, terrorism, stalking, soliciting etc.
The first 12 years of my.life was horrific. I had no childhood. I visited her when I was 18, I thought maybe not having her child for the last 6 years would trigger something. She at first didn't remember having a child and then blamed me for her addictions. I walked away and have never looked back except to check in with her local pd every few years. She has a shopping cart that she parks near the station and they are all familiar with her.
I got very lucky to be adopted but I was a jerk at first. I had a lot of issues and truly belonging was hard.
Out Of State College
My aunt and uncle adopted me when I was 3 years old. What followed was years of emotional breakdowns, therapy, and social anxiety. For the longest time it never felt like I ever had or deserved a family, I eventually came to terms with me just in another living space. I did learn to love the family I was adopted into though. Around the time I was transferring colleges out of the state, my family was genuinely sad to see me leave and it kinda just hit me that these people actually loved me.
My late adoption caused long term self esteem issues, and this was the first time in my life I knew people could love and care about me. Everything my family did to accommodate me into our new home; therapy, letting me visit my birth parents, putting MY last name on the mailbox, and more was done out of complete love.
I'm 22 now and I'm going to be moving out in two months. I am very bad at expressing gratitude and I don't like hugging or talking to people but I'm doing literally all I can to try to convey that I love them. I've been looking bad at these last 19 years now and I feel horrible that I didn't believe they cared about me. I don't think they believe me when I tell them I love them. This is emotionally tolling on me but I'm gonna keep trying until I know they know.
- JoeBoco7
The stories aren't all heartwarming and happy, but they are all admirably vulnerable, honest, and eye opening.
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The people who love you the most can break your heart because of their betrayal of trust.
Cheating is cowardly and inexcusable, but depending on the situation and the couple, it is possible for them to find a path to healing emotional wounds.
But there are some ways in which infidelity is totally unforgivable.
That's the kind of scenario Redditor WCh3L3 was curious to hear about when they asked:
"What’s the wildest cheating story you’ve witnessed or happened to you?"
It must be exhausting leading double lives.
Hospital News
"A friend of a friend found out that her husband was cheating when she got to the hospital to see her husband who had just moments before been brought in by ambulance after a serious car accident only to be denied entry to his room because 'his wife was already in the room with him.'"
"He had two simultaneous lives with two women, neither of which was aware of the other."
– JeBronlLames
The Ruse
"My ex-wife pretended to be admitted to a mental health ward for long term treatment while actually staying with her new man and cheating on me."
– Impossible-Visit-199
"This one is just next level."
– most-royal-chemist
"That’s some Batman villain level of intrigue and machination. His wife missed her calling and wasted her abilities on sleeping around."
– filifijonka
A Separate Life
"My friend's mom was in a relationship with a guy for years and they ended up getting engaged and due to marry."
"The guy was a senior director of a company for which he travelled every week abroad for business."
"Eventually, the guy had a heart attack and when my friends mom turned up at the hospital, his wife and 2 kids were there also."
"Turned out he was already married with children and living a double life the whole time. When he went 'abroad' for business, he was simply going back to his actual family."
– wallbagz
Here's The Story
"My dad did this. He worked nights and would juggle both families that way."
"He came clean after he got admitted to hospital for heart trouble and realised that if things went badly he’d end up in this exact situation."
"I was 16 when he came clean that I have an older brother and sister. They found out about me then too - as did his wife."
"ETA: I’d actually already figured it out before he told me though. Nobody else had."
"EATA: I saw a preview of a text on my dad’s phone from my sister. I didn’t know she was my sister obviously, but it said ‘hi dad, mum says…’"
"At first I was in denial and I thought his friend must have borrowed his phone or something. I started to watch him more closely."
"He had a ringtone (lol the 00’s) that would say the name of the caller. I noticed whenever a certain name rang he’d leave the room. Some tactical eavesdropping later and 15 year old me had it figured out that I had a brother and sister."
"I didn’t clock I had a stepmother though, or that I was family no2 and they were his primary family. But I still think I did pretty well!"
"My whole family on my mum’s side knew - mum respected that it was my dad’s secret to tell and she gave him time to tell it. (Although they did have a few arguments about it as I was growing up, I never knew what they were about at the time.)"
– notemily-
Life is never the same once the truth comes out.
Shameless
"A family friend's husband was having an affair for 20+ years and that woman knew the entire time about his family. He was at her ranch one time and was bucked off a horse and broke his back. The affair partner called his wife to tell her and acted like everything about this situation was normal and the wife had no reason to act all upset at the affair. Some people really just have no shame."
"Guy lived and made a complete recovery, left his mistress and they stayed together since they were working on their relationship. He died a few years ago and the wife finds out he never actually left his mistress just lied."
– SailoLee92
Unilateral Decision
"In a small town the husband kept telling people he had an open marriage; finally someone asked his wife about it, she was unaware of this new arrangement."
– Long_Strange_Trip_GD
Rehab Romance
"Was in rehab, two people were there for sex addiction one a minister the other a Jewish housewife. They left rehab together early. Woman divorced her husband who sent her to rehab for sex addiction and married the guy she met in rehab. They are still married 10 years later and seem very happy."
– Life-Evidence-6672
On The Case
"I knew a guy years ago that was a private investigator. Many times he was approached by a spouse who suspected their partner was cheating."
"He had a slam-dunk strategy. He would suggest his client sign up for a course, whether a hobby thing, or educational. The key was that the class would happen for a period of weeks, all on the same day of the week, and all at the same time of day."
"Then, while his client was in class, he would follow the spouse."
"Caught them every time."
– PJMurphy
If you have a hunch about an unfaithful significant other, it's there for a reason.
Going For A Run
"Had a coworker who cheated on her live-in boyfriend. She would tell him she was going for a run, put on her shorts without underwear and would f'k her side piece in the apartment parking lot. So then she would come back inside sweaty 30 mins later and needed to shower and it all made sense to her boyfriend, he never questioned it. She was an awful human."
– rashawah
It Made Scents
"A friend caught her husband cheating because he kept coming home smelling like ferrets."
"Hard to play off 'long day at work' and explain that."
"When she found out at a holiday party that one of the young female coworkers owned ferrets, it all made sense."
– benloe7
Special Delivery
"I used to go to a comic shop. And the comic shop owner knew all of the gossip in the area. Nice dude. Remembers all of his regulars and asks about you if he hasn’t seen you in awhile to check in on people. Lot of people in the area grew up with his shop. So he’s got stories."
"Anyways he told us about this story from some years back about this regular. Who disappeared for a few months. Comes back one day. And the shop owner asks him, 'hey, man. Haven’t seen you in awhile?' Kind of like where have you been. The regular was like oh I’ve been getting divorced. I had to move it was a whole thing."
"So naturally the shop owner asks. 'Why are you divorcing your wife?' The regular caught his wife cheating."
"He had picked up a 2nd part time job as pizza delivery man because he was trying to fund to take his wife on her dream vacation. All of the money he earned from that job was supposed to go into that vacation. He had been working this job for like 6 months. It was a whole secret. She didn’t know he was doing that for her. Because he was trying to surprise her."
"He was the pizza delivery man at the motel. She was cheating at him with. The dude she was cheating on him with answered the door with her right next to him."
"He apparently didn’t even go back to the pizza place. He quit on the spot. Went home. Packed his sh*t and left town."
– TheMysticalPlatypus
Those who are unfaithful in their relationships may think they're good enough for more than one person, but they're usually not.
And while you may not believe in it, there's something called karma, and watching it enact justice can be extremely gratifying.
If you were the one being cheated on, know that the person with whom you've fallen in love is not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and there will always be a better human who will respect you and love you.
And if you were the cheater, watch your back. Because whether you believe in it or not, karma's coming for ya.
Food trends are not so very different from fashion trends, constantly evolving and quickly becoming outdated or passé.
Can you think of the last time you were served ambrosia at a dinner party?
Or have you noticed how anything featuring kale is now met with an eye roll rather than excitement?
Of course, some food trends tend to last longer than others.
Even if many people wish that they would also become extinct... the sooner the better!
Redditor Prestigious-Humor872 was eager to hear all the food trends people wished would die out, and fast, leading them to ask:
"What modern food trend can you not wait to die?"
Less Isn't Always More...
"2 ingredient desserts (with 7 'optional' ingredients that appear once you read the actual recipe)."- strawberry-emma
You Pay For The Experience
"Food trucks that charge the same price as a premium restaurant but serve half the size on a floppy plate that I have to stand up to eat."- thorn_10
"Food trucks."
"Weren’t they supposed to serve cheaper food because of lower overhead?"
"No brick and mortar?"
"We have a lobster roll truck-pulled by a Range Rover- that shows up for lunch and charges $22 for one entree."
"Ridiculous."- tizzymyers·
GiphyChoice Of Words...
"Calling a slight alteration to a recipe a 'hack'."
"Adding parmesan cheese to your grilled cheese sandwich is not a 'hack'."
"It's a minor recipe change."- No_Pear_2326
Jumping The Gun A Bit...
"If I'm on a website I'm only there to look at your menu."
"I'm not interested in starting an order before I've looked at the menu."
"No, I don't want to give you my zip code."
"Just give me your menu and some food pictures."- DueRest
Staying Humble?
"Fancy restaurants that say they serve 'street tacos' and proceed to charge $18 for three."- Chipwich75
T-Bell Yes GIF by Taco BellGiphyThere's A Reason We're Told Not To Play With Our Food...
"The stupid food wasting trends on YouTube and TikTok etc."- fluffernuttersndwch
Presentation Is Key...
"For some reason putting food in wine glasses."- Ralphroberts603
"Restaurants serving food on cutting boards, shovels, paper, shells, or anything that is not an actual plate."- Funny_Disaster1002
meat grill GIF by Gifs LabGiphyRemember The Golden Arches And The Red Roofs?
"Making all fast food buildings look like cookie-cutter beige/grey boxes."
"They all used to have their own distinct personalities."- mattnotis
There's Economizing, And Then There's Jusy Poor Hygeine...
"The videos of people making food in sinks."
"Gross."- h20rabbit
Is It Even Still A Secret After 100 Thousand Views?
"Any TikTok/IG trend that makes life more difficult for fast-food workers with overly complex orders or ordering stuff not on the menu or trying to 'one up' each others orders etc."- HiThisIsMichael
bored fast food GIF by Zaxby'sGiphyMaybe It Gives Them Incentive?
"Tipping as an option BEFORE receiving good service."- mytimeis2044
Sweet Tooth? Or Cavity Express?
"Sweets on top of sweets."
"A milkshake with a donut, lollipop, and cupcake attached."- Marleygem
Technology Slowly Taking Our Jobs...
"I just went to a restaurant, not a fast food place, a sit-down restaurant where you have to scan the QR code for the menu, then a screen pops up where you have to place your own order."
"No one comes to the table to answer questions, nothing."
"You place your order, a person comes by and throws your drinks at you. "
"Then they swing by a while later and throw your food at you."
"That’s all you see of them."
"You pay your bill on your phone, and are still expected to tip."- Megmuffin102
Saint Urbain Website GIF by Front of HouseGiphyBe it in presentation, cooking style, or flavor profile, people will likely always try to make food "cool" in truly bizarre ways.
Sometimes ignoring that the only thing that should truly matter is whether or not it tastes good.
At least people have finally realized that kale doesn't need to be added to everything!
For now, at least...