Neurotypical people giving neurodivergent folk unsolicited advice about their conditions is exhausting.
Can y'all stop that? Please?
It's not helpful, even when you mean the absolute best.
What works for your brain is literally not likely to work for someone neurodivergent. Conversely, what works for someone neurodivergent may seem like an absolute disco bloodbath to you.
And believe me, we WISH things like making lists and setting alarms actually worked.
Reddit user sk8fast8ass asked:
"Fellow ADHD folks, what are you tired of hearing from people without ADHD who try to give you advice on how to manage your ADHD?"
We know you love us.
We really do.
And it's because you love us, you'll read these answers and stop to ask yourself:
"Is this a really obvious solution that they've probably heard and tried 47 times already?"
Does it sound anything like:
" 'Try harder. Set an alarm. Make a list. I lose things too…' "
"There are lost and semi completed lists all over my house.!"
"The unsolicited advice was neither helpful nor warranted. I just don’t tell folks now."
"For the most part people outside of my immediate family think I have my sh*t together. I guess I'm good at masking."
"I made it to my 30’s without meds although high school & college would have been way easier if my parents had acknowledged that I actually had ADHD & had meds. But somehow I made honors/dean’s list & bought my first house by age 25."
"It’s pretty chaotic & stressful but the suggestions/guilt tripping/excuses don’t change anything. So, aside from my fam, only a few friends know."
"I just hold myself accountable, and know my limitations. And actually honor them instead of pretending I'm somehow going to magically get my life together for this thing."
"I have to say no to a lot of extraneous responsibilities asked of me like church volunteering, community/civic involvement - I try to do 1 or 2 things but no more than that at any given time. Even now with Rx, My regular responsibilities are barely manageable as is."Giphy
Lists. Do. Not. Always. Help.
"I got tired of explaining how lists are the worst thing you can do."
"You never remember to update. You never remember to actually look at the list."
"It gives you more anxiety knowing that you might have forgot to do something. Seeing everything all written down like that is overwhelming and makes everything feel impossible."
"And the worst part; you write lists to not having to remember, so you forget 100% of the things in the list because of that!"
"I've found lists and schedules very effective..."
"... When my wife manages them and just tells me what I need to know when I need to know it."
"Unless someone's volunteering to do that for you that's terrible advice."
"My wife is an extremely organized person. She keeps a diary in which every important date, appointment, etc of every member of the household is written, and she checks it regularly. It's sorcery."
"Kinda tired of people trying to treat it as a quirky thing that I should love and not something I’d remove from myself the first chance I got."
"I saw some stupid thing on Instagram about how people with ADHD are so lucky because we get to think colorful thoughts and remember random lyrics or something insulting and ridiculous."
"I mean on one hand I don't want to hate my ADHD since it's a part of me that's never going away. If I'm going to be stuck with it forever, I wanna try and be positive about it and find ways to like that about myself, even if it is a hindrance most of the time."
"On the other hand, though, it really is a huge hindrance most of the time and it makes it nearly impossible for me to do anything. I don't want other people treating it like it's not a big deal when it really is."
"Those people are in denial about the practical roadblocks ADHD puts up. You certainly shouldn't waste energy feeling butthurt about it, but you still need to function in the world and that means some work is in order."
We're Not All Hyper
" 'Oh, you don't have ADHD. My so-and-so has it and they are not like you at all.' "
"Yea I know I don't seem to have ADHD! I have inattentive ADHD which is very different from other types of ADHD."
"I used to doodle in my notebook while teachers would give lessons because it was impossible for me to just sit and watch them talk while still retaining information."
"I had more than one teacher try to tell me that it wasn't ADHD because 'you can pay attention to your drawing but not the lesson?' despite the fact that I was paying attention to the lesson. Drawing was HOW I was paying attention."
"My son has inattentive ADHD and getting him diagnosed was hell."
“ 'But he is always so well behaved!' Yes, but he is failing 3rd grade because he cannot concentrate on his work."
"I had to really push the issue with everyone. And now, 8 years later, after being a straight A student while on the medication, people, his father included, still don’t believe it, because he is never hyperactive."
In Your Head
" 'It's all in your head!' "
"Yeah no sh*t."
"Yeh, F that. I want to ask them 'OK? So, I can’t leave my head at home or swap brains so this is the only brain I have.' "
" 'And your back pain is all in your back.' of course a neurological thing is all in my head, where else would it be?”
A Little Is Not A Lot
" 'Everyone has a little ADHD.' Ok fine maybe, but some of us have A LOT of ADHD."
"Some people dismiss it like everyone gets distracted or procrastinates or is disorganized. Essentially saying you're not struggling with ADHD; everyone experiences this."
"Not true. Losing things sometimes or something being disorganized is not the same as being born with a chemical imbalance in your brain."
"People try to downplay the fact you need treatment just because everyone may experience this from time to time."
"For me it’s truly frustrating when someone tries to downplay the need for ADHD meds because yes, I could go without them and be miserable. But with them my life is so improved."
The Distraction Is ME
" 'Have you tried putting your phone away so you’re not distracted by it and can focus on work?' ”
"Listen, it doesn’t matter if I’m in a completely empty room with no windows and white walls, my brain WILL find something else to focus on beside the task I actually need to do."
"Finally somebody that understands!"
"Only thing that might get me to do it is if you literally remove all my senses, put me in a empty room and then maybe I'd do it without distraction. I just have to factor it in to my day at this point. There WILL be distractions."
"I'm not distracted by things. I AM THE DISTRACTION. My brain just changes the channel and without meds there's no controlling it, I just need to wait til my brain decides it's time to circle back."
"With meds I at least have a chance."
Just Because We're Making It Work
"Had a new psych basically say he didn’t think my ADHD diagnosis (from an earlier psych) could be accurate because I got good grades in college."
"Like, yea I crammed before EVERY assignment and exam. Just because I was successful doesn’t mean my methods are not VERY dysfunctional/anxiety inducing for me."
"I felt very invalidated. Worse because it was coming from the person who was supposed to help me with the problem."
"My psych laughed at me when I first brought up that when my husband talked about his ADHD symptoms I started to realize I was also experiencing those symptoms... a lot."
"She and tried to say something like 'don't we all want to pretend that we're all alike?' as if I was just mirroring his symptoms so I could suffer with him or something like that. I couldn't possibly have ADHD cause I was making my life work."
"Anyway, not long after that she actually talked to me and I was quickly diagnosed. Those initial dismissals always hurt the patient."
"For real. Like a normal car can use 2 tanks of gas to finish a race."
"Another car can sputter and burn up 5 gallons of gas because it needs to work harder because it's three times the weight of the first car. Both finish the race, the other needed way more gas though to do the same task."
"That's what ADD/ADHD is like. Being that 2nd car."
Like An Addict
"Honestly I'm less tired of hearing people's advice and more tired of how hard it is to get medication for ADHD, and how some doctors treat you like an addict for trying to get medication that is literally needed to just be able to try to function during the day."
"And still, any unexpected change to my schedule makes me forget a dozen other things I have to do. In my state it's not legal for my prescription to be auto-refillable so I have to remember to call my doctor's office every time I need a refill for my medication, sit though being on hold, then get transferred to voice mail anyways."
"As well as having to take piss tests randomly when I visit despite being on this medication for a year."
"Guess who is currently unmedicated because I forgot to call Friday since I woke up to the power being out, hoped it would be on when I got back from classes at my Uni (Spoiler alert: it wasn't), and since I had online assignments had to drive 40 minutes back up to Uni to realize as I parked that I forgot literally all my things and immediately had to drive back."
"So I'm saving the 3 doses I have for the 3 finals M-W that I have just in case it takes a week to get it refilled again."
"Honestly I can deal with the bad advice, I not only have inattentive-presenting ADHD but also major depressive disorder, so I've heard basically all of the 'just get better' statements."
"But just to get the diagnosis, to keep medicated, worrying about even moving because honestly I was lucky how much mental health support this small town even had, etc, is exhausting."
" 'You could just set an alarm!' "
"No. Firstly it's patronizing they believe I've not considered this, secondly it shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how executive dysfunction presents - they think we merely forget to do X task."
"What they've actually done is added a whole new complicated task for me to remember to do every day, on top of attempting the original task."
"Now I'm somehow meant to organize my entire day around that alarm going off, so I'm completely free at that exact time to do whatever task it's meant to prompt me to do? Or in my case I'm more likely to attempt to organize an entire week in advance to ensure this, which is massively overwhelming and likely to fuck up executive functions in other ways."
"The issue people don't get is, it's deterministic vs stochastic."
"If you want something done, you can create in an ADHD individual the tendency to get that task done at some temporally decoupled time. As opposed to asking someone who can schedule it with known timings."
"Like you could say 'The furnace filter needs changing.' In general, it will get done when possible, in the next few days, probably."
"As opposed to 'The furnace filter needs changing, so do it immediately and drop everything else.' "
"If we try to do things in that immediate way, it often causes other things to fall apart because we are now chasing the immediate gratification of doing all the things we suddenly remember need doing."
"Now we have started 47 things and completed nothing."
"Really it's just, time doesn't matter on the order of minutes or even hours, there is no anxiety or acknowledgement around it."
These Low Effort Jobs Have Surprisingly High Salaries | George Takei’s Oh MyyyHave you ever worked one of those jobs that paid you to kinda sit there? If you have, you know the joy that comes with watching the entirety of Breaking Bad ...
Just What To Say
"My first doctor told me that he knew people while in school who knew exactly what to say to get adderall and implied I was just wanting it so I could sell at the university around the corner."
"It took several more years before I opened up to another doctor after that, despite being pretty sure I had it."
"Surprise, surprise. I have it bad."
"The implication that I just wanted drugs was 100% not helpful."
- excitedpiddlerMr Bean Thumbs Up GIF Giphy
The Usual Variations
" 'If you just applied yourself you'd do so much better!' ''
" 'We both know you're smart; stop being lazy! ''
" 'Write it down' "
" 'You're fine, you can focus on video games no problem!' "
"Because I had so many symptoms, I was diagnosed with a bunch of stuff in addition to ADHD (Bipolar type 2, General Anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder), and never realized it was all actually kinda ADHD, cause I had it *bad*."
"And I also never really knew what being 'normal' was, so I was never able to accurately state whether or not my meds were working. My guardian said they were, so I just agreed with him."
"But they weren't."
"I was still always forgetting things, fidgeting, having huge mood swings, short temper, etc...But my guardian was convinced I was just lazy and not disciplined or whatever."
"Eventually began making me write everything in a planner, per school period per day, and I had to get my teachers to sign it, or I'd get in trouble."
"...Guess who kept forgetting to get their teachers to sign things?"
"Guess who forgot their school planner?"
"Guess who would forget they had to write things at all?"
"Cause y'know, ADHD STUFF."
"But yes. The usual variations of 'you're just not trying/lazy/undisciplined.' "
- thunderstrike23Britney Spears Reaction GIF Giphy
"I'm sick of people talking to me as if I'm mentally deranged."
"I was diagnosed when I was very young (6 years old or something like that) so every school I have been to the teachers think they need to treat me like a small child."
"I have ADHD, I'm not a three year old. You can speak to me like you would speak to anyone else my age."
"This pisses me off so damn much because I've been talked down to my whole life when I'm certain that most children at that age would be diagnosed with it had they been examined."
"Oh and also, f*ck people who tell you that you have to take medicine. People have no idea how shit it feels taking it and no idea how much it doesn't help for everyone."
- Latter_Ad_6226Will Smith Wtf GIF Giphy
"Not Allowed" To Have ADHD?
"We were part of a group of parents with young kids. A wonderful friend and father and I were talking about my ADHD son."
"He really didn’t know the 'reality of our experiences on the ground.' ”
"So as we were discussing it he just said, 'Oh we don’t allow that behavior.' ”
"I said, 'Oh, we don’t either, but there’s that behavior we deal with daily.' ”
"No matter how open and kind, unless you live it, it’s impossible to understand. You can't just 'not allow' someone to have ADHD."
"The symptoms are absolutely real and punishing them rather than getting help only makes everyone have to struggle more."
- onascaleoffunto10irish setter no GIF by Robert E Blackmon Giphy
"ADHD can cause insomnia. My father would just say 'Have you tried going to bed earlier?' ”
"That’s not how that works…."
"On how to sleep better: 'just make a habit of going to bed earlier!' ”
"It’s taken me 2-3 hours to fall asleep since I was a baby. In my 40’s now and tried everything, I don’t think it’s going to change."
- Swedish-Butt-WhistleFast And Furious Sleeping GIF by The Fast Saga Giphy
Denial Doesn't Help
"Mom got mad at me for asking if I had ADHD when I was growing up."
"Went through high school and graduated (practically living on my own too) with a lot of stress in the house."
"I felt like something was wrong with me, but mom swore it couldn’t be adhd right?"
"Ya that f*cked me up all of high school. Now here I am; still f*cked, but finally starting to get help. "
- Easyusername777Deny Khloe Kardashian GIF by Bunim/Murray Productions Giphy
"But You're So Calm!"
" 'You have ADHD? But you’re so calm. I think that doctor misdiagnosed you.' "
" 'You’re not like XYZ who’s just jumping off the walls all the time! You just have to stop being so lazy!' ”
"Um. My ADHD is inattentive, not hyperactive. That’s why I’m calm. I’m not lazy (ok maybe a little)."
"I just cannot get myself to do that very important thing that has to get done out of fear that I’ll do it completely wrong or embarrass myself."
"And no. My doctor didn’t misdiagnose me. I have very clear, life affecting symptoms."
"Oh and my memory sucks. It’s pretty bad sometimes. I’m concerned for the future over that."
"My head also never shuts up. I could be totally calm and quiet, but inside I’m thinking of a million different things all the time."
"And when I’m not, it’s like I can hear a continuous buzzing. It’s tiring."
"Ugh and the meds suck. It worked at first. But I would have to up my dosage every few months because it always seemed to stop working eventually."
"Worst part is how much weight I lost from lack of appetite and pure nausea and how much sleep I lost on it. My head just would not shut up and I couldn’t sleep until 3am only to have to get up for school at 6."
"Everything sucks. And I feel like no one in my life really gets it so I don’t get the chance to really vent over it or talk about it."
- slytherinxiiieverything sucks GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers Giphy
" 'Why can't you just focus?' "
"Well you see... I had a plan of action, but there was a REALLY nice squirrel outside and it was going all ftfyfyfttyyfgyyyy and stuff."
"And I wondered how squirrel claws worked. They must be sharp right? Since they climb so well?"
"So even though I put my laundry in 2 hours ago I started googling about squirrels and learned a lot! Then I realized that I was hungry so I out a bagel in the toaster, then I realized I needed to go grocery shopping, but I was kinda stinky so I should shower."
"Then I thought I should probably get some work done first, but that squirrel tab was still open so I kept looking at that. Then I found some cool ferret videos!"
"Why are they so stinky? Why can't I have one?"
"Oh that's why. SH*T! My bagel! Sh*t my laundry! Sh*t, my shower!"
"F*ck it's like noon... I deserve to play some video games."
"Sh*t! Stuff has to download!"
"Oh look that squirrel is back."
- Kunkyskuntssquirrel eating GIF Giphy
"I'm sick of hearing that hyper-focusing isn't abnormal."
"Tell me that when I can't get my work done because I can't stop reading about TV specs after I decided I wanted to buy a new one and I need to know everything about it."
"I know I'm screwing up. I cannot stop."
"Also, I'm over hearing how the inability to focus at all on anything I don't enjoy is completely normal and how I don't need medication, I just need to follow their tips for focusing."
- NivashaTired Sick Of It GIF by TLC Giphy
I Know What I Need
"So I have Inattentive type. I come off as a very cool, calm, and collected person but under the surface my mind is utter mayhem."
"So many thoughts, ideas, worries, memories, etc. flying through my head 24/7. It’s fucking exhausting."
"People have ragged on me for being antisocial but I NEED quiet, alone time in order to calm down my brain and recharge the batteries."
"Going out to public places, or family events, essentially any situation where there’s a lot of stimulation will make it so much worse because everything grabs my attention. I hear every conversation taking place in a room."
"I struggle super hard to just be present in the moment instead of feeling like my brain is just being jostled to and fro with every tiny thing happening around me."
"When I’m really having a hard time and tell friends and family I’m not up to going out because I need to rest, they just look at it as me being sulky and I often get 'You need to get out! Go have some fun! Come out of your shell!' ”
"It’s so frustrating. I know when I need to spend a Saturday night with noise cancelling head phones on just listening to classical music and meditating."
"Going to a party when my brain is exhausted will make me so much more miserable."
- TheVeryElectSeason 4 Starz GIF by Survivor’s Remorse Giphy
If it does, we've heard it.
We've tried it.
It maybe worked for 15 minutes or until the stickers ran out.
Those of you with ADHD or other neurodiversities probably had several "oof" moments reading through these.
I know I did.
What would you add to the list?
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What is it about someone that captivates you instantly?
Could it be the twinkle in their eye as they talk about their passions? Or perhaps its their overwhelming sense of humor that draws in everyone in the room?
Whatever it might be, everyone has that one trait, that one quality, that can make them instantly interesting to someone listening nearby.
"What's one thing which makes someone interesting to you instantly?"
It doesn't even have to make sense why that person is interesting to you.
If they're only funny to you, and no one else, doesn't matter.
You'll sit, listening to them, for as long as you can.
Make Me Laugh
"Sense of humour"
"I have entire relationships that are built on mutual humor. Sincere humor is the best, when someone can be their full selves with you - serious moments are appreciated and occur but our love language with one another is our ability to laugh together."
You've Seen Things Others Haven't
"If they have traveled outside their home country or have lived/are living outside the home country."
"As someone who spent the last 15 years outside my home country, this is normal for me, or that they’ve learned a second language.(I have too just not always the language of my host country)."
Math And Numbers All The Way
- "If they're interested in math I instantly love them. Haven't met anyone tho"
- "Funny sarcasm a bit situational, but if someone is good at using sarcasm in a gunny way I want to be they're friend."
Totally Got Into A Fight With A Bear
"Facial scars, and not ones done intentionally. If you got a big ol scar on your face, you've seen some sh-t, and I am dying to hear about it."
"I have a fairly prominent scar close to my eye that I got from walking into the corner of a table as a 2yo."
"Can't say I've seen sh-t, but I sure as sh-t didn't see that table."
Conversations are tricky to navigate, especially when you think you'll do nothing but bring the group chat down.
That's why when someone perks their ears up to give you the floor, it's intriguing.
Let's Talk TOGETHER
"They draw people into the conversation by finding topics of mutual interest."
"A great tip for doing this is to abandon any embarrassment at knowing nothing about someone's passion. Instead of trying to change the subject or staying quiet, ask the basic questions that come to mind."
"You'll find there are two types of people - those who delight in explaining why they're so passionate to you in a way that makes their passion practically contagious and those who can't be bothered making an effort. The first group are the ones you want to talk to anyway, as they not only match the effort you made but make it effortless for both parties."
Take Your Time. I'll Listen.
"People who can find the sentence through all the stuttering I do and are actually interested to chat for an undetermined amount of time"
"Hang in there buddy! It's a shame how society treats people who stutter! I'm a speech therapist and the biggest problem for my patients isn't the stuttering, but the inability of other people to just take a little bit more time and let them finish their sentences on their own time"
Or Maybe We Don't Need To Talk At All
"Ability to enjoy and appreciate comfortable silences without having the need to constantly talk."
"Nothing's more annoying than someone who constantly talks just to fill the air."
You don't know why, you just know how it feels.
It's a gut thing, deep down inside, that lets you know this person is something special.
Let It Out
"Passion. Doesn't matter about what, they could be passionate about installing toilets and I'd listen to them. I find it infectious."
"YES fully f-cking agree. My friends always apologize when they go on about something I’m not into/haven’t even heard of, but I could listen to it for hours. Just hearing the excitement in their voice and seeing their eyes light up just soothes my soul."
"They’re not afraid to like things. I’m so bored of people whose personality is based around not liking things or being too cool for things. Coming from someone who used to be extremely cynical — cynicism is boring."
Eyes That Make You Feel
"Their eyes. Some people have very kind eyes and I’m extremely attracted to that."
"Omg this. So far I’ve only met one person with really kind eyes and there was a time when I was in bed just crying about it cause whenever he looks at me it’s like all the mistakes I’ve made in my life doesn’t matter"
Speak Your Truths
"Honesty. Even at their own expense. Extremely attractive trait in friends or significant others."
"Double this. It comes down to being able to accept wrong and being unafraid to open themselves up to judgment, criticism, and consequences of action, which is a huuuige display of strength, and == hot. Dishonesty is insecurity at best, malice at worst."
Trust your gut.
You never know what kind of fascinating individuals you'll be lucky enough to interact with.
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Turns out not all of us are interested in being benevolent Gods.
It's Reddit, so we're not exactly surprised, but we're suddenly glad divine cosmic powers don't work this way.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
Can We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
"I also choose this god."
Assuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
One Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
Genderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
Oh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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Are you like me and the 1990s were only 10 years ago?
Yes, I can do the math, but 1990 being 32 years ago still seems unreal.
Why is that?
Maybe it's the fact it marked the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st.
Either way, it just doesn't seem that long ago and the nostalgia for the trappings of the 1990s is strong.
Redditor PrimaryYam9432 asked:
"What is something outdated from the 90s you want back?"
"I lived in a one bedroom apartment in San Diego in the nineties to the tune of $400 a month. I'd like that back, please."
"I looked up the specific place I lived. That one bedroom runs $1,650 now."
Cheesy Video Games
"Westwood Studio's real time strategy games featuring cheesy live action videos between the levels. I'm fine without the dial-up multiplayer though."
Subscribe, Subscribe, Subscribe
"Software that you buy one time and own. Looking at you Adobe."
"Being able to own things without having to take out a subscriptions."
"This is exactly what I was going to say. Being able to buy something and be done. Now everything has a subscription attached to it."
"Software is one of the worst examples but even the auto industry is trying to get in on the subscription money by requiring additional monthly plans to access features of your car that you already paid for."
"A local HVAC company is attaching a subscription to their work. So you pay them to install it all and then a monthly fee for them to be on-call in the event it needs maintenance."
"At work our IT support company stopped doing ad hoc service calls unless you subscribe to their monthly service plan. So the company is paying triple the price and getting basically the same thing except in theory the amount of service call they can request is 'unlimited'."
Your Local Video Store
"I miss going to video stores and browsing."
"I do too. That was a fun Friday night as a kid. Going to Blockbuster to pick out a new movie to watch."
"It's not the same getting on Netflix and spending an hour looking for something to watch to only wind up watching something you've already seen."
"Yep! As a kid my dad would come home from work on Friday evening and take us to Hollywood video."
"We’d pick out a movie and get a pizza on the way home. Good times."
"Reasonable commercial lengths."
"Now ESPN has 5 minute commercial breaks..."
"My least favorite trend is a commercial break, then they come back for 1-2 minutes with some tiny snippet of 'coming up next!' then go to another commercial break."
"Or they smash the credits into a tiny window, while running ads on full screen. Can't even read the credits if you wanted to."
"Not having to make an account for EVERYF'KINGTHING!"
"And lately every time I sign up for something, they send me texts now too in addition to emails that I don’t want. Leave me alone!!"
"I'm so over this. Especially when you're supposed to make a different password for every account you have. My brain only has so much memory for passwords anymore."
"This is probably more late 90s/early 00s than the 90s as a whole, but a social media-less internet."
"It felt like an escape from real life, as opposed to an extension of it."
"Remember when they told us to never identify yourself on the internet? And now they put their whole life on it."
"I miss web 1.0 where anonymity was the point."
"Remember when our parents told us not to trust anyone on the internet, but now believe everything they see online and lecture us about it?"
"My mom when I was 16 and got my first PC: 'Don't put your pictures online!'"
"My mom now: 'Send me grandson pics nowww! Need new profile pic and header!!'"
"Geocities web pages, made with heart, not for money."
"I do miss Geocities. It was sh*t, but atleast anyone could have a web site for free hosted on a server that was relatively fast and reliable."
"Nowadays, good luck to find a good free web hosting..."
"Oh my god, my bff would purposely go to my crappy Geocities site and sign the guestbook as ridiculously over the top characters like 'Madame Consuela de Soliz-Camacho-Dubois St Bernard,' and she'd write their comments in Spanish, German, French, whatever she felt like that day."
"It was so stupid but for idiot teenagers back in the 90's, it was the height of hilarity that she could prank me without being in the same room. Good times."
Why Is This Phone Smart?
"Not being able to be reached 24/7."
"Remember when the only people who had cell phones or pagers were doctors and high end business professionals that NEEDED to be reached at a moments notice."
"Now, everyone is expected to be available at any time. And if you elect to stand your ground and establish a separation between work/personal life you're considered 'rude' or 'difficult to communicate with'."
"Yeah, remember when you let the house phone ring during dinner?
"I remember my dad grumbling if the phone ever rang: 'It's dinner time, nobody should be calling now. Who calls during dinner?!'"
"You didn't call people's house after about 8pm either unless you knew it was okay. It was rude—that was private, home time."
Buttons & Knobs & Dials
"Technology with buttons and knobs."
"Agreed! Some things I just don’t want a touch screen for."
"I hate touchscreens in cars because 1) you just know they'll wear out and be expensive to replace and 2) I can't use it by feel and have to take my eyes off the road to adjust anything."
"Agreed! Why does my Microwave need to have touchscreen? I don't want to touch the panel with my fat butter and chips fingers. I want use the back of my hand."
"All my touchscreen appliances start to fizzle and fail pretty quickly. All the analog or mechanical ones still work from decades ago, or I can at least open them and clean some contacts."
Nostalgia is a funny thing—we tend to romanticize our past.
If we truly went back, we'd probably discover all the things we'd miss from our future.
But we still miss a lot from the 1990s.
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You're probably going to be beat over the head with this as you read this charming article but bedbugs are a nightmare and they are always lurking (in the back of my mind) when I think about purchasing some items secondhand.
Some years ago, a relative brought in a stuffed animal and some other items off the street. Within days we had a bedbug issue.
It was thankfully resolved very quickly–good thing it was caught so early–but let's just say I dealt with phantom itch for a while.
Nooo thank you.
People told us all about their own reservations after Redditor princesspeaches8 asked the online community:
"What's something you'd never buy secondhand?"
"Most people don't realize..."
"Motorcycle helmets. Most people don’t realize that helmets expire and lose effectiveness even after relatively small impacts."
Best not to tempt fate and get a new one for sure.
People cut corners and then pay the price with their life.
"...unless it was from someone I knew for certain..."
"Climbing gear, unless it was from someone I knew for certain is an experienced climber and cared for their gear per manufacturer recommendations. Even then, I'd prefer to buy new."
The last thing I would want if I were a climber would be to realize that I am using faulty equipment!
"You want bedbugs?"
"A mattress. You want bedbugs? That's how you get bedbugs."
Bedbugs terrify me.
No thank you.
"Since nobody else has said it..."
"A car seat. Since nobody else has said it, I will. Secondhand car seats are so dangerous. You have no idea if they have been in an accident, after which they are supposed to be replaced no matter how minor."
All it takes is one accident.
Don't risk it.
"I got into a whole argument..."
"Tires. I got into a whole argument about it with my automotive teacher in school, and everyone laughed at me and called me spoiled, but I just don’t feel that it’s worth taking a gamble on people's safety with used tires."
I believe this depends on the tread, though.
"Jigsaw puzzles. Bought a 1,000 piece puzzle for £3, spent a few hours making it only to find 6 pieces were missing."
I'd be so upset after spending all that time!
"Three things I would never dream..."
"A toothbrush. Toilet paper. A condom. Three things I would never dream about buying second hand."
People buy used condoms?
What is going on with the world?
"It happened when I was 10..."
"Shoes. It happened when I was 10. My mom bought me a pair of boots from The Salvation Army that I just had to have. Athlete’s foot. HORRIBLE. It took powder, not spray, to get rid of it."
I am also very hesitant to purchase used shoes (and won't) and I understand that this is a privileged opinion.
"There's no warranty..."
"Crucial car parts. Like used tires, brake pads, brake rotors, rack-and-pinions etc. There’s no warranty from the back-alley Craigslist dude and if those parts have defects you won’t be able to stop or steer. Which leads to you quickly performing the room-temperature challenge."
You see, I don't drive, but if I did, this would definitely be something I wouldn't do.
No way I'd purchase crucial car parts from some rando!
"I was very open to it before..."
"Most second hand things now. Especially furniture and clothing which can't be checked thoroughly. I was very open to it before. But bed bugs really terrify me now. All it takes is one to start an infestation, and they hide in things like the labels and behind boots and screws. The eggs are about the size of dandruff."
As mentioned before... bedbugs are terrifying.
I don't think I can stress that enough.
Sometimes saving a few dollars can cost you a lot.
Why risk it?
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