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People With ADHD Break Down The Unsolicited Advice They're Tired Of Hearing

People With ADHD Break Down The Unsolicited Advice They're Tired Of Hearing
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Neurotypical people giving neurodivergent folk unsolicited advice about their conditions is exhausting.

Can y'all stop that? Please?

It's not helpful, even when you mean the absolute best.

What works for your brain is literally not likely to work for someone neurodivergent. Conversely, what works for someone neurodivergent may seem like an absolute disco bloodbath to you.

And believe me, we WISH things like making lists and setting alarms actually worked.

Reddit user sk8fast8ass asked:

"Fellow ADHD folks, what are you tired of hearing from people without ADHD who try to give you advice on how to manage your ADHD?"

We know you love us.

We really do.

And it's because you love us, you'll read these answers and stop to ask yourself:

"Is this a really obvious solution that they've probably heard and tried 47 times already?"

Does it sound anything like:

Try Harder

" 'Try harder. Set an alarm. Make a list. I lose things too…' "

"There are lost and semi completed lists all over my house.!"

"The unsolicited advice was neither helpful nor warranted. I just don’t tell folks now."

"For the most part people outside of my immediate family think I have my sh*t together. I guess I'm good at masking."

"I made it to my 30’s without meds although high school & college would have been way easier if my parents had acknowledged that I actually had ADHD & had meds. But somehow I made honors/dean’s list & bought my first house by age 25."

"It’s pretty chaotic & stressful but the suggestions/guilt tripping/excuses don’t change anything. So, aside from my fam, only a few friends know."

"I just hold myself accountable, and know my limitations. And actually honor them instead of pretending I'm somehow going to magically get my life together for this thing."

"I have to say no to a lot of extraneous responsibilities asked of me like church volunteering, community/civic involvement - I try to do 1 or 2 things but no more than that at any given time. Even now with Rx, My regular responsibilities are barely manageable as is."

- California_Kat360


Lists. Do. Not. Always. Help.

"I got tired of explaining how lists are the worst thing you can do."

"You never remember to update. You never remember to actually look at the list."

"It gives you more anxiety knowing that you might have forgot to do something. Seeing everything all written down like that is overwhelming and makes everything feel impossible."

"And the worst part; you write lists to not having to remember, so you forget 100% of the things in the list because of that!"

- ch3l4s

"I've found lists and schedules very effective..."

"... When my wife manages them and just tells me what I need to know when I need to know it."

"Unless someone's volunteering to do that for you that's terrible advice."

"My wife is an extremely organized person. She keeps a diary in which every important date, appointment, etc of every member of the household is written, and she checks it regularly. It's sorcery."

- Otherwise_Window


Get Real

"Kinda tired of people trying to treat it as a quirky thing that I should love and not something I’d remove from myself the first chance I got."

"I saw some stupid thing on Instagram about how people with ADHD are so lucky because we get to think colorful thoughts and remember random lyrics or something insulting and ridiculous."

- Quirkyserenefrenzy

"I mean on one hand I don't want to hate my ADHD since it's a part of me that's never going away. If I'm going to be stuck with it forever, I wanna try and be positive about it and find ways to like that about myself, even if it is a hindrance most of the time."

"On the other hand, though, it really is a huge hindrance most of the time and it makes it nearly impossible for me to do anything. I don't want other people treating it like it's not a big deal when it really is."

- AliceJoestar

"Those people are in denial about the practical roadblocks ADHD puts up. You certainly shouldn't waste energy feeling butthurt about it, but you still need to function in the world and that means some work is in order."

- Desdinova74


We're Not All Hyper

" 'Oh, you don't have ADHD. My so-and-so has it and they are not like you at all.' "

"Yea I know I don't seem to have ADHD! I have inattentive ADHD which is very different from other types of ADHD."

- _Railley_

"I used to doodle in my notebook while teachers would give lessons because it was impossible for me to just sit and watch them talk while still retaining information."

"I had more than one teacher try to tell me that it wasn't ADHD because 'you can pay attention to your drawing but not the lesson?' despite the fact that I was paying attention to the lesson. Drawing was HOW I was paying attention."

- White_Wolf_Dreamer

"My son has inattentive ADHD and getting him diagnosed was hell."

“ 'But he is always so well behaved!' Yes, but he is failing 3rd grade because he cannot concentrate on his work."

"I had to really push the issue with everyone. And now, 8 years later, after being a straight A student while on the medication, people, his father included, still don’t believe it, because he is never hyperactive."

- Coconut-bird


In Your Head

" 'It's all in your head!' "

"Yeah no sh*t."

- Ph6r60h

"Yeh, F that. I want to ask them 'OK? So, I can’t leave my head at home or swap brains so this is the only brain I have.' "

- California_Kat360

" 'And your back pain is all in your back.' of course a neurological thing is all in my head, where else would it be?”

- Pseudonymico


A Little Is Not A Lot

" 'Everyone has a little ADHD.' Ok fine maybe, but some of us have A LOT of ADHD."

"Some people dismiss it like everyone gets distracted or procrastinates or is disorganized. Essentially saying you're not struggling with ADHD; everyone experiences this."

"Not true. Losing things sometimes or something being disorganized is not the same as being born with a chemical imbalance in your brain."

"People try to downplay the fact you need treatment just because everyone may experience this from time to time."

"For me it’s truly frustrating when someone tries to downplay the need for ADHD meds because yes, I could go without them and be miserable. But with them my life is so improved."

- igoachu


The Distraction Is ME

" 'Have you tried putting your phone away so you’re not distracted by it and can focus on work?' ”

"Listen, it doesn’t matter if I’m in a completely empty room with no windows and white walls, my brain WILL find something else to focus on beside the task I actually need to do."

- discarded_scarf

"Finally somebody that understands!"

"Only thing that might get me to do it is if you literally remove all my senses, put me in a empty room and then maybe I'd do it without distraction. I just have to factor it in to my day at this point. There WILL be distractions."

- MegaRayQuaza126

"Exactly this."

"I'm not distracted by things. I AM THE DISTRACTION. My brain just changes the channel and without meds there's no controlling it, I just need to wait til my brain decides it's time to circle back."

"With meds I at least have a chance."

- [Reddit]


Just Because We're Making It Work

"Had a new psych basically say he didn’t think my ADHD diagnosis (from an earlier psych) could be accurate because I got good grades in college."

"Like, yea I crammed before EVERY assignment and exam. Just because I was successful doesn’t mean my methods are not VERY dysfunctional/anxiety inducing for me."

"I felt very invalidated. Worse because it was coming from the person who was supposed to help me with the problem."

- Millarbles

"My psych laughed at me when I first brought up that when my husband talked about his ADHD symptoms I started to realize I was also experiencing those symptoms... a lot."

"She and tried to say something like 'don't we all want to pretend that we're all alike?' as if I was just mirroring his symptoms so I could suffer with him or something like that. I couldn't possibly have ADHD cause I was making my life work."

"Anyway, not long after that she actually talked to me and I was quickly diagnosed. Those initial dismissals always hurt the patient."

- Wreck-A-Mended

"For real. Like a normal car can use 2 tanks of gas to finish a race."

"Another car can sputter and burn up 5 gallons of gas because it needs to work harder because it's three times the weight of the first car. Both finish the race, the other needed way more gas though to do the same task."

"That's what ADD/ADHD is like. Being that 2nd car."

- FlynnLight


Like An Addict

"Honestly I'm less tired of hearing people's advice and more tired of how hard it is to get medication for ADHD, and how some doctors treat you like an addict for trying to get medication that is literally needed to just be able to try to function during the day."

"And still, any unexpected change to my schedule makes me forget a dozen other things I have to do. In my state it's not legal for my prescription to be auto-refillable so I have to remember to call my doctor's office every time I need a refill for my medication, sit though being on hold, then get transferred to voice mail anyways."

"As well as having to take piss tests randomly when I visit despite being on this medication for a year."

"Guess who is currently unmedicated because I forgot to call Friday since I woke up to the power being out, hoped it would be on when I got back from classes at my Uni (Spoiler alert: it wasn't), and since I had online assignments had to drive 40 minutes back up to Uni to realize as I parked that I forgot literally all my things and immediately had to drive back."

"So I'm saving the 3 doses I have for the 3 finals M-W that I have just in case it takes a week to get it refilled again."

"Honestly I can deal with the bad advice, I not only have inattentive-presenting ADHD but also major depressive disorder, so I've heard basically all of the 'just get better' statements."

"But just to get the diagnosis, to keep medicated, worrying about even moving because honestly I was lucky how much mental health support this small town even had, etc, is exhausting."

- Kryso



" 'You could just set an alarm!' "

"No. Firstly it's patronizing they believe I've not considered this, secondly it shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how executive dysfunction presents - they think we merely forget to do X task."

"What they've actually done is added a whole new complicated task for me to remember to do every day, on top of attempting the original task."

"Now I'm somehow meant to organize my entire day around that alarm going off, so I'm completely free at that exact time to do whatever task it's meant to prompt me to do? Or in my case I'm more likely to attempt to organize an entire week in advance to ensure this, which is massively overwhelming and likely to fuck up executive functions in other ways."

- UKKasha2020

"The issue people don't get is, it's deterministic vs stochastic."

"If you want something done, you can create in an ADHD individual the tendency to get that task done at some temporally decoupled time. As opposed to asking someone who can schedule it with known timings."

"Like you could say 'The furnace filter needs changing.' In general, it will get done when possible, in the next few days, probably."

"As opposed to 'The furnace filter needs changing, so do it immediately and drop everything else.' "

"If we try to do things in that immediate way, it often causes other things to fall apart because we are now chasing the immediate gratification of doing all the things we suddenly remember need doing."

"Now we have started 47 things and completed nothing."

"Really it's just, time doesn't matter on the order of minutes or even hours, there is no anxiety or acknowledgement around it."

- chcampb


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Just What To Say

"My first doctor told me that he knew people while in school who knew exactly what to say to get adderall and implied I was just wanting it so I could sell at the university around the corner."

"It took several more years before I opened up to another doctor after that, despite being pretty sure I had it."

"Surprise, surprise. I have it bad."

"The implication that I just wanted drugs was 100% not helpful."

- excitedpiddler

Mr Bean Thumbs Up GIFGiphy

The Usual Variations

" 'If you just applied yourself you'd do so much better!' ''

" 'We both know you're smart; stop being lazy! ''

" 'Write it down' "

" 'You're fine, you can focus on video games no problem!' "

"Because I had so many symptoms, I was diagnosed with a bunch of stuff in addition to ADHD (Bipolar type 2, General Anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder), and never realized it was all actually kinda ADHD, cause I had it *bad*."

"And I also never really knew what being 'normal' was, so I was never able to accurately state whether or not my meds were working. My guardian said they were, so I just agreed with him."

"But they weren't."

"I was still always forgetting things, fidgeting, having huge mood swings, short temper, etc...But my guardian was convinced I was just lazy and not disciplined or whatever."

"Eventually began making me write everything in a planner, per school period per day, and I had to get my teachers to sign it, or I'd get in trouble."

"...Guess who kept forgetting to get their teachers to sign things?"

"Guess who forgot their school planner?"

"Guess who would forget they had to write things at all?"

"Cause y'know, ADHD STUFF."

"But yes. The usual variations of 'you're just not trying/lazy/undisciplined.' "

- thunderstrike23

Britney Spears Reaction GIFGiphy

Mentally Deranged?

"I'm sick of people talking to me as if I'm mentally deranged."

"I was diagnosed when I was very young (6 years old or something like that) so every school I have been to the teachers think they need to treat me like a small child."

"I have ADHD, I'm not a three year old. You can speak to me like you would speak to anyone else my age."

"This pisses me off so damn much because I've been talked down to my whole life when I'm certain that most children at that age would be diagnosed with it had they been examined."

"Oh and also, f*ck people who tell you that you have to take medicine. People have no idea how shit it feels taking it and no idea how much it doesn't help for everyone."

- Latter_Ad_6226

Will Smith Wtf GIFGiphy

"Not Allowed" To Have ADHD?

"We were part of a group of parents with young kids. A wonderful friend and father and I were talking about my ADHD son."

"He really didn’t know the 'reality of our experiences on the ground.' ”

"So as we were discussing it he just said, 'Oh we don’t allow that behavior.' ”

"I said, 'Oh, we don’t either, but there’s that behavior we deal with daily.' ”

"No matter how open and kind, unless you live it, it’s impossible to understand. You can't just 'not allow' someone to have ADHD."

"The symptoms are absolutely real and punishing them rather than getting help only makes everyone have to struggle more."

- onascaleoffunto10

irish setter no GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy

Sleep Schedules

"ADHD can cause insomnia. My father would just say 'Have you tried going to bed earlier?' ”

"That’s not how that works…."

- NudistDudest

"On how to sleep better: 'just make a habit of going to bed earlier!' ”

"It’s taken me 2-3 hours to fall asleep since I was a baby. In my 40’s now and tried everything, I don’t think it’s going to change."

- Swedish-Butt-Whistle

Fast And Furious Sleeping GIF by The Fast SagaGiphy

Denial Doesn't Help

"Mom got mad at me for asking if I had ADHD when I was growing up."

"Went through high school and graduated (practically living on my own too) with a lot of stress in the house."

"I felt like something was wrong with me, but mom swore it couldn’t be adhd right?"

"Ya that f*cked me up all of high school. Now here I am; still f*cked, but finally starting to get help. "

- Easyusername777

Deny Khloe Kardashian GIF by Bunim/Murray ProductionsGiphy

"But You're So Calm!"

" 'You have ADHD? But you’re so calm. I think that doctor misdiagnosed you.' "

" 'You’re not like XYZ who’s just jumping off the walls all the time! You just have to stop being so lazy!' ”

"Um. My ADHD is inattentive, not hyperactive. That’s why I’m calm. I’m not lazy (ok maybe a little)."

"I just cannot get myself to do that very important thing that has to get done out of fear that I’ll do it completely wrong or embarrass myself."

"And no. My doctor didn’t misdiagnose me. I have very clear, life affecting symptoms."

"Oh and my memory sucks. It’s pretty bad sometimes. I’m concerned for the future over that."

"My head also never shuts up. I could be totally calm and quiet, but inside I’m thinking of a million different things all the time."

"And when I’m not, it’s like I can hear a continuous buzzing. It’s tiring."

"Ugh and the meds suck. It worked at first. But I would have to up my dosage every few months because it always seemed to stop working eventually."

"Worst part is how much weight I lost from lack of appetite and pure nausea and how much sleep I lost on it. My head just would not shut up and I couldn’t sleep until 3am only to have to get up for school at 6."

"Everything sucks. And I feel like no one in my life really gets it so I don’t get the chance to really vent over it or talk about it."

- slytherinxiii

everything sucks GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy

Here's Why

" 'Why can't you just focus?' "

"Well you see... I had a plan of action, but there was a REALLY nice squirrel outside and it was going all ftfyfyfttyyfgyyyy and stuff."

"And I wondered how squirrel claws worked. They must be sharp right? Since they climb so well?"

"So even though I put my laundry in 2 hours ago I started googling about squirrels and learned a lot! Then I realized that I was hungry so I out a bagel in the toaster, then I realized I needed to go grocery shopping, but I was kinda stinky so I should shower."

"Then I thought I should probably get some work done first, but that squirrel tab was still open so I kept looking at that. Then I found some cool ferret videos!"

"Why are they so stinky? Why can't I have one?"

"Oh that's why. SH*T! My bagel! Sh*t my laundry! Sh*t, my shower!"

"F*ck it's like noon... I deserve to play some video games."

"Sh*t! Stuff has to download!"

"Oh look that squirrel is back."

- Kunkyskunts

squirrel eating GIFGiphy

Focus Frustration

"I'm sick of hearing that hyper-focusing isn't abnormal."

"Tell me that when I can't get my work done because I can't stop reading about TV specs after I decided I wanted to buy a new one and I need to know everything about it."

"I know I'm screwing up. I cannot stop."

"Also, I'm over hearing how the inability to focus at all on anything I don't enjoy is completely normal and how I don't need medication, I just need to follow their tips for focusing."

- Nivasha

Tired Sick Of It GIF by TLCGiphy

I Know What I Need

"So I have Inattentive type. I come off as a very cool, calm, and collected person but under the surface my mind is utter mayhem."

"So many thoughts, ideas, worries, memories, etc. flying through my head 24/7. It’s fucking exhausting."

"People have ragged on me for being antisocial but I NEED quiet, alone time in order to calm down my brain and recharge the batteries."

"Going out to public places, or family events, essentially any situation where there’s a lot of stimulation will make it so much worse because everything grabs my attention. I hear every conversation taking place in a room."

"I struggle super hard to just be present in the moment instead of feeling like my brain is just being jostled to and fro with every tiny thing happening around me."

"When I’m really having a hard time and tell friends and family I’m not up to going out because I need to rest, they just look at it as me being sulky and I often get 'You need to get out! Go have some fun! Come out of your shell!' ”

"It’s so frustrating. I know when I need to spend a Saturday night with noise cancelling head phones on just listening to classical music and meditating."

"Going to a party when my brain is exhausted will make me so much more miserable."

- TheVeryElect

Season 4 Starz GIF by Survivor’s RemorseGiphy

If it does, we've heard it.

We've tried it.

It maybe worked for 15 minutes or until the stickers ran out.

Those of you with ADHD or other neurodiversities probably had several "oof" moments reading through these.

I know I did.

What would you add to the list?

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The Absolute Stupidest Things People Have Said With Complete Conviction

"Reddit user MonkeyGentleman420 asked: 'What is the stupidest thing someone has told you with complete conviction?'

Woman speaking to an audience
Photo by Ben Moreland on Unsplash

When giving a speech and making an argument, the most effective way to reach other people or get your point across is to speak with conviction.

However, speaking with conviction doesn't always mean people are speaking the truth... or even coherently.

Redditor MonkeyGentleman420 was curious to hear more stories of ludicrous things people said with unwavering conviction, leading them to ask:

"What is the stupidest thing someone has told you with complete conviction?"

We Know How Often Birds Check Clocks...

'That we set the clocks forwards and backwards so the birds don’t get confused with their migration patterns."- alliecita410

Speaking From Experience?

"'Two people can breathe underwater forever if they have a hose'."

"The first person breathes in while the second breathes out, then the first person breathes out and the second person breathes in etc'."- PahoojyMan

Dream On...

"She said:'

"'If you are dream about falling and you hit the ground in your sleep you'll actually die'."

"'It's been proven'."

"I said 'If you die in your sleep, how can anyone know what you were dreaming?'"

"Ruined a favorite story of hers."

"Sorry."- FrankieMint

falling GIFGiphy

Because ALL Cops Ask For Your SSN Before Cuffing You...

"From a coworker: 'If you don't have a social security number then the government can't do anything to you'."

"I asked if that meant, if I didn't have an SSN then I could just go kill someone on the street and the government couldn't arrest me."

"'Yep', he said, 'if you don't have an SSN then they can't enforce any laws on you'."- AllAboutThePotatoes

Keep Them Away From Needles...

"A former coworker insisted that the body believes the ears are injuries, and we are all constantly trying to heal our own ears closed."

"The only thing keeping them open, you ask?"

"Ear wax."

"We worked in healthcare."- Reflection_Secure

Credit To the Visual Effects Designer

"A girl I worked with was convinced that every single mythological creature was real."

"I’ll never forget one of her claims."

“Think about it, every movie you done seen all those creatures and aliens and sh*t, all that’s real."

"Someone has to have actually seen it to come up with that!”

"Apparently there’s no such thing as the human imagination to her."

"So yes, transformers are real, Godzilla is real, Independence Day is real."

"This was a 20-year-old that said all of this."- Dragonborn83196

Unicorn GIF by MOODMANGiphy

In Theory... Still Wrong!

"That the speed of light wasn’t like an actual number, it was just a figure of speech."- sunbearimon·

Check The Date...

"Sunburn is not caused by the sun, it is actually caused by sunblock."

"If you don't use sunblock then you will never be burned."

"Sunburn was created by the sun cream industry to sell their products."

"Seems easily testable, why not lie on the beach all day in one position with no sun block and see what happens?"

"Make sure you fall asleep for maximum effect."

"You go bright red and then blister to the point that you get taken to hospital for a combination of sunstroke and the beginning of shock then spend the rest of the holiday indoors face down with regular application of creams and replacement paraffin patches on the burns."

"It puts a bit of a dampener on your 2 week break."

"Sunburn is mentioned in Livy's history of the second Punic war and others over 2000 years ago which is solid proof that the 'Big Sunscreen' claim is ridiculous."

"However it would be hand-waved away by a True Believer of big Sunscreen."- Magnus_40

Sonne Sunburn GIF by Mitteldeutscher RundfunkGiphy

Ignorance Is Not Always Bliss...

"A distant relative, recently retired, once told me that he was going to hire a gardener and a housekeeper because 'the government will give you a grant to pay for them now'."

"This was a few minutes after a lengthy rant about how the welfare state should be scrapped because only lazy people lose their jobs and need to claim benefits."

"The same relative, some years ago, also announced with absolute conviction that he was going to hire a neighbor as a cleaner because 'she won't have anything to do now her kids are grown up'."- Plantagenesta

The Price Of Never Looking Up!

"Pineapples aren't real."

"They're entirely manmade and do not exist in nature."- tricksterloki


"My dad was experiencing end stage renal failure (was on dialysis at the time and has since had a transplant)."

"My best friend's boyfriend at the time looked at me dead in the eye and said he could reverse his condition with a vegan diet and that the only important organ in the body was the skin, so as long as you take good care of your skin, your other organs will function properly."

"Mind you, by the time my dad got on dialysis his kidneys were functioning at 11% and his SKIN WAS JUST FINE."- lyingintheleaves

But What Causes Cavities?

"I'm a dental hygienist."

"We had a patient come in with terrible teeth."

"They thought toothpaste caused cancer."- dilapidatedfungus

If Only...

"That women don't burp or fart, because only men have (the ability to pass) gas."

"Spoiler alert: he was horrified when I burped in front of him."- sequoia_summers

Guilt Is Easier When You Know It's Coming.

"First girlfriend was religious, and apparently it was okay that we had sex 'as long as she feels bad about it after'."

"Pre-planning regret was her loophole to do what she wanted."- Lone_Buck

season 2 famalam GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy

When people do speak with conviction, more often than not they firmly believed what they say.

So much so, that they have trouble believing the person brave enough to correct them.

In spite of the concrete evidence thrown in front of them...

Picture of a pink heart tearing in two, hung off a red and white string, set against a black background
Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash

When you're in a relationship, it's important to stay alert.

Yes, you of course want to give in to love.

But when you start seeing red flags, be vigilant.

You're gut always knows more than you give it credit for.

Sometimes those flags are a sign that it's time to jump ship.

if you see them... run.

Redditor Shinfekta wanted to compare notes on why people would immediately end a relationship, so they asked:

"What red flag is an instant break up reason for you?"

The signs are always there, but I tend to put on blinders.

I need to do better.

A Big Deal

Illustration Text GIF by Jacqueline Jing LinGiphy

"Someone that casually says they've cheated. There's no way around that for me."


"Or worse when they treat cheating as somehow noble."


Hear Me!

"Wanting and demanding my attention but not reciprocating whatsoever."


"My ex. She would get pissed when she would talk to me about something while I was working and I wasn’t giving her my full attention. But every time I wanted to tell her something while she was doing nothing, she would get 'ADHD distracted' and completely ignore me or interrupt me to say something completely irrelevant."


"I had a friend like this! he literally completely ignored me for 6 months and then blew up at me for not responding to him within an hour. Very strange."



"Never admitting a mistake."


"I know a total hottie that is notoriously known for not being able to admit he’s wrong, sucks because he’s a gem outside of this. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a fair and responsible person in general… but he 100% can’t admit he was wrong in banter or a light argument even when he realizes he realizes he’s wrong hahaha lost confidence in him ASAP."


"This is a big one, even when these types of people apologize they still pass the blame. 'I'm sorry for my behavior but you made me really angry.'"


Never Again

"Unmanaged mental illness. Never again."


"I was with a girl that had that and I helped her through all of it and it was so hard to deal with it all but somehow I managed but when she felt better she just left me for her best friend’s ex and I was left with all that trauma because I loved her with all my heart and soul but she was just using me to feel better… and when she broke up with her best friend’s ex she came crawling back begging me to be with her again but it was too late.. the damage has already been done and I can’t do that again even though I still love her but I can’t tell her that... sorry for venting."



Sad Sponge Bob GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy

"If someone makes you feel alone, that you don't matter, or if you are a second choice on most of the occasions, you need to leave."


Always know when to acknowledge your feelings.

And know when to depart.


Andre Leon Talley Manners GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy

"How they treat animals, children, elderly, handicapped, and service workers."


"A wise man once said: judge a person not by how they treat their equals, but by how they treat their inferiors."


Just Kidding

"Being mean as their 'thing' or 'just a joke.'"


"'I'm just sassy!'" No, you're a bi*ch."


"I’m going to be honest, with certain friends I am absolutely ruthlessly mean, to the point that people are actually concerned it’s just bullying."

"However with strangers, I’m nothing like that. And the friends that I am meant to, they do the exact same thing back to me. We also know that if we need each other, then the meanness is dropped instantly, and it’s nothing but support and love."



"Zero accountability for anything. Everything they do is absolutely justifiable because, well, they mean well."


"Yeah, I was looking for this answer! And it’s true outside of romantic relationships also! I had to end a friendship over this exact behavior- it was never her fault, always the victim, and her hurtful behavior shouldn’t be addressed because she 'meant well…' but my feelings are still hurt so why don’t I matter?!"


"This. Can't stand people who always play the victim or blame everyone else and never take accountability for what they do."



"This one may take a while, but I would break up if I notice them creeping over personal boundaries, and not stopping when I tell them about it."

"People cross each others' boundaries all the time. I'm happy to give the benefit of the doubt until it becomes apparent that they have no intention to respect me."

"For example, if I don't like tickles or being startled, don't do that. It's not about the tickling, it's about them respecting me. And if there's no respect, there's no relationship."


Talk to Me

Sarah Jessica Parker Hbo GIF by DivorceGiphy

"If I'm hearing about a problem in our relationship from someone else rather than the partner. It shows huge trust issues."

"I've seen three divorces in my life, and they all were the result of the girl venting to her mother and her friends about issues she should have discussed with her husband."


Communication is key.

If you're not talking to you're partner, why are they you're partner?

Michael Jerrard on Unsplash

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Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."


So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at