There's a film by the French auteur Catherine Breillat called Sex is Comedy, in which we discover sex is anything but. Two actors who hate each other are asked to act out a sex scene on camera and it's as awkward and as distressing as you can imagine. The audience learns a lot about filmmaking, intimacy and authenticity, and even themselves along the way. There comes a point where the premise isn't all that funny anymore, but Breillat is well known for that. Check it out sometime if you want to experience some awkward discomfort.
We imagine the people who responded to "Actors and Actresses, what is filming a sex scene really like?" which is today's burning question from Redditor emllik2, can relate to this all too well.
"I was shooting a short..."
I was shooting a short non explicit sex scene for a short film while being so freakin sick. I had to take breaks from shooting a film to go shoot diarrhea out of my futile weak body. Thankfully everyone was professional about it.
The shooting itself was quite interesting, i was laying on my back, the other person sitting on me (both of us pants on), camera operator standing above us, so there were three layers of people on the bed.
We were grinding - under the sheets - only when it was necessary, for couple of seconds, maybe three times. Then we were shooting details of our hands locking into one another, our faces, running fingers through hair and so.
The voice-over was the most fun part, we had a blast syncing our "aaaah"'s and "oh god"'s with the footage.
"The second I read it..."
I was in a theatre show where I had to sit next to a girl and feel her boob. The second I read it in the script I started feeling anxious about it. When I was talking to the actress about the scene she seemed totally cool with everything so for the whole two week run of the show she got her boob groped every day and twice on Wednesdays and Sundays.
"Have done exactly one..."
Amateur actor. Have done exactly one of these. It was very awkward and quite cold, but it was a very small production, so I wasn't pressured into anything I wasn't comfortable with.
"One of the interesting things..."
Actor here. It's very not sexy. Instead it's highly choreographed and rehearsed (I'm going to touch you here, you'll move there, we kiss here) with hopefully an intimacy coordinator (non-Union films will not always have one, so it's important to learn how to advocate for yourself to the director and your acting partner if ANYTHING feels uncomfortable). The goal is to have it completely down pat with your partner so that there is no improvisation. Usually it begins with both actors telling the other their no-fly zones. I always say, please don't touch my groin, or touch between my butt cheeks. It's awkward, but can be sort of a funny icebreaker. Once no fly zones are established, the intimacy coordinator works with the actors/director to establish what the choreo will be.
Then the shooting can take hours. Even for a two minute scene, if they just want a master, a closeup, and the reverse (which is standard), each shot can take anywhere from thirty minutes, to two hours before they begin rolling. And theeen you have to do multiple takes. A minimum would be three takes for each shot, but almost ALWAYS it's closer to 7-15 depending on the director and DP.
One of the interesting things about film acting too is perspective and what looks good on camera. Next time you're watching a scene in a car, take a second to look at how the characters are positioned/how their seats are positioned. It's usually not in anyway how a human being would ever sit, but it reads as totally normal on camera. This is the same for intimacy scenes. You might be in a super awkward position, not sexy at all, but it READS on-camera as super sexy.
Last but not least, try getting in the mood when 1) wearing a dance belt, and 2) there's anywhere from 15-50 people watching.
"Really the most important thing..."Giphy
Adding to what's here (because this is really spot-on), sex scenes are further complicated by being sometimes nude (in the wide shot, I've had my @ss on camera a few times), but then you can put on the dance belt for the close-ups. I did one scene where the actress wore sweat pants for all of the close-ups because they were just her back. I had pants on as well, per her request. Then in the wides we only had modesty tape because the director wanted that side shot where nothing shows but you can see everyone is naked. All very professional, but still, you know, weird.
Really the most important thing is that everyone is comfortable. Sometimes even the director or producer will tell you to tone things down because it's getting too much for them (and, one would assume, the target audience). Also, sometimes you're shooting a weird sex scene on purpose - I did a whole fantasy sequence on one show where I and a bunch of other people were just standing there naked while the two main characters were going down. Very awkward. The lead actress and writer kept apologizing to the lead actor because she'd forgotten the scene was in the script when she'd booked him for the role, and I guess they were long time friends. Lots of nervous laughter on set that day.
"The show that I was rehearsing for..."
Theatre actor here, so a bit of a different perspective. The show that I was rehearsing for before the pandemic featured intimate moments, albeit not full-on sex scenes, and we had an intimacy coordinator. On one hand, they act like a fight choreographer, mapping out the moves so that way they are the same every time. No one drops any surprises on their partner. On the other, they act as sort Reps or liaisons for the actors. They will discuss with the director what their vision is for the scene and try to replicate that while maintaining their actors' boundaries.
So before any physical work starts, they lead conversations between partners about what their no-gos are and what is okay. They will also help establish a tap-in between partners, which is a little shared gesture, like a high-five or handshake, between actors that indicates that what they are about to be doing is work and separate from them as people.
"Typically everyone is professional..."
Former actor and now director here: it's only as awkward as the people involved are. Typically everyone is professional, mature, and understands that this is the behavior their character would engage in, so they want to portray it as best as they can. Most approach it very professionally.
As a director I get rid of all non-essential people on set, but make sure that there are enough around that it doesn't feel creepily empty. Anybody who I feel would make it weird isn't allowed.
Communication is key, I always let the actors set their own boundaries. I describe my ideal scenario, then let the actors agree to it or offer a compromise. I let them know that at any point they can change their mind.
There are tons of little skin colored pasties, adhesive panty strips, and c*ck socks for the actors to wear.
Sometimes people get turned on, it's only natural, and in that case we takes breaks to chill out and then resume later.
"Communication is really key..."
Actor here. I'm more of a "charactery" type, so intimate scenes for me are few and far between, but do still happen.
Communication is really key, especially on some low-budget and TV shoots where you literally meet the person you're about to be intimate with while they're setting up the lights for the scene.
One TV show in particular, I had to be in "the sock" (basically a flesh colored thong that covers Johnson & Co but little else) while my scene partner was topless w/ nipple covers and a flesh colored thong. We had little time to prep, so it was change, then hop into bed, block the scene with the director, and then talk through comfort amongst ourselves before the shot began.
I was very sure to make it clear that if my acting partner had any qualms or hiccups during the scene (she was relatively new) that she should stay STOP and that was that. Also, I talked through the choreography (because it's important to not stray from what has been discussed for obvious reasons) beat by beat to make sure we were on the same page. This is just common courtesy, and for myself extremely important for my scene partner to know that I have their back as well as my own.
As for being enjoyable, if you think thrusting two tight thongs under covers close to each other while wondering how your pale pale backside is going to look on film, then I guess this is your kink.
"I was reading this..."
I was reading this and suddenly remembered I had done this for a short film in college. It was literally the least erotic thing ever. There were at least five other people in the room (lights, sound, camera, director, the girl's roommates etc), and you are just trying to remember what you are supposed to do--while acting naturally. Super, super awkward. This wasn't a sex scene as much as an implied sex scene.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
If you've never seen the comedy classic, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," there is a scene where Arthur, King of the Britons, encounters a black knight guarding a bridge. Arthur quickly figures out the stalwart knight will not let him pass, so the two do battle, with the king severely injuring his enemy in the process.
He cuts off all his arms and legs.
Yet the black knight persists, insisting his injuries are, "but a scratch."
Turns out this happens to people in real life, not so much with swords and knights, but with can openers and ice skates.
"What was your “‘Tis but a scratch!” moment?"
It comes out of nowhere, and that could be the leading cause to why you might not notice right away. You want to get back to work, or your shopping, unaware you're missing your kneecap.
It's Just Really Good Makeup
"Worked at a haunted house that took place an in an old soap factory. During rehearsal one night, I tried to go down a narrow staircase in the dark, tripped down the stairs and fell into a conveniently-placed shopping cart."
"My shins were bleeding all over but I didn’t notice until like fifteen minutes into rehearsal and that’s only because somebody said something."
No, I Only Want You To Look At This Injury, Not That Injury
"I once dropped a piece of ducting at lowes (home improvement chain in USA) and tried to catch it, slicing my thumb and palm. Not too bad, but bleeding a bit. Clenched a tight fist to stop the blood and found an employee to ask for a bandaid, he looked at me and ran off to grab some and he came back with a handful. I was confused, only took two because it wasn't THAT bad and went to the bathroom to clean my hand and put on the bandaids."
"4 hours later I was scratching my leg at home and felt something weird. Looked down and there was a 4in long very bloody gash down my left shin that I had no idea about. Wasn't that deep but was rather long."
"That poor employee probably thought I was crazy, and I felt silly."
"Another time I was using an axe to chop up a branch and the head bounced funny off a knot and took a glancing blow at my shin. The only part of that I felt was the bruising from the impact. I couldn't even tell where the cut was without looking"
"Point is I am now convinced that shins feel no pain from cuts."
So Bad You Need A Shot Out Of It
"I'm a very clumsy person, especially when it comes to the kitchen. However, every time I've cut myself with a knife or a can, or burnt myself, it has been something I'm able to fix at home, with a bandage or over the counter medicine."
"A couple years ago I was opening a can of beans, and had my middle finger extended when I was opening it. Unfortunately, I pulled the ring too fast, and the lid sliced my middle finger. I thought it was just another cut, so I went to my first aid kit, grabbed bandages, and went to the bathroom to clean the wound and apply pressure. I made a mess of the floor and my bathroom with the blood dripping."
"Nonetheless, no matter how long I kept pressure on it, the wound kept bleeding, and I was unable to put the bandage on it. I lived with my parents, so I asked them for help. They tried to cover the wound, but blood kept coming out. We gave up, decided it was time for the ER, and had to get stitches and a tetanus shot. I got a scar out of it, and lost my now bloodied beans, but fortunately the lid managed to miss the tendon, so I didn't lose mobility."
Injuries are somehow worse when no one is around to help. That makes the situations when someone is there to tell you you're bleeding out the side of your head a little easier to stomach.
A Boss Keeping An Eye Out For You
"Sliced my hand during work from finger to elbow and tore the skin nearly clean off."
"At first I went, this is fine I just gotta get a bandage."
"Boss yelled at me and took me to the hospital."
No Help To Be Found
"Had a grinding wheel disintegrate, and a piece of it slammed into my thigh. Felt like a strong slap at the time, so I just hissed, rubbed it a little like a bruise, and went on back to what I was doing. About 10 minutes later noticed my sneaker was wet inside and saw the whole leg was covered in blood and the shoe was soaked."
"It wasn't a bruise lol, that piece split the skin and muscle pretty deep. And since it was in a remote location, there was no immediate opportunity to get it sutured, so now I have a mouth-sized and shaped scar there."
Don't Tell Mom
"When I was a kid we had this old go kart thing that I sat on while my older brother pulled a rope tied to it. We went around in circles then after landing from a small bump, my right leg got stuck between the front wheel & frame or so, next thing I know almost my entire right leg was drenched in blood."
"My brother took some cotton balls & bandages and started cleaning the blood, as we swear not to tell mom. Somehow turns out the cut wasn’t even that big or deep, only got a small band aid, not even needed at that. So in conclusion my skin is made of rubber and my blood flows like pulp."
If there's anything this entire discussion has taught us is that the human body going into shock can lead to some truly terrifying moments.
Makes You Wonder How Someone Doesn't Need Their Knee
"Took a spill at night while inline skating. Got up, felt some blood on my knee but kept doing some more runs."
"Got home and every other step I left a bloody footprint. My mum started screaming and I discovered I'd basically torn my knee cap off."
"Oof that escalated quickly"
Can You Hear This?
"Kind of a same thing happened to me when I was making our yard look cleaner with my 1960 Fordson Major tractor. Left-side axle snapped in half and I fell down a deep ditch."
"I just climbed the ditch like "Well that was something" I walked inside to ask my dad to help me with my tractor but my mom came screaming at me in panic as my right ear was torn in half."
"I was so confused but she took me to the mirror. We went to hospital and I got stiches. Only started to feel pain in the morning."
"The tractor had mine modified cockpit from a valmet or something. It was only made of iron so it wasn't that soft. That cockpit was totaled and so could have me if it didn't land on its wheels. It could of been deadly."
Listening To Doctors. What A Unique Concept.
"i walked around for over a week with a broken shoulder because i thought it was just a sprain. when i finally saw the doctor, i was like “i’m pretty sure it’s just a sprain.” doc was like “judging by the bruising, it is very much broken.” x-rays later confirmed."
Don't try to tough it out. Get out the antibiotic ointment, grab the bandages, and just take it easy for the rest of the day. No need to be a Black Knight about the whole thing.
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We are currently in a market that favors workers over employers – many workers feel empowered to seek out different positions and have reevaluated what they want in their careers amid the financial fallout of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Many workers left their jobs in search of greener pastures because they were ready for a change, and others were more than happy to leave behind toxic workplaces that only burned them out.
As you can imagine, they've become rather adept at noticing red flags during the interview process and beyond.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor taylortaylortaylorrr asked the online community,
"What is a red flag from an employer that people might not immediately recognize as a red flag?"
"It can be hard to tell..."
"When an employee quits or gets fired from the job and the company doesn't hire anyone new to replace them."
" It can be hard to tell as a red flag at first, but the temporary workload they added to your own over that was left over after the person left, slowly becomes your new permanent workload, without any changes to your pay or benefits to compensate for the additional tasks."
"The further out it goes without the position being filled, the larger and more obvious the red flag becomes."
Very good to know. Not only will the red flag become more prominent but the likelihood of burnout will increase as well.
"The CEO/boss/whatever drives a conspicuously expensive car."
This does say a lot about company leadership, particularly if the rest of the workers are feasting on scraps.
"If it's a private/family company..."
"If it's a private/family company, do a Google search for '[company name] defendant' and '[company name] plaintiff.'
"If the company has been sued, or is in the habit of suing others, that can be a red flag- although something there are legit reasons for. But it's something worth paying attention to."
You probably wouldn't want to be involved with a company that could land you in legal trouble, would you?
"If the company brings alcohol..."
"If the company brings alcohol into the office for 'end of week' sessions on a regular basis. I know they can be fun but it's a stupendously bad idea for all kinds of reasons and if leadership hasn't figured that out then I'd think twice before joining."
This is a big reason why it is so important to have boundaries to work and your personal life. Alcohol can certainly make things messy.
"If it's a job in a manufacturing or distribution facility, is it messy or tidy? Messy, cluttered facilities are indicative of poor management, plus they can be dangerous."
Dangerous indeed. That's how lawsuits happen!
"Pay attention to the feeling in your gut. If something feels 'off,' then it probably is."
Probably the most important piece of advice here, arguably. If it doesn't sit right with you, it's probably for an excellent reason.
"When you don't get a review..."
"When you don’t get a review until you ask for a raise. Then, all of a sudden, your work is being questioned and you’re being berated."
How convenient, right?
Many people fall into this trap and it exhausts them. Talk about toxic workplaces!
"I know people..."
"I know people (rightfully) like to hate on HR, but if a company brags about 'not having an HR department to deal with,' expect them to be very disorganized at a minimum."
You definitely want an HR department! Not having one can create an environment in which so many boundaries are crossed.
"It tells me that..."
"Open interviews. It tells me that people leave faster than you can bring them in, and with good reason."
This often happens in fast food establishments, which have very high turnover rates. While horrible customers are one thing, bad management definitely contributes to the revolving door effect in these establishments.
"If you’re being interviewed/hired and they tell you have/will have multiple managers to report to. Basically if there is not a clear chain of command."
"What’ll happen is eventually one manager’s directions, goals or instructions will conflict with the other’s, and you’ll get caught in the middle of it. And one or both will use it against you in performance reviews."
This is crucial to remember – a clear chain of command is important, with each party willing and able to take responsibility for their part. Anything less can backfire.
Now that you've listened and absorbed some of these, you're bound to feel more empowered, right?
Now get out there and slay your next interview. And remember – trust your gut.
Have some advice of your own to give? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Computers are not everyone's strong suit. Generation z is now reaching adulthood, and they've had computers, smart phones, and iPads since birth.
For anyone in an older generation, this wasn't the case. Computers weren't even advertised for the home until the Superbowl of 1984, and even then it was priced at $2,500.
Come the turn of the 21st century, computers are a staple in the home, but the advancements in the last two decades have left some people scrambling to keep up. Things that might seem basic to some are shockingly uncommon to others.
Redditor Dark-Matter-7935 asked:
"What is a basic computer skill you were shocked some people don't have?"
Prepare to be blown away.
"Not knowing what double click means."
"Click... 3 seconds later click."
"Either they single click everything, or they double-click everything."
Just read the screen.
"Reading! As a tech supporter I get the stupidest questions:"
"Client: There is a prompt here that says "your computer needs to reboot to finish installing updates. click here to restart" what does that mean?"
"Me: It means your computer installed updates and needs to reboot."
"Client: How do I do that?"
"Me: Click on the prompt to restart."
"The longer you work in IT, the more you realize that people who say 'I'm not good with computers' actually mean that they can't be bothered to use a search bar...or even just f*cking read what's right in front of them."
How to search the internet.
"You'd be surprised how many folk don't know what to type in to search engines to find what they're looking for."
"Don't tell them; this is my job security."
"Yea forreal. Family/friends having tech problems? I google it. Customer asking me a question? 'Let me get that information for you' as I disappear behind the counter."
And how to search your computer.
"Been working in IT long enough to where people not having basic computer skills doesn't shock me anymore. But still, how do people never figure out that you can search for programs in the start menu?"
"'My Outlook is gone!'"
"Hits start and types Outlook."
"'Oh, there it is! How'd you find it?'"
"The amount of people that can't function if there isn't a shortcut on their desktop is astounding."
Changing the desktop background.
"My college roommate didn't know he could change his desktop background. He was blown away and went to show it to one of our other friends, who was also blown away because she didn't know you could change the background."
"I remember this exact same thing happening with a friend... in 1996. We all gathered around to marvel at her background being the block of trees with gold frames."
Finding the right cable for the job.
"Shape recognition. Does the end of the cable look like the hole in the machine? It's amazing how many people can't figure that out at work."
"'I had to cut off some of the pins to make it fit...'"
"Actually had this happen once with a 4G dongle. We told them to plug in their SIM card into it. They had a full size SIM and the dongle took full size cards. Instead they found the micro SD card slot on the dongle and literally cut their SIM card down to fit into that slot."
Copy and paste.
"Copy and paste shortcuts."
"I caught a coworker flipping back and forth between tabs while retyping a paragraph. When I showed her how to copy and paste, her response was 'I can't keep up with all this new technology.'"
"I am 38. She is 40."
"My dad is 73, wasn't at all computer literate, taught himself how to install Linux and definitely knows how to copy and paste."
"I think sometimes it's a choice to not learn stuff like that. Everyone has priorities, and it's perfectly fair if computer literacy isn't yours, but of course you won't 'keep up' if you choose not to try."
A URL is not for Google.
"Not knowing how to enter a URL. I've tried to get people to enter a URL over the phone and they just put it in the Google search bar (usually after first going to google.com)."
"I'm always surprised how many business owners go to their own website by typing it in Google then clicking the link. Bookmark that sh*t at least!"
"I encounter this issue EVERY time I ask someone on the phone to 'Go to logmein123.com' and they inevitably then reply with 'which one do I click?' TYPE IT IN THE F***ING ADDRESS BAR!"
"Unless they’re intentionally trying to make the business website rank higher in the search engine lol."
Refusing to believe their tech needs power.
"Them: My computer turns on, but my monitor doesn’t show the picture!”
"Me: Is your monitor plugged in and connected to the back of your PC?”
"Them: No, I needed to use that outlet so I unplugged it."
"I worked tech support for an ISP and we had a storefront where customers could bring devices in for config. Had a lady once bring a router in with no power supply. She was dumbfounded and almost irritated when I told her I couldn't work on it. She said 'Why does it need a power cord? It's wireless!'"
"Wanted to kill myself daily at that job."
"My buddy has a customer come in and complain the phone they sold them died. The battery was just depleted, and the man was irate when told that he had to plug his phone in the charge it every day. He tried to get a discount because he was told it was wireless so he assumed it would just charge itself via magic cell signals or something, and then he complained that his 'old phone' never needed charging."
"I assume his old phone was just a corded home phone or something."
With technology changing all the time, we may always need a tech support person to help us figure out what's going on.
Though, with more reliance on technology, we might need to better increase our computer literacy so everyone is on an even playing feild.
The hopefully our IT servicers won't want to pull their hair out with every client.
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Living close to the Everglades, weird wildlife encounters don't really seem all that "weird" anymore. South Florida is some next-level wilderness.
Every now and then, though, you hear about an encounter with something that shouldn't be there. Sometimes it's an escaped or released exotic animal; hurricanes have destroyed countless wildlife enclosures and some people don't realize how big that cool pet is really going to get and choose to set it loose.
Sometimes it's a "skunk ape."
Florida's version of a 'bigfoot' sounds a little easier to believe when you factor in the huge number of primate enclosures that have been destroyed over the decades. We have established populations of things like monkeys, pythons, and boars now.
Why not gorillas or orangutans? They're both tall upright hair covered primates that might match the description.
Except skunk ape stories go back way before zoos and the exotic pet industry.
Reddit user cruzer58b asked:
"Those of you that TRULY believe you have seen a cryptid (Bigfoot, jersey devil, etc.) what’s your story?"
South Florida isn't the only place the wild gets weird. OBVIOUSLY.
Look at what these Reddit users have experienced.
The Thing Hunting OrcasMarine Life Beauty GIF by OceanaGiphy
"I was on a ferry for a school softball trip, off Kodiak island AK, 2014. I was 18."
"A whole bunch of us had snuck up to the deck around 11pm to watch the waves and generally be teenagers on a boat without supervision. It was 11pm in May in Alaska so the sun was thinking about setting but it was still bright outside."
"So we’re just doing our thing and we notice a pod of orcas swimming with the ferry’s wake, which is very cool but not, like, unusual."
"If you’re familiar with the dimensions of an orca fin you know they’re about 4-6 ft in height and look like big black spikes coming out of the water. Being Alaskan teenagers, we were very familiar. This is important."
"Orcas travel and hunt in pods of anywhere between 15-40 whales. Apex predators. The beautiful demon murderers of the sea."
"Total a**holes. Top of the food chain."
"So we saw this pod of orcas swimming with the boat, counted around 10- 15, with some babies scattered in there. Very fun to watch for the good 30 minutes to all go by. We tried to get pictures, but it was just dark enough that our shitty 2014 phone cameras weren't much good."
"Another 30 or 40 minutes go by and we’ve all pretty much sobered up and it’s about to finally get dark and we’re cold and sleepy and about ready to go in."
"We haven’t seen an orca for like half an hour, and then one of the girls spots another one and points it out. So we all turn and look at the whale's dorsal fin - but one dorsal fin is immediately followed by another, and another, and another, and then two more, and then two more after that, in two separate rows, and they’re taller, by a LOT, and jagged, like some have whole chunks torn out of them, and they’re all 8-10 feet high."
"And all these fins are attached to ONE creature."
"We can just barely see its back slicing through the water, covered in these rows of spikes, and it just. Keeps. Coming. This thing is like 20 or 30 feet from the ferry, running parallel to it, and we are all transfixed."
"This wasn't a small group - there’s like 9 or 10 of us and no one is saying a word because we’ve all turned to look at a whale and we are all now watching something that is like, horrifically, terrifyingly obviously NOT a whale."
"Someone tries to take a picture but it’s too dark at this point and the only reason we can see this thing is the light cast from ferry portholes, which is a take as old as time when it comes to things that you REALLY f*cking wish you had a picture of."
"But we all stand there completely scared stiff and in awe and we watch this thing just KEEP surfacing for a good 6 or 7 minutes which means that whatever it was was LONG. Like..... 60 or 70 feet long."
"And covered in enormous spikes. Spikes that looked like they’d won thousands of battles with god knows what."
"It took what felt like an eternity for any of us to say anything after the last of it disappeared back into the strait."
"I mean if you and like ten of your friends had just all seen something that all science had DEFINITELY pointed to not existing, and you had all seen the same exact thing, AND it was very OBVIOUSLY trailing, nay, HUNTING, not one but 15 something APEX F*CKIN PREDATORS, what do you even say to break that silence?"
"That’s the thing that eats me about the whole thing, is it was hunting. It was following them. It was literally hunting about 60 tons of toothy, angry, intelligent apex predator."
"Every once in a while one of us will hit another one of us up and check in, like 'Do remember this? Was I hallucinating? Did we all see the same, insane, worldview-melting, terrifying thing that night?' And the reason I KNOW we did is because none of us talked about it."
"Not during the trip, not after, not to any of our friends because how the f*ck do you even tell someone about something like that?"
"Now we have almost 10 years between us and that night I assume some of them have probably told people, I know I tell people, because I’ve seen a LOT like that in Alaska and I’m That B*tch."
"And also because there’s a very rich history among native Alaskans of a Something that lives and hunts in the waters around Kodiak and it’s important to tell its story because someday it’s gonna eat a little too much plastic and no one will ever watch it hunt a pod of orcas terrified from a boat ever again."
The Cutest CryptidArts And Crafts Love GIF by NickelodeonGiphy
"One night I was driving home at around 2 AM and this tiny, tiny white creature (probably as tall as a Pringles can, though maybe a bit smaller) walked across the road in front of my car."
"I hadn't thought about this in a while but here's what I can remember: The bottoms of its "legs" ended in what looked like flowy bits or ribbons, and it was almost translucent. I could almost see the road THROUGH the creature."
"It walked at a kind of jaunty pace, just like a person might walk. The best way to describe it is like that super steppy walk that the dwarves sometimes do in Snow White, or Mickey Mouse does sometimes."
"I slowed my car down but was afraid to stop it completely, and the thing disappeared as my car went 'through' it."
"Honestly it was so f*cking cute that I wasn't even scared, but I was shaken up by having seen something like this."
"I couldn't believe what I saw, so I called my then-boyfriend and frantically described the creature. He told me that it sounded like the Fresno Nightcrawler, and when I got home and looked it up, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE."
"I had never heard about them before. I do not live in California, not even close. I still have no clue what it was."
The SwimmerMichael C Hall Night GIF by DexterGiphy
"I used to go running and take a break at a train bridge in Iowa city when I went to school there."
"I did a lot of night runs. Sometimes, only after dark, I'd hear something swimming around at that train bridge. Maybe human or deer sized."
"One time, It was late and I heard it again. But this time, I could see something dark on the water. Looked like a profile of a very large head."
"I said 'hello, someone there?' "
"It stopped dead still and looked at me. It was dark but I could tell it was looking right at me. This went on for 30 seconds to a minute. It then went under, and I never saw or heard it again."
"I told myself it was a person swimming. But why not say hi back? Also, where did it go under to?""It was a slow river, I would have heard it surfacing or getting out of the water unless it went over a hundred feet."
"That's the closest thing to a cryptid I've seen and known about."
"Some people are saying beavers and otters. I've seen river otters (but not in the US), it was far too big to be a normal sized one. I've never seen the 6 ft ones, and I don't think they live anywhere near Iowa."
"It was much too big to be a beaver too, I see those all the time, and they're usually denoted by telltale signs such as dams and chewed trees. Also, I've never seen beavers active at night only during the day."
"I think it was probably just a person, maybe a homeless person who wanted to not be bothered by me."
"As I said, that's the closest I've come to seeing a cryptid, I know the original post asked for people that are 100% sure, but it was late at night and it felt appropriate to tell that story."
Orangutan/Lemur Hybridorangutan GIFGiphy
"When I was 14 or so in 2003 I saw what looked like an orangutan/lemur hybrid watching me from the trees."
"When it realized I was looking at it, it took off into the trees and disappeared. This was in Western NC, nothing like that should have been around here."
"For a few years I looked for articles about someone’s escaped exotic pet but never found anything. Eventually just wrote it off."
"Years later I heard a Lore episode about the Pukwudgie and I immediately got chills because the description matched what I saw. I’m still not sure what happened."
"Few months ago I was dumb enough to wander into the same patch of woods. I got nailed by a rock and when I looked up I saw a small outline ducking around like it was watching my reaction. Again, when it recognized I was looking at it, it took off."
"I don’t know what happened but I also don’t really plan on going back."
Hopefully A Bearred dead redemption bear GIFGiphy
"About 16 years ago I lived in the rural areas of Kansas, town was about 6 miles from my house."
"At night while I was waiting for sleep I stared out of my window and look out into the darkness. Normally I would see owls, possums, racoons, coyote, etc all just minding their business doing animal stuff."
"And I could always hear them. Loud and clear."
"One night as I am trying to get to bed I watch and listen for the wildlife and on this night there was none to be heard or seen. Being a kid I thought nothing of it."
"Until I saw a HUGE black figure moving on four legs."
"I could swear I had seen a brown bear this thing was THAT massive. Except we lived in midwest Kansas. We have no bears."
"Cows and horses are too tall and not wide enough for what I saw. Plus our neighbors all had cattle so I was familiar with what they look like at night."
"People suggested it could have been one of the massive dogs like a malamute or leonberger or something. Maybe it could have been, but they are still too small for what I saw."
"Never saw it again"
"There are bears in Colorado, Arkansas, Missouri, And a bit in Oklahoma. Kansas is in the historic range of black bears as well."
"I don't think it's a stretch that one may have wandered in from a surrounding state."
"This would relieve years of stress and the itch of the unknown if I could get confirmation that it was, it is how I always make it out in my head. A really big bear."
The Big Bluetrailer GIF by Jurassic WorldGiphy
"Been deep sea fishing a few times. You NEVER see schools of fish so far out, but once we saw this massive shadow moving FAST. It couldn't have been a whale, they don't move like that. The skipper stared at this mass of blue with me for about 20 seconds before it was gone and swore it was a megalodon. i'm not convinced but I have never seen a school of fish that far out in the ocean ever."
"It could be a large species of squid such as Colossal or Giant Squid. They are found world wide. It's odd they would come to the surface, but it's not to weird."
"Other options are Sunfish, Oarfish, or Large Shark."
"I’m a firm believer there has to be some kind of megalodon or something out there, we just don’t know enough about the ocean"
When It Looked At Chandlerscary jack the giant killer GIFGiphy
"My friend was at a camp with me and we were in the same cabin, we all stayed up late we got tired and went to sleep."
"My friend, lets call him Chandler, and I stole some instant coffee packets from the kitchen and we had them in water at night. Chandler didn't have a good caffeine tolerance like me so he stayed up a bit after all of us went to sleep."
"I asked him what he was going to do and he said he brought a novel and he was going to read it until he fell asleep."
"It was about 1am and we are all peacefully sleeping and then we hear the biggest scream. Chandler was crying and shaking in his sleeping bag and everyone in our cabin came over to see what was wrong and to help him out."
"He screaming really loud and if that didn't wake up other cabins and the teachers then his loud crying after did. Soon all the teachers were inside out cabin and I had to stay on my bunk bed to not be squashed."
"Chandler told us that he saw a ghost wandering around our cabin. He said he also heard the wind breeze while the ghost was moving. Another guy in my cabin backed him up saying he also heard that."
"Chandler was sent home and everyone continued the camp, however, it felt really weird. I talked to him a lot when we all got home and he told me more details."
"He told me he looked at the ghost for about 3 seconds because he was too shocked to say anything. The ghost was not white look in movies, it was transparent and BARELY visible."
"He told me it looked like a little boy. The little boy was not in our school uniform, but in really old fashioned clothes. Chandler told me he wasn’t too scared of the boy in those 3 seconds but shocked because it was a ghost."
"Then what really screwed him was after those 3 seconds when his brain clicked and he screamed."
"The ghost boy turned and looked at him "with shallow, lifeless eyes" and then rushed out of the cabin. This was the wind sound Chandler and my cabin mate heard."
"Then I remember distinctly what Chandler said because if I was him, I would doubt everything I know. He said 'That ghost looked at me, with no expression, and even though it was only for a split second, it felt like an eternity. I knew it wasn’t just my mind playing tricks when I saw his eyes. There was no soul in them, like it had been sucked away.' "
"I find it really weird because Chandler is the most honest guy I know and he seemed really traumatized."
"I was considering if it was the effect of the coffee, but he had it the night before as well and didn't see and hallucinations. Plus he was a regular drinker and he loved the taste even though it made him stay up."
"This story shakes me to this day."
"Not A Deer"Busch Beer GIF by BuschGiphy
"Alright it’s finally my time to shine!"
"The area I live in has a very active deer population. They’re constantly getting hit by cars at night in my area and people constantly have to be on the lookout for these dudes."
"So one night I’m driving home from my friends house around 1am. I’m going pretty slow because the place near my house has a pretty big deer family who loves the area (around 6-7 of them)."
"So I’m driving up a hill going around 30mph and I had to slam on my breaks cause a 'deer' runs in front of my car."
"I don’t know if it was because it was super late at night and I was tired or what. But I sh*t you not, this was not a deer."
"It kind of was, but it had one too many legs and too many eyes. I only saw it for a second cause it ran past my car. But it was the weirdest thing I’d ever seen."
"It was pretty quick when it went by my car, but the 'tail' for sure was a leg, I can say that for certain."
"I even looked it up later and there is a commonly seen cryptid called the “Not a Deer” so that’s just my fun little cryptid story."
Jellyfish In The Airjellyfish GIF by Monterey Bay AquariumGiphy
"Walking through the woods in the southeast US for fun I walked through a field where there were tiny fluorescent jellyfish-like things floating through the air. Maybe half an inch to 2 inches in size."
"I initially thought it was some kind of plant spores or something moving in the wind but when I looked at them closer they were actually moving independently."
"That was about 2006. I spent months going through those woods and that field over and over again with a camera trying to find them but I've never seen them since."
My long-term readers will know I'm super sketched out by orcas and have essentially written off Argentina because their orcas hunt on land.
Alaska clearly needs to get scratched off my list, too.
Anything big enough to hunt orcas is certainly big enough to hunt Ericas and I'm not trying to be on anyone's menu.
Kthankxbye, giant spiky sea thing.
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