Depression, anxiety, PTSD, sadness, trauma... it's haunting many of us.
Even those of us loathe to admit it.
But we have to talk about it.
You are not alone.
Let's talk about the sadness.
Redditorshadster23 wanted to hear from everyone who was willing to talk about their relationships with depression.
They asked:
"What's the worst part of depression?"
Depression sucks.
It makes me lethargic and constantly second guess myself.
You?
HELP!
"How insanely hard it is to get help. You have to advocate for yourself a lot and you just can’t even. If your doctor is dismissive of your concerns, you have to make her listen. If your therapist isn’t a good fit you have to try to find another one at a time when picking up the phone to order a pizza is even too much."
"Don’t have insurance and can’t afford a therapist? Maybe you can get a job with better insurance with all that energy that you don’t have. It’s like your leg is broken and you have to climb a mountain to get to the hospital to get it fixed." ~ baxbooch
Everything...
"Everything becomes heavier. Every single thing." ~ Leftwordrightward
"It's like you're covered in tar or something. Even your tongue, it's hard to talk. Everything is in slow motion. Even taking a shower is exhausting. I only want to sleep, I call it hibernation. At least when I'm manic I have medicine I can take to calm it down a notch but I have nothing in my arsenal for a depression. Currently having a hard time." ~ ninazo96
Failure to live up to...
"The guilt. Guilt over not getting things done. Guilt because I feel like I'm letting others down. Guilt for not being fully present for the people I love." ~ godrainlovemusic
"Was looking for this one. It's something I still struggle to get used to. At this point, I understand and can live with myself and my faults but what hasn't changed is how I affect others. Failure to live up to expectations creates a crumbling cycle I struggle to break out of, which affected me at home, in school, at work, in my relationships, and with new friends."
"When the clouds roll in, I just can't be the person I want to be for others. It's so tiring to try and explain something that, until one point in my life, was impossible for me to understand and verbalize. Either people give you the benefit of the doubt or just simply don't understand."
"All the people close to me and look up to are the people that gave me that second thought instead of writing me off as unreliable, uncaring, uninterested, or lazy. Everyone else thinks your apologies are empty. It's hard to blame them, but they simply don't get the whole story." ~ _Maximilien
Gee thanks a lot...
"Knowing that you’re in a depression and being physically and mentally unable to do anything about it." ~ coldforkii
"I tried to see a psychologist for therapy and a psychiatrist to try new meds. The next available appointments were in 9 months. I was advised to go to the er if I couldn't wait. Gee thanks a lot."~ kearlysue
HERE
"The forgetfulness and lethargy. I'm so done with it but... here am I am." ~ solstice_gilder
"Ugh. The amount of times my fiancé had to grab me and sit me on the sofa because I'd wander around our flat like a ghost forgetting what I should be doing. But according to my mother this is 'normal.' No mother, a one off thing is normal, weeks/months lasting forgetfulness and lack of attention is not." ~ Maybe_too_honest_
So much to discuss.
So much in common.
Bad thoughts...
"When being suicidal stops being scary and starts being just another part of life. I should eat something, I want to die, I need to take a shower, I should go for a walk, I wonder whether I could jump in front of a car, I need to do the dishes, that new show looks fun, I should stab myself with a kitchen knife. At some point, it gets hard to remember a life without depression is even possible." ~ LMaster37
You literally just lose yourself.
"The complete loss of who you are. You remember having a personality, hobbies, pretty much any desire to do anything. And then it’s just gone. You don’t want to talk to anyone, you don’t even want to get up and use the bathroom."
"You could lay in bed for hours and not even notice because your brain has just completely and totally shut down on you. It is isolating and exhausting to experience, and all the while you’re blaming yourself for being so useless and pathetic. You literally just lose yourself."
"I feel compelled to add: depression doesn’t manifest the same for everyone. If you feel like you need help, there are resources available. It is possible to improve and find yourself." ~ ghostdogtheconquerer
"break through"
"It can be self sustaining. You feel depressed so you withdraw. Withdrawing makes you feel depressed."
"Can get stuck in a never-ending cycle." ~ Vegaman11998823
"To add to that, sometimes you 'break through' and everything feels clear and normal."
"But that can make you look back at all the time and opportunities that you wasted by being withdrawn. Even the act of withdrawing seems juvenile and pointless in retrospect in those clear moments."
"But of course during the act of withdrawal, there seems to be no other rational or emotionally-acceptable option." ~ ArchetypeFTW
Bored Now
"Not being interested in anything. Nothing grabs your attention. Everything is boring, but you know it would probably be good for you to do it, but it's just too big a mountain to climb, being interested." ~ edgarpickle
"Lonely, bored, disinterested, and ashamed about it. I can’t muster an interest in anything. I don’t care to do things. I don’t have hobbies, resulting in me being boring."
"I bore myself; how am I supposed to attract other people with nothing to talk about? It’s awful not being able to enrich your life for lack of interest. It’s so boring." ~ Ok_Professional4902
Resources...
"If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you."
"https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres"
"https://www.befrienders.org/"
"https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx"
"There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week."
"Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. They have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health." ~ AskRedditModerators
Please don't be afraid of it.
It can get better.
Reach out.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Things That Are Far Rarer Than People Realize
One Redditor asked: 'What is far more rare than people realize?'
There are several things in this life we know to be rare, resulting in millions of people seeking them out, or taking the opportunity to enjoy them.
These include seeing a solar or lunar eclipse, vintage bottles of wine, the first issue of a comic book, or being upgraded to first class without warning.
Sometimes, however, we take for granted certain things we just assume are part of daily life which are, in fact, quite rare.
Be it an uninterrupted night's sleep, a life-threatening illness, or a old recording on our DVR (or, for that matter a VHS!), some things we think can be enjoyed or could happen to anyone might be much harder to come by than we think.
Redditor f*ckandfrolic was curious to learn all about the seemingly everyday things that are, in fact, anything but common, leading them to ask:
"What is far more rare than people realize?"
Or, Perhaps, The Vaccines Are What Made It Rare?
"Tetanus."
"We get vaccines for it, but it's actually a bit harder to get than you may believe."- pheat0n
Meow
"Solid brown fur cats, apparently it’s some kind of recessive gene in them."- TheJadedSF
"We have a male tortoiseshell cat."
"Cat people tend to know they’re quite rare but others probably don’t."- Tacoma__Crow
In Love Cat GIFGiphyYou Never Know Who Your Friends Really Are...
"People who remain friends with you once you leave school."- GrockleKaug
"Good, honest friends who don’t have ulterior motives."
"The ones that genuinely enjoy your company and friendship."
"Hold onto them!"- ZealousidealWealth88
Think Carefully About The Last Time You Saw One...
"Blimps."
"I live in northeast Ohio near the Goodyear hangar."
"We see them all the time."
"I had to pull up a list, that northeast Ohio has 3 out of 4 operating Goodyear blimps named Wingfoot 1 2 and 3."
"Only maybe 12 are operating anywhere in the world, with a total of 25 existing at all."
"But we see them all the time at Wingfoot lake disc golf course."- Worried_Place_917·
good year zeppelin GIF by DiggGiphyMaking Others Green With Envy?
"Green eyes make up just two percent of the global population."- New-Tomorrow-4309
Not A Routine Occurrence
"Northern lights."
"The amount of people I’ve heard say: 'We’ve come all this way, what time do they come on?' Is staggering."- The_Town_of_Canada
Amen!
"Bit of peace and f*cking quiet."- Winoforevr1
Taking A Long, Hard Look At Ourselves...
"Humility and an understanding that we’re sometimes the victim and sometimes the perpetrator."
"No one is ever just one or the other."- Fitandfriendlydude
Money Talks
"Being a multi-millionaire."
"Lots of people faking it out here."- tab_completion
Some Might Say Thinking In General...
"Critical thinking skills."- hstarbird11
Thinking Think GIF by Rodney DangerfieldGiphySobering Reality
"Clean water."
'My son and I have been discussing this lately."
"He is a chemical engineer and works exclusively with water."
"Many of the studies he has been published on also have to do with clean water and forever chemicals."
"Water is a huge issue that is becoming bigger everyday and normal people are forgetting about it."
"Flint Michigan is in year 9!"- No-Fishing5325
Rare, Or A Myth?
"A stable, loving, peaceful domestic life."- reginapinsley
In Dreams, Maybe...
"Absolute silence and being in a place where no man-made light exists."- whiskey_formymen
black and white dark GIFGiphyPerhaps we can all rest a little easier knowing that some things that keep us up at night worrying are actually not a big deal in the slightest.
Or, next time we see and experience something truly beautiful, we might want to stop and truly take it in.
For all we know, we just experienced something that was truly once in a lifetime.
Parents are meant to teach offspring how to survive in this world.
They're meant to guide us on how to be a good member of society.
But either some parents fail, or too many adults don't get the message.
And all that can lead to a mighty dysfunctional adult.
Redditor spirallinggg wanted to hear about the ways we can decipher if others have bad parenting, so they asked:
"What immediately tells you that a person wasn't raised right?"
Basic human decency is a sign of a good upbringing.
Garbage
"They throw trash out a car window."
shershae
"I live on a busy road and I’m so sick of people throwing their trash in front of my house. Some guy tosses out a tall boy beer nearly every workday. I can’t wait to move. Also- so many cigarette butts! We live in a high fire hazard area so I’m worried one of these days they’ll start a fire. I try to go pick up litter twice a month."
Pinkmongoose
Random Aisles
"People who dump refrigerated grocery products on random aisles."
glockops
"I work in a grocery store. The best one I saw was someone who ordered a hot pizza from our pizza station, which is made-to-order. Then abandoned it in the cooler with the refrigerated take-and-bake pizzas we have."
"I get finding stuff from our service case abandoned, it's already cold and our prices are much higher than some people think (the last abandoned item I found was a $20 container of our fresh fruit salad [which comes in pre-cut]), but the pizza station has set menu prices, they should have known what they were getting into before they ordered."
weedtrek
Be Responsible
"Lack of personal accountability. they can never admit wrongdoing on their part. it's always someone else's fault."
Sona-kin
I always told my kids that a mistake doesn't define who you are... but what you do AFTER the mistake DOES. We're human. We're gonna screw up throughout our lives. It's unavoidable. What we can control, however, is choosing to apologize, fix the situation, make amends, etc."
nakedwithoutmyhoodie
Rude
Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy"When they talk badly about someone who hasn’t done anything wrong behind their back."
flowerzforthedead
THIS. I've seen coworkers talking behind the backs of new employees and drawing conclusions about every aspect of their lives. Like, you've seen that person for three days, you MF.
Cold-Load-4388
If you can't say it to their face, then don't say it.
Why do people have to crap talk?
Check Please
Escalate Customer Service GIF by FILMRISEGiphy"Being super rude to people in any service profession. There is a time and place for actual, appropriate complaints but I see people constantly abuse service staff for no damn reason. Hell, even using 'please' and 'thank you' seems beyond some people. Bums me out."
CaptainLawyerDude
Others
"Lack of consideration for others."
NewVAinvestor1
"A lot of people do not fundamentally understand other people exist. They understand things exist. They understand those things should be referred to as people. But they do not understand those things have an entire existence and experience all their own exactly like them."
Sh3lls
No!
"When they can't take no for an answer."
NerdyPlaneResident
"I'm going to step up and admit to being guilty of this. For the longest time, I had it in my head that persistence pays off. Some of that was pop culture, some of that was tenacity in other areas of my life being rewarded, and then applying that to interpersonal relationships. Older and wiser me, though is more along the lines of learning to let go. It's still a struggle though, working against that original conditioning."
SergeantPsycho
Professions
"When someone looks down at others based on what they do. That just clearly shows that they've learned the same thing from their caregivers."
Leekayleigh_
"Oh yes. My husband took on a second job doing pizza deliveries. A few people laughed at him doing that at his age. They don't laugh when he explains his main job is simple and, deliveries are just driving blasting tunes and adds $900 a month after tax to our income. Then they see all the travel. Usually shuts them up."
CurvePuzzleheaded361
Offensive
For Real Wow GIF by DeStormGiphy"Zero manners."'
Fuzzteam7
"I took a guy to a family beach condo because he says he never goes to the beach. Let him tag along with our group. Never said thank you one time. I dropped him back off at his house, and I said can you at least say thanks, he was so offended I asked or was trying to force a thank you."
berrey7
"BUT"
"When someone apologizes, and then adds a but onto it. For example, my boss held a meeting among the kitchen staff where he apologized for his attitude, and then added 'But you guys need to understand that I'm a no-bulls**t kind of person.' No sir, that's not how apologies work."
GimmickInfringement1
I hate a BUT.
Either you mean what you offer or don't say it.
Things Parents Do That Unknowingly Screw Their Children Over
Parenting isn't a simple job.
The health, safety and well-being of another human being is on the line. Eventually that human will enter society with all the lessons or traumas of their childhood shaping them.
That's a lot of responsibility.
But even the most well-meaning parents can mess up.
Reddit user RunningInAHurricane asked:
"What do a lot of parents do that unknowingly screws their children over?"
Because I Said So
"Not taking the time to explain themselves on certain topics."
"The whole 'do as I say because I said so' or 'because I had you' is not effective."
~ LiteLit
"Yes! Rules should always have valid rationales behind them. Ones that you can explain fully."
"'Your room must be clean: building habits and routines makes life way easier and keeping a clean house can help reduce the chance of injury from tripping or pests'."
"Bedtime is 8: sleep is very important for our health. If we dont get enough, we het cranky and dont function as well'."
"Yadda yadda. Adjust for age."
"And you can build in safe phrases for times when your kids need to listen and follow directions without question. These are used like this: 'if I ever grab your arm and say "apples aren't oranges" you need to do as i say because it is a matter of your own safety. Once we are safe, I will explain'."
~ Lostintranslation390
Selective Memory
"Forgetting what it was like to be that age, and expecting their kids to react differently to things than them when they were that age."
~ MunkRubilla
"People are quick to forget what being a teenager is like."
"It's hard on the body physically and mentally just from the hormones, all of their friends are going through the same sh*t, and they're also desperately trying to find their place in the world at the stage in between childhood and adulthood."
~ Cautious_Hold428
Critical Thinking
"Not teach them to think for themselves."
"They need to think independently from other people."
"My favorite thing my parents taught me was to not have a hive mind mentality and think things through before believing and using them."
~ GimmiwCoconut
"I'm 24 and recently visited family for a week.
"It's amazing how my mom immediately started trying to make my choices for me regarding what I do, wear, and eat."
"It's not malicious on her part, it's just a force of habit. But my God is it infuriating."
~ DisposableCharger
Failure Is An Option
"They fail at letting their kids fail and figure out how to recover."
"It prevents the kids from becoming resilient."
~ BS623-902
"This starts when they're little."
"You have to let the 2 year old struggle with the toy or puzzle and not just do it for them when they start to cry and get frustrated."
"It's okay for your kids to cry about being frustrated, you don't need to immediately stop it."
~ lexrp
Inside Voice
"Shouting at them instead of having a conversation."
~ therapoootic
"My husband is incapable of just having a conversation with our 15-year-old son."
"He's always shouting because he doesn't like the way our son looks at him or because he feels he's not being shown respect."
"This all boils down to him projecting his frustrations, as he can't shout at people at the office or on the street."
"So he does it at home. It's annoying."
~ DisastrousGarage9052
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
"Not apologize when they’re wrong."
~ Mlaer7351
"I’ve never heard my mum apologise to me ever."
"She’s said many hurtful things to me in the past that I’ve never let go of because she never came to apologise for any of the things she said."
"If she had simply apologised and admitted that what she said was wrong and hurtful, I think that things between us would be so much better."
~ ellie_wxbster
Control
"Might sound a little contradictory but either not disciplining them or disciplining them way too much."
~ RandomRamblings99
"The disciplining too much hits hard."
"I know so many kids with strict parents that became druggies the second they left for college."
"Nobody taught them to have self agency because their independence never existed until they left their homes."
~ Redacted_G1iTcH
"I never had chores to do around the house. I never had a curfew. I was rarely told no."
"I was spoiled to the point where my parents would be willing to pay for my Ubering everywhere because they were too afraid I would get in an accident if I drove a car. I'm 29 and don't have a license and pay for that almost every day."
"Basically grew up like a princess. My mom came to my doctor's appointments and even sometimes made said appointments for me (cause I couldn't make phone calls) until I finally moved out."
"And by that, I mean moved out of the house, country, continent."
"I've been living on my own for over two years now. I'm still alive. They made fun of me, saying I grew up like a princess and because of it, I wouldn't last a day without my family."
"Yes, I'm still very much codependent and talk with them more than anyone else even now—but I proved to myself that I can take care of myself. I'm a different person, and that's the first thing my sibling said to me when we spent some time together recently."
"I'm a full-blown grown-up now. And I'm glad I jumped into it. It was so hard, but I'm getting better at it. Slowly but surely."
~ Ancient_Reply4583
Gimme Shelter
"Over sheltering them."
"You can't protect your kids 24/7 for their whole lives."
"It leads to naive adults that get taken advantage of."
~ Chosen_of_Nerevar
"I think some parents confuse 'trauma' with 'adversity'."
"Trauma can lead to long lasting emotional, social, mental, and physical issues. Consequently, trauma should be avoided at all costs."
"However, adversity can lead to personal growth, perseverance, and confidence building."
"Parents (and society as a whole) need to be able to distinguish one from the other."
~ triton2toro
Parenting is hard work and no one will get everything right all the time.
All anyone can do is try their best.
Though we mean nothing by it, there's no denying the fact that there are some characteristics, personality types, and behaviors that we find to be a total turn-off when it comes to dating.
The difficult part, though, is that what we find to be unattractive might be an unusual or unexpected thing to point out to someone else. To each their own, right?
Curious about what others' expectations were, Redditor DawnOfLegion1 asked:
"What's the weirdest dating requirement you have?"
Similar Intelligence
"He should be as smart as or smarter than me."
"There's no bigger turnoff than a guy who is noticeably dumber and there's nothing hotter than a guy who is particularly intelligent."
- _hootyowlscissors
"I'll second this. If he's slightly less intelligent, I can deal with it (although it IS a turnoff), but I've had friends date hot dumb guys, and I never got the appeal. At all. Even if the guy was sweet, I just kept thinking I would feel like I was messing with the village id**t. Not my thing at all."
- LeRuseRenard
Completely Available
"I require my date to be single. Not 'we have an understanding', not 'she doesn't understand me', and not 'we're separated and neither of us can afford an apartment on our own.' SINGLE. Not married."
"The last time a guy told me that his wife was okay with it, I told him that I wanted to hear those words from his wife. Never talked to him again."
- INobodyisme
Mind the Rules
"No getting up at 6:00 AM to do CrossFit."
"No drinking and driving."
"No crazy ex that seems to hang around with them a lot."
- Haelifae
One Word: Reciprocity
"Not a requirement, but if I paid for dinner, you paying for two ice creams or coffees isn’t all that bad."
- Soup_and_Rice
"Reciprocity."
"The older I get, the more I realize how important it is that they put in as much effort as I am."
"It doesn't have to be the same thing, have your own style; but I can't be doing all the work, all the time."
"This is with money (buy me dinner sometimes, offer to get my drink), sex (I can be a little more dominant, but you have to initiate sometimes, you have to be into it, I can't do all the work), romance or intimacy (reach out and grab my hand to walk, touch my back sometimes), or communication (text me first just to check in, for once)."
- TheLateThagSimmons
Weird Requirement: Weird
"She must be weird. And I mean truly, the kind of weird that makes other men run away."
- Vamluck
Just Equally Weird
"They have to be a little bit pervy and a little bit weird."
- CherryApple89
"When I was younger, if I was at the bar and there was a guy I thought might be fun to talk to, I would walk up and in the sexiest voice, I would tell them they have the hottest knees I have ever seen on a man."
"10 seconds flat, I would know whether they were someone I wanted to get to know. So I think I have the weird thing down."
- Dull-Geologist-8204
The Importance of Quiet Time
"I wanna be able to just chill with them doing nothing. I've been with someone who always had to be doing something and it got exhausting really fast."
- Shatteredfart
Seems Fair
"Not currently recovering from something."
"All tattoos must be spelled correctly."
"Employed."
"Four-tooth minimum."
- Mohawk60
Staying on Equal Footing
"Not sure how weird it is, but my rule is that I pay for myself every step of the way until we decide to become a couple."
"After that, we can split the bills, or take turns treating each other, etc., if that is what we both choose."
"Too many times I let a guy buy me dinner, and it is somehow implied that I now owe him something. Nope. All done with that."
- One-Internet-1982
"As a man, I have a lot of respect for that. I don't mind paying for dates and such, but I always get a bit of an icky feeling when the woman expects or demands it."
"I prefer more of an equal partnership rather than old-school gender roles, and stuff as basic as, 'Hey, you paid for the last date, let me get this one,' goes such a long way, and I feel like it also shows genuine interest from the other person."
- CaptainFresh27
Willing to Try New Things
"No picky eaters. It’s okay if you’re not a foodie, but I like to cook, and if you won’t give my food a chance, it’s not gonna work out."
- Pandaburn
A Lover of Drama
"If your profile says, 'No drama, please,' I immediately assume you are the drama or are too immature to handle life’s normal ups and downs and consider that to be drama."
- WillowWispWhipped
Intense Passion
"I love it when they have a hyper fixation."
- Unlikely-Base-4989
"The ADD/ADHD community loves you back."
- YakitoriChicken93
Knowing Your Own Limits
"No horse girls."
"I've got nothing against it, but it’s always very important to them and I’m too terrified of horses to be properly supportive, lol (laughing out loud)."
- Former-Finish4653
What's in a Name?
"They cannot have the same name as my sister or my mom."
"Alternatively, my name is unisex and a girl with my name is a turn on."
- Smellymyhand
Quite the Commitment
"I've decided that anybody I plan to spend my life with has to be willing to buy and ride a tandem bike with me."
- Sheepherder_7648
Despite the prompt being "weird requirements," some of these make a lot of sense, and more people might be adding these to their list of requirements after reading this.
But others are slightly more unexpected and likely fall under the "to each their own" category.