People Share Their Absolute Worst Houseguest Horror Stories
Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay

When someone asks to crash at your place, it's admittedly difficult to say no. And honestly, usually it feels nice to be hospitable.

But as we know, no good deed goes unpunished.

Sometimes people just display a startling lack of conscientiousness. They waltz in, put their feet up (literally and figuratively), and proceed to treat the place as if it were an armpit or the orangutan cage at a zoo.

The host is left standing their slack-jawed--and concocting new internal policies about who is allowed to stay at their place in the future.

Redditor asked Valkyrie_to_Odin:

"What's the worst houseguest experience you've had?"

Many bad guests stories involve someone who stayed WAY too long. They just couldn't take a hint.

Help Packing

"My ex-wife's friend had her car break down, and our apartment was right on a bus route to her job. She was supposed to stay over for a week while she got her car fixed."

"After 2 months and a lot of warning, we packed her bags for her and put them by the door."

-- rawbface

The Formative Months

"My mom's cousin and her husband went for a short visit to our house. She was five months pregnant then."

"She and her husband didn't leave until the baby was two months old."

-- MinutesTaker

Planing to be Here Awhile

"My aunt came to visit for what was supposed to be a week or two and didn't leave for almost a year when I was a kid. She redecorated my room and even put up pictures of herself."

"Now the running joke in my family is to randomly leave pictures of yourself around the house when we visit people."

-- slams-head-on-desk

Taking All There Was

"One of my best buddies from high school called me up and begged for me to come get him from a town about three hours away. The idea was he would stay with us for a couple weeks while he looked for work and then get his own place. Six months later I ended up renting him a room for one month and dropping him off with his junk and wishing him well."

"His father had warned me he would 'drain me dry' and he wasn't kidding. All those months he was supposedly using my vehicle to look for work he was instead going out to a local bar. Every bottle in our liquor cabinet was drained down to the last finger."

-- squidazz

Some people were cartoonishly disrespectful. They trashed the place with no remorse whatsoever.

Cleaned Out and Left Cleaning

"She stole all of my booze, pissed on my couch, tore up the flower bed to the side of my driveway, and destroyed my guest bathroom."

"This all happened after I'd fallen asleep, she was a guest of a tenant/room mate and that room mate was told either her friend wasn't allowed over ever again or she'd have to find a new place to live."

-- amalgamas

Things That Are Normal Where You Live But Crazy Anywhere Else | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Within Reach

"Instead of asking where the toilet paper is, they let their kid wipe his a** with our guest towels."

"They were overnight guests; there were definitely more rolls... they just didn't look around ¯\_o_/¯"

-- __Dawn__Amber__

Taking Advantage of the Tech

"Wife's cousin stayed a couple days with us. After he left, I discovered he purchased about $60 worth of porn on directv."

-- TheGentlemanLoser

Train Wreck

"Husband of friend came for Xmas since she was out of town. He brought the dog. Who had diarrhea."

"Dog humped our dog for hours til our dog was covered in s**t."

"Husband spouted racist crap and my kids laughed at him."

"Had to wash our dog in the kitchen after he left."

"Friend divorced now."

-- Ibenthinkin2much

Zero Effort Whatsoever

"We had a house-sitter once who wanted to bring their own dog for the week. They assured us the dog was well behaved and housetrained. This was a pretty close friend, and their house is nice and clean so we believed them."

"Came home to find every rug in our house destroyed. The house smelled funky when we walked in, and I immediately found wet spots on our living room rug. Lifted it up and it had more stained areas than not. Same with the kitchen, hallway, bedroom, and guestroom rugs. I'm guessing this dog didn't pee outside a single time it was there."

"This was someone we paid to watch our house."

-- SpicyWonderBread

And some discussed the strange an obnoxious behaviors that they just could not ignore.

False Alarm

"That would be the girl visiting my sister-in-law who decided it would be funny to repeatedly prank call 911. I got a very angry call from the local police station saying we either stopped or they'd be sending a squad car over."

"Apologised profusely to the officer and thanked him for calling us first. She was not invited back to her house, she was 17 and definitely old enough to know better."

-- zerbev


"My old roommate told me she had a friend who had fallen on rough times and needed a spot to crash for a while. No worries, I told her."

"Oooh, big worries. He was a professional beatboxer, but more that that he was a professional smoker. Like, I'm fine with weed generally, but this dude was on 12-15 blunts a day, and would roll one as soon as he rolled his tighty whitey clad @ss off of our couch."

"So for like 4 months, as soon as I woke up, it was nothing but clouds of white owl and 'BRRRRMMMCHKCHK-FRKAFRKACHCKABRRRRMMM.' "

"He didn't fall on rough times. He WAS a rough time."

-- whitebabyjesus

Just Too Stoked About the Sound System

"He cranked my dad's speakers up to the max and blew them (they were from the 70's so impossible to replace or repair). Then he clogged our toilet, grabbed a bunch of grandma's quilts to sop up the water. He then tried to stop the water by violently shaking the tank, cracking the bowl and dislodging it from its base."

"In a panic he tried to bolt from the house, his wet feet slipped on the wood floor and he crashed into a wall leaving a nice body-sized impression."

"That's how my brother's friends was barred from the house."

-- F0000r

Territorial About Eggs

"A guest took a dozen eggs from my pantry and cooked it and served it to her kid after refusing to allow the kid to eat a dish I cooked for them."

-- rednryt

Bait and Switch

"Nothing compared to the other stories, but a mutual friend came to my place, and brought his roughly used PS4 controllers so we all could play together. When he left, he left his shitty controllers and took my good ones. He is a lawyer now. Go figure eh?"

-- akara1001

High Expectations

"Not me but my brother's partner requires that he go buy the ingredients for breakfast fresh every morning before he wakes up. As in if he wants bacon and eggs, my brother needs to go buy fresh bacon and eggs from the store before he wakes up, then come home and cook them (again, preferably before he wakes up)."

-- banquoinchains

So if you have any plans to crash at a friend's this summer--don't do any of these things, please.

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