People! 911 is a very busy hotline. It is for emergencies only! In fact there is a law saying you cannot call for any superfluous reasons. This is not the time to be calling over every little thing that just makes you aggravated. The dispatchers have enough on their plate to deal with without our glorified prank calls. Now think before you dial. Are you bleeding? Then call 311 instead.
Redditor u/Parakeetman280 wanted to hear from the Emergency dispatch workers out there. We were hoping they'd share a tale or two about those on the other end of the line by asking.... 911 operators of reddit, what was your stupidest/most annoying call yet?You're a Nurse?
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I had a nurse (she told me twice she was a nurse before we confirmed the address)... anywho, the nurse tells me she's babysitting an infant. So I'm starting to get into baby CPR mode... again, tells me she's a nurse. I ask her what she's reporting: "Well, like I said, I'm babysitting this infant and cutting his finger nails.
I accidentally cut one Tom short and it's bleeding" Did you cut a part of the finger off? "No. It's just bleeding". At this point, I can give some basic bleeding instructions. But we literally sent an ambulance to help a "nurse" apply a bandage.
In Transit
My boyfriend and I used to work at an operating theatre at the guest counter and we'd get calls for directions all the time.
My boyfriend fielded one of these calls one time and was just getting more and more annoyed because the person wanted directions but refused to tell him where they were coming from.
I think they wound up hanging up on him and calling back to complain about him... To him.
Some say they're still in transit today.
Services Not Rendered.
I used to volunteer with my local PD and was helping deliver some goodies to the county dispatch center (figure that's a better introduction then "I'm not a dispatcher, but...") While I was chatting with one of the dispatchers who was taking 911 calls, they received a call from a man who immediately starts yelling at the operator.
Once the man calms down, he explains the situation. Apparently, he had hired a sex worker and brought her to his place. After her services were preformed, he refused to pay her due to him not feeling that she did a good enough job to deserve any financial compensation.
Because she was not reviewing her payment, the sex worker refused to leave the house until she had her money and the man was calling to have her removed from the premises. Long story short, the police were sent to the house and both individuals were arrested after admitting to engaging in their activities. If there is a lesson to be learned here, it's to not call 911 on your hooker.
The Howl
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I got an emergency roadside call about 11pm. Im getting some information and I ask where she's located..."I'm directly beneath the moon. They'll see me." And she hung up.
Just hang up....
The list of stupidity is ridiculous. A few of my favorites:
- Female caller is screaming her absolute head off on picking up the phone. It sounded like her house was on fire and everyone she ever loved was being murdered in front of her eyes. The issue? She had never been in a hailstorm before and it was scary.
- Male 911 caller says he has a question and no emergency. Ok, go ahead. "Yeah so if I'm driving and the speed limit sign says 40 and I'm going 42, is that like....speeding?" ....Yes. "Ok that makes sense, thanks."
- Male caller says his friend accidentally shot himself in the leg in the car. After getting a bunch of info, we go down the medical side of things and I get to the question "is the bleeding serious?" - male, "I can't tell." - ok, is it spurting or pouring out? - "I can't see, I need to take his pants off...BRO DON'T MOVE I NEED TO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!" - me, what? No, no with his pants ON, I need you to tell me if he is bleeding! Only time I openly laughed on a 911 call.
I have more!
"hey there's this car on fire!"
I work with a lot of police officers. I got ragged shamelessly for calling in a panic one day and yelling incoherently about a car in a parking lot.
I was driving home and there was an SUV that was on fire at an abandoned gas station but somehow I forgot to tell the dispatcher that the CAR WAS ON FIRE and just kept yelling that the car was dangerous and someone could be killed by this parked car....
...they finally calmed me down enough to ask why it was so dangerous and I was like "what? It's on fire! It could blow up! Or cause a forest fire!" I could hear the dispatcher rolling his eyes as he told me I should've started with "hey there's this car on fire!" versus "I'm at a gas station and there's this parked car." I was 17 or 18, I know better now.
Thaw it Out
I was once called to a woman's house who said she was trapped inside in the middle of winter. I showed up at her home to find that there was a 3 quarter inch of ice stopping her screen door from opening. I opened the door mildly hard and broke the ice to open the screen door.
Not my Issue
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The most recent one was a woman requesting someone respond to adjust her air mattress because she was having difficulty falling asleep.
I had a kid call once on Christmas Eve, upset because his dad wouldn't let him open his gifts early. That one was pretty cute, the dad was embarrassed but it was one of my favorite calls.
Runaway
A woman called from the big city in our area that was about 11 miles away and complained that her 18 year old daughter wouldn't go to school. The operator explained that her daughter was an adult and couldn't be forced to go to school. The mom called back two more times to complain about and and called back a fourth time to say that her daughter had now run away.
EMERGENCY!!
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When I was 3 I called 911 because my toy ball was stolen.
It was awkward when the police came and my parents had to explain the situation.
Lost Faith
My wife has the story of the woman who called because her baby wasn't breathing.
"Ma'am", she says, "How many children are in the house"
"1", the caller replies, "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT MY BABY ISN'T BREATHING"
"Ma'am, is that crying I hear on the line your baby?"
"YES MY BABY IS CRYING BECAUSE SHE CANNOT BREATHE!!!"
My wife of course had already dispatched the ambulance, but apparently the baby had just been crying for an hour and this woman was convinced the baby could not cry and breath at the same time.
Also, the amount of people who called with an upset stomach was boggling. Like, go take a crap guys.
Her stories about that job really did a number on my faith in humanity.
When you gotta go....
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One time my sister and I were in an argument and I wasn't talking to her. She came home late at night and I happened to be in the bathroom with the door open. All she could see was my feet sticking out as our toilet was sectioned off.
She ended up calling 911, scared as hell that someone had broken into our house and decided to use the bathroom. I went into my room without saying a word. She figured it out moments before the cops arrived. Needless to say, one of the most embarrassing moments of her life.
Thanks OnStar
My mom used to work at the emergency line for OnStar and would often receive reports of suspicious cars, & OnStar would have too notify the police whenever someone would call about that, which makes sense.
However a lot of people would call, "Theres a green car on the highway and it looks suspicious."
No other details than that, and she would have to call the police, too tell them "We got a call about a suspicious green car.
The Scarf
Im not a first responder but i was a security guard at a hospital and we got called in to stop a woman from hanging herself with her scarf. When we got there she was on the floor and the scarf tied onto the seat of a chair.
School is a 911
This is a true store, a kid calling so he could get help on his home work lol.
Lol heard that call. The dispatcher was so nice, he asked him what he needed help with, lol. The mom yelled the kids name in anger when she heard what he was doing. I bet he got a huge lecture. The kid remembered if he needed help to call 911, just forgot the emergency part, lol.
Halloween
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Where do I begin? Halloween night some lady called 911 because she lost her car keys, said she "wasn't sure if she was calling the right number." We've had people call asking for directions, reporting a black teen walking down the street; that person got hung up on. Someone called to report a suspicious vehicle on their street and it turned out to be our police car... which was marked.
I know you....
Not a 911 operator but I have called quite a few times for one stupid reason (it's 999 in the UK but whatever). My phone has a feature where I double tap the lock screen button and it calls 999, and a single tap happens to be snooze for the alarm. Just like anyone else I set an alarm to wake to for my Uni classes everyday and a BUNCH of times I ended up double tapping somehow and the same lady would pickup and I'd tell her it was a mistake. Once she even recognized my voice cuz it happened so often and she cut me off and asked if it was a mistake lol. Luckily she was nice and the calls didn't affect anyone because they lasted only a few seconds.
The Leaves of Evil....
Former 911 operator and the STUPIDEST calls I would get were people complaint about leaf blowers. Yes. I worked in an affluent city and it was always the same pretentious people that called to complain about landscapers their neighbors hired using leaf blowers too early in the morning. It got so bad the city was forced to pass an ordinance restricting the use of leaf blowers before a certain time in the morning.
"frequent flyers"
Most annoying today? Or overall? We routinely deal with the worst side of people and deal with daily/hourly annoying calls.
Some of the worst are the "frequent flyers". Multiple alcoholics in town call regularly for rides home. People calling on their neighbors for literally everything. People treating us like information and being fools when we tell them we aren't.
Think about the worst, most annoying tattle tail you remember from school.... They are worse now that they grew up and they rarely call about actual emergencies.
Madame President
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Not a dispatcher but i work in a jail. This is what we saw on the call notes for a call that came into dispatch recently.
RP lives in insert super expensive neighborhood name
RP saw police car drive by, wants to know whats happening with her people
RP stating she is president of HOA and has legal right to know
RP transferred to deputy.
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Reddit user, Boban_the_dude, wanted to know what's better than the best climactic finish around when they asked:
What's a feeling better than an orgasm?
A physical feeling can feel just as good as an orgasm, even when it's not sexual.
Nothing like a cool drink after a hot day, is there?
A Different Kind Of "Release." Hey-oh!
"That moment near the the end of being sick where your nose suddenly clears out after being stuffy for days and you can breathe perfectly again."
CoyoteJoe412
"See also: Pulling a huge booger out of your nose and realizing that your breathing has been restricted for days."
VanGarrett
GiphyFlowery Language Aside, Drink Your Water People
"Got lost out in the wilderness a few years back, drinking fresh clean water for the first time in days was something out of this world. It’s like being on the brink of death and the suddenly life fills your body again. It happens so quick as well, from deaths door to fully recovered in minutes"
plz-dont-ban-me_
"I felt like sh-t the other day and realized around 5pm I hadn’t had any water all day. I downed 32oz in a couple minutes and instantly recovered. I felt like I drank the piss of Jesus himself"
bigboybobby6969
GiphyThe Pain Is Gone When The Pillow Comes
"When sleep finally comes and sweetly releases you from a blinding, vomit inducing migrane."
Cats_tongue
GiphyWhile we think of human interaction being better than an orgasm as only limited to the sexual experience, our social interactions might go beyond the sensation an orgasm gives without any contact whatsoever.
What's The Opposite Of Gossip?
"When you overhear people talking positively about you."
LambeauCalrissian
"I’ve experienced this. I used to work with a gay colleague and he used to tell me all the terrible things that his religious Christian mother had said/done to him. He was a close friend of mine and he didn’t realise that I was also a religious Christian until he noticed my cross necklace (I don’t talk about my religion much)."
"I overheard him talking to another colleague once and he said 'yeah.. but there are still some great Christians out there, like [me]!”."
"Seriously made my day"
throwaway47283
GiphyAll In On The Joke
"Laughing so hard your face hurts. It’s like an orgasm for your heart and soul."
Ophidia77
"that feeling when the joke is long gone and you're only laughing because your friend is laughing and they are only laughing because you are laughing and it won't stop"
LocalTurn
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And then there's these.
Yes, these ones make lots of sense.
Happy Medicine Time
"I think about "better" in terms of a huge increase in pleasure, and I can only think of one thing that has ever happened to me that was equal or better."
"Around ten years ago, I had a kidney stone, and it hurt like hell. The nurse hooked up the IV and gave me morphine, which did quite literally nothing at all to help. They didn't seem to believe that at first—I'm sure drug-seeking at the ER is a thing—but eventually, it became pretty clear that I was still in agony."
"She hit the IV with toradol. Y'all, this was the first time I'd ever experienced an IV or any strong painkiller, and I went from the worst pain of my life to complete comfort, warmth, and relaxation in seconds. I can still remember the relief."
alanpugh
GiphyYour Great Hunt Is Over
"When you close all the tabs from a very long assignment you just submitted"
Relative_Elderberry1
GiphyIs This The Truly The Best Answer?
"Everyone keeps asking this and the best answer by far is always 'farting away a stomachache'."
draegersonn
GiphyYes. Sleep.
"Waking up expecting your alarm to ring any second, then realizing it’s the middle of the night and you’ve got like 3 or 4 more hours to sleep…"
harborsareinoceans
"... and you're able to fall back asleep."
"There, I fixed it for you."
Jelly_Belly321
GiphySleep when you can, drink water when you can and suddenly the entire day can feel like one big orgasm.
This has been an odd one.
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Reddit user gageames17 asked:
"If Thor’s hammer (mjolnir) was a real weapon, who do you think would be worthy enough to wield the hammer?"
The problem is that "worthy" is such a vague and nebulous term, ya know?
It really depends on how you look at it—and we're going to be doing a lot of looking at some "interesting" candidates.
Buckle up, buttercup, because we're going in.
Starting With The Obvious
"Thor."
- saello
"I'm always disappointed when anyone else wields it. I feel like it weakens the value of Thor; it feels like a cheap comic book move."
"In my mind I like to think Thor is the only one worthy and it gives him that special allure."
- TheRavenSayeth
"You only have to be 'worthy' or pure of heart or whatever if you're going by the Marvel comics interpretation of Thor. Worthiness and being pure of heart have nothing to do with wielding the hammer in Norse mythology."
"Thor was able to wield the hammer because he had an incredible amount of strength and a magic belt that made him even stronger."
- Jaycoht
GiphySome Rando
"It would be some random dude. To be known requires you have to do some sh*tty things every now and then."
- Esoteriss
"Agreed."
"In Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the only qualified person to rule the universe is the person who doesn’t want to, and ends up being a dude in a shack. Probably the same thing here."
- Bobski72
GiphyBetty - Obviously
"Betty White would have been able to."
- [Reddit]
"Truly this is the answer I came for."
- dracona
"Me too."
- the_storm_eye
"You have to be willing to kill in order to lift it. I'm just sayin, we all saw that Snickers commercial right?"
- [Reddit]
GiphySteve
"Steve Irwin, no question."
- ThereCastle
"Yes. Correct."
"Protector of innocent animals but also, unlike most of the other good hearted but non-badass candidates presented, arguably had the biggest balls in human history."
- devilthedankdawg
"Steve Irwin was scary strong and athletic."
"I remember a clip where he just…. runs up a tree. The show doesn’t make a big deal of it, but Steve just runs up this tree and is suddenly up there like it’s no big deal!"
"Most people can’t do that."
- Deradius
"I advocate not for Steve Irwin himself, but for this one Cassowary Steve was running from in a clip I saw."
"Any animal that Steve won't f*ck with is an instant god lmao."
- Draclin
GiphyPapa
"My papa for sure ❤️"
"Just for some context as to how amazing and pure my Papa is, when he was 17 he got hit by a semi and broke every bone in his body. Like totally shattered his cranium to his pinky toe."
"He died multiple times, and somehow they brought him back. And despite that he went on to graduate high school at the age of 21, after re-learning everything. And I don’t just mean school stuff, I mean how to walk, how to talk, how to feed himself, how to go to the bathroom, everything."
"He met my grandma, and they have been married for over 50 years."
"Even though he has had multiple strokes, he’s supposed to be in a wheelchair that he absolutely refuses to use, refuses to use a walker, has to wear a leg brace, despite all of that he still sings at his church, mows the church yard for free, helps everybody he possibly can, and is just the most giving, humble, kind man in the world."
"While I am not a Christian, his faith to me is totally beautiful and inspiring. He never has a bad thing to say about anybody. And I’m pretty sure he would be worthy of Thor's hammer, 100%."
- potatoesgonna-potate
GiphyThe Other Rogers
"Mr. Rogers and Betty White... oh sh*t."
"Guys I just realized Loki is killing off the worthy."
- Magnus_40
"Funnily enough, Mr. Rogers lifted mjolnir in a comic once. I choose to believe it's canon."
- kotran1989
"Well, that’s wholesome."
- Roguewind
"I was sifting through the thread looking for this comic."
- rusnug
GiphyThe Villain Variant
"At least in the comics, Mjolnir’s definition of 'worthy' varies a good bit."
"As long as you’ve got decently good intentions and a fighting spirit, you are worthy for the most part. So there’s the obvious ones like Cap and Thor, but also some villains."
"One of the more well known examples is Dr. Doom, whose entire personality hinges on him wanting the best for the world and thinking the only way is through a maniacal dictatorship."
- lunaticboot
"Spider-Man can't wield it, and we see Spider-Man repeatedly seen as Marvels' most moral compass. Supposedly the reason is because Spidey won't kill."
"Cap and Thor have fought through wars, willing to kill to defend their ideals. Dr.Doom as well."
- tigerslices
"' 'The heart unwilling to swing the sword when needed will never have the strength to raise it in the first place' -Mjolnir"
- blexmer1
"That’s why they were surprised that Thanos could wield it, too."
"He believes he’s doing it for the survival of all species in the universe, i.e. a just cause."
- TheUncleverestDev
GiphyA Unifying Force
"Dolly Parton"
"She fought and continues to fight for equality in country music for women. She uses her money to support good causes."
"For example, when the Gaitlinburg fires displaced a bunch of families about 5 years ago, she immediately pledged an extra $1000/month to each family for as long as they were out of their homes and delivered. And when people donated to her charity, she upped the donation."
"Elvis Presley wanted to record a version of “I Will Always Love You” back in the 70s (in fact, according to Priscilla, he sang it to her as he walked her to her car after signing the divorce papers), but Dolly said no because that would have require her to give up her songwriting rights."
"Because she retained those rights, she was the one who got an insane influx of cash after Whitney Houston’s version blew up in the 90s. What did she do? Invested in the real-estate development of an historically Black neighborhood in Nashville."
"She donates books to kids through her Imagination Library. Hell when Gal Gadot, was 'helping' by organizing a singalong of “Imagine,” Dolly was writing a check to Vanderbilt University Medical School to fund the research that eventually lead to the Moderna vaccine."
"Dolly is a fighter."
- mdsnbelle
"They need to work this cameo into next season’s Loki."
" *Hands Mjolnir to Thor (in front of the Hulk?) and asks 'Is this yours honey?' then casually walks off stage left.* "
- analyticalchem
"Dolly has been a shockingly common answer to this! But then again Dolly's an all around wonderful person and the last person to criticize her got cancelled by the right and left together so... a unifying force to be sure."
- GluttonAsteroth
"She carries a hand gun, and she knows how to use it. She's got a permit for conceal carry."
"She's one person who I'd trust would fight and kill for the right reasons."
- kjbrasda·
Giphy"A Happy Little Dent"
"Bob Ross."
" 'We’re going to put a happy little dent right here.' ”
- Eledridan
" 'And here’s our enemy now. Standing beside a happy little tree. Let’s take mjolnir and just beat the devil out of him!' "
- dreagan021
"Is Bob Ross really willing to kill? Because that is one of the requirements, also please don't call me a nerd."
- ThatOnePieceOfPizza
"Bob Ross had a 20 year career in the US Air Force and was a drill sergeant. He wasn’t all quiet voices and gentle smiles his entire life."
- Ryukotaicho
"Nope."
"Dude cheated on his wife and stole the idea of the show. Wasn't all rainbows and happy trees behind the scenes on the Ross show."
"He's not worthy to wield."
- zamfire
GiphyAbsolute Unit
"When I was a kid, I had a buddy who's aunt was 6'5 and probably 250lb. Absolute unit of a woman."
"I watched her carry an old school refrigerator up the basement stairs without it touching a single step. Only person I can think of."
GiphyMoment of honesty, I had forgotten about the whole "willingness to kill" thing when I initially suggested Betty ... but you know what, I'm just going to let it stand.
I can see Betty as a killer for the right reasons... which is pretty much the whole point.
So who do you think could lift it? Sound off in the comments.
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