911 Operators Share The Funniest Reasons People Have Ever Called In

911 operators have a front row seat to the moments when people are most stressed out.

These are the professionally calm voices on the other line when somebody calls in the midst of total catastrophe, a sudden tragedy, and imminent danger.

With one call coming in after the next, all shift long, it's not difficult to see how draining that job could be.

But there are occasionally calls that leave an operator chuckling. Some people choose to call 911 for the weirdest things.

Thankfully, a good 911 operator can sift through the the true emergencies and the strange, unnecessary call. Lucky for us, however, those ones ended up on a recent Reddit thread.

Abrera asked, "911 Operators of Reddit, what are some of the funniest things someone has called in for?"

For some operators, it was all about the animal stories. You'd be stunned how many people call 911 when a weird animal mishap strikes.

Swimming Inward 

"I only worked dispatch for a few months and I got a call for a fish being stuck in a woman's ear." -- jajison

"Did they arrest the fish?" -- AlienSandwiches

"I- I have several questions" -- The_Official_Dave

Narrating the Whole Thing 

"I had a guy call in on 911 because he was concerned about a seagull he thought was injured in a Chipotle restaurant parking lot. Apparently while on the phone, he tried to pick up or check on the bird at which point the bird started squawking, then he started freaking out and I started having trouble telling them apart."

"Then there I could hear what might have been wings flapping, a brief silence, and suddenly the guy started hyperventilating and screaming he needed an ambulance because he was having a heart attack and that the bird flew off."

"I wasn't sure if he was being serious so I got him over to EMS as a precaution. Upon transfer and getting EMS on the line he got very quiet and said, 'I think I'm okay, I'll call you back later,' and hung up and would not answer on callback."

"I still wonder about Steven Seagull when I drive by a Chipotle."

-- indigofoxgivesnofox

Persisten Doggo

"Not a 911 operator but during residency they had us shadow one during my EMS month."

"This woman called 911 3 times in 10 minutes for a service animal in a mall. 'He's here staring at me! No I don't care that he's helping. He just licked his nuts!' "

-- EMdoc89

All Kinds of Wildlife 

"I just certified as a call taker and got mandated for overtime (of course) on my first shift. Policy was if someone insisted they saw something we take it as face value and enter the call."

"Well this lady called me just after midnight and swore she saw a chupacabra on the west side of Orlando and Insisted in an officer doing an area check."

"Not too long after that a coworker was in on his night off and left the building. He called 2 mins later saying he saw a kangaroo hopping down the street."

"I can't make this sh** up"

-- Brent_L

The Great Pig Chase 

"Former dispatcher here. My funniest call was a guy called in and said he wanted to report a pig running around."

"I had to ask a pig, as in curly tailed pig. He said yes sir he's running by taco bell now."

"I dispatch out animal control who gets on scene and asks for help. One of our officers assists and for the next 40 minutes or so I got to listen to two of the cities finest chase a young pig around businesses."

"Once the pig was finally caught it was determined the pig came from a transport truck. The driver said he didn't want the pig back so the pig was given to the humane society."

"Never did hear what happened to the little fellow after that."

-- bheidreborn

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for: the steamiest reasons to call 911.

Professional Removal Required 

"When I was a Fire dispatcher, I had to send a Squad to remove a penis ring. So there's that." -- bravosarah

"I'm just trying to visualize how they managed to get that off the poor bastard. Did they use bolt cutters or something?" -- SOUNDEFFECT94

"My aunt talks about a dude came into her ER with a titanium ring. They didn't have the equipment to cut it off so the firefighters has to come in with the jaws of life."

"Amazingly it went well and the dude kept his penis." -- Commercial_Nature_44

Wrong Size 

"One time a guy called in while I was training and stated he had cut his penis. When I answered you cut your penis?! The trainer smacked me on the arm and told me he said he'd cut his hand. She looked at me like the biggest pervert!"

"Then 10 seconds later into the conversation he says, 'Yeah I was trying on a rubber that was too small and I had to cut it off so I cut right into my penis!' She almost couldn't stop herself from laughing."

-- macmartijp14

When a Kink Leads to Some Logistical Issues 

"Numerous calls where someone has handcuffed themself to a SO during coitus and lost the key (if it's not busy this seems to draw most available officers)."

"Not me but a coworker: a person was pleasuring themselves with the handle of a scissors and it got stuck."

-- nineunouno

And others shared the moments that were so ridiculous they were almost cartoonish. Strap in for surreal images, absurd logic, and shocking circumstances.

Man vs. Machine 

"There are funny calls that come in all the time. I talked to a pizza delivery guy who couldn't reach his destination because a defiant chicken was standing in the middle of the road. I stayed with him on the phone as he pleaded with it to finally move along. Truly a chicken crossing the road moment."

"Another time I took a call where a guy insisted he was in an argument with a man dressed as a giant Pepsi bottle. He said the man in the Pepsi suit had stolen his debit card and refused to give it back. Upon arrival the officers told me he was high as sh** and arguing with a vending machine."

-- placeintheways

Trying to Show Off the Guns 

"A man requiring extrication from an Under Armor insulated shirt. His shoulder popped out of the socket while he was pulling it on, it was halfway on/halfway off and his arm was locked and dislocated."

-- Dispatcher12

Who Was She Expecting?

"My sister once called because she wanted to know who would be on the other end of the line. I couldn't hear what the person said but I heard my sister's parts of the convo."

"Sister: hello? Who's this? ... Oh..."

"Then she hung up on the operator. They ended up calling back and my dad picked up and had to explain that his daughter was just being curious."

-- 3luejays

Procrastinating the Call 

"My caller reported her car stolen. When I asked her when she saw her car for the last time she replied 1990. Yep, 30 years ago."

"She seemed unfazed on why I was surprised by her answer."

-- Narrow-Dust-1523

Keeping It In the Family

"I once called 911 because I cut my finger and wanted to talk to my mom, who was a dispatcher. I called crying asking to talk to her by name."

"She was more pi**ed at my dad for not waking up when I tried to go to him first haha."

-- RAnDomBandGirl

A Concerned Citizen

"Actual 911 operator here. So far the silliest was a guy who called, all concerned about the number of birds flying around because there was an air show nearby and he was worried the planes would hit the birds"

-- xocheerio

Quick Fix

"Friend of mine was a 911 dispatcher. The funniest call he ever had was a woman who claimed she was locked inside of her own vehicle."

"After explaining to her where the door lock switch was, she was able to free herself."

-- snakecatcher302

Fluid Limbs

"A friend had cops called on him cause he was doing 'liquid' at the train station. It's a form of dancing at raves where your hands seem to look like liquid."

"The person who called the cops was scared it was satanic or something."

-- minimagess

So if you can, try to take a breath and double check to make sure it's a reasonable time to call 911. Although you can rest assured that if it's really out there, you just might make someone's day.

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