50 Shades Of Grey If It Was Written By A Nerd. #15 Is Genius.

1.
'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.''Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
2.
She writhed on the floor, squealing at the extreme pain he had inflicted on her. 'I thought you said you'd put all your Lego bricks away!'
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
3.
She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 14, 2015
4.
'Remove your clothes,' she said in a calm, clear voice. 'Now bend over the table.'He silently obeyed. There was no point arguing with Siri.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
5.
'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!''Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
6.
He was very careful during bondage sessions. He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
7.
'So,' she said, entering his bedroom, 'This is where the magic happens.''Oh yes,' he smiled, putting on his Harry Potter glasses and cloak.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
8.
She stared down at him. He was on his hands and knees, panting hard, with his bottom in the air.'Still not found your glasses?' she asked.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 17, 2015
9.
'So,' she sighed, panting heavily, 'Did the earth move for you too?''Of course,' he said. 'At 0.2771638 recurring kilometres per second.'
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
10.
Her eyes widened as he placed his Bunsen burner on her dressing table and lit the flame. She loved a man who was experimental in the bedroom
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsOfGray) September 13, 2015
11.
He had a secret foot fetish. He preferred imperial measurements to metric.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 24, 2015
12.
'Fancy some role play?' she said, in her nurse's uniform.'OK' he said. 'You see a three-headed dragon. Do you run or use your magic sword?'
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 24, 2015
13.
'My tastes are very singular,' he said, stroking her neck and staring deep into her eyes. 'I'm lactose intolerant and I can't eat peas.'
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 7, 2015
14.
He was heavily into BDSM - Batman, Dungeons & Dragons, Star Trek and Mathematics.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 6, 2015
15.
'Yes!' he screamed, rigid with pleasure, 'Oh yes . . that's it . . right there . . YES!!!'He couldn't believe NASA had found water on Mars.
50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 28, 2015
Every new generation thinks they know best.
And every older generation thinks they've seen and done it all.
It's a neverending cycle.
So how do we make one generation listen to another?
And can the generation imparting important advice give it with ease and not arrogance?
Nobody wants to be disrespected.
Can we all start there?
Redditor baker10923 wanted hear what information the young people want the old people to stop yelling about, so they asked:
"Younger people of reddit. What are you tired of hearing from older generations?"
I'm tired of hearing about the music. Madonna is music.
I will say these kids today though... THAT'S MUSIC?!
We Know Best
“I have more life experience than you… 'then proceeds to go on an emotionally stunted rant based on their own personal bias due to trauma they refuse to process because 'they know best.'"
Sorry, Deborah,
"Literally any and all job advice. Sorry, Deborah, but you've worked the same unionized position for 30+ years. The number of valuable insights you can give me about the modern labor landscape numbers somewhere between diddly and squat. And Hank literally drops the 'walk downtown handing out resumes and shaking hands" line without awareness or irony.'"
spehizle
What we went through
"My mom and I got into a fight over housing affordability. 'Your father (55)and I (53) worked very hard to afford this house (175k) and you make more than we did at the time we bought (1992).'"
"The house now is worth about 1.5m, my mom didn't work and my dad made 100k/year. I make 150k and houses in my price range are 600k 1hr+ away from where I want to be and less than half size with less than half the lot."
x-Sleepy
The Pain
"Anything to the effect of 'young people can't have back pain (or any other physical disability).' Like, dude, I wish being in my twenties made me immune to being injured. But that's literally just not how the human body works."
dumbest_thotticus
"Yup. In my 20s also and I have severe back and neck pain from a car accident. Any time I mention that Im hurting (which is all the time but I only say something when its so bad I cant move) I'm dramatic or too young to know real pain."
Zero_Pumpkins
I'm Them
"I am 44 but I still feel like I am young. I am tired of hearing pretty much everything my generation says. I don't understand when everybody else just suddenly morphed into their parents."
Hattkake
Oh the generations, always the drama.
Awful
"They're so judgemental and rude. I'm a restaurant worker and I swear young people are way more polite and easy going while older people have zero patience (even though they're the ones who are already retired), oftentimes make racist, sexist, homophobic and bodyshaming comments and still act like they're above the younger generation simply because they've been alive for longer."
dreamingofhogwarts
29 and Up
"As a 29 year old, tired of older people telling me I’ll understand joint pain, tiredness when I’m older. I’m disabled and chronically ill. I have had bad joints since birth. Like it’s great that all your health problems are a result of your age but mine have been around and will worsen because of that."
supermeg77
blah blah blah...
"(34) I'm sick of hearing about how young people just spend all their time on Tik Tok. How they have stupid dances. How they're just staring at screens all day, blah blah blah."
"Yes, they do all that stuff, but we had stupid dances when we were younger. We sat in front of the TV all day. I've yet to see someone with square eyes."
"Also, hearing about how kids/young people today have no respect for their elders. MF's were doing the same sh*t that people today are doing now. The difference is, everyone has a camera in their pocket."
ocelotrevs
Work Days
"'No one wants to work anymore.'"
"First of all no one ever wanted to work. That's why it's called, 'work,' and not 'fun.'"
"Second of all, maybe it's that no one wants to work at your job that lists itself as entry level but wants 5 years of experience and a master's degree along with being able to work 12 hour days at minimum wage."
GodOfAtheism
Basics
"Go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire, then die..."
Misfits9119
How will we bridge this gap?
One only knows.
People Who Were Forced To Choose Between Their Pet And Their Partner Explain What Happened
Our pets are part of the family.
Any person who doesn't get that is not someone I can know.
They are there through it all.
They help with the good, the bad and the ugly.
So when it comes to choosing between a pet and a person... the answer can make things awkward.
Redditor sugar-soad wanted to know how everyone would choose between a lover and a fur baby, so they asked:
"People who were made to choose between your pet or your partner, how did your ex react when you chose your pet?"
One of my exes wanted me to return my dog to the pound.
Notice I said... EX?
The love
"It really baffles me how some people don't understand how much a pet can mean to someone, I remember one of my dogs dying overnight before a school day at secondary school and my teacher mouthed off to the class about me taking a day off for a pet's death."
ff-at-15
The Kicker
"This was a long time ago but I just started dating this person and I was told they hated my dog, it was a bit of a shock but I was like no biggie just get to know my dog and you will fall in love with him."
"So the next time, we had a doggie date and HE TRIED TO KICK MY DOG. I literally grabbed my dog and turned around and walked away. And that was that!!!"
clarkyto
Screw This
"This is my favorite story from when I worked in a shelter. A guy came in to surrender his cat, with the reason that his girlfriend didn't like her. He starts filling out the paperwork, but partway through he just stops and says, 'Screw this. I'm just going to break up with her instead.' He picks up the cat and walks out the door, presumably to leave his GF. I hope he stuck to it and he and his cat got a happy ending."
hoomphree
Happy Ending
"Not directly relevant, but we once took in a dog, whose human was asked to make this choice. Beautiful weimaraner. The guy brought the dog out to our house (on a hill in the woods with acres to roam - dogs absolutely love it out here - and we spent some time walking around letting the dog get used to the place and meet our other furry residents."
"We could tell it was really hard on both of them when he left."
"The next day he kicked the woman out, and came back for the dog. Happy ending all around, I'd say."
Wildcatb
Momentos
"Not my story but my friend. His GF forced him to choose between her or dog but that dog was remaining memento from his deceased mother and of course he instantly dumped his GF. His GF went from facefull with expectations to beet red full of shame and anger and smashed his house windows when she left his house."
Manfroo1
Never asked for someone to make choice between a person and a pet.
Living Longer
"I remember him saying my diabetic cat needed to go so he could get a dog. We weren't even living together. I looked him dead in the eyes and said. 'My cat will outlive this relationship' considering she was really sick at the time he said it was unlikely and stormed off. We broke up 6 years ago and my cat is still going strong."
buffalosansbuffalo
The Elderly
"I have an elderly rat (going on four years, which is quite the feat for a rat). I’ve raised him since he was a baby with his brother, who passed away two winters ago. When we moved in with my in-laws over the summer, they didn’t want me to bring my rat. I straight up told my partner that I’ll live somewhere else for awhile (we’d been living together for almost three years at that point) because my rat is my responsibility."
"He’s very old, and that I was going to see him through to the end. They were a little upset and accused me of choosing the rat over them, but I explained that he’s an animal that relies on us. It worked out, I convinced my in-laws to let me bring him, and we’re all still kickin. He’s on his last days and I’m glad I’m here with him. He’ll be buried with his brother when it’s time."
queerqunari
Meow First
"She acted like she'd never even considered I'd choose the cat over her. I don't think that thought had ever entered her mind. Then she went into a big spiel about how I'm a loser, I'm missing out, there's only one of her, etc etc. Yeah, I knew all that when I put my foot down over her idiotic jealousy of the cat liking me more than her."
"The cat is now 16 and still with me, happy in her senior years. There's been other women since her, ones that treated me a lot better than she did. It was a total win for both the cat and myself."
Fancy_Cassowary
“Dirty fleabag”
"Not me but my sister choose our cat over her boyfriend of 4 months. He was furious when she dumped him and called her an idiot for picking a 'dirty fleabag' over him. Cat was not a dirty fleabag, he just hated pets and wanted to try to control my sister. I was relieved when she dumped him. I never got good vibes from him."
Aurora_Jones
BYE
"My ex asked me if she thought my dog liked me or her more and I said me. She got genuinely mad and told me I am supposed to just lie to her, didn't last long."
wumbology34
Pets will always win.
Have you ever had to make a similar choice? Let us know in the comments below.
As adults, whenever you see teenagers being boisterous or rough-housing others, we tend to roll our eyes and move, chalking it up to youth.
I don't know about you, but when I was younger, in high school, I felt invincible and acted accordingly with my classmates without a care in the world.
But there is such a thing as going too far, and even teens who know better, generally know when they've overstepped a boundary.
Curious to hear of those instances, Redditor Silent-Zebra asked strangers online to reflect back on their youth.
They asked:
"What's something that a friend/classmate did in high school that was seen as funny at the time, but you now realise was actually not ok?"
The cruelty of these students showed no bounds.
Why An Elevator Was Installed
"Had a kid in my year who'd had a surgery that left a nerve bundle in his neck exposed. If pressed it would paralyse him. From memory it was for spina bifida and for some ungodly reason he told everyone."
"Certain boys took great pleasure in going down stairs behind him and pressing it which completely paralysed him for a few seconds and he'd fall like a brick. Usually onto whoever was in front of him."
"So dangerous. There were a fair few teeth knocked out because of this, his and other people's."
"It happened so much that in his 3rd year the school installed an elevator and you had to have a special key to use it. He got the only permanent issue key at that time."
"Kids are a**holes."
– notalotasleep
Teachers Are People Too
"In the 6th grade, I had a friend who was a troublemaker and a class-clown. I’ve always hated going to my math class because my teacher was a cranky old lady who’d yell at you for the smallest things. Me being an 11-year old, I actually had the worst anxiety just knowing I could be the next person yelled at in front of the class. The one thing that helped get through the year was that friend cause I knew he’d always make jokes and have me almost in tears cause they were that funny."
"One day, when my teacher walked out to use the bathroom, that friend went over to her desk, picked up the mug she was drinking out of, and spat out the biggest loogie into it. We all saw it and just waited for her to come back. 10 mins later, as she was just normally teaching, she picks up her mug and chugs it down. Everybody just starts laughing and giggling, including me, but nobody said anything when she questioned it. It was horrible but I wasn’t about to be the kid who snitched."
"Later on during the school year, I guess we had a day where it didn’t start at the normal 7:30am but instead 10:30am, but I didn’t know so I showed up really early. A bunch of kids didn’t get the memo so we were all just placed in the cafeteria until school actually started. Around 9ish, my math teacher noticed I was sitting out in the cold and invited me to her class where it was warm. When I got there, she let me work on my missed homework and even let me eat breakfast in her class. She asked me about home life, school life, if I had any friends, etc. she made me feel welcome. She then told me about her life, about her only son, about her husband who passed away from cancer 20 years back. She was very sweet."
"This was like back in 2008, and I think she was like 70 years old. I don’t even know if she’s still alive after all these years. But I wish I could go back and stop my 'friend' from doing what he did. :("
– byJSN
Imprisoning The Teacher
"Our religion teacher went into the cupboard for supplies, she was quite strict and not liked but now I’m an adult I realise it doesn’t excuse what happened next. The class clown snuck up and locked her in the cupboard. We all thought it was hilarious at the time and we all left the class. She was in there for the rest of the class until another teacher found her in there crying an hour later. She took 2 weeks off after that"
– usernamegenerator98
Adults later realized the severity of some bad behavior back in the day.
Revenge
"Few messed up kids in my primary school lit a teachers car on fire, just because she gave one of them failing grade on midterm. It wasn't one of the mean teachers, she was mostly nice to students. Cops got involved but don't think they got punished accordingly, i know one of them was in and out of juvie already, and were all around 13- 14yr old, one was even in nazi sh*t. I know later on those kids got all tangled in dealing and robberies, probably all went to jail at some point."
– spooch001
Changing Nickname
"In our school there was a teacher who had a mole, so of course the kids decided her nickname would now be 'mole.' She must have felt really hurt, as she eventually had the mole removed, leaving a little dent where it used to be. Did everyone then stop calling her names? Nope. They started calling her 'hole' instead."
– bemmu
Free Bike
"this was in elementary: my dad bought a brand new bike for me and i rode it to the park and these older kids came up to me and asked if one of them could take it for a test drive. i said ok and about 10 seconds in, i see the guy riding my bike being pushed off and my bike being stolen right in front of me. the older kids 'helped' me look for my stolen bike but growing up I realized that they plotted this whole thing and yeah i basically gave my brand new bike away."
– SingaporeanSlaw
Nobody got hurt, but it doesn't mean certain actions don't sting.
Future Indication Of Trouble
"Living in the Netherlands. Classmate was showing on his phone a whole online shop he claimed to have with all kinds of drugs and weapons. We thought it was funny because we didn't take it too serious. He dropped out of school early and turned out to be a big drug dealer. Well we could have known I guess."
– Environmental-Cold24
The Drama Department Wasn't Involved
"A kid faked her own kidnapping. It was all fun and games until the police started chasing her 'kidnappers' van."
– AvocaDotty
Old Hijiniks
"Pantsing somebody in front of everybody. Is that even allowed anymore? That was soooo commonplace as a kid.- Wearing a mirror on your shoes to look up skirts. Even teachers thought it was funny that students occasionally did that."
– Negafox
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
But by the time the pain has been inflicted, it's too late as some emotional scars can take years to heal.
As someone who has been both a bully as well as a victim, I can tell you, I still live with regret and trauma from past actions in grade school.
Just gonna leave this here: Monitor your kids, folks.
Aside from picking up a family member who is finally going home or going to experience the birth of a child, most trips to the hospital aren't usually ones to look forward to.
When you're a patient being admitted, chances are, an accident or a bad decision has led you there.
With medical professionals witnessing a garden variety of cases, there must be some cases that surely stuck out in their minds.
"What is the strangest reason you ended up in a hospital?"
There were things you just don't see coming.
Must've Been Quite The Cough
"I coughed and broke 2 ribs."
– BearJewKnowsBest
Bad Plumbing
"Noticed at some point in my early 20s that fluid leaked out of my belly button."
"Thought it might be a pimple or a small cyst and waited it out, but it was still leaking like two weeks after."
"Went to my GP and he examined it, stuck a q tip in my belly button, smelled it and was like 'in my XY year long career I've maybe seen two or three cases of this in adults... Usually this is diagnosed in infants and it gets fixed then....'"
"What he diagnosed was a 'urachal fistula' a tract between belly button and the... yep, bladder..."
"I had pee dripping out of my belly button... nice."
"He called one of the chief surgeons he knew and is befriended with and got me an exam at the hospital the next day."
"The chief surgeon and multiple residents examed me - they were unsure because this usually doesn't occur in adults. In the end we agreed on surgery, because whatever it is, it needs to be fixed."
"And in the end, it indeed was a urachal fistula..."
"Not a life threatening condition in and of itself, but a risk to nasty infections and a higher risk of cancer long term - also pee dripping out of your belly button, duuhh.."
"Had to have surgery a few years later again, because the fistula reformed (known risk) but since then I haven't had any problems. :)"
– 6800ultra
Gutted
"I dropped a ceramic chef’s knife and it bounced off the counter and stabbed me in the stomach. It took longer to convince the medical staff and social worker (I am a disabled veteran) that my SO didn’t stab me, than it took to close the wound."
– LordInventus
Things happen, but these could've been preventable.
Expensive Ride
"I got the tip of a Q-Tip stuck in my ear and my roommate at the time went to pull it out with a pair of tweezers and hit a nerve or messed with my equilibrium or something and I passed out. She freaked out and called 911 and I woke up in the ER. Was absolutely fine until a couple weeks later when I got a $2k bill for an ambulance ride that was literally down the block."
– Equivalent-War-2378
Toy Cut
"Lacerated scrotum after getting it stuck in a PEZ dispenser."
– BurlHead
Playing Stupid Games
"Was chasing chickens for no apparent reason and caught my shoulder on a piece of sheet metal. 38 stitches."
– cabllc
Kitchen Hazard
"Cut my wrist on the cutter thing on a box of Saran Wrap. They had a counselor come and make sure I wasn’t suicidal. 'No. I was wrapping ham.'”
– Sasquadtch
The body works in mysterious ways.
When The Body Fails
"Had a ct scan… 1 hour later the guy called and told me to go the hospital now. Rock up to the ER with a swelling in my neck, pushing on my jugular vein, vomiting, headaches, severe pain in collar bone neck area. After days of blood test and blood cultures I got a diagnosis of some rare as f'k severe illness called 'Lemierre’s syndrome caused by the anaerobic bacterium, fusobacterium necrophorum' and I also had necrotizing fasciitis in my neck from the really bad case of tonsillitis I had 2 weeks prior that spread beyond the infected site. Got straight into the ER, practically no wait in the ER .I ended up with septic shock, Blood pressure was super low. 70/60. never felt a thirst like it. Got 5L of fluids within the first couple hours( mind you I’m only 47kg) I couldn’t pass urine, ended up with a catheter. Stayed in hospital for 5 days and left with a PICC line in my arm. Had 4 weeks of intravenous antibiotics 24 hours a day, had to carry and sleep with a little bag to hold my antibiotics. Had a nurse visit me every day for 4 weeks. Worst part about it is I didn’t even want to go to the hospital and I thought I’d be fine to just sleep it off. If you feel so sick you feel like you’re slowly dying you probably are."
– Low-Promise1628
Intense Cinema
"Saw Mel Gibson's Apocalypto in the theatre. Movie stressed me out soon much i fainted or had a seizure. The date I was with apperently freaked out and she started screaming that Im not breathing. Two solid guys carried me out. Ambulance was called... my date was a doctor lol"
– eduwhat
No wonder why medical dramas on TV have no shortage of ideas when it comes to featuring bizarre cases involving patients.
They're most likely inspired by real-life hospital situations.
Kudos to all the medical staff who've seen it all and still manage not to pass out like yours truly, who gets very light-headed at the sight of blood from a pricked finger.
Yes, I had blood drawn from finger when I was a kid and I passed out.
I eventually woke up in a hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around my head after I apparently fell off the chair and landed on my forehead.
That's one way I was kind of admitted to the hospital. Not a strange reason at all. Just a a really embarrassing one.