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This article is based on the AskReddit question "What's a quote from the worst date you've been on?"

Red flags, red flags everywhere!

Source can be found at the bottom of the article.



1/28. "I was running late so I didn't shave my pubes for you." Then he loudly broke out into song 'IT'S A JUNGLE DOWN THERE' in the middle of the bar, complete with hand gestures.

-lemontartlemontart

2/28. While I'm driving on the highway, "so what does this do?" pulls handbrake

-procrastiwriter

3/28. "Oh my god! you have tits!"

Blind date miscommunication. Someone thought she was gay, she thought I was going to be a guy. We still had Beer and Pizza though so its all good in my book.

-Kalipygia

4/28. On the date, "well, actually, I have a boyfriend, who's a state cop."

And, you're on a date with someone else why, exactly?

There was no second date.

And then, three months later, a text from her:

"My friend stole a UPS truck last night and I don't know what to do."

Fortunately, I did know exactly what to do: block and delete.

-b33r_engineer

5/28. Three for the price of one:

(Repeating a discussion about dating tactics with her friend) "..and she suggested I should just get pregnant by the next attractive guy I want to keep. It sounded like a great idea. giggle"

"I don't think women should work unless they want to. Looking pretty all the time is a full-time job. Those ugly dykes are the exception, tho."

"Why would anyone complain about your boss groping you? It just means you are really hot.

-seensomesh*tman


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6/28. "What do you want to do tonight?"

"Um, you asked me out for dinner, sooo...probably eat."

"I already ate.

-Stabfacenotback

7/28. "My mother had three miscarriages before I was born. I call them the lucky ones.

-bestbeloved

8/28. The earth is a flat plate and Antarctica is a big wall of ice surrounding us.

Yeah, that was some pretty weird stuff. She was all into conspiracy theories, but thought that the illuminati was called the leguminati (for the people that don't know French: legume = vegetable).

-diedster

9/28. "The problem with this country is all the f**king immigrants."

"But you're from Iran!"

"I know, but that was like ten years ago.

-petgreg

10/28. On a first date: "My great-grandfather's name is Mario, my grandfather's name is Mario, my dad's Mario, I'm Mario, and if you don't mind, I'll be naming our child Mario.

-babyangelpuppy

11/28. "Sorry, what do you do again? I don't really listen to someone unless I consider dating them"

This happened to me two days ago.

She never smiled the entire time. Not a crime, but one of the only things I got going for me is my sense of humor. It was awkward the entire time.

We also some how got on topic about depression and that I've been through it, but antidepressants have changed my entire life.


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But her view was that I would "never be happy because of my chemical imbalance in my brain"

She told me about how much she loved the time she went to the Rocky mountains... in Tennessee.

She also told me about her obsession with Cactuses and showed me her entire collection on instagram later that evening. I couldn't contain myself and laugh my ass off by that time, but that was mainly because I started chugging alcohol after the first 30 minutes of the date.

-drewisawesome14

12/28. "What so you mean you don't believe in dinosaurs?"

"There's no way for us to know they existed it was so long ago"

"What about the fossils"

"Satan placed those on earth years ago to test our faith

-arneAsadaSteve

13/28. "Why are you being polite to him? He's a cab driver.

-petgreg

14/28. I've got a few actually.

"I don't want a career, I want to be a stay-at-home mom, only without the kids."

"I'm crazy, like certified, like I have papers to prove it." (we dated for 11 months...)

I've dated some real winners in my time, I have plenty more if anyone wants them.

"So my baby daddy says I gotta be back by 11pm or he ain't watching our son no more."

"Hey can you just drop me off at my friend's place? My dad doesn't know I went out with you... Yeah, he still wants to kill you."

"So I had fun tonight but we should really never do this again."

"Oh I'm telling your mother about this at work tomorrow.

-OldRustyBones


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15/28. "Your boobs are massive I hope they swing down like udders so I can suck on them" WITHIN 5 MINUTES of meeting me, when I said that was inappropriate he told me I wasn't used to "real men" and was a princess who needed keeping in line... I picked his pint up poured it over his head and left.

-deedee50

16/28. The conversation started normal. He asked me what I studied (medicine) after which he asked what I wanted to specialise in. After I told him I'm thinking about surgery he immediately bursted out:"Yeah, no, I'd never be ok with my partner making more money than me." He was doing some gardening at the moment and had 0 ambition...

On the same date "Yeah, this is way to expensive for me." This was a normal restaurant with normal prices, not expensive at all... He took the cheapest dish on the menu and after asking for the bill I saw him eyeing the family sitting behind us.

I knew what was gonna happen but couldn't run away before paying the bill... The waitress brought us the bill and he immediately piped up: "That table behind us got free amarettos afterwards, why aren't we getting any??" To which the waitress calmly replied (my compliments to her for dealing with these idiots):"Sir, the four of them had plenty of drinks, wine, starters, main courses and desserts, so we wanted to give them something on the house. You had 2 main courses and water."

I'm starting to accept I will have to buy a lot of pets with the money I'll earn as a surgeon and stay single forever.

-wineisawesome

17/28. "Why does this Mexican man keep trying to steal my menu?"

"Well, he is the waiter. He's literally trying to take our order, and you keep telling him there's a Taco Bell down the road."

"He should wait down there then! I came here for high class Italian pizza!"

Didn't have a second date, shockingly.

-JDogg_of_RS


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18/28. I had one on a date a couple of years ago. Sat in the pub with a girl, not the best looker in the world, but she seemed genuinely nice over previous conversations, so I wanted to meet her and see where things went. 45 mins into the date she sighs and says:

"Can we go to another pub, I don't want to be served by HIM" (Pointing to the black barman).

I said "sure, old boyfriend?"

She replied "No, I don't want to be served by a dirty black bastard. He should be in the fields away from civil people."

Safe to say I finished my beer and left her at the table.

-Tony_Danger

19/28. "Im so horny right now, but Im asexual."

I had a small brainfart, processed that sentence, sighed, gave up and left.

-airwalkerdnbmusic

20/28. It was early in high school and we hadn't really been dating that long 3 or 4 months maybe. We go out to eat and I feel like it's a pretty good night. I'm driving her home and she says "I had fun tonight did you?" and I say I did. Then she says "I don't think we can do this anymore. We're breaking up" and then she proceeds to cry uncontrollably for the remainder of the drive.

Once we got to her house she wouldn't stop crying and refused to get out of my car until she stopped. I just kept rubbing my hand on her back not knowing what to do. She finally stopped crying and says "but I did have fun". I was so confused for such a long time. We occasionally saw each other and she refused to acknowledge my existence.

-swanyMcswan

21/28. "You guys are all the same", she says in disgust, "all you wanna do is have sex."

Ten minutes later she is forcing my pants down...and was over the crazy/hot ratio, so I actually pulled them back up.

-cuchulain84au


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22/28. All From the same date:

*While cuddling me in a movie theatre "I have a boyfriend."

"These scars? These are from my suicide attempt Monday" (it was Friday)

"Have you ever seen a spirit? I see them all the time. An old man lives with my boyfriend and he has a wolf. We should go get a Ouija board!"

"Let me show you my favorite bar game. I yell random names at the bartender until I get it right

-himynameisadam

23/28. When I was like thirteen I thought my parents sent me to this super boring summer camp, turns out it was a resource center and rehab for my anorexia and depression. I'm okay now I eat like once a day. Hey at least I'm a cheap date right?

-itsfoine

24/28. "I'm going to get popcorn, I'll be right back."

I met him online, and we hit it off really well. We talked almost every day all day and we had a lot in common. We talked on the phone and laughed constantly. After about a month we agreed to go on a date - we were going to see a movie. We got to the movie theater in our own cars and met each other at the doors, and right away I could tell he was disappointed with me. He didn't really look at me going in, I said something that he would typically think was funny, and instead of laughing he kind of half-heartedly chuckled and didn't look at me. I told him I'd pay for our tickets (because I felt bad that he was already feeling like I was a waste of his time) and he let me. We went and got our seats and he was sitting for about a minute and a half when he all of a sudden said, "I'm going to get popcorn, I'll be right back."


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So five minutes went by, I suspected maybe the line was a little long. Five more minutes went by, and I started to get a little worried that maybe he left his ticket in the theater with me and couldn't get back in. So I went out to find him, and couldn't see him anywhere. I thought he might be in the bathroom, so I kind of waited in the lobby for another five minutes, and finally realized that he may have just left. I went out to the parking lot and his car was gone. I went back and tried to finish the movie since I paid for it, but I couldn't get through the movie without crying. I ended up just going home. I haven't been on a date since.

-xfilesandchill

25/28. Third date, she says "I'm really into manipulating people". Also she wanted to set up a "poly" relationship where she would be able to bang other guys, but I wouldn't be able to bang other girls. I noped the f**k out.

-Journeyman42

26/28. "If it's all right with you, can we go to your house?" "My husband doesn't leave for work for another hour." This was our third date , I had no clue.

-jamisonrain

27/28. "I don't want you eating meat. Not just around me, but no meat full stop. I don't want to kiss a person who eats corpses."

She was vegan. I have no problem with that at all, people should be free to live their lives as they want, so long as they aren't actively harming anyone. But trying to force values on me is not a good thing.

We broke up that evening

-greenwood90

28/28. "I can already picture my baby inside your belly"

This was our first date..needless to say there was no 2nd date

The story behind this quote:

The guy asked me to go watch a movie with him, so I met up with him at the movie theater. Once the movie was over we decided to sit outside on a bench and talk for a bit. As we were talking out nowhere he decided to rub my belly and say "I can already picture my baby inside your belly". I wanted to run away from him, but I didn't want to be rude so I stuck around for a bit longer. He then proceeded to come up with baby names. Just my luck we were sitting across from an Ikea store so he started thinking of decorations for our "apartment". I told him I had to go and left as quickly as possible. He texted me for a few days and at times would send multiple texts back to back. I ended up blocking his number.

-myownbigworld


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Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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