This article is based on "Scary Mommy". If you're interested in reading more, check out the link at the bottom of the article.
Mothers are our biggest champions, our #1 supporters, and our go-to for just about everything. But sometimes Mommy needs a break from motherhood. If Mommy doesn't get that break for a while, shit happens. Read below to hear some confessions from mothers who may have reached their breaking point.
1/32 I just picked an Oreo crumb off my shirt and ate it. Except it wasn't an Oreo crumb. It was a tiny poop pellet from my son's diaper. Oddly, I wasn't all that disgusted. I've been a Mom for a long time.
2/32 Took a bubble bath, shaved my stuff, and put on a teeny tiny nighty for my hubby. He was so turned on that he pulled me close for a passionate kiss. As he ran his fingers through my hair, two small Legos fell out.
3/32 My husband thinks the charger for the remote control helicopter is missing. It is missing. At the dump many months ago when I was pregnant and annoyed.
4/32 I have leg hair older than my toddler.
5/32 I make my daughter healthy smoothies with kale, spinach, and fruit. I put far fewer greens in mine. And I add ice cream. LOTS of ice cream.
6/32 I have a special fancy butter knife that I use only to eat frosting straight out of the can.
7/32 Sometimes I put my kids in time out even when they weren't being that bad or I know it wasn't their fault, just to have a moment of silence.
8/32 If somebody gives my kids a toy that makes noise but doesn't have an on/off switch, I donate it.
9/32 I am so boring that today I fell asleep while masturbating.
10/32 My toddler is currently eating Lucky Charms from underneath the couch. At least she's eating something.
11/32 Pooping with the Baby Bjorn on was a new motherhood low.
12/32 How my husband is not totally repulsed by my mom body is beyond me but hey, sex is better than ever so I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.
13/32 I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
14/32 I'm wearing maternity jeans but I haven't been pregnant in six years.
15/32 I poured myself a shot at 9:30 AM so I don't completely lose my shit on my 18 month old. Why are toddlers such assholes?
16/32 When I need a break I change the clocks an hour forward and tell the kids it's time for bed. Then I have a beer and watch Teen Mom.
17/32 I wish I could be my 2-year-old for a day. I could run around pantsless making unreasonable demands and then be forced to take a nap.
18/32 I let my toddler shoot me with his toy gun so that I can take a power nap while I play dead.
19/32 If I ever leave my husband I'm gonna marry my crockpot. It cooks better than him and doesn't whine about sex.
20/32 I refuse to acknowledge (even in my own mind) the idea of a favorite child. However, right this moment, I definitely have a least favorite.
21/32 I put my daughter down for a nap early so I wouldn't have to share my breakfast with her.
22/32 Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled "flour" is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it but it's a comfort knowing it's there.
23/32 I confiscated my teenager's stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
24/32 I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
25/32 At the end of the day my needs are really simple: to be able to shit in peace.
26/32 I'm a 36-year-old that gets creeped out when men in their 30 and 40s hit on me. In my head I'm 26.
27/32 I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
28/32 Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: "No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don't eat ANY fast food." I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
29/32 I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don't need to get them dressed the next day.
30/32 If I have to watch Barney one more time, I may have to stick a fork in my eye. Actually, then I'd get some attention. Maybe not such a bad idea.
31/32 I sometimes try to get sick, just so I have an excuse to go to sleep at 6:00pm.
32/32 I just "brushed" my teeth with the cuff of my sweatshirt on the way to pick my daughter up from school... You know, in case I have to talk to someone.