We've all got skeletons in the closet and they're in the closet for a reason.

People on Reddit were asked: "What is the most [messed] up family secret that you know?" These are some of the best answers.

1/23 I was conceived at a swingers party and nobody in my family (who knows this) is completely sure my dad is my biological father.


2/23 We never told my 90 year old aunt how her son really died. She thinks it was a heart attack, when really he hung himself in a jail cell following a DUI.


3/23 My wealthy cousins adopted two Ethiopian children, brother and sister, then sent them back because they didn't get along with the families biological children.


4/23 This isn't really a family secret because my family isn't sure, but we all suspect my grandpa has killed someone. My grandpa is a horrible person with a quick/bad temper who beat his wives (married more than once) and children. My mom still has scars from him decades later. He was having some "trouble" with a local cop (I think it was a cop. It may have just been a random person, I can't remember), and several weeks later the person was found dead near some train tracks. Years later he said something to my mom along the lines of "if you ever have problems with someone, I know how to take care of them". He also shows signs of being a sociopath. I've heard horrible stories about how he has tortured animals.


5/23 My grandpa used to make up stories about my mom (his daughter) cheating on my dad because he thought it was funny. He continued doing it even after he had to get her from the hospital because of the beatings that resulted.


6/23 20-30 years ago there was a thief in the town my family lived in. The person would break in and steal anything valuable plus their plants. Yes plants. This goes on for a few months, when my family finds a stash of house plants in his house, and that was the final straw.

Turns out my uncle was into some weird drugs at the time, and would break into places high and steal plants... Then wake up the next day with a house full of plants and try to give them away.


7/23 My grandmother got out of her bad relationship by running away with her husband's brother. So some of my dad's siblings are half-sibling, half-cousins.


8/23 Not totally a secret, but we act like it never happened. My first cousin, once removed, was brutally raped and held captive by her husband. He then went to jail for a bit and ended up killing his stepfather and uncle, and attempted to murder his mother and aunt. The first cousin ended up dying in a house fire along with her children.


9/23 My aunt got pregnant in high school. My grandparents were super Catholic, so abortion wasn't an option -- and neither was the shame of having a pregnant daughter. They sent her off to a convent to live with nuns until she had the baby, then gave it up for adoption. A few decades later, she tracked the baby (now an adult) down through a private investigator, but he wanted nothing to do with her. I think she remains, to this day, quite upset about it.


10/23 I'm related, by marriage, to a man who got caught [have sex with] horses. He even went to jail over it. Neigh means neigh!


11/23 My great grandmother from Yugoslavia most likely drowned a pair of her own twins because they couldn't afford them.


12/23 My son shat himself while we were in public, and he had to wear my yoga pants until we could get him a new pair of pants. This was yesterday.


13/23 When my grandma was growing up in Costa Rica around 1940-something her mother was dating a guy who seemed like bad news. Just all around weird guy, neither my grandma or her sister liked him. Their mother wouldn't listen. He's fine, he takes care of us, etc.

Except one night this guy decides he's had enough of "being nice" and "taking care of them". He decides to murder my great grandma in her bed via a hammer to the skull. There is a LOT of blood. Not just on the walls and ceiling but soaking into the mattress beneath the body. My grandma and her sister come home to find their mom dead, their house covered in blood and the murderer nowhere to be found. So they call the police, the police take the body away, do a cursory examination of the crime scene and call it a day. It was rural Costa Rica before the Second World War. There wasn't a lot they could do forensically and the only thing they had to go on was the fact that the boyfriend was nowhere to be found. So the police leave, leaving twelve year old grandma and her nine year old sister to clean up the mess. They scrub the blood off the walls and ceiling then realize something. If they throw away the bloody mattress then they have no bed left. The one they shared with their mother was the only bed in the house. So, being poor and frugal, they decide to flip the mattress. My grandma held the bottom end while her sister turned the whole thing up on one end. Instead of flipping the mattress my grandma ended up doused in all the blood that had been pooling inside of it. Apparently it was cold, and thick, and more like syrup than liquid. To this day my family maintains that getting doused in her murdered mother's blood was what turned her into the crazy/evil woman we all know.


14/23 My sister ran away from home and was gang raped but no one ever did anything about it because they felt it was her fault for being disobedient. My family used to make jokes about it and laugh at her but now no one brings it up.


15/23 I didn't know I was adopted until I was 18. Turns out my mom went crazy and was in a mental hospital for a little while. She banged some guy there and got pregnant with me. All while she was married to the man I call my father. He promised her to never speak of it and raise me as his own, and he did. Good man.


16/23 My uncle Geoff got high and killed his best friend, but since my grandpa was the police chief he only got a slap on the wrist.


17/23 When I was a kid my family had to cover our floor in salt, or we'd wake up every morning and our entire floor would be covered in slugs. Not just a few, it looked like we had a slimy black carpet. It was like something from a horror movie. We all thought that the slugs were getting into our house through the faucet in the bathtub, but it turns out my demented grandma was stealing them from my neighbors slug hive. So in 1997 there was a slug shortage in North Houston caused by my grandma.


18/23 My cousin ate my grandpa. She was a toddler and we were all spreading his ashes across the family farm. When it got to her she did what toddlers do and grabbed a handful and just started chomping down.


19/23 My grandfather beat a man to death with a kitchen chair. This happened back in the early 1950s, and the man was my grandmother's lover.


20/23 My mother and I are pretty much convinced that my grandfather sired a child with his girlfriend while stationed in Europe in World War II. He didn't talk about the war very much, but we did know that he had a girlfriend for a long time while he was over there. They were apparently head-over-heels in love, and he was supposed to send for her when he got back to the states. He never did.

Dickish as that may be, and as heartbroken as we can assume she was, we never really thought too much of it - this sort of thing must have been fairly common. After he died, we sorted through all of his old photos, and found of a woman. According to the note he'd written on the back, it was his girlfriend. In the picture, she's pointing at a fairly ample belly, beaming.

We don't know with 100% certainty, but we're fairly sure that she was pregnant at the time the photo was taken, and very open about it. Makes me wonder why my grandfather never sent for her, and what cousins I may have wandering around Europe right now.


21/23 My mom is not my mom. My real mom apparently died of an overdose when I was 6 weeks old and I was found by someone coming to collect money from her, his girlfriend got mad at him for taking a child. I don't know all the details of how my "mom" ended up with me but she went back to Arizona a year later and told everyone in her family she got pregnant while traveling with her band and doesn't know who the dad is.


22/23 My aunt caught her husband having sex with his mother in the bathtub after she came home from work. Needless to say, immediate divorce.


23/23 My father exploited the deepweb for money. He bought and sold illegal drugs, was suspected of trafficking/using extreme porn sites (children, rape/torture, animals), and was convicted of operating traffic on a website that sold unsuspecting womens' identities and personal information.




You May Also Like
Hi friend— subscribe to my mailing list to get inbox updates of news, funnies, and sweepstakes.
—George Takei