Online daters of Reddit were asked: "What's the worst first email you've gotten from someone?" These are some of the best answers.



1/19 The absolute worst one I've ever gotten had the subject title "My dick. Your butt." and the message just said "thoughts?"

melaniemuffins

2/19 I got this a couple of years ago from a guy in Germany (I'm from Chicago):

"Hey, Good morning, how r u ? you re damned hot , well i should be placed as oyster on your foodplate now. hehe how would i end up? consumed ? with lemon and champagne? or my other oysterfriends first, who are with me in the box? just like it mean now hehe"

k_cloudkicker

3/19 "You should grow your hair out so I can pull on it while I f*ck you. Also what are some good tips for going vegetarian?"

marginwalkers

4/19 Typo his.

"...I drive a BMW and I am a gook looking Asian."

no_talent_ass_clown

4/19 "You are beautiful. Let's meet at Starbucks so I can massage your tits."

We only went out twice.

[deleted]

5/19 "I may fit the bill of what your looking for. I work in (my city) and spend a lot of time out there. Love curvy woman and I am a p*ssy suckin motherf*cker."

Sigh. Online dating.

Momulator

6/19 "Hey, you look cute. Ever want to f*ck a married man?"

His handle was Married_man

Kitsunami

7/19 "Okay, okay. I have to admit. I have been messaged by so many Indians on here and have sworn them off due to horrible past dating situations. On the contrary, you sound a lot like me in several different aspects. I can see some things possibly being a problem (I am Christian and do go to church) and I am at times a grammar Nazi mainly because I teach ESL and your profile is riddled with missing articles! Typical Indian error and how I can spot non-native American English speakers. ;-) Hope that you won't hold these against me."

FrasierandNiles


9/23 "I'm alpha like that"...."listen to the soulful sounds of Adele."

[deleted]

10/23 "If you don't let me take you out I'm going to send your nudes out." "But I don't know you and I don't send nudes... not possible." "I have your nudes. Just give me a chance." BLOCKED.

[deleted]

11/23 "You got a fat head. I like that." How on Earth does someone respond to that positively?

KrissyFivee

12/23 I'm a guy, so the experience is probably a little different for us versus women. I'd rate my looks at average/slightly above average, I have a great job, own a home, a car, no debt, etc.. Nothing outlandish in my profile or anything to freak someone out. I think of myself as a pretty solid catch...

Anyway, I was on Match.com and saw a woman and thought "she seems cool - let's shoot her a message and say 'hi'...". I get a reply saying the following: "You seem like a really nice guy with a lot to offer, but no thanks. I would also like to advise you to know your ballpark and check out women in the same league as yourself. You might have a better time."

I didn't know who she was (nor did I want to anymore...) but damn - that one took a bit to shake-off.

shrike71

13/23 "Hey, call me at ###-###-#### and I'll stop by your place and suck your snake, Love Alexis"

bartonar

14/23 "SHUT UP. Do what I tell you. I'm not interested.

... These are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself.

PS NO DOGS"

GoldenMKZ

15/23 Ok, so my worst first e-mail, back a few months ago when I was active on OKCupid. So, I'm a black, Christian woman and my profile says that I would prefer to date a Christian guy (race/ethnicity doesn't matter). Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the Santorum like Christian... I LOVE Obama, think the government needs to stay out of a woman's vagina, and I'm bisexual myself.

I get a message that seemed kinda off, but it piqued my interest. So I explore the guys profile... turns out he is a white supremicist from a southern state who hates big government. He is also looking for a woman who is 100% virginal to submit to him. I was like "Is this a joke? A trap? Or did this guy fall down and smack his lil head on the ground before he logged into OKCupid today?"

So I send him a polite e-mail back pointing out our differences... he responds back, and I'm paraphrasing, saying that he recognizes that he is of a superior race, but because I look pure in my profile picture he's willing to make an exception. Now am I willing to enter a relationship where I am headed by a man completely?

I never responded back... but got tons of txts from my friends asking me if I was gonna date the klansman for sh*ts and giggles.

psychgirl88


16/23 I deleted this one a while ago, but it was some woman that wanted me to come over to "fix her car" because she didn't know how, based on my picture I have in front of my '49 Chevy.

Despite my username, if I am going to message someone, the first thing I'm going to say is not "Hey Come over and fix me a sandwich!"

IPissOffSRS

17/23 "The only sexy thing about you is your vagina, shame you don't have a photo of that up."

[deleted]

18/23 "You look just like my little sister. I want to punch your face" ... thanks?

jazmelzbth720

19/23 Most of mine include one liners about getting my a**hole eaten, somehow. This gem came yesterday, "Ever have your a**hole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?"

mj8

20/23 Got this gem about a month ago that read:

"I'm almost too embarrassed to say this, but I'll just spit it out. I would suck the schlong of any of your ex-boyfriends just to butterfly kiss your beautiful eyes."

cityofalex

21/23 "Hey I just want to let you know that I'm not gay but you look really good not too masculine just the kind of guy that I might be into a little bit if you feel like some mutual jerk off you should hit me up and it wouldn't be gay"

snackburros

22/23 "You big ol' handsome bear motherf*cker! Write me back!"

Where have you been all my life?!

SorenSieghard

23/23 My favorite "bad" one was around Christmas time I had a guy instant message me on OKCupid and say "My dick and yo mouth be under the mistletoe, aw sh*t"

axel_val

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