Managers of Reddit were asked: "What was the most ridiculous, most exaggerated excuse an employee gave that turned out to be true?" These are some of the best answers.
1/23 "My mum's having a baby". From a 28 year old colleague.
Turns out her mother pumped out another kid at 47.
2/23 Had a girl call nonchalant like and say "I'm not coming in today because my boyfriend committed suicide in the living room in front of me last night"
Turns out she was not lying.
3/23 "I got into a bicycle wreck and broke several bones in my face. I'm headed to surgery now."
The twist: He works in the same operating room!
4/23 Larger lady at work called out because she just gave birth. She had worked there for 6+ years, really good friends with everyone, and told no one she was pregnant. I had worked with her for two years and there was no noticeable difference for any of us.
None of us believed it till she came to work with her 3 week old son.
5/23 Had an employee call me aside and flat out tell me "I don't know what happened but I just sh*t my pants." I chose to believe him.
6/23 I got a call from an employee who told me he was ran over by his own car. I guess he got out to move a garbage bag out of the way but he neglected to put the car in park. The car rolled forward and right over his foot/ankle and crushed it. I doubted it but he powered through it and showed up 2 days later with crutches and a huge cast. He needed the cash so I just let him chill and work the register and phone while he healed up.
7/23 I once had a woman call in sick one winter. She'd fallen in the snow and got concussion from dog sh*t that frozen on the ground. This was later confirmed in her "fit note" from her doctor.
8/23 Was a manager at a call center a few years back. So one day we had something like seven employees all show up late to work for the morning shift. Being that they all walked in together and they were all younger guys I initially assumed they had been goofing around before work and figured that by coming in together the punishment would be less severe on them as a group. So I call them in to a training room and bring in another manager and a girl from the office to serve as witnesses as per company policy.
"So which one of yo wants to tell me why all of you are strolling in here almost an hour late?" I ask, in my stern manager voice.
"It aint our fault! We was on the bus with with Percy and he started jacking off to this little girl and the cops got called and the bus pulled over and we had to end up walking the rest of the way here because we didn't even know if they was going to send another bus." Answers one of the group.
Now I'm sitting here dumbfounded and trying to make some logical sense of what I have just been told when the other manager leans over and discretely says to me. "They are probably telling the truth. These guys are all living in a half way house as part of a prison release program. That's why they all ride the bus together." Then the admin girl turns to me and says "Yeah and that Percy is nasty."
So I immediately dismiss them and tell them to get back to work. Talk to the office recruiters and verify that yes, we do a lot of recruiting for our office at half way houses. The next day everyone in the office is talking about how Percy was on the news last night for getting arrested for lewd contact involving a minor.
9/23 Guy at work called in 5 times in 3 months to say a grandparent just died. Our manager looked back further an found out that he'd used that excuse 3 times before. The bosses had a big laugh at how stupid this schmuck was for not coming up with a new excuse and called him in with his shop steward.
He came to his disciplinary meeting armed with birth certificates, marriage certificates and obituaries. Turned out both his parents had remarried when he was little, so there's 8 grandparents right there. His grandparents had also divorced and remarried a few times so he still had a few grandparents kicking around.
10/23 Girl came in late on her first few days at her new job. I asked her why she was two hours late, and was told that she got cum in her eye and had to go to the clinic because it was painful and was worried she'd go blind.
She didn't last long.
11/23 I had a really good, hard working employee. Always on time, picked up other shifts, great personality. The thing was, he was a 'nice guy'- you know the guy who was always friendzoned and a little awkward around girls, so he very rarely got any dates.
One day he was scheduled to work with me in an hour. The phone rings, I answer and it's him. He's nervous but excited. Tells me he's at a coffee shop and he had started talking to this really pretty girl and she was actually interested in hanging out with him! Asked if there was any way someone could cover his shift. I laughed a little, then realized he was serious. F*ck it, I told him to go out and have a great time and I would figure it out. I honestly thought the next time I saw him he would be all depressed because it didn't work out.
Two days later I see him at work and he tells me they're dating! He couldn't stop talking about her the entire shift. For the next few months he worked for me, they were still together and had a great relationship. After he left the company I have no idea what happened, but I really hope it lasted.
12/23 Got a call once that so and so would be out for about a month because they died. They'd be back in a month though...
Confused as hell...turns out she was in a car accident, had a collapsed lung, died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but was resuscitated. Lo and behold she was back at work about a month later.
13/23 Kid called in saying he wasn't coming in until he took a sh*t. He had been on and off the throne all day, no poop but had an overwhelming feeling of needing to. I told him that's horsesh*t, either show up at work or go to the hospital and get a doctors note. He went to the hospital where they immediately took him to the OR to have his appendix out. Turns out it saved his life.
14/23 He was having some legal trouble and needed some time to get things sorted out. He killed a guy in a crack deal.
15/23 Waiting for a guy to turn up for his shift, when I called him he said he's been abducted by aliens, actual words "I've been abducted by aliens", he talked like that sometimes so i thought nothing of it
Explained to me that he'd found two illegal immigrants hiding in his truck and they'd abducted him for some reason or other. Called police, they used GPS on his phone to find him.
16/23 "I'm late because I was hit by a car on my way here."
Poor kid didn't say anything til I asked and then he showed me his road rash bleeding through his shirt. I sent him home obviously.
17/23 "I'm sorry sir, but I can't make it to work today..."
"Well, my house got eaten..."
"Yeah I'm a rocket surgeon!"
He sent me a picture of his house at the bottom of a sinkhole.
18/23 Girl who'd been with us maybe two days was supposed to show up at 8am. I get a call about 8:15. "Hi. Uh...is this the uh..manager? Well um...I'm John and um..uh..I'm an EMT and your employee has been in an accident and she uh...said to call you." (The conversation was actually worse than this.)
I'm thinking there's no way this guy is an EMT. Its her boyfriend and she's making this up to get out of work. Nope. She totalled her car for real. She ended up being one of my best employees.
19/23 "I can't come in I ate a huge chocolate bar and it ended up being a laxative."
He did indeed eat a mega oh henry size chocolate laxative bar.
20/23 Picked up by Homeland Security because he had his knives on the subway. (Dude was Canadian, in the US, hence the Homeland Security). Apparently they held him for two and a half days.
21/23 "I can't come in because my dad hasn't washed my uniform."
He came in the next day with a note from his dad. He was 21. Then fired.
22/23 That his grandmother was about to die and he had to go to the hospital to meet with the rest of the family... 3 times in the same month.
Turn out they reanimated her twice.
23/23 "I got stabbed and I can't make it in today but I'll be there tomorrow."
This dude really got mugged and stabbed in the arm and still came into work the next day.
for BONUS answers!
1. I was late to a shift because there was a bear in my backyard and I had to wait for the local authority's bear officer to come over.
2. I once had to call my boss from the gas station because the pump fell out of my car somehow and sprayed me with gasoline. I told him I was going to go home and change because "right now I'm pretty flammable."
3. I was the employee, but I'm sure he felt bad for doubting me.
My boss was always skeptical when someone would call in on Fridays or Mondays. Well, one Thursday night I had the most excruciating headache, which left me unable to sleep. Friday morning, after a horrible night, I called in and told my boss I wouldn't be able to make it because of my horrible headache. He sighed disappointedly, and said "see you Monday." After that call, I looked in the mirror, and noticed one of my eyes was crooked, and my vision was blurry. I drove myself to the hospital where they learned I had a pituitary tumor. He came to see me in the hospital after my surgery.
4. There was a big storm at my house in the country a couple of weeks ago, and a huge tree fell on my car. I had to call my supervisor to tell her I had no way of coming in because a tree fell on my car, but she just said, "Oh, ok." So I think she thought it was a major lie. Showed her the photo when I got to work and she was astonished.
5. I once had an employee call in because he "woke up in poop".
There's no recovering a conversation once those words are uttered.