Bisexuals who have dated both genders were asked on Reddit: "What little differences surprised you?" These are some of the best answers.
1/23 The women I dated are really flighty, while the men are content to hang around, but they gets nervous when talking about the state of the relationship (even if it's nothing negative).
2/23 Male bisexual here (yes, we do exist).
Grinding against a guy the same way you grind against a woman (when you aren't going for penetration) can have disastrous consequence when you poke the balls you forgot were there.
Guys that I've been with have been more vocal about experimenting in bed. Not necessarily talking crazy, kinky stuff here. Think "new positions." I think women are equally interested in experimenting, but I tend to have to initiate that conversation. The women I've been with have largely let me take the lead until they are more comfortable with me. Guys tend to get to the point sooner. I'm not sure which I prefer it's fun and exciting to have someone else initiate something new, but it can be unsettling if you don't know the person well.
A lady has never licked my butt and I don't think one ever will and I am absolutely okay with that.
3/23 [Female] This is going to be surprising I think but I've found that all the women I've been with have had a generally higher libido and are willing to be a little more pushy about it then then men that I've dated are.
4/23 The way girls kiss is staggeringly different from the way men kiss. I prefer to date men in terms of sexual compatibility, but Christ are women better kissers. Women are softer and more responsive to physical cues, where as men tend to be like, "This is what I've done before and no one ever said it sucked so I'll keep doing it!"
5/23 This probably isn't surprising, but it's a lot easier to find men to date as a female bisexual. With straight dudes, being bi is a more or less a plus (though that also comes with it's own problems), with lesbians being bi is a pretty big minus. I haven't dated another bi person, though, hopefully they'd be more chill with it than the rest!
6/23 It wasn't so much about difference between the people I was dating -- I'm willing to chalk that up to the individuals, rather than their genitalia -- but I would say that people who knew me with a boyfriend treated me differently than they did when I had a girlfriend, and vice versa. It's sort of like people would have been fine with me being straight and fine with me being a lesbian, but watching me switch from men to women and back again caused a sort of cognitive disconnect.
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7/23 Hi there, bisexual woman here.
With women, everyone will assume you're just best friends. Women tend to be more responsive to the subtleties in your body language during sex. With women, you really have to figure out your own relationship roles, since there's no male-female roles that are preassigned. It was really weird when I dated a guy after dating a girl, because he assumed I would want to fill traditional roles. After ignoring those roles completely with my girlfriend, it was weird.
With my girlfriends, I don't feel the need to make sure my legs are 100% hairless. Because we get it, shaving every day is stupid. Wearing makeup for my boyfriend means highlighting my best features to look hot. Wearing makeup for my girlfriend means trying new things, because she'll notice the more subtle things and appreciate the wilder stuff.
8/23 Women were more likely to accept my body and my choices regarding it (shaving, makeup, hairstyles, fashion) without question or give constructive feedback. Guys I dated either rejected it or went with the classic "oh, well, I like girls who do X ", which always led to arguments and me feeling like complete shit.
9/23 Men are harder. No seriously. Women tend to be soft and squishy, and men tend to have less give.
You could never tell just by looking, I mean they both seem to have the same amount of fat. But its a huge and consistent difference. Definitely caught me off guard.
10/23 I'm a bi guy, I've dated both guys and girls, though at this point I've realized that I'm just overall much happier with women. I can't connect with guys on an emotional or sexual level like I can with women.
Guys give much, much better blowjobs. Girls are much, much better kissers.
Since there's more ass involved with gay sex, the scent of butt no longer repels me - in some ways I've come to associate it with being about to get some.
There's less pressure (real or imagined) to last longer in bed. Not that sex is always a quickie, but we both know that as long as we both orgasm - which is the case 99% of the time - we'll be satisfied. I've reached this point of comfort in relationships with women as well, but it takes longer. I've found that it also takes longer to find out what gets a girl turned on. With guys you can just fiddle around with the penis for a bit and you're good to go.
11/23 Well when dating other men I saved about 50% on dinners... :P
12/23 I (female) find that being with women is a lot more secure in a way. My girlfriend and I aren't scared to talk about the future, it wasn't even an issue early on. Whereas when I've been with men in the past I daren't talk about anything even a couple weeks in the future when things are just starting out, for fear of scaring them off. Then again, that might not be a difference between genders, more that my girlfriend is the one unlike other people I've been with. Oh and also, sex and stuff.
13/23 In my personal experience, the men have been a lot more clingy than the women. I'm sure it's more about the people I've dated, rather than the gender, but the men want to make it official almost immediately, while the women are more comfortable with the idea of not dating, but hooking up and it potentially leading somewhere.
The men are much more invested in the idea of "is this a thing". The last guy I hooked up with was my neighbour, and every time we hung out with other people, it was guaranteed he'd mention us hooking up and how much he liked me. It was like he was trying to mark his territory.
In comparison, unless we made some overt PDA, my current girlfriend and I just act like idiot schoolgirls. While it's obvious that there's something going on between us, there's no real desire to show it to the world and as such we aren't big on the PDA.
14/23 Let me tell you what didn't surprise me. Everyone is crazy. No gender is crazier than the other. There are crazy bitches and crazy dickheads on both sides.
15/23 Girls are better kissers and tend to be more attracted to your character not your body. Men it's definitely more of a physical attraction.
That being said, women take it very seriously and really want to make sure you're pleased sexually.
16/23 First, someone already said it, but crazy knows no gender. The similarity in some of their dysfunction surprised me.
The approach to sex can be totally different. With men, it tends to be relatively goal oriented. With women, its more about enjoying the experience.
The nice thing about sex with 2 women is that if you don't want it to end...it doesn't have to. Not that we would do this way it every time, but me and my ex girlfriend would have marathon sex sessions that have been unmatched to this day. Although my husband gets a close second, to be fair.
17/23 Guys don't seem to understand venting.
18/23 It really depends from person to person, but generally women are much more open about their feelings, needs, opinions etc much more faster than men. It could be because as two women we relate and are on the same level quicker, but usually men I've dated are like dragging a stick through the mud in terms of communication.
Sexually men tend to be not very good at understanding what a clit is and the importance of foreplay. A woman can get me off in under a minute whereas a dude has a learning curve (and even when he figures it out forgets it next time). Also fingers on a man vs woman feel crazy different- men's are big, knubby and agressive and women's are slender and gentle like little fairy tickles.To be honest I'm probably just a lesbian at this point.
19/23 I found there's more pressure on me to be my traditional gender role when I date women as a guy. With other guys, it's more open and fluid, maybe because we understand one another easier I guess. It depends on what the other person is looking for. Casual friends are easier to maintain. Though bisexual women are very level-headed. They know the bullshit from both sides of the coin.
20/23 Ex girlfriends easily transitioned to the friend zone and stayed there... ex boyfriends, not so easy, and not so much.
21/23 Female here. The thing that surprises me is how gentle guys are when they hold women. Whenever a boyfriend has held me it's been so tenderly as if he's afraid that his strength will scare or hurt me whereas women have been much less shy about firm hugs etc.
I've always thought that was so beautiful, watching how a dude handles things in the world roughly/firmly but when it's me he's acting like I'm something precious and fine.
22/23 I'm a guy, and so far all I've done is a few dates with guys, and a lot more with women. But one thing I noticed is when on a date with a guy the waitresses seem to act nicer. Also, women seem to care more about me being bisexual than guys do. Guys treat me just the same but women say it makes me more attractive.
23/23 I am a 21 year old male bisexual, and my experiences are unique to me. Men, I have found, tend to become committed to a relationship faster then any women I have dated. Men tend to escalate the relationship faster and sex happens faster. The men I've dated tended to be more touchy feely when expressing affection early on in the relationship, but after a little bit, when you find your groove, gender doesn't matter. Love who you love.
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