Trigger Warning: This article will mention rape, though not graphically.
There are few things in the world worse than attempting to guilt someone into sex - and I'm zero percent about to list them. One Reddit user's boyfriend of just SIX WEEKS tried to guilt her into sex by claiming that he was suffering from his virginity, she owed him, and that his favorite artist had died that day and his favorite sports team had won a game that day do it was special. Then, when she refused, he sent her pictures of himself crying to prove how much he was "suffering."
She went to Reddit for advice after they talked, he apologized, but she still couldn't let go of how disrespected and disgusted she felt.
Here's her initial post:
We've been together for 6 weeks and we're both still virgins. I'm his first girlfriend and he seems to be suffering from the fact that he's a virgin a lot more than me.
A week ago he texted me and asked if we could meet up for sex for the first time. When I told him that I wasn't ready for sex yet, he started to beg and say that he was suffering from the fact that we haven't had sex and that „a man needs sex". When I wouldn't give in, he sent me photos of him (fake?)-crying to show me how much he's suffering and told me about all the things he has done for me and that now it was my turn to do something for him, meaning having sex with him. I was shocked by his sense of entitlement and disregard for my feelings. I got really weirded out and texted him multiple times that I wasn't ready. He was clearly trying to guilt trip me into having sex with him by acting like he's suffering and I „owe" him.
I finally had enough and told him that I needed more time and if he can't accept that, we need to break up. It was only then that he changed his approach. He told me he was an idiot and didn't want to lose me and apologized for acting the way he did. We then met in person to talk about it, he again apologized repeatedly for what he did and told me that he doesn't care how long he has to wait for sex, it could be one week, month or even year. Apparently, that day was an important date to him, because his favorite musician died and his favorite sports team won a game, and that's why he wanted to lose his virginity on that exact date. What bothers me is that he tried to emotionally manipulate me into have sex with him, and I don't know if I was wrong for accepting his apology. He hasn't mentioned sex since then and asked if we could go on a „normal" date again but what he did is still bothering me. Am I overthinking? Is it just his inexperience with girls and rejection that made him act that way?
tl;dr
Boyfriend is a virgin and started begging for sex
When I wouldn't give in, he tried guilt tripping me into having sex by sending me photos of him crying, implying that I owe him sex.
He then apologized a lot for acting that way but it's still bothering me quite a lot and I don't know if I'm overreacting...
So ... you know how sometimes people are really nice and understanding when they respond to threads? Yeah, this isn't one of those times. They laid into him HARD. Heh. Pun.
Here are some of my favorite responses, edited for language 'cause WOW language. Understandably.
Dry As The Sahara
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If your vagina isn't as dry as the Sahara by the point he sends you a pic of himself fake crying to get what he wants, surely that reason would destroy any possible attraction.
Personally I'm sure mine would detach if I was told that to my face.
- Madrid53
Time To Manipulate My Girlfriend
He was coercing you into sex and had you given in, he wouldn't mind having sex with you even though you're clearly very unenthusiastic... I'd break up just because of this.
Imagine how selfish he would be in bed, since he clearly thinks that sex is a favor that you owe him, rather than a mutually pleasurable act. Coming from someone who's slightly more sexually experienced than you: Never date a guy that doesn't try to make the sex as awesome for you as it is for him, or make sure that you're 100% enthusiastic about it. Enthusiastic consent is a thing.
Btw, it's important to lose your virginity on the same day as your favorite musician dying?? Do you even believe his excuse?? "I experienced some emotions - time to manipulate my girlfriend into having sex with me even though she's very unwilling." What's next?
Run
Run, run far away.
No one should try to pressure you into sex, that he went to these extremes shows this isn't just someone who made a mistake without realizing, he was intentionally manipulative - this is a HUGE RED FLAG. This is abusive behavior, there is no excuse for this, not his being a guy with needs or his past dating experiences, nor does his apology make it okay.
You accepted his apology but that doesn't mean you've now got to continue the relationship.
A Contact Lens
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Hopefully he'll learn from this and not do it again. The good news is, you are under no, and I mean zero obligation to stick around to see how it turns out. Six weeks is such a short amount of time and I personally wouldn't want to lose a contact lens in bed with someone like this, let alone my virginity.
A Dead Musician
He wanted to lose his virginity because of a dead musician and a sports team...not because he wanted to experience the highest intimacy two people can have.
Gotta Take A Selfie First
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A 22yo adult virgin male saying a man needs sex is the most ironic thing I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend ticked every box in the emotionally manipulative check list.
Also the fake crying? Who thinks "oh man I'm so upset but hold up, gotta take a selfie first" He's a certified dill.
Not Turn Ons
He doesn't understand that to have sex, you also need to feel sexy and be aroused. Fake crying, whining and begging aren't turn ons for MOST people.
Which is probably why he's still a virgin.
Pulling Up The Drawbridge
Aaaaaaaaand that's the sound of my vagina clanging shut and pulling up the drawbridge.
Seriously, f^ck this guy, or rather don't. That is the most over-the-top manipulative bullsh!t I have ever heard of when it comes to sex. Absolutely disgusting. You listen to me, if he will go to these lengths once, he WILL do it again. He'll look for arguments and tactics you can't resist. If you stay with him, you will either give in and have sex you're not ready for, or quite likely, he will rape you. This guy is a VERY high rape risk because he feels entitled to sex and doesn't care if you want it.
Dump him. You gave him an honest chance and he showed you who he was. Use that information and get out.
Hey, Guy Here...
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Hey, guy here... you, as a girl, should recognize this as bullsh!t. He cares about the sex more than a relationship with you. If you feel the same, go for it. The pictures of him crying is so f^cking weird. Kind of indicative of someone that still has some growing up to do, and needs to learn to not put sex on a pedestal. This definitely seems like someone that would tell you whatever you need to hear, so they can get into your pants. If you want him to get into your pants, go for it. Otherwise, recognize that this is someone that will be manipulative with you. Not exactly long-term relationship material. At least not now, let someone else deal with his bull.
- karth
H/T: Reddit