Sometimes someone will ask something of you that actually takes a moment or two to comprehend. "You want me to WHAT?" There's not much you can do besides be baffled and walk away.
Here are twenty-two of the craziest things people have actually had requested of them.
Many thanks to reddit user Lolo4369 for posing this question, and to all who responded. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article!
1/22. I was in the store with my kids. My baby (20 months old) was just laughing. Not at something I was doing or anyone else, just random laughter. (She's goofy like that, I guess.) Some lady in front of me yelled at me, telling me to make my baby stop laughing.
I did the mature thing...tickled my baby to make her laugh even more and louder.
2/22. When I was a kid, I was over at my buddy's house for dinner. We were goofing around and his Dad yelled at him to "Shut his mouth and eat."
When my buddy tried shoving steak up his nose I lost it and my parents had to come get me.
3/22. I was at the DMV, and there was a Chinese man that could not understand what a lady was saying to him. She saw me (I am Korean), and asked if I could translate for him. I said, "No, he is Chinese and I am Korean."
She actually says, "Well, can't you speak Asian to him or something?"
4/22. When I was about 16, I used to work for a movie theatre in the Pizza booth. Some one ordered two personal sized pizzas, and as routine I gave back his change and said, "It will take about 5 or 6 minutes".
He said "Oh, five please." and walked away.
5/22. I was heating up a can of ravioli while I was deployed and it had a minute left and a guy behind me told me to hurry up. I looked at him and said "It's not up to me how long this minute is going to take" and I kept staring at him.
He stood in silence for the rest of the time until I grabbed my bowl out of the microwave and walked away.
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6/22. I was on an airplane and the child in the seat behind me kept kicking the chair. I turned around and politely asked his father if he would keep him from kicking the chair, and the father told me, "You have to tell him yourself."
Couple seconds of awkward staring, then I looked at the child and asked him to stop.
The kid did not stop.
Worst flight ever.
7/22. I was at a waterpark when I was maybe 12 or 13 with some friends. I was walking up the stairs to one of the water slides and was obviously holding the handrail going up. I guess my hand was still wet from just getting out of the pool (crazy, right?) and the guy behind me on the stairs told me to quit holding the handrail, I was getting him wet.
My friends and I thought he was joking with us so we laughed. He gets pissed and tells the 18 year old lifeguard who just quietly says "I'm sorry, but it is a WATER park, you have to expect to get wet."
8/22. I'd recently moved into a room in an apartment in Chicago. My room was the most insulated from the outside, and its window opened onto a sort of open area - I'd call it a courtyard but nobody except the bottom floor apartment actually had access to it.
Because of its location, it was pretty toasty in there during the summer / fall months. There was no central AC. At the time, I hadn't purchased a fan yet. So my window was open, in the late evening - maybe 8ish? 9ish?
I had a pretty bad cold. You can probably see where this is going.
One of the neighbors actually came to the door, knocked until someone answered it, and demanded that I stop coughing or close my window. I could see his apartment from my window, and happened to know that he had both fans and a window AC unit, so I asked why he couldn't close his window, since he was the one complaining.
Well he didn't feel he should have to. I said I didn't feel I should have to, either, since I couldn't stop having a cold, and it was really hot in my room, and unless he wanted to share a fan / AC unit, he could close his own window.
Never heard from the guy again.
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9/22. Just went to a sandwich shop on my lunch break. I had the hiccups while I was waiting in line when the guy before me turned around and asked me to "stop hiccuping" as it was distracting him from ordering.
I have a friend who has a very effective way of getting rid of hiccups. She stands up and cups her hands and put them under your mouth and simply says "hiccup in my hands". Obviously the person is quite confused and stares at her. After a few more times of saying "hiccup in my hands" she screams at the top of her lungs "Just freakin' do it!".
10/22. At my current apartment complex, there are no assigned parking spots and plenty of parking for everybody who lives there. I typically park in the same spot (creature of habit) but this one day my spot was taken so I parked in the spot next to it. Other than those 2 spaces, every other space near my building was empty (~8 spaces).
I get a knock on my door from the neighbor downstairs asking for me to move my car. I ask why and she said that it was her parking spot. I asked if we had assigned parking spots and she said no but that's the one she always parks in. I told her I wouldn't move my car because she could park in the spot RIGHT NEXT to mine and she would have to walk a full 3 steps further. She started getting agitated about it so I just shut the door and went about my business.
Well, she decided this wasn't ok and she parked directly behind me, basically blocking me in (and blocking the empty spot beside me). At one point, her boyfriend came over and she actually moved her car so he could pull into the empty space, and then moved it back.
I knew it would be useless to ask her to move her car so I just called the cops and let them deal with it. I can't even imagine the cop's face when she told him her excuse for parking directly behind me.
11/22. Sometimes I have trouble breathing, and have to take deep deep breaths in order to get enough air.
My boss, who sits about 5 feet away, snapped at me and the following conversation ensued:
Her: STOP THAT!!
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Her: YOU NEED TO STOP DOING THAT IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
Me: ...you mean BREATHING?
12/22. My physics professor in high school gave us a question we couldn't answer once. He said "A plane is flying horizontally with a constant speed of x. At point 'A' he drops a bowling ball. The bowling ball lands when the plane is at point B. Where did the bowling ball land?"
Someone raised their hand and answered 'B' because the ball would be moving horizontally at the same rate as the airplane. I raised my hand and said that couldn't be true because we would have to take into account the friction from the air.
So the professor says "We're obviously ignoring air resistance, MajorBubbles." Get a few snickers from the crowd. So I raise my hand again as the professor rolls his eyes and calls on me. "How can an airplane fly without air resistance?". Silence and stares until the professor yells "Stop arguing semantics!"
13/22. I was waiting for a bus the other day when a lady told me I had to stand at least 4 feet away from her because, as she put it, "I think you're dog crap."
I thought she said I had stepped in dog crap or something, but she repeated herself enough that I caught the drift and moved away from her. It was weird. And it made me a little sad.
14/22. Not me, but my coworker who worked the makeup counter at our store once politely asked a woman if she needed any help.
The woman politely declined and asked to speak to her supervisor. When our supervisor showed up the woman started screaming-- and I mean SCREAMED-- about how she shouldn't be hounded by employees when she's trying to shop, and that my coworker should be fired for essentially doing her job.
15/22. I worked on a beach as essentially a cabana boy a couple summers back. My job was to set up hotel guests with towels, beach chairs, and umbrellas on the private beach the hotel had.
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It's a very nice place, filled with 1%ers, and some of these people really had no respect for others. They would regularly ask me to kick other guests off their spots on the beach because they wanted the spot the other people were at. A couple complained that there were too many flies around and asked me to get rid of them.
Favorite one was a father that asked about stingrays (where the hotel is located is right by a stingray breeding ground, they stay in shallow water and if you step on them they sting you), well this guy asked if people get stung, I said yes about 1-2 times a day. He slipped me a 20, asked me to make sure his kids didn't get stung, and told them to go play in the water. I gave it back and tried to explain that I can't go into the water and even if I could, I can't prevent the stingrays from stinging them.
Sure enough as I'm saying this one of his kids gets stung and he immediately blames it on me.
16/22. I was using the restroom in a bar. The hand dryer was one of those super fancy, super loud Dyson's that get your hands dried in about 3 seconds.
There a few other girls around the sink, talking and what not. As I walk to dry my hands in the super awesome loud thing, I noticed she was on her cell phone. As I stuck my hands in and it started, she tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I could wait for her to get off her phone call because it was loud and she couldn't hear her phone call.
I walked out, wondering when restrooms had turned into phone booths.
17/22. I had a man at a table once yell at me for asking how his meal is. He told me I was bugging him.
Other than to drop off their drinks and food, that was the first time I was there to ask how everything was.
18/22. I work in radio, and dealing with clients is always a joy.
I was once asked to fax an mp3.
19/22. When we were about 13, we were at my friend's house, and my twin was getting a big migraine headache.
She asked our friend for some advil or tylenol and the friend said "What? We don't have any of that, we tough it out." And my sister said "But I have a bad migraine right now." Our friend said "Well, then stop it." We both looked at each other, went "What?" and the friend repeated, saying "stop having a headache, then."
She legitimately thought you could will yourself to stop having a headache on the spot, as she had never had one herself, apparently.
20/22. I was once asked to "stop walking like that". I was walking normally.
21/22. I've had some pretty bad coughing fits for, oh, the past year or so. They come and go, but when they happen it's like my lungs are telling me "WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS AIR IN HERE FOR? OUT OUT OUT. Oh, you're having dry heaves? Too bad, this air is POISON."
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I had one of them during one of my college classes and I stood up to excuse myself to the hall to catch my breath.
Prof: "Where are you going? You have a bottle of water at your desk, please drink that instead of stepping out for a drink."
I tried to protest but when I opened my mouth, I just started violently coughing again. I went to my seat and, as a result of me trying to stifle my coughing, every ~20 seconds I would cough really quietly or clear my throat, trying to hold back the impulse to hack out my trachea.
A girl seated two seats down from me leans over and says "Could you stop your dramatic act? It's really loud and SOME of us are here to learn."
Uhm, well. I'd stop if I could, princess. Sorry if my pain causes you an annoyance.
22/22. As, a waitress, a customer dining on the house (with a complaint reward gift certificate) wanted their super modified burger cut in thirds. Being passive aggressive, I made them uneven. Cutting it into half, then cutting one half into halves.