"Mom! Spot ate my homework... again..."
People with pets on Reddit were asked: "What are your stupid pet stories?" These are some of the best answers.
1/22 I have a six year old cat that still doesn't know how doors work. When you open the door to let her out, she runs behind it and tries to go through the crack by the hinges. She'll stand there meowing at you like "I can't fit through here...do something"
2/22 My dog Sam once grabbed his rear leg in his mouth and tried to walk off with it. He didn't get very far.
3/22 My dog likes likes to play fetch with tiny objects. She's brought me a blade of grass, a tiny stone, blossom, a seed... stuff so small that it just sticks to her tongue and she has to lick you a few times to get it to stick to your leg. Then she just nudges it until you attempt to throw it.
4/22 When she was a puppy my dog would 'bury' her toys in the middle of the room. She'd dig the carpet, making a 'hole', she'd then meticulously place the toy in the hole, then bury it with her paws and nose, shovelling the supposed dirt over it.
There'd just be a ball in the middle of the floor but she was satisfied it was buried and she'd trot off happily.
5/22 One day, after we had gotten 7 or 8 inches of snow, my cat decided to be a brave adventurer and dash out of the door. She knows she absolutely hates snow, but always does this. (I must also note, that she has no clue what the f*ck to do when she gets outside. She starts making this ridiculous meow/scream that is mind blowingly hilarious.)
She runs out, jumps into the snow and dissappears. I'm sitting there letting her learn her lesson. I hear a muffled meow scream as she very very slowly lifts her head up above the snow. Her mouth stays wide open, her eyes pure and total regret, and continues to stare at me doing this meow until I came and picked her up.
She did it again an hour later.
6/22 My wife heard the cat screaming like it was being mauled by a lion.
She went outside and looked under the house to see the cat, being mauled... by a lizard on her paw.
7/22 I once had a dog that would spend all day chasing shadows and reflections on the walls. When he "caught" them he would just sit and lick the wall, he could have easily licked the wall for hours on end.
8/22 I had a farm cat when I was a teenager that loved to climb up and sit on the roof. Problem was, he had the habit of rolling over for a tummy rub whenever he saw a person. So it was a distressingly common occurrence to walk near the house and have him roll right off the roof. You'd think after the first three times he'd have learned, but no. He lived a long life despite himself.
9/22 I have a really old, really stupid cockatiel named Tina.
Every Monday when the garbage truck comes the noise of it wakes her up, but because the cover is over the cage she can't see anything and so she starts screaming. It's like she's thought, "Oh shit, I've gone blind!"
10/22 My pug charges head first into the tv. Every night. Without fail. For eight years.
11/22 I have a cat called Harley, he's the sweetest boy but he's as dumb as a block of wood. On more than one occasion, I've returned home to find him curled up in the middle of the road. Even worse, he hears me coming, lifts his head up, then goes right back to sleep. It's a miracle that he's not dead yet.
12/22 My roommate has a cat that can't take a poop in the litter box. The cat just sits next to the box and puts his front paws in, thinks he is in the clear and poops all over the floor.
13/22 My dog used to scratch his ear so much with his back foot that he would hurt his ear and then bite his own foot to teach it a lesson.
14/22 My sister is a veterinarian and they once had an "office dog" named 38 Cents because that's how much change they recovered from his stomach.
15/22 My dog gets really jealous of when my parents feed local birds that come into our garden. One day dad threw a piece of bread out to the birds, and she sprinted out to get it before they could get it.
One problem: once she had it, she had no idea what to do with it as she clearly didn't want to eat it. She walked around the yard with it in her mouth for ages, then decided to bury it. However, when she went to bury it she obviously forgot she could dig with her paws because they are for standing! She dug a hole with her head and buried it.
16/22 We had an adorable greyhound called Bertie, who was sadly put to sleep last month. Definitely the Kevin of the canine world. One time we were having some fencing replaced in the back garden, and when we got back from our walk the workmen had taken down all of the fencing but left the gate standing.
Bertie stood by the gate waiting for it to be opened despite the fact that he could have easily walked round either side. I tried pushing him round? Nope. Just wagged his tail and looked at me. Walked round myself and tried to lead him? Nope. I had to actually open the gate, whereupon he happily trotted through. The workmen were pissing themselves laughing.
17/22 My dog continuously, usually more than once a day, almost every day for years, goes into a room, closes the door, and then a few hours later barks at us to open it. She hasn't learned yet.
18/22 I have a corgi-Aussie mix. He's got the corgi length and is stubby. Whenever we get a big snow, he'll waddle up to a tree and lift his leg to pee, throws his whole body into the motion, teeters, and then slowly falls over onto his side. He'll casually get back up and waddle back to the sidewalk like nothing happened.
I don't know how he doesn't constantly fall over while peeing. He doesn't just casually lift a leg. He commits like he's doing parkour.
19/22 When my dog was a puppy she was convinced our TV was a window. When we lived in our apartment, behind our TV was the stairs up to the bedrooms. More than once when we were watching shows with animals in them she would run up the stairs to right behind the TV looking for those animals.
One year we got the kids these big eggs full of candy, and eventually she found one and tried to play with it the same way. Except when she picked it up, it flipped up over face and covered her eyes. She panicked and started running around like AW MAH GORD IM BLIND, clanging into the baseboard heaters and what ever else. It was hysterical!
She finally dropped it, and stood there dazed. "I CAN SEE AGAIN IT'S A MIRACLE! Oh look an egg!" And picked up the egg and did it again. And again. And again. I finally threw the damn thing away because she would do it in middle of the night.
21/22 My dog Charlie refuses to move if you put a sweater on her. She will literally just stand still. We tested for how long, and the answer is eight hours. She finally moved when the sweater was removed.
22/22 My cat won't use the litter box. He poops in the potted plants around the house. But not the real ones. He only poops in the fake plants. And that's why his name is Dipshit.
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