This article is based on the AskReddit question "What is a male/female double standard that really drives you crazy?"
Source can be found at the end of the article.
1/16. Single parents. Single father? He's a hero! Single mother? She's made questionable life choices and is probably easy.
-GladThatYoureHere
2/16. This one might be just where I live, but I notice it a lot.
When a guy holds onto his V-Card he's labeled as incapable of picking up chicks. But if a girl is holding onto it then she's praised for it.
-77remix
3/16. I was at wedding recently where a drunk bridesmaid was trying to pick up any single guys she could. She latched on to a coworker and wouldn't let go. She was literally grabbing his junk and trying to rip off his shirt. I ended up stepping in and reminding her about the finer points of consent (like "no means no").
when I tell the story most people go "lucky guy". Because a guy isn't allowed to not be interested in having sex with someone? Come on!
-SillySafetyGirl
4/16. Once my sister had a pool party at our house when she was 14 or so. I was 12. I was the only boy and still wanted to swim so I hung out with them. All the parents were inside the air conditioning. When I was out of the pool they thought it would be funny to pants me and take my suit. There were like 8 girls so I couldn't do anything and they held me and laughed up a storm. They kept me that way for what felt like an eternity although it was probably only a few minutes. I ran in to tell my folks, crying that kid cry where you can't catch your breath. They did nothing. Opened up the sliding glass door and yelled "leave him alone". That was it.
I think back to that and try to think of an adults reaction if it was 8 of my buddies and we were 14 and we did that to a girl.
-NoTime4LoveDrJones
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5/16. Girls at club can be very pushy and forward about hooking up with a guy. Other way around it's borderline sexual assault. This is coming from a girl.
-zarrenfication
6/16. When was the last time you saw a man in a yogurt commercial? I like yogurt too, dammit.
-rredleaderstandingby
7/16. I'm a female doctor, and I frequently fly with a few items of medical equipment (stethoscope, otoscope, etc). I put it in its own separate bag/bin, because they always search it. The TSA agent, while searching the bag will ask everyone else in line, "Sir, are you a doctor?" before finally turning to me and asking "Miss, are you a nurse?.
-arhoglen
8/16. Opening/holding doors. I open doors for everyone. If I'm there first, and you're behind me, I'm probably going to hold the door for you, IDGAF who you are. No, YOU INSIST? No, I INSIST, walk through the door and quit wasting everyone's time. I'll just stand here and wait.
-hoopharder
9/16. I'm getting married in 22 days.
Every (no exceptions) professional involved with putting on our wedding has emailed my fiance, but not me. She's had to forcibly insert me into the conversations. Even when I am the one who sent the initial email.
The wedding coordinator actually ignored her adding me to the email conversation the first time. She had to add me a second time.
When we talk in person, they attempt to pull her off to the side and discuss the events away from me, since it'll all be up to her.
Even (some of) our friends have found themselves referring to it as "her big day" before being glared at and reminded that it's both of us.
People: I am half of the marriage. My opinions about this wedding matter, even if every bridal show/magazine/whatever ever makes it out that the bride demands solitary control. My fiance, who has an anxiety disorder and gets extremely upset when she has to deal with too many open-ended questions, does not appreciate you taking me out of the conversation, and neither do I.
-darknaught
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10/16. I'm a female in my mid/late 20s and have had a boyfriend for about 5 years. The first 1.5 years of the relationship I still lived at home. If I went to my boyfriend's for the weekend my dad would lose his mind. We wanted to go overnight camping together? Dad couldn't fathom it. Now my younger brother is in his early/mid 20s with a serious girlfriend. He goes to his girlfriend's for a week at a time and Dad doesn't care. Girlfriend hangs out in my brother's room with the door closed? Not fazed. My boyfriend and I now own a house together and I'm still not 100% sure my dad can wrap his mind around us sharing a bedroom. Mom thinks it's ridiculous and acknowledges the double standard but can't do much else. eyeroll
-WinniWildcat
11/16. As a professional: high heels. Men's shoes look so much more comfortable. High heels are like medieval torture devices, but women have to wear them in certain work contexts.
-VanGone_by
12/16. Women get crappy razors because apparently their "skin is too delicate" for legit razors, 99.99% of their fashionable clothing lacks decently sized pockets, high heels are a pain to walk in, and they're taught that they won't look good without the cosmetics, the latest fashion, that one body shape, etc. etc.
Meanwhile I get good razors, practical stuff to wear, and don't have to worry about thigh gaps or applying makeup. And no one ever told me I couldn't wear a t-shirt I bought 3 years ago.
Whoever decided that this was a great idea... I don't even know what to say.
-DoctorBalanced
13/16. Weight. It's okay to ask a guy what his weight is, but asking a girl is considered rude. Same with age.
-CWH17
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14/16. Therapy or counselling So many outreach programs easily available to woman seeking help from sexual and domestic abuse to mental health. Which is fantastic but doesn't seem to be as readily available to men. Or just even the social stigma of a man seeing a counselor or therapist.
-ifedthefish
15/16. Late night UK TV last night, hunky gym guy comes on, audience (mainly female) erupted into a chorus of
"Top off, Top off, Top off,"
Imagine if a primarily male audience had shouted that at a female guest.
It seems humans NEED to objectify the bodies of others, now we can't do it to ladies men are in the firing line. Manorexia on the rise, it's no joke.
-Calamity_Payne
16/16. NO SPAGHETTI STRAPS YOUR ARMS ARE SO DISTRACTING. Meanwhile, your male peers are allowed sleeveless jerseys with the arm-holes cut to expose the side of the torso and 2in of boxers sticking out of their pants. Because that isn't distracting at all. But fuck me and my sexy feminine shoulders, right???*
*Yes, my school's dress code said no sleeveless shirts for ANYONE. However, people wore them anyway. Girls constantly got sent to the office but I only recall one guy ever getting sent out of class to get a more appropriate shirt/get a belt. It was infuriating.
-the-mortyest-morty
(Source)
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I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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