15 Actual Things People Learned At An Embarrassingly Late Age. Number 11 Is Hilarious.
The responses, compiled from this askreddit thread, are absolutely hilarious. I can't believe some of these.
2. The lyrics to The Beatles song Twist and Shout are: Shake it up baby now (Shake it up baby) But I always thought the lyrics went: We're shakin' a baby now (Shakin' a baby). People were horrified when I started singing it this way.
3. It's called "metal" music because it's harder than rock.
4. It's "For all intents and purposes," Not "For all intensive purposes." Learned at age 30.
5. I was 23 on a trip with my girlfriend in San Francisco. We were both getting ready for the day in the bathroom and I needed my hair gel, so I asked if she could hand me my toilet treat bag. She seemed confused, I again asked, "Can you please hand me my bag of toilet treats!?" She ran out of the bathroom laughing.
6. I re-named a goldfish "rainbow" when I was 7 because it kept changing color every few months. I told friends about this fish for years like it was some mystical kaleidoscope fish. It hit me in the face a couple months ago that the fish wasn't changing color...my parents were just replacing it when it died without telling me.
7. I didn't realize that Mike Myers plays both Austin Powers and Dr Evil till the third Austin Powers movie came out. And Fat Bastard. And Goldmember.
8. Until I was 17 I thought the term "getting knocked up" just meant having sex. As a guy, this was an awkward thing to constantly wish upon myself.. ("man, I wish Sarah would knock me up... like really good.")
9. I thought if you just blew into a balloon it would rise. I didn't realize it was the helium that caused the balloon to float until I was 18 and receptioning at a salon and had an extremely embarrassing moment of blowing up the balloons, tying the strings to them, and asking a co-worker why they were just laying on the ground. She almost died laughing.
10. Just talked to a coworker the other day who didn't know his name was Jason until 3rd grade. His initials were JT and his family called him by that and so he thought that was his name. During roll call in class the teacher was asking for a "Jason" and he just sat there thinking "some sucker is late for class". Then the name JT was never called and confusion ensued.
11. I didn't know that sex required motion until I was 18. I thought you just stuck it in and went to sleep, and that was sex.
12. Somehow the conversation of superhero names came up with my girlfriend (29) the other day, and she mentioned Wolverine being named after wolves. I kinda looked at her and said "Wolverine was named after wolverines." She stared back blankly. One google images search later and I had taught a biology major about a new animal.
13. I thought the term "prima donna" was "pre-Madonna." I always wondered what happened before her that would demand a new term.
14. I have some friends in their 30s who think behaving means being haved. (That's haved pronounced like shaved). They will ask their own kids "are you being have?" Like 'have' means good.
15. I thought "I feel like a dog in heat" meant that you felt uncomfortably warm, like a dog in hot weather would feel. I was in the back of my friend's suburban on a road trip through Southern California when her parents asked if we wanted them to turn on the air conditioning. Yes, please. I feel like a dog in heat! That was a pretty awkward ride.
Most couples are inseparable and enjoy doing everything together, thanks in part to shared mutual interests.
But on occasion, some people in relationships go off in pursuit of one-sided pleasures in secret for various reasons.
These can range from going out to a vegan restaurant when the other person is a carnivore to seeing a Netflix show that is too violent for a squeamish significant other.
Because not every significant other may not share the same passion, Redditors TheTinRam asked:
"What’s a guilty pleasure you hide from your significant other?"

These Redditors needed some "me time."
Dad Time
"Everytime I go on a late night grocery run (once or twice a month) because I work nights, and my wife forgot to grab whatever, I add a $0.70 Mexican soda to the cart. It is just for me. It is something my dad used to get me on especially long days when I was a kid 'helping' him on jobsites. It is my tiny reminder of him."
– thecountnotthesaint
Story For No One
"I write stories for years now, some of the times she thinks I'm working on the computer but I'm actually writing a story. There is nothing to hide but I just keep it to myself, none of my family members know I write stories. Till today I have written 56 stories (most of them are short)."
– SuvenPan
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Staying up late for peace and quiet."
– Blue_OG_46
Chatting For One
"I talk to myself all the time, I was actually wondering last night if it was a really weird thing to do lol"
– hottytoddy_sko
Naked And Sacred
"I will cruise the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want. About once a month. I won’t be able to this summer because the kids will be back in school, but come August, I’ll be naked and free again!"
– batchofbetterbutter
Some people need to get out of the house.
Self Therapy
"Sometimes I take the long way home and talk to myself in the car about my 'problems' - like Self Therapy. I put one earbud in so ppl think I could be on the phone."
"I get quite animated. It helps to get a stressful day out of my system before I get home and switch gears."
– Humble-Plankton2217
Solo Slice
"My husband has gluten sensitivity. If he eats regular pizza, his stomach hurts for a couple of days after."
"Well, I don't, so sometimes I say I'm going for a run, and I do run.... to the pizza store, eat a slice, and run back."
– sohumsahm
Catching Up With The Boys
"Covid has messed it up for a bit now. But every 3 or so months the boys and I all get up like we are going to work at our respective jobs but instead all call in sick and meet for breakfast, then go back to our one buddies place for the day to hangout. Around 4 or 5 one by one we all head home for our normal arrival time."
"It's literally the only way for us all to get together reliably. Most of us have known each other for the better part of 30 years now, going way back to junior kindergarten for some."
"Twice I have let her know my plan for the day and twice I have gotten phone calls to come home early for what ever not some emergency. So now we do it secretly."
– foh242
Some of the things people do behind their SO's backs is for endearing reasons.
Smooch Ploy
"I don’t know if this is a guilty pleasure necessarily but I pretend to be asleep when he comes home from work because he always kisses me on the forehead."
– str8outofabook
Catching Zzzs
"I love when she snores."
"She complains (only lightly) about my snoring all the time, and I always feel awful that I make it tricky for her to get a good night's sleep. When she's snoring, I know she's actually going to rest well, and it makes me happy."
– ricdesi
Scent Of A Man
"Smelling his clothes. Not creepily, like his boxers. But when he lets me borrow a shirt or a sweater I’ll put it on and just revel in the smell of him on his clothes. If I recall correctly, it definitely wasn’t like this when we first started dating. It’s been over two years now and I only remember doing this around the 7 month mark. He smells really, really good."
– he-whoeatsbugs
The Forever Admirer
"I have a whole album of 'unflattering' pictures of her. Not really something I hide, but they make me happy. She’s so silly yet so beautiful."
– Dewahll
They say that a couple that plays together, stays together.
That's all well and good. However, a significant other having some alone time should never be stigmatized.
My husband and I usually watch every TV show together, but I watch Netflix's Ozark by myself because I enjoy intense dramas, immensely.
It's not a secret. And he's glad I watch the shows that I want to watch on my own time–just like I encourage him to watch all those UFO documentaries that he's obsessed with, by himself.
No really, watch them without me.
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"Do you know who I am?"
A question which often comes from an exasperated individual, who believes they are entitled to VIP treatment everywhere they go.
Occasionally, these people are indeed household names whom most everyone would likely recognize.
More often than not, however, people might need some reminding as to how or why said individual should be recognized.
Each and every time, though, the arrogant question is never justified, and is often greeted with an appropriate response.
Redditor brotherbrother99 was eager to know the best clap backs to this notorious question, leading them to ask:
"What is the best response to "'Do you know who I am?'"
That's starting to get old.
"I bet you use that line a lot."- michaelochurch.
Right back atcha!
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"I AM!"- itskavia.
You tell me.
"No, who do you think you are?"- Random_puns.
I'll have to ask someone else.
“'Hey Brian, I’ve got a guy here who doesn’t know who he is!'"
"'Do you know who he might be?'”- llovejoy1234.
I'll take a guess
"Ronnie Pickering."- Shadow_0852.
I'm getting a sense...
"I know who you think you are."- automoth.
I'll help you figure it out.
"My husband was working in construction."
"A guy came onto the job site giving the workers a hard time about something or other."
"When he started yelling at my husband for whatever, my husband basically ignored him."
"The guy goes, 'do you know who I am?'”
"My husband yelled across the site to his foreman, 'Joe! Call an ambulance, this guy doesn’t know who he is!'”- Littlepaintbrush0814.
Gotcha!
"Yes, and I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."- ShadyMyLady.
Rightfully put in their place.
"There is the old joke about the British Prime Minister eating out during the war time and asking for extra butter with his bread, the waiter refused to which the PM, rather annoyed, asked "'do you know who I am?'"
"To which the waiter replied, 'yes, I do, but rather importantly you have forgot who I am, I am the man who responsible for the rations of the butter'."- ScholarImpossible121
Of course, when people do dare to ask "do you know who I am", they never realize that the people they ask this immediately discover the answer.
Which is someone absolutely no one wants to be around.
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Moviegoers go to the cinema to be transported and forget–even for about two hours–about either the mundanity of their everyday lives or the stress of problematic situations.
But if there's one thing cinephiles roll their eyes at while watching a movie, it's the predictable plot twist or a typical scenario often depicted in films that lack imagination.
Curious to hear examples, Redditor cnukles1 asked:
"What's a movie trope you are sick and tired of?"

Hollywood tends to glorify and dramatize violence almost comically.
Brief Inconvenience
"When someone is stabbed/shot, limps around in pain for 30 seconds, then continues on as if nothing happened."
– FioreFalinesti
Instant Death
"On the flipside, it drives me nuts when bad guys get shot in the torso and drop dead immediately. They'd realistically have at least a few seconds if not minutes of consciousness."
– itguy1991
Smooth Recovery
"People being knocked out for hours and no brain damage."
– TankApprehensive3571
That doesn't happen in real life.
Atypical Casting
"The broke 'Single Mom' who looks like she could model for Victoria's Secret. On the flip side, male gangsters, drug dealers or prisoners who look like they could win a state bodybuilding championship."
– Johhnymaddog316
Unnecessary Extravagance
"Or same broke single mom with an awesome house and perfect clothes/hair. Can't they ever just dress like normal people and living in normal homes?"
– Expensive_Structure2
Disarming Explosives
"Bombs with helpful color-coded wires."
– SuvenPan
Inconvenient Birth
"There's a pregnant woman and she goes into labor right at the worst possible time. For drama of course."
– RogueKatt
When actions depicted on the screen are not plausible.
The Struggle Is Real
"Just once I'd like to see somebody struggle to find parking in Los Angeles."
– stupidlyugly
The Structure Of Romance
"You're a jerk and I have no interest in you despite the fact that you are incredibly handsome, charming, and funny. We have to work together to save the world but make no mistake about it, I can't stand you. Let's just get this over with so I never have to see you again."
"Whoops, we f'ked. I guess we're in love now."
– DickySchmidt33
Love Connections
"Every disaster movie, the love interest always works at a hospital."
– Terrible-Ad-4879
Let's Communicate Better
"When a simple conversation could have entirely solved the central conflict of the movie."
– Katarassein
If everything happened on screen the way it does in real life, would it diminish your moviegoing experience?
Some people just like watching characters make believable choices. But if that's the case, you may as well go outside and film your own movie.
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People Share Their Craziest 'You've Become The Thing You Swore To Destroy' Experiences
Life's viewpoints can be so different when you're younger, when you have your whole life ahead of you, when you think you're fighting back against some tyrannical power bent on keeping your rebel heart in check. It's then, in those rage-filled glory years, you might think, "I'll never become like them. I'm going to keep sticking it to the man."
But years pass, and before you know it, you are "the man."
Reddit user, Zealousideal-Golf984, wanted to hear about the time when you became that which you vowed to destroy when they asked:
"What is your "You have become the very thing you swore to destroy" moment?"
You know who you are right now?
Your parents.
Doesn't matter if you responded, "No I'm not!" to that statement. You are your mother. You are your father. And there's nothing you can do about it. Cue evil laughter.
Rhetorical Questions Abound
"I told my friend's kids they could have a toy if they didn't fight over it, and if they fought I would take it back, they agreed, then proceeded immediately fight over it when I turned around. Without any conscious input from my brain I span back and heard myself exclaim "What did I just say?!""
"And suddenly I was my mother."
ttnl35
Coming Round Full Circle
"I teach at my old high school lol literally have coworkers that have sent me to the principal’s office before"
Watchtwentytwo
It's Going To Rot Your Brain!
"Complaining to my son about him playing to much video games."
skwolf522
Nothing Better Than Plans Getting Cancelled
"Growing up, my dad hated going out. When we went on church outings, we were always the first family to leave. He just wanted to stay in and read the paper or watch tv. I vowed to never be as boring as him when I got older."
"Now that I'm older, nothing makes me happier than when plans get cancelled and I can just chill at home, and not worry about the commute or how much money I'd have to spend going out. Even if it's something I'm looking forward to like a band I really wanna see, part of me still wants to not go because of how crappy the late night commute will be."
YounomsayinMawfk
Where Do You Even Sit?
"My couch has no less than 8 decorative pillows on it. I am a monster."
MargotFenring
"This is the worst one"
lowtoiletsitter
You don't think the job changes you. "I'm never going to sell out to the man," you tell yourself as you wake up at 4am to make your commute to the office.
Little do you know...
It's In The Fine-Print Within The Fine-Print
"I make commercials for a living. I f-cking hate commercials to the core of my soul."
JhymnMusic
"Ugh dude same."
"I got hired as an animator at an agency not too long ago, so I figured I'd be doing lots of fun and flashy animations. I don't mind making commercials so long as they've got interesting visuals, which is something I greatly enjoy doing."
"I've been making glorified powerpoints about Medicare ever since I got hired. I've frequently received feedback to literally "make it less fun". A project I made 2 years ago, a fun and flashy internal use video, is getting a new iteration that I'll be doing soon. The old version made setting up web pages and product descriptions look interesting."
"They said they didn't like it and to "have less fun" with it, so I plan on being spiteful and making it f-cking awful to sit through. The problem with that is that I know that's exactly what they want."
"I'm reminded of the Pixies from Fairly Odd Parents, and how Timmy and the gang are the exciting antithesis of the drab corporate culture the pixies represent. I didn't think I'd become one. Lord help me."
Tokiw4
Karmic Payback Is Amplified In The Classroom
"I was in a computer class in high school and would drive the teachers nuts. I even had the other kids mocking the teachers by shouting out "on task!" whenever the teacher would start looking around to make sure we were working."
"I now teach a high school computer class. A student the other day stopped me before I could tell them to put their phone away and go back to work by saying "I know, I know, on task, on task".
"I was speechless and just left the student to return to my desk and rethink my life choices."
majorscud
Stopping People From Having Fun
"When I setup the website blocker on the company network. I spent so much of my childhood trying to get around those blockers at school, and now I'm the one setting it up."
"Edit: Admittedly, I'm not so evil as to block things for being categorized as "tasteless" like my school did, it's really just porn and illegal things, but I still feel slimy for doing it."
"Edit 2: Also, so be clear, I don't work at a school. My company does however employ a lot of Salesmen, and they're basically children, so..."
Nik_Tesla
Leaving The Grunt Work To Someone Else
"When I was an apprentice electrician it always pissed me off when my journeyman would make me do the hard manual parts of a job while he did the easier, but more technical work. I always swore that when I got my license and my first apprentice that I’d be different."
"That went out the window pretty quick."
Anakin_Skywanker
We're products of those who raise us. We take in what they do, what they say, and how they act to become the people the outside world gets to interact with.
It's critical we recognize this, for better or worse.
Seeing, Growing, Learning
"Sh-t, a looooong time ago (when I was 11 or so) I was walking across the school yard. My dad used to beat my butt when he was having a bad day and it really f-cked with me, so I was walking and just fuming, hating on him and how much of a tyrant he was for taking out his anger on me."
"Well, in that moment I bumped into a kid like 1/2 my size and he went to the ground. He hugged my legs (I think reflexively) and I just started pounding his face. I remember him crying, begging me to stop, the hatred, and then just a sudden moment of clarity. I realized I was a sh-tty person, that I was super mean, and that the kid I was hitting had done nothing wrong but was just a helpless target for my anger. I instantly flipped to empathizing for him, and saw myself for who I was. I can't describe the horror."
"I started crying and helping the boy up, we walked to the office together in tears and I ended up telling my principal everything. It was a long time ago, so they just decided to give me an in school suspension and not inform my parents."
"Also, that kid and I ended up exchanging SNES games and playing mtg/warhammer together a bunch in the following years. Andrew, dude, I can't apologize enough, and thank you so much for not leaving me in a hell of my own creation. Decades later and I still think about you, and how kind of a person you were, you changed a life, man."
"EDIT: Okay, just to clear up misconceptions and mass respond. This did not flip a switch and end my relationship with violence and anger. That took, well, up until today and then some. I still have anger that flares up and completely blinds me, but after decades, I'm not losing control or lashing out. Andrew wasn't one of the kids that I went after at school, I picked on kids that I thought were bullies, totally oblivious to the commonalities between me and them."
"I don't really have words for those of you that were bullied, or hurt while at school. Except that those of you that fantasize about beating up bullies now, as adults, need to find a better method for feeling empowered. You are literally just adult versions of playground bullies, we all had the kids that we thought were okay to victimize for some justification or another."
IonlyusethrowawaysA
We all have to grow up sometime.
Maybe don't worry so much about picking up that ice cream on the way home.
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