Everybody wants to be thought of as special. Every parent believes their child is special and gifted beyond measure and the rest of the world needs to bask in the glory of their offspring. That can be a lot of pressure for children to battle. Their is no ONE definition that makes anyone special. What is special? Or gifted? Having the I.Q. of Einstein doesn't make you accomplished or define your humanity. So when we discover our brain power is just as good as anybody's we learn that other things can be far more important to survival.
Redditor u/JayTheFearless wanted to hear the truth from those who have discovered they aren't quite as brilliant as they were lead to believe by wondering.... People who were told they were "gifted" growing up, how did you deal with realizing that you were pretty average?
Bless the Mediocrity!
GiphyTo be honest, it was a massive relief. I'd gone through school as The Clever One and when I went to Uni, finding out that I was solidly mediocre was a blessing. All of a sudden, I could be myself - I didn't need to worry about doing the best in exams or getting a first. I enjoyed my time, got a very average 2:1 and now have a fun job where there's no pressure to be 'gifted.' With_Difficulty
Beyond Smarts...
It doesn't matter how smart you are; you always hit the level where you meet people who are equally smart. Or good looking, or athletic, or savvy. And when you measure up the competition and see that they're as good as you or better, you'll come to realize: being smart just gets you a seat at the table.
Raw talent, no matter how little or how much, can only accomplish so much. At some point, you will be forced to ask the question 'what can I do, and what do I want to do with that?' The answers can lead you to a fulfilling life, at pushing your capabilities and achieving things you've fought for - but you have to find the answers first. ReplicatedPenguin
The Truth will out!
Haha I didn't deal with it very well at all. I went to a private school, I was in the gifted class all through high school. Always told I was smart and creative.
I was shocked when just showing up and winging it wasn't good enough anymore. I had a breakdown at University, dropped out and was depressed doing as little as possible with my life for years.
Instead of realizing that everyone needs to make mistakes and work hard on things to grow I was like "Oh I guess I was wrong and I'm actually stupid, guess I'll figure out how to live life as a dumb idiot."
I think telling someone their value is their intelligence is a really unhealthy mindset to encourage, especially in a kid. It's not how I choose friends, it's not what makes someone good to work with, it's not gonna mean someone is well adjusted or happy. Bitter-root
I Got This!
I didn't try at all in high school and I was 3rd in my grade. The few times I studied I would always get the top mark.
I didn't study for most of my finals and got into engineering at the best uni in my country.
I was told that it's difficult but my dumb @ss was like, "I got this." Didn't go to class, didn't do homework, didn't study for tests. Barely passed the first tests, still didn't study. Completely failed the 2nd test (I got 9% for my one test).
I was like, "well I guess I'm stupid." Didn't study for exams, because I'm too dumb, failed 2 courses. Got really suicidal.
Continued with my same stuff. Was sure I'd get kicked out. Idk how I've made it this far.
I have zero work ethic, I just failed a maths test because I started "studying" the day of the test. Accepting you're stupid is so much easier than actually trying. AwkwardSpacePotato
Deal with it Snowflake!
GiphyIt was kind of an "I told you so" moment too.
"Wow you learned how to divide! So talented"
"Well that was the assignment so.."
"You read Shakespeare! Gifted child!"
"Again I'm just doing what you tell me and doing it in the timeframe you ask.."
"You're reading for fun! You're not like other kids your age!"
"I'm just re-reading Hatchet for the seventh time. Most of my friends read too."
Then I'm in college and it's like "Ha! You're average! Bet nobody ever told you that huh?? Well tough crap snowflake! You have to deal with it!" TimerForOldest
Keep the motivation!
Posting thing because honestly, coming to terms that I wasn't some super intelligent genius sucked. I always thought I'd be able to do complex computer stuff or maybe build a spaceship, but I'm nowhere near that level. I've found my own strengths now, and I'm actually much happier now that my ego isn't super inflated by adults commenting on how "mature" and "gifted" I was. That kind of praise killed my motivation to study, because I thought I would just know things automatically. I'm in Uni now, but it's because I worked really hard for it, and learning those study habits I didn't develop as a kid really kicked my butt for a while. JayTheFearless
The Spiral...
It keeps going down hill ever since elementary school. I haven't been able to deal with it. It's my depression and lack of motivation that's been stopping me from being my best. It's a hard spiral to get out of. XMED
Forget smart... don't be lazy!
This is what I struggle with. I was never identified as gifted, but I was always smart enough that being ahead of the group didn't require any studying. As a result, I didn't develop a work ethic at a young age and, if I'm not careful, I have a tendency to slip into laziness.
What I told my niece years ago rings true. Dumb people who don't work hard will be failures. Smart people who don't work hard will do OK. Dumb people who work hard will do OK, too, and maybe even get farther than the lazy smart people. But the people who really go places are smart people who know how to work hard. Brains and a work ethic are an important combination.
But, even though I know that, it's pretty darn hard not to fall back into old habits... Sean_Ornery
The Humiliated!
Honestly telling a kid that they're gifted/mature is one the worst things you can do, I didn't like hanging out with people my age when I was young because they were into "kid stuff" but now all I feel like is that I wasted my childhood and didn't develop proper social skills, I'm at university now and I still get compliments from my peers for being "well read" but I'm envious of every single one of the other people, I'd much rather struggle academically and have a group of people to have lunch with and go out, the only reason I still am reading so much is because it is the only thing that makes spending so much time alone not utterly humiliating. C_T_Robinson
Nothing special IS special....
GiphySince childhood my parents encouraged me to exercise, so I tried a lot of sports and in most of the places I went to, I'd hear that I was talented or that I was an "easy-learner." Turns out, I'm nothing special, the thing that I noticed was that when I started something, I would dive heads deep in it. I would go to practice, come back home and watch videos about whatever I was doing. My world and total attention would become that one thing. furiouspride
Do you 'Get It?'
Absolutely, I've always been told that I was a genius for understanding things so fast and being cultivated (relatively and that has nothing to do with being smart either but eh) despite not working/listening.
But when I started studying at higher levels and I realized I wasn't able to get good grades anymore because people around me were way better and expectations were much higher. I tried to start studying but despite trying a good number of working environments and getting better habits I could never manage to 'get it' and focus.
It felt really bad because I thought that I only had my intellect and I was put with several at least as 'smart' as me and way better working.
After failing I went studying in another school where the level is much lower and people are calling me a genius again which kinda feels bad now that I've experienced that being smart is relative and that understand fast doesn't make you competent. Sensonin
Everyone was First place!
I gradated from high school as valedictorian and got into a great college. I got to college and turns out, my new peers were valedictorians too! All of the sudden I was average, and the material only got more difficult. I was always a hard worker, but this hammered home that being smart does not negate the need to push yourself. sullyonthemove
Just being YOU is a success....
GiphyAlthough it sucks being that guy, it depends on your personality; I took it well because it helped me realize that I don't need 3 PhD's to prove my potential. golden-sauce
It's just a label...
Looking back, I'm not sure how I made it into the group. I always knew I was the least gifted out of the group of us who were in the "gifted and talented" program. When we got into high school, I had the lowest grades in the group. Yea, low 90s were my thing, but that's not anything special, especially in a school renowned for its academic program. I never made it into the top 10 for grades. However, I'd always score in the 97th to 99th percentile for the standardized testing.
Unlike others in the group, I didn't possess any natural talents or any drive for extra knowledge. I liked extracurricular activities and being a leader, but that's also because I was a big fish in a small pond. I suppose I demonstrated analytical and leadership skills.
I've done well in life in terms of get degrees and professional job(s). I don't earn as much money as I could since I don't like enjoy the stress that comes with the money.
My life is consistently above average. I do pretty well at things I try but never amazing. I cannot say I've ever excelled at anything. While I'm happy where I am, I do wonder if it's because I don't apply myself enough or if it's because I just never found my "thing." flabbergastedpanda
The Impostor....
Reality hit me like a ton of bricks when I finished college. All through school, I was top of the class, valedictorian, summa cum laude, etc. Turns out I wasn't really 'gifted' at all, I was just really good at jumping through all the hoops of the education system. Give me an assignment, and exam, I will ace it. When it came to forging my own path out in the real world, where there is no syllabus and no one cares about your GPA I got overwhelmed with how clueless I actually was about everything. Struggled with that "imposter syndrome" for many years and stayed pretty stagnant (although a still a classic "good employee") while I watched my peers move way ahead of me in their careers. I eventually figured out my workplace was pretty toxic and things have improved with a new job, and setting career goals for myself. But yeah, I'm average. snarkbitten
You're Environment....
Have you ever heard the phrase, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room?" I think for me, when I was in K-12, it's hard to find the right room. But when you get to college or choose a career, there are suddenly a lot more options for rooms to choose from. One of my goals in life is to always be moving forward, constantly improving in some way; frequently, this means increasing my knowledge or technical skill level, especially since I'm in my mid-20's. So although it's been difficult to find "the right room," it's much more gratifying, since that means that I'm surrounded by people I can learn from and with.
I guess what it comes down to in the end is your attitude. Sure, it sucks not being handed things because you're viewed as some sort of elite. But I enjoy feeling like I earned something through effort and determination, so it's worth those occasional moments of doubt. Lucky_Asian
Reddit Helps...
I eventually grew out of that too and realized I'm not just average. I got through high school and college without ever learning to study or focus, so once I started my first real job and had to deal with failing for the first time, it made me feel like I was stupid and everyone had been lying to me my whole life to make me feel better. Eventually though, I realized that wasn't true either. If you're identified as gifted as a kid, you probably are, but rather than having to overcome difficulty learning things, you have to overcome difficulty with actually doing things instead of skating by despite being a lazy fuck.
He said, while on reddit at work... ElToberino
The Dumb Guy....
I knew from the start. I've always been a gifted speaker and fairly logical so people thought I was intelligent. It's actually really annoying because I have never gotten the help I needed in life. People always assume I have motivational issues or distractions because I'm a "smart guy." My intelligence and ability has NEVER been questioned.
I didn't deal with this well at all. I gave up in school because I got too far behind without getting help. So I straight up quit after 9th grade and started working. I wasn't going to waste my time anymore. But I sometimes wonder if I had gotten the help I needed then perhaps I would have been able to make a better life for myself. Jauxerous
The Dream will come....
I had a teacher-parent growing up. I was frequently told that I had an above average IQ and I should go study and stuff. I was a lazy person and didn't study a lot. I dropped out of no less than three higher education courses/schools that would have been my ticket to studying at an university.
Why didn't I study? Because I was sure I wouldn't need any degrees in my dream job. Guess what? I was right. wildfoxtattoo
GiphyIt's odd honestly.
I was told I was gifted because I pick things up really quickly, and I still do. But I've always lacked the motivation to stick with one thing long enough to be excellent at it.
I typically change jobs every 18 months, and I'll stick with a hobby for 6 months or so before getting bored. I'm average-above average at a whole lot of different things, but I'm not truly exceptional at anything. TheRealGunn
- How bad should we feel for burnt-out gifted kids? | The Outline ›
- Not All Children Are Gifted ›
- Is Your Child Gifted? What to Look for, Why You Should Know ... ›
- Signs your child is gifted ›
- The Trouble With Bright Kids ›
- Do children need to know they're gifted? - Chicago Tribune ›
- Teachers' Expectations Can Influence How Students Perform : Shots ... ›
- Pros and Cons of Telling Children They Are Gifted ›
- Should we tell them they're gifted? Should we tell them how gifted? ›
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.